Hi guys! I decided to make this because I usually talk to somebody about how I feel about stuff and that, but today is their birthday! So I don't wanna bother them with what's going on with me. They're a famous YouTuber too, with more then two hundred k subs. So I don't wanna ruin their day, and I feel like I take up their useful time when I talk to them. So, anyways, there's a lot lol. There's this guy. We used to be best friends, and then he started ignoring me and saying stuff about me because nobody he knew had a crush on me. Like, seriously! We were best friends for a couple years! I trusted him with everything! And it's been a month or two later and now he's TRYING to act like nothing happened! It's ridiculous!

Ok, all honesty. There's something else we need to talk about. I think there's something wrong with me. And everybody expects me to be perfect and I don't know what to do! I'm always stressed, I can't remember the last time that I was TRULY happy! I think I'm losing it! Every day I'm worried that I'll hurt my family! I just want someone that I can talk to! In person, at least. I want somebody there to hug me, reassure me. Comfort me. Let me be myself in front of them, be able to show my emotions to them. Be able to be who I truly am! Be able to have my own opinions, be able to make my own choices! Not be forced to be perfect and have to do everything for everyone EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!   So, basically, I just want a real life Jason lol.  I wish I could tell my family what I think, how I feel, tell them that I'm NOT  ok, but I'm not able to do that. I'm not even supposed to be writing, if I'm honest. My parents threw out all my hand-written stories and said that they're trash. So that's fun, and they don't want me writing. You guys may be wondering,

Why don't you just write in a diary or journal?

Well, the truth is, I can't. My family goes through it and get mad at me, saying that everything I wrote is a lie.

Talk to a guidance counselor?

Nope. I did once, after I MADE SURE  that everything I said was confidential, and that they weren't allowed to tell my parents, and later that day, or the next day, whichever one it was, my parents got mad at me for talking to the guidance counselor and they said that everything I said was a lie! Practically every night I cry myself to sleep. To be honest, I wish I was dead, I wish that SOMETHING  would happen to me so I'd die because I'm tired of this life, but at the same time I wanna live! And write, and maybe eventually animate stuff. And, I might actually die at any moment. You guys may be thinking:

Everybody can die at any moment.

But no. My scenario is different. I might have something wrong with my legs, and if it is what I think it is, it could kill me at ANY  moment! I could literally die RIGHT NOW! I could die tomorrow because of it! I told my parents, but they said that everything is fine. So I'm planning on getting a job and saving up to get my legs checked.

But I'm worried by that time I get a job and get enough, it might be too late. And the thought of that is literally crushing me. I wanna tell you guys something. I didn't leave Wattpad because somebody in my family died. It was part of it, but not completely the reason. I've been having Suicidal thoughts for a long time, I think I'm depressed. I think there's a lot of stuff wrong with me, actually. But that's STILL not the main reason I left.

The main reason is I'm convinced that I'm terrible at EVERYTHING  because that's what my family says, not in those exact words but they imply it, or word it differently. And also, my family made me get rid of Wattpad. They didn't want me to use it anymore. But guess what?! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!! I could possibly die at ANY MOMMENT!!!! So I'm gonna write my trash stories, I'm gonna do what I want. That may sound like I'm a spoiled, idiotic person, but I haven't been able to do what I TRULY WANT TO DO  before, so I'm gonna do that now, before it's too late. So that's all for now. Thank you for reading, and, um, maybe read my stories and comment on them and vote for them please? I recommend The Luck Series started by XxSA_ChilidogsxX and continued by me with Aleatory and Kismet. Anyways, I wanna SOMEDAY  prove to my family that I'm not bad at everything, including writing. So it would mean a lot to me if you guys did that. Thank you again for listening, or reading, whatever you wanna call it. Thank you.