Location: The I.M.P. HQ - Pentagram City

No POV

As Y/n took a cab to get to the I.M.P. building, we get a shot of Imp City that slowly zooms in on the I.M.P building. The sound of the busy streets can be heard in the background. Then after Y/n paid for the cab driver, he looked at the building with the paper that has the address on it, shows that this is the place that he needs to be to start his interview with I.M.P. as he heads inside and making his way to the floor where I.M.P. is located.

Inside the HQ, Y/n arrived at the front desk area, where we see a female hellhound named Loona, who is currently surfing the internet on her smartphone, not caring about doing her job as she's supposed to take calls for the company.

Y/n: (Clears Throat) Excuse me, is this I.M.P. Headquarters?

Loona: What does it look like? (Looks up her phone) Wait? Aren't you that guy from the news?

Y/n: That's me. I heard you guys are hiring and looking for a professional assassin to kill people and I got the weapons to prove it right here. (Points to his duffel bag of weapons)

Loona: Whatever. Just give me a second and let the boss know.

Y/n: Alright then.

Loona then texted her boss, which is actually her surrogate mother, Blitza, who is the founder of I.M.P. and when she got the text, she immediately went over to her adopted daughter to see who came in for the job.

Blitza: This better be good, Loonie. We're about to have a business meeting here soon and this new guy better be a real professional, cause I- (Spots Y/n) Oh? You're the guy from the news that took out that snake woman in the turf war.

Y/n: Yeah, and sorry for the interruption, but I actually came here for an interview. If you want to reschedule for another time, I can wait for a couple more days.

Blitza: Oh, don't worry, it's no biggie. I just didn't expect the Son of the Postal Dude to show up here for a job here at I.M.P.. Pleasure to meet you. The name's Blitza, the a is silent and since you're here, how about we start this interview at the meeting room, as you can see, we're trying to figure out ways to start to get some business around here and I guess some extra help like yourself can be a huge help for us.

Y/n: Sounds good to me. Lead the way then.

Blitza: Excellent. I'm sure you're gonna do great here at I.M.P..

Y/n: As long as I see how long I last here at my first day.

Then we cut over to a closed door labeled "IMP Headquarters", with a crude sign made from a sheet of notebook paper that reads, "Meeting in progress" with a smiley face drawn next to it. The light flickers as the camera zooms in on the door. Inside, Blitza is walking in front a whiteboard on the wall as she lectures her employees and the new recruit of the company.

Blitza: Alright. Now, I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? Also, we have our newest employee here, which I'm sure you've seen him on the news, so I'm not naming any names here... (Looks at Moxxie) Moxxie.

Moxxie gives him an incredulous look in response.

Blitza: Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?

Millie: (Eyes sparkling) What about a car wash?

Blitza: This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay?

Y/n: I have to agree on her on this one, I mean, how are we gonna get the water to wash their cars with?

Blitza: See? This guy gets it! (Thinks for a second) Wh- Ooh! What about a billboard?

Moxxie: (Rolls Eyes) We can't afford a billboard, ma'am.

Blitza: (Wraps her arm over Moxxie's shoulder) Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now. (Pushes Moxxie away) Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?

Y/n: Is this the type of job where you get hired to kill someone from the real world to earn some cash and some rating that use the company's service?

Blitza: Yep. It's all part of the job, my friend.

Blitza turns on a TV that shows the I.M.P. crew brutally murdering people from the overworld as they are paid to do. Blitzo whacks a man in the face with a mallet, Moxxie is blown away firing a shotgun through the mouth of a man tied to a chair, Loona swings a man back and forth in her mouth, and Millie decapitates someone with a harpoon and laughs. Then, it zooms out to everyone watching the TV, with Loona, Millie, and Blitza eating popcorn.

Blitza: Ahh, those were the good times.

Moxxie: I don't need any reminding, ma'am. Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel...nobody watches.

Y/n: (Facepalms) You seriously blew that money on a commercial jingle for three hours straight? It's no wonder why you needed more employees in this company.

Blitza: Uh, hey. Excuse me? What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit!

Y/n: That makes sense.

Millie: People love musicals, ma'am.

Blitza: Exactly, Millie! And we're basically doin' a musical. (Does jazz hands) Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?

Moxxie: Ma'am--

Blitza: 'Cause, right now? All I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.

Y/n: That's rough. Sounds like what my grandfather always does. Ruining and crushing people's dreams for fun.

Millie: Are you tryin' to crush his dreams, Moxxie?

Moxxie: I-- What?

Millie: (Flirtatiously) I thought I knew you.

Y/n: (Rolling his eyes) This is just sad.

She playfully sticks her tongue out at her as Moxxie blushes and rolls her eyes affectionately.

Blitza: I can't believe you, Moxxie!

She tearfully holds up an employee of the month plaque with Moxxie's picture on it.

Blitza: After I made you employee of the month! I feel like I should put the new guy on the Employee of the Mouth plaque.

Y/n: Ouch. Sounds like this is going in your permanent record.

Moxxie: (Defeated) Okay, ma'am! I'm sorry; a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles!

Millie: I liked it.

Y/n: I don't mind the jingle at all.

Moxxie: Do not--(Points at Millie and Y/n) Do not agree with her in front of me!

The scene cuts to the I.M.P. commercial.

Blitza: Hi, there! I'm Blitza! The "a" is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P.!

She gestures to the logo as it appears on screen, then disappears as Two pictures of Blitza in different scenarios are shown while she speaks. The first shows her wearing two top hats through her horns, a monocle, and twiddling a fake mustache, while standing outside of a burning building with a sign that reads "Orphanage for Elderly Blind Newborn Dogs" appears. The second shows Blitza wearing an angel costume at a coffeehouse happily throwing an empty coffee cup in a trash can, instead of the recycling bin right next to it.

Blitza: Are you a piece of shit that got yourself sent to Hell or are you an innocent soul who got FUCKED over by someone else?!

The commercial cuts to a demon guy wearing an Ohio sports jersey, giving a testimonial, while Blitza holds a cardboard sign in frame that reads "Some guy who hired us!!"

Demon Guy: After lovingly killing my wife for (Demonic Voice) fucking the delivery man, (Normal Voice) you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the state of Ohio killed me! I really wish I could stick it to that (Demonic Voice) yappy jogger (Normal voice) who saw me hiding the body!

Blitza is speaking to the camera and holding a grimoire, while Moxxie and Millie are arranging lit candles on the floor in a pentagram. While she speaks, her eyes narrow as she does a magical gesture with her hand and a flaming portal appears on the floor. Moxxie and Millie run off in surprise. She tosses the grimoire aways as she walks up to the portal.

Blitza: (To Camera) Well, luckily for you. Thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive! (Falls backwards into the portal)

The scene transitions to a person with their arms crossed and a thought bubble appears depicting another person being crossed out as the commercial jingle plays in the background.

Singer: ♫ When you want somebody gone, ♫

A dead body falls near the person as they notice and look up.

Singer: ♫ and you don't want to wait too long ♫

Moxxie, Blitza, and Millie are shown in a circle logo. Blitza holds her arms out as Moxxie holds up her rifle and Millie holds up her spear. A letter "I" appears to the left of them, while a letter "P" appears on the right of them. The trio together form a letter "M", thus spelling the initials I.M.P.

Singer: ♫ call the Immediate Murder Professionals! ♫

Blitza, Moxxie, and Millie are inside of their building and Moxxie throws a grenade out the window. The trio cover where their ears would be as an explosion goes off. A severed arm goes flying.

Singer: ♫ Hand grenade or cyanide, ♫

Blitza is shown hanging someone with a rope as Millie finishes writing a suicide note.

Singer: ♫ We'll make it look like suicide ♫

Blitza is shown electrocuting someone, Millie is shown hitting someone on the head with a mace, and Moxxie is shown strangling someone.

