Life always gives us different challenges, it is up to us, to be strong enough, to get through them all. We are supposed to only get challenges that we are capable of overcoming. Human mind is really complex, but our body can put through much more. Our mind is a barrier, which decides when we will finish something. Body will still be strong, our mind will give up!

So after a long period of feeling lost and lonely, I decided to do something. To change my life around. Like I said before, I started to play a guitar, I got a tattoo, I went to acting classes and I even changed my hair colour. After 15 years of having black hair, I changed it to light brown with silver ends. Well, I also had red hair and dark brown, but never light coloured. I felt that it was not me, but now that is exactly who I am!

I dived into meditation and yoga. I did a few 30 day challenges and today I will begin a new one. I am still learning, but I know most of the chakras now. I can feel when I get disturbed in one, and I know how to repair it. I know it sounds silly, but till it didn't happen, I couldn't believe in this either. I had read a lot of different books and had conversations with different people. I still feel weird while talking about this, but certainly something is in this stuff.

I have even read somewhere that if you think about someone too much, you disturb his/her aura. It is overwhelming for her/him, and he/she doesn't know where it came from. You can make a person feel bad. So I have decided to move on from "my" actor and do something new by myself. Well I am still going to Milano convention to say hello to him, but I stopped with that possessive behaviour. I am not looking at his Instagram so regularly, I let him live the way he decided. Anyways I couldn't change anything, he doesn't even know I exist.

Writing this story is what made me feel better. I have put out everything that has bothered me for years. For some of you it will be too dark, too heavy or just boring. But for me, I finally am writing. I have tried to write since I was in my teens, after I filled up a few of my diaries. Back then, there was always something that stopped me. Lack of enthusiasm or motivation. Now is the right time to share my mind with people. I started a novel, let's see where it takes me.

I had healed, I had chased away my past ghosts. I am ready for a new chapter in my life.

Like Natasha Bedingfeild song says:

"Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten "