Bloody Nose by Jack Conte, requested by soggy_pizza! If you also requested this and I didn't tag you, I'm sorry. I tried to catch repeats and tag them as well but I'm sure some of you slipped through.

I have picked a total of six songs. Yeah, I'm weak. I couldn't choose just one. Six was a struggle. I originally had twenty so this is an i m p r o v e m e n t. This is the first of six y'all. Don't worry about chapters, I'll be sure to balance and not too much of one thing.

This is a bonus. It does NOT effect the story. 

Also, TRIGGER WARNING, mentions of suicide, depression, it's Iida centric.

Third person pov

Count your bones, one by one.

Iida traced the scars on his arms, his eyes dull. His head felt foggy, as though he were sick or something of that sort. The weight wasn't new. He'd always had it, though tonight it felt heavier. As though every part of him was made of thick led. Moving felt like a chore. Just blinking his eyes gave him an exhaustion that ran deeper than his bones. He was so, so tired, and yet could feel every part of his body. There was pain, but he wasn't hurt. This was a feeling he'd grown accustomed to. One he didn't know how to get rid of.

He'd tried to combat his depression in the past. Of course he had. But nothing he did seemed to work, and he had to burden others to feel even the slightest bit of relief. Leaning on others felt wrong-- like it was forbidden, or something he shouldn't do. He knew he could count on his friends. Oddly enough, Harper had even randomly brought up that it was okay to share any burdens he might hold with others. Sometimes he wondered how she saw through him so easily.

He felt like he'd been dragged through the deepest pits of hell several times over. He wasn't bleeding, but he may as well have been. His life was good. Why he had so many mental and emotional scars, he didn't know. He was weak. He came from a esteemed family, and had gotten into UA's hero course. People all across Japan dreamed of getting into such a school, and yet against all odds, they'd chosen him to join 1-A. It was shocking in a way that should have overjoyed him, but when he'd seen, he'd just been numb.

Lie awake at night.

He couldn't sleep. He'd gotten good at covering the bags under his eyes with concealer, but it didn't mean he wasn't exhausted just because others couldn't see it. He wished he could sleep like everyone else. Lately, things had been a little better. He had an easier time drifting off, even if it did take an hour or more most nights. It was an improvement from no sleep at all. He was sure it was thanks to Harper. His other friends were amazing, and more supportive than he could ever hope for. But Harper...

He looked forward to talking to her the most. She was tired like him, and every word that came from her mouth directed towards him seemed to be a comfort. She'd make him feel lighter and lighter everyday, and by the end of it his chest was warm in a homely way. He had no idea how she always knew what to tell him. Maybe it was a reflex-- a part of her quirk. Either way, he was convinced she was the only reason he was still around. Even now, he was looking forward to speaking with her the next day. She never made him feel annoying or like he was being irritating. He was quite sure she was the only reason he was alive.

Underground, boxed and glum

Even with things better, and even with Harper helping him to feel happier and happier as the days passed by, he still felt dead at times. Just he was stuck underwater, unable to breathe. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like just to drift away. But Harper had said something that stopped him. It made him think a lot, and he rolled the idea of suicide around in his mind un-surely. Before, he'd been sure death was exactly what he wanted. She'd changed that with a single off-handed comment.

"You know, people who want to die don't actually want to die." She'd said, her eyes moving to him in a contemplative way. Sometimes, she'd pierce him with a gaze that made him feel exposed. Like she knew everything he wished he could say, but never did."They just want to stop hurting."

left you there for rot.

He thought about it every night, and every night he realized she was right. He loved his life. He loved his friends, and his school. He adored the idea of helping. To think that he could save people was astonishing and awing. He knew he had the capacity to. His body was strong, physically, and he'd been blessed with a quirk others would kill to possess. Harper made him smile, Izuku talked academics with him, and Ochako was always cheering him on and asking questions that made him rethink things in the best way possible. 

The part he didn't like was the hurt. The way his chest would tighten and tighten until cutting his wrists was the only way he felt he could release the pressure. Mutilating himself made him sick to his stomach. It made him want to scream and cry, because now the reminders were there. When he got better, they'd be there as a constant reminder of how he wasn't strong enough. But he didn't know what to do. He wanted to tell someone. He always did. He wanted to tell Harper, Mr. Aizawa, Izuku, Ochako, his brother, his parents-- anyone who'd listen. He wanted to get help.

All my fears are overgrown, will someone burn this grove?

But what if they reject me?

It was the same thought he had every night. Even now, as he drifted off, he was afraid of the mere prospect of trying to tell someone his burdens. What would Harper say? Would he get kicked out of the hero course for being weak? He could see the disappointment on his parents faces. It made him restless, but he was too exhausted to cry. The fight was drained out of him. Sometimes, he just felt so despondent and hopeless. He'd heard it time and time again: suicide isn't the answer. He knew it wasn't. He knew... but sometimes he didn't know what else there was.

The air around him felt unbearably warm as he drifted off, thinking about all the ways trying to tell someone of his depression could go wrong. If he showed people his scars, what would happen? He didn't want to be hospitalized. Just the thought made him want to curl up into a ball and cry. Iida felt so much like a lost cause, it hurt. It was like getting stabbed through the heart repeatedly, knowing he was this far gone. Was there any going back? Sometimes, he was sure there was. Others, he wasn't so sure.

He knew he didn't feel as bad as he did before, but at the same time, he did. It was like he fluctuated. School was a refuge where he could escape this retched part of him. He could smile and be class president. Help maintain an order he didn't withhold within himself. There, he wasn't weak. He was training to be a hero like everyone else, near the top of the class and with a group of wonderful friends to talk to. There, he was a different Tenya Iida.

Those August nights....

Tenya didn't often have nightmares, but sometimes he did. Despite his depression, he wasn't traumatized or anything. Though he hadn't had a lot of friends in middle school, he certainly hadn't been bullied either. His nights were restless and sleepless, but seldom ever plagued by any form of terror. It was mostly his racing thoughts mixed with his self-doubt that kept him from getting the rest he needed. Tonight was different.

He'd never been a vivid dreamer. Iida sometimes got bits and pieces of scenes. Just random stuff from books he'd read, maybe from shows he'd watched. At times he'd see people he knew in them. They'd say something completely out of context that he could later snort at when he woke up. His dreams were usually the most normal part of him. There were some disconcerting ones here and there. After the USJ, he'd experienced three or four nightmares, but they'd gone as fast as they'd come on.

Despite this, the scene in front of him was horrifyingly clear. It was the graveyard his grandfather was buried in. Tenya hadn't known the man, but had been old enough to remember the funeral. He still visited at times. Just this last weekend he had alongside Tensei, leaving the image fresh in his mind. Only the graveyard wasn't silent and serene as it usually was. A morose air hung in the air, disrupting the peace with how glum it was.

The headstone was familiar. It was his grandfather's, the Iida name printed boldly and proudly. Flowers surrounded it, but it was different. The sky was darker than it usually was, with a large group of people lingering in front of it. Tenya wasn't sure if he was in his own body as the images flickered about. Though he wasn't too sure what was happening, he knew he was somewhat lucid. Lucid enough to know he was sleeping.

A jolt of horror shot through him when faces formed on the previously-nameless figures crowding the grave. Harper was in the front, wearing a black dress. She didn't seem the type to wear nice clothing, but there she stood nonetheless. Her face was twisted into an expression he never thought he'd see on her face. One he never wanted to see.

"I tried." She choked out. The grief in her tone made him flinch as fresh tears poured down her red, blotchy face. Her figure was blurry, but it was definitely her. "Iida, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

More faces came into focus after that. Mr. Aizawa, gritting his teeth and holding back tears as Present Mic sobbed next to him, oddly silent for a man usually so loud. Whispers wondering why he never said anything, why he never reached out, circulated amongst his sobbing classmates. He saw Ochako and Izuku, eyes wide with horrified disbelief. Kirishima, wiping his eyes, and Bakugo with his head bowed and his temper subdued. Mina and Kaminari holding one another as they cried, their legs shaking as though it was hard to stand. He didn't see himself in the crowd. He felt choked up, watching everyone he cared for in such distress. He turned back to his grandfather's grave, wondering why they were mourning him of all people when they hadn't even known him.

His eyes came to rest on the slate-grey headstone, and he was struck with a terrifying realization that made it hard to breath.

That was not his grandfather's name.

It was his own.