Singer: ♫ The Immediate Murder Professionals! ♫

The I.M.P. logo spins around quickly as the scene transitions to Blitza creating a portal to the living world in a wall, then jumping through it. She is followed by Millie and then Moxxie, who trips over the grimoire and falls into the portal.

Singer: ♫ We do our job so well, ♫

The trio come up through the other end of the portal and adjust themselves.

Singer: ♫ Because, we come straight out from Hell! ♫

The I.M.P. trio suddenly look shocked as it appears they have accidentally teleported to a church in the middle of a service. A female preacher and the congregation look back at the demons in confusion and/or fear. One bearded man, however, has his head laid back as he sleeps with earbuds in.

Millie is shown struggling to remove a knife from a naked couple who are in a 69 position, while Moxxie tries to look away, and Blitza examines a pair of panties.

Singer: ♫ We'll kill your husband or your wife ♫

Blitza stabs someone tied to a chair repeatedly in the head while sporting a goofy expression.

Singer: ♫ We'll even let you keep the knife ♫

Then a quick sequence shows the trio assassinating their targets in numerous horrific ways, such as with a medieval torture chamber, riding a shark, burning someone alive, suffocating someone with a pillow, playing on a grand piano after it crushed someone, and using an electric chair. In the final scene, the trio are hiding in a bush in a park and Moxxie is about to shoot a blonde woman looking at her phone from behind.

Singer: ♫ We're the Immediaaaaate... Murderrrrrr... Profession-- ♫

Moxxie accidentally shoots a boy passing by, eating an ice cream cone.

Kid: AUUUGH!

The boy collapses as Moxxie looks on in shock. Blitza and Millie turn their eyes to Moxxie in surprise.

Then we cut over to a hospital operating room. The boy is wheeled in on a hospital bed by a doctor, a pink-haired nurse, and a blue-haired nurse.

Pink-haired Nurse: (In masculine voice) Doctor, he's not responding!

Blue-haired Nurse: Cool water, stat!

The pink-haired nurse whacks the boy in the face with a bucket of water, doing nothing but leave a large welt on his face.

Blue-haired Nurse: It didn't do anything!

The boys tongue flops down from his mouth.

Doctor: Dammit! I'm not losing another one.

Everyone has their defibrillator paddles over the boy.

Doctor: CLEAR!

They all zap the boy, and he wakes up.

Eddie: (Gasps)

Doctor: Holy shit! It actually worked.

Blitza, Millie, and Moxxie are waiting outside the boy's hospital room. Blitza is reading a magazine, while Millie comforts Moxxie, who looks devastated. The doctor comes out of the room with a clipboard.

Doctor: He appears to be in stable condition, but he'll need surgery. (Looks up from clipboard) Now, what insurance provider do you freaks have?

Blitza: The fuck is insurance?

A shot of the outside of the hospital is shown, as a window breaks and the boy's hospital bed flies out. The boy is unconscious in the bed, while Millie, Moxxie, and Blitza are holding on for dear life as they plummet screaming to the ground. The bed is stopped by a rope that has become tangled around Blitza's foot. Blitza slams her face into the bed, the rope snaps, and they all continue to fall.

Then we see a still shot of the I.M.P. logo is shown.

Singer: ♫ Kids die for freeeeeee! ♫

The scene cuts back to the boardroom. Millie and Moxxie are sitting across from Loona, who has her feet up and is watching a video on her phone of Moxxie getting hurt.

Y/n: Wow. I didn't expect something like that to happen, especially when you guys don't know what insurance is.

Moxxie: True, but I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple.

Loona: (Not looking up) Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie.

Y/n: Heh. She got you there, Mox.

Moxxie: YOU sit! Sit on... a... and the... d-- DO YOUR JOB!!

Blitza: Hey, now. We don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay?!

Blitza hugs and nuzzles Loona, who snarls at her in response.

Blitza: She didn't do anything wrooooong~

Y/n: It depends on what her job is supposed to be, but I don't see any problem on what she did wrong.

Moxxie: ...Are you kidding me? She's awful!

