A Collection of Chaos

Chip: A fully covered nun with impeccable trigger and muzzle discipline is a thousand times hotter than a naked model without 'em.

Everyone else at the men's dating seminar: ...

Cyrus: This may just be the best and worst advice I've ever heard.

Ben: So, Mike, what do you think your future wife is doing right now?

Mike: ZOE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?

Warren's T-shirt: If lost, return to Joshua!

Ashley's T-shirt: If lost, return to Joshua!

Murray's T-shirt: If lost, return to Joshua!

Nefarious's T-shirt: If lost, return to Joshua!

Joshua's T-shirt: Keep them.

[when they first met]

Catherine: I am making the decision to trust you!

Alexander: *internally* A horrible decision, really.

Chip: You know, if you really think about it, Alexander is a lucky devil. I mean, sure, Catherine is British and uses the metric system, but she's still got muzzle discipline, has great trigger discipline, supports firearm ownership, believes in our Lord and Savior, has a pretty smile, and cooks pretty dern good!

Mike: (whispering) Plus, she got dat ass.

Chip: *without thinking* Yes, Catherine does have that ass... I said that out loud, didn't I?

Catherine: (blushing, hands over her mouth in shock)

Alexander: (collapsed from laughter)

Erica: (runs away screaming)

Cyrus: (stands and leaves, done with life)

Chip: (walks outside and looks up to the sky)

Chip: *dying of humiliation* TAKE ME, LORD!

[as they're being carted off to prison]

Joshua: Congratulations. You three just won gold, silver, and bronze in the Morons' Olympics.

Ashley: ...

Nefarious: ...

Murray: ... who won the gold?

Joshua: SHUT UP!

Anyone: *does literally anything slightly less than satisfactory*

Hank, in the heaviest Southern accent possible: BOY—

Ashley: *while being taken to prison* This isn't the last you've seen of Ashley Sparks! I can do this sentence standing on my head... thanks to my gymnastics training!

Mr. O'Shea: So, Molly, I gotta ask... what's it like having an artillery battery for a family?

Mrs. Schacter: What do you mean, Seamus?

Mr. O'Shea: Well, y'know how biceps are colloquially called "guns?"

Mrs. Schacter: ... yes?

Mr. O'Shea: Well, if I have guns, then your husband and sons have some damn howitzers!

Mr. Schacter: *grinning* This is why Marines are better than sailors.

Mr. O'Shea: LISTEN HERE, YOU BIG GALOOT— *Navy-Marine bickering intensifies*

Mrs. O'Shea & Schacter: Oh dear Lord, not again...

[in Hank's bedroom]

Tina: *slinks in dressed in sexy cop outfit* Hey, Hank? You're under arrest.

Hank: *laying on bed reading book*... for what?

Tina: *sultrily grabbing his biceps* For the possession of such large and dangerous guns...

Hank: NO WAY!!!

Tina: *jumps back, startled* Wha—

Hank: *raises rifle out of nowhere* "A WELL REGULATED MILITIA, BEING NECESSARY TO THE SECURITY OF A FREE STATE, THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE TO KEEP AND BEAR ARMS, SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED!" YOU HEAR ME, CUEVO?! SHALL NOT BE INFRIIIIINGED!!!

*patriotic music intensifies*

Tina: *facepalming* Dammit, and I thought Chip was the oblivious one...

Zoe: Erica's so flat, even flat-earthers think the world is rounder than her!

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Erica: ... I hate you all.

Catherine: Alright... now, how many people knew about Alex and I's secret marriage?

Everyone: *slowly raises hands*

Catherine: Alex, put your hand down.

Chip: *Benching 275 lbs*

Zoe: Huh, I wonder what Chip listens to while working out.

Erica: Heavy metal, probably.

Chip's earbuds: *JOHNNY CASH INTENSIFIES*

Joshua: *drops a single French fry*

Joshua: NOOOOOOOOOOOO—

Joshua: *shakes fist* THIS IS THE FAULT OF RIPLEY!

Erica: Dad, while I'm very happy at your increased involvement in my life, there was NO NEED FOR YOU TO PICK ME UP FROM SCHOOL IN A HELICOPTER!

Alexander: *piloting the UH-1* Hey, your grandpa wanted an outing!

Cyrus: *clenches M60 from door gunner seat as "Fortunate Son" intensifies*

Hank: Okay, for this interrogation, you gotta do this right. No killing or torturing, nothing like that.

Tina: I'm well aware of the Geneva Conventions, Hank. Who am I interrogating?

Hank: ... Murray Hill.

Tina: *yanks pistol from thigh holster* More like Geneva Suggestions!

Hank: NO—

Cyrus: *attempting to play Call of Duty* You know... this was a lot easier in real life.

Everyone else in the lobby: *confused screaming intensifies*

Zoe: You think Chip will ever find love?

Jawa: Any woman that wants him is gonna have to share.

Chip: *snoring as he cuddles with a .50-cal rifle*

Zoe: BRUH—

Meme Compilation

So... how'd you like 'em?  Make sure to comment your thoughts!

And Happy belated Thanksgiving to all!

- ADF-2