Y/n: Aw come on. How awful can she really be?

The scene then cuts to a flashback of Loona at her desk, reading a magazine called "Hellhound Monthly". Her desk phone rings with the sound of a cute puppy barking as the ringtone. Loona answers.

Loona: (Not looking up) Hello, I.M.P.

Millie: (On phone, panicked) Loona, I got stabbed! Call Mox--

Loona suddenly hangs up, disinterested in the conversation. Next, she is in Blitza's office as he presents her with a gift.

Blitza: Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loonie! I got you a little somethin'.

Loona: Is it a cure for syphilis?

Blitza: I... Oh...

Loona then snatches the present and angrily slams it on the floor.

Loona: THEN, I DON'T WANT IT!

A large swarm of spiders suddenly emerge from the present box and swarm Loona up to her neck.

Loona: UGHHH!

Blitza: (Suddenly hiding outside of the office window) I'm sorry! It was spiders!

Loona: (Annoyed, deadpan) Goddammit.

Then we see Loona is then shown at her desk, watching an online video of Charlie Magne performing "Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow". Moxxie approaches her with a flyer for "Chub B Gone".

Moxxie: Um, e- excuse me. Did you just fax me an ad for weight loss?

Loona: No.

Moxxie: Wha-- Why- Why would anyone send me this?

Loona: C'mon... (Looks up at Moxxie) You know why.

Then the next scene shows Loona rummaging through the break room fridge.

Loona: Whoever left the fucking... avocado salad in the fridge, I'm taking it, because I have the worst hangover right now!

Loona turns around to face Millie with a red box in hand as she shuts the fridge door with her foot. She rips off the lid and drinks the salad.

Millie: Why would you drink on a work night?

Loona: (Stops drinking) I'm hungover from this morning, dumbass!

Moxxie enters the room and notices Loona with her box that is also her own lunch.

Moxxie: Isn't that my lunch?

Loona: (Drops the box on the floor) Y'know what?! I can't take this assault right now! I need to blow off some fucking steam!

She kicks the box at Moxxie, knocking her out of the room and surprising Millie as Loona runs out of the break room and out into the street.

Loona: AAAAAAAAAAH!

Loona runs up to a succubus lady passing by on the other side of the street, pushing her baby in a stroller. Loona kicks the stroller high into the air and storms off, while the demon lady stands there in disbelief.

Y/n: Eh, that's the same kind of attitude that I had to deal with when I'm in a bad mood, but that's pretty normal to me.

Loona: Did you kicked a baby in a stroller to blow some steam>

Y/n: Better. I ran the baby over with a car with the mother and I also ran over an arrogant and greedy woman that worked the welfare office and I said, "Sorry we're closed, BITCH!"

Loona: (Chuckles) Nice.

Y/n: Anything else that happened here that I should aware off.

Blitza: Not much, except for a certain horny owl lady that also owned a book that allows us to enter the human realm to do our job.

Y/n: Ok?

The scene transitions to Loona at her desk, telling Blitza about a caller.

Loona: Bliiiitza! That clingy, rich asshole is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you! Sounds a little DTF-y.

Then we cut over to Blitza and Moxxie standing by a water cooler.

Blitza: (Throws her cup of water on the floor) Oh, GOD, it was one time! (Crosses arms) If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world.

Moxxie: (Stares in stunned silence)...You what?

The scene cuts to a flashback of Stolas sleeping naked in bed. She is hooting like an owl and there are feathers everywhere. Blitza, who is partially nude, walks away quietly with the grimoire in hand.

Blitza: (To herself) Got the booook, got the booook! Got this fuckin' heavy book!

Blitza reaches Stolas' balcony and lays the grimoire on the ledge. Grunting, she attempts to step up on the ledge using the grimoire. Instead, the combined weight sends both her and the grimoire falling forward off of the balcony.

Blitza: Oh- Oh, SHIT!!

Blitza lands on the cake that Stolas' wife and her friends are having, splattering pieces of it all over them.

Blitza: Oof! (To Stella) Sorry, I fucked your wife.

The scene cuts back to Loona at her desk.

Loona: BLIIIITZO!

Blitza: I HEARD YOU ALREA--!

Then we cut back to Blitza in her office, talking with Stolas, and playing with a bobblehead of Moxxie.

Blitza: Sooooo, what can I do you for this time, Stolas?

Stolas is shown talking on his phone from a fancy mansion.

Stolas: There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists!

Blitza: Doesn't it?

Stolas: Well... yes. But more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here~

Blitza: Okay, well. Yeah, that makes sense.

Stolas: (Through phone) You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?

Blitza pulls her phone away and talks to herself.

Blitza: (Under her breath) God-fuckin'-dammit.

Stolas: When I'm lonely, I become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red (Speaking in a Demonic Tone in her Voice) (Bleeped) of yours... (Bleeped) your (Bleeped) and lick all of your (Bleeped), before taking out your (Bleeped), and (Bleeped) with more teeth until you're screaming (Bleeped) like a FUCKING baby--!

Blitza, who's visibly disturbed, scene pans to her with Stolas' name listed as "creepy mouth (aka one night stand bird pussy) with a call total of 48 seconds as she hangs up, a knock-out noise plays. She snaps her cellphone in half, smashes it with her desk phone, tosses said desk phone away, pulls out a blender, puts the cellphone pieces in it, and blends them. Blitza turns and hands the blender to Loona, who was standing nearby.

Blitza: Eat this!

Loona drinks the blended cellphone mixture.

Blitza: And then y'know that bridge over the freeway?

Loona: Yeah? (Loona raises her eyebrow as she says it.)

Blitza: Shit off it!

The flashback ends, with Y/n completely understands what Blitza was talking about Stolas and Blitza is standing by Loona.

Y/n: Alright, I guess using her special book of hers to enter the human realm does come with a cost to keep using that book to keep this company running and it makes sense why you have that hellhound you adopted to man the phone and use the book to enter the real world to go kill people.

Blitza: Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family, and we don't get rid of family.

Loona looks up from her phone and briefly smiles, touched by Blitza's words.

Moxxie: We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!

As Moxxie rants, Loona continues looking at her phone, slowly flipping Moxxie off.

Blitza: That is offensive! Without homeless people, (walks over to window and raises blinds) I wouldn't have HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life!

Blitza puts her face up against the window, cracking the glass, and sees a homeless demon, looking sad and holding up a sign that reads "Monee helps. Satan bless." A succubus is on her cellphone and turns away from the hobo. Blitza smugly waves at him, before lowering the window blinds.

Y/n: I know what you mean by that. I had to go around town and ask people to sign my petition that is supposed to (Air quotes) "help save the town or the world" with whatever kind of stuff they're forcing me to make people to sign the petition. I literally had to point a gun at them to get them to sign their name on the petition. You would not believe how much time was wasted for me to get the job done.

Moxxie: Understandable, but while we're on the subject of (Air quotes) "family", can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work (Moxxie makes an annoying face at the viewers.)

Millie: Come on, sweetie! It's not that big a deal! (Glass shattering noise plays as Moxxie makes a stocked face.)

Moxxie: Excuse me... [Moxxie looks at Millie] WHAT?!

Y/n: Wait, really?

Then the scene cuts to a flashback of Moxxie and Millie preparing dinner in their kitchen.

Moxxie: Honey, can you get me the butter?

Millie: Sure, sweetie.

Millie opens the fridge door and finds Blitza inside as she hands her the gross, viscous butter.

Blitza: Spoiler alert: the butter's spoiled!

Millie: (Giggles)

Moxxie: (Throws the diced carrots into the soup) What's funny, honey?

Blitza: Really impressive wordplay.

Moxxie: WHAT THE--?! WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE?!?!

Later that evening, shows a building, inside their Moxxie and Millie are asleep in bed. The former is tossing and turning as the sound of a cat purring can be heard. Moxxie opens her eyes and sees Blitza standing on her, looking her right in the eyes.

Blitza: Whatcha dreamin' about?

Moxxie: I was dreaming my parents were being murdered, but now... I'd like to go back to that.

In the next scene, Moxxie is singing the end of "Oh, Millie", as Millie joins in on some parts.

Moxxie: ♫ Of all the imps in Hell, it's for her that I fell ♫

Millie (Joins in): *harmonizing* ♫ It's for her that I fell ♫

Moxxie: ♫ Oh, Millie~ ♫

They close their eyes to kiss, but Moxxie notices Blitza outside the window holding a camcorder.

Moxxie: Are you fucking filming us right now?!

The flashback ends as we cut back to the board room.

Y/n: Pardon me for asking this, but why was she recording you and your wife or why she was watching you sleep or hiding in the fridge at your house?

Moxxie: I don't know, but please...Just... stop...doing that!

Blitza: (Shrugs) I don't see what the issue is! There is somethin' you don't want me seein'?

Moxxie: (Eye twitches in anger) No!

Loona: [Snickers at the same time as Blitza talks]

Blitzo: You a baby-wiener-haver?

Moxxie: Sir, what you say and how you act is totally (Stands up from his chair* INAPPROPRIATE!)

Millie: (Lays her hand on Moxxie's shoulder) Calm down, Mox! You're gonna have another panic attack!

Moxxie: I AM CALM!

Y/n: And I thought the co-workers from my old jobs are just as angry as you Moxxie, but honestly, I'm not one of those types of creeps.

Moxxie: Thanks, I guess.

Y/n: No problem, Mox.

Moxxie blushed and starts whimpering in anger while looking back at Blitza.

Millie: (Comforting Moxxie) Shh-shh-shh. There, there.

Y/n: I'm sorry to say this, but you need to learn to not to invade their personal space.

Blitza: Look, rookie, I don't judge the boring couple stuff (Motions her hands to imply sexual activity) that you and everyone else do outside work hours. So, don't... judge me!

Moxxie: Oh, I do judge you, sir! Quite a lot, actually!

Millie: Mox, she's our boss!

Blitza: No-no-no, it's fine Mills, your wife is just... how do I say this without being offensive? (Smiling smugly) ...retarded.

Y/n: Oooh! Sick burn, Blitza!

Blitza: Thanks, rookie! (High fives him)

Moxxie: Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single life?

Blitza: (Leans towards Moxxie) It actually does.

Then the Camera zooms out to Loona.

Loona: The only reason you have a wife (Looks away from her phone to glare at Moxxie) is because you're easy to manage!

Millie slams her hands against the table, looking at Loona with anger.

Millie: No, she's not, you (Deeper tone) BITCH! (Flips Loona off)

Loona: (Growls at Millie)

Blitza: Do not talk to my receptionist that way! She's sensitive!

Loona: [Snaps at Millie] Yes, I am!

Y/n: (Facepalms and Groans) God damn it.

Eddie: (Offscreen) You guys are all fucking assholes.

Then Y/n, Blitza, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona's eye all widen in surprise. They look at Eddie, the boy Moxxie accidentally shot earlier. Eddie is lying on a table with three wires from a heart monitor attached to his stomach.

Blitza: Oh, shut up, kid! You're lucky to witness this!

Y/n: Yeah, and I didn't expect you to be still alive this whole time.

Moxxie: (Pinches bridge of her nose) Ugh, this company is such a mess!

Y/n: You're telling me.

Blitza: Alright, let's get back to talking about my outfit.

Loona: Nobody was talking about that!

Y/n: She's right, you know. I had to dress in these duds for this interview.

Blitza: And you look good in that outfit by the way, which is why I'm tryin' to get that ball rolling. So, how does it look? It's good, right?

Y/n: I think you look sharp and badass in that outfit.

Blitza: (Blushes) Thanks, rookie.

Eddie: (Points at Blitza) It's been a literal hell (Detaches the tubes of the heart monitor) having to pretend to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But now I want that. I want death!

Y/n: Let me grab my gun and I'll make it happen.

He once again points at Blitza.

Eddie: You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns! Even the creepy ones!

Moxxie: Hey, now! That's not very--

Eddie interrupts Moxxie, intimidating him.

Eddie: If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit.

Millie slams her hand on the table, the other gesturing at Moxxie.

Millie: That's my wife you're talkin' to!

Eddie: (Laughs) That's your husband?!

Moxxie and Millie snarl at Eddie.

Eddie: I figured you for a slut. But I didn't know you needed pussy that bad! (Points at Loona) And you!

Loona: What? (Looks up from her phone) What about me?

Eddie: Nothing. (Crosses arms) I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person.

Loona gives a wide-eyed glare, whines at Eddie with anger, and goes back to looking at her phone.

Eddie: (Points at Y/n) And you!

Y/n: (Annoyed) What?

Eddie: I hope you die in a car accident and get your grave pissed on like your homicidal grandpa! (Laughs)

Y/n: (Anger building up) You just asked for a death wish, you little shit.

Blitza: Wow. Ah, y'know, kid, he's right. Your kind of are a piece of shit.

Everyone, in unison: (Softly) Yeah. He's kind of a piece of shit.

Then Loona's eyes widen as she receives a text message.

Loona: Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client! Guess he was the right target after all.

Blitza/Y/n: Who?

Loona: (Points at Eddie) Him.

Eddie: (In disbelief) Me?

Loona: (Smugly, without looking up) Yup.

Blitza: They wanted us to kill an actual child?

Y/n: Is that legal here to do that?

Loona: That's what they're sayin'.

Blitza: ...Well, Christ on a stick. I guess there is a God. (Turns to Y/n) Care to take the shot, rookie?

Y/n: (Smiles Evilly) With pleasure. (Brings out "The Shovel" and did a war cry)

Eddie: (Screams before getting bisected by Y/n with his chainsaw/shovel)

Then blood covers the screen, as Y/n is tearing Eddie to pieces as Blitza, Millie, and Moxxie eating popcorn Millie while Loona is recording everything on her phone and posting it online.

Y/n: Ha! Buttsauce!

Blitza: (Voiceover) Y'know, folks? With this company, I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can. Like killing people! And having this stud muffin work here is the best thing that ever happen to us.

Then we see Y/n, Blitza and Moxxie are shown wearing full hazard gear, dismembering Eddie's body with the chainsaw shovel, hacksaw and chainsaw respectively. Blood splats on the screen again, then shows the group by a dumpster putting Eddie's body parts in a garbage bag.

Blitza: (Voiceover) So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money... is gone and you're never getting it back, and you can write us a bad review, but we'll play dumb to it, because it's Hell and no one fuckin' cares.

As Blitza does the voiceover, she hugs Y/n, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona, the latter's phone flying out of her hands.

Blitza: Y'know, even though this kid was a target...he's still a child. And it's important that (Wraps her tail lovingly around the group) we handle this going forward respectfully. And with the new rookie on our team, things are gonna be interesting for the company with his own weapons.

The group all smile as the scene cuts to a newscast, showing Eddie's mother tearfully holding up a bad drawing of her son. A male news reporter holds a microphone up to her, looking disinterested. The headline on screen says, "Mom sucks at drawing own kid", while the ticker bar constantly reads "There is a missing boy! Yet another missing kid!"]

Eddie's mother: (Sobbing) Please! If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us at-- (Eddie's bloody body bag suddenly falls into her arms.) (Terrified) OHHH!

Eddie's mother and the news reporter look up in shock as the camera follows their gaze. Y/n, Blitza, Moxxie, and Millie are shown looking down on them through a portal.

Blitza: (Smiles and waves) You're welcome!

Y/n: Also, I hope you all die in a ditch and your son is an asshole, so...(Gives her the double birdie) FUCK YOU!

The gang disappear in the portal as it closes.

Y/n: Best job ever!

END OF CHAPTER 5

TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 6