A large photo in an ornate frame sat next to the decorated grave, and he wondered how he hadn't seen it before. Flower petals began to fall around him as he spun back around. Harper was now on her knees, her face in her hands and her body wracked with sobs. He felt his own heart rate begin to increase at the sight. He'd died. He'd done this to her. She was crying because of him.

The falling petals whispered questions. The voices of his parents begged their little boy to come back, begged him to let them help. Tense mourned, giving up as a hero completely, because what kind of hero couldn't even save their own baby brother? Aizawa's voice was full of self-loathing as he wondered how he hadn't noticed, and Mic's enraged murmurs asked "what kind of teacher am I?" Harper banged her fists on the grass and screamed, screamed, screamed for her friend to come back. Because that's what Tenya would do if she died, because they talked everyday, and cared for each other, and he'd left.

The petals fell faster and harder. They obscured his view and began to pool around his feet, rising and rising. His heart felt like it would burst, and his head pounded from the plethora of voices surrounding him. All of them asked why. All of them questioned. They wanted to know why he'd left, how he could do that, how he could just not ask for help when he knew he had people there who cared and would give it to him. His parents wondered if they'd been too harsh, his friends thought they weren't enough, his brother didn't feel like a hero who could make a difference anymore, his teachers felt like failures. There was so much, and he wanted it to stop, he didn't want this, he'd never- 

They burn hot as hell, and you wake up sweating dreams.

Tenya Iida awoke in a cold sweat with a hacking gasp that sent him jolting into a sitting position. His clammy hands grasped desperately at his blanket as wide eyes darted about the room. His heart was pounding. He searched for any sign of his crying classmates or the falling petals. He found neither as his stare roamed about. The whispers still hissed at him even as his sped-up breathing slowed, the realization that he was in his bedroom washing some of his initial fear away. Shakily, he reached up to wipe the tears that had begun to fall from his eyes.

The images and words from the nightmare felt seared in his mind. He gulped, his mouth and throat dry. The blinking clock next to him told him he'd woken up only fifteen minutes before his alarm. The mere thought of trying to lay down again made him nauseous. he knew he wouldn't be getting back to bed, and moved to shut it off before it could even ring. His hands trembled like leaves in the wind as he did so, but he tried not to notice.

He was in a daze that morning. Tensei hollered that he'd see them all later from down the hall, sending a jolt straight down his spine. Though he knew it was just a nightmare, he still felt reasonably shaken as he got ready for his day. His arms felt weak, and his legs wobbly, as though he were trying to walk on stilts. The temptation to text his friends nagged at the back of his mind, but he carefully pushed it back with a deep breath. 

It casts a spell.

The nightmare had definitely been caused by his thoughts falling asleep. It was bound to happen eventually. The realization was still rattling. If he died, was that what would happen? He knew he wasn't the only person in the world. He knew his family and friends loved him, and that his teachers cared. It had never occurred to him that he was anything more than a burden that could be brushed off. But now that he thought about it, that wasn't at all plausible. Because as Harper had once said, everyone makes a strong impact in some point in their lives, and in unexpected places. His parents were his parents, and they'd watched him grow. It would break them to watch him leave, and it was the same with his brother. His teachers were dedicated to protecting and teaching him, and his classmates were influenced heavily by one another.

If he left, would anyone be any better off? He wouldn't be happy. He'd be dead, and everyone else, even those like Bakugo who didn't appear to care...

Iida shook his head, trying to ignore the dark voice in his head that told him they wouldn't care. He knew they would. He wasn't an idiot. Well, he had been, but something had happened. That nightmare... it had shaken him. What if things got too bad, and he couldn't resist? What if he ended it? He couldn't do that to them. He knew he couldn't. Just walking downstairs and having his parents wish him a good day at school told him that. They did care. They did. They all did. 

Welcome home! It's been a while.

Iida felt heavier and heavier as he got closer to UA. He needed help, god, he knew he did. He was afraid, though. That vicious murmur in the back of his consciousness insisted that he'd only be bothering them. That they didn't want to help, and even if they did, it would be wasted on someone as lost as he was. The scars on his wrists burned as he trudged into the building. His friends were trustworthy. But what would they say if they knew how he really was?

Harper. He could talk to Harper, couldn't he? He wanted to think they were close. Out of everyone, he was the one she talked to most. He took a small amount of pride in that, as weird as that was. The few things she said were simplistic but deep. So nonchalant and pointedly said that sometimes he wondered how he hadn't seen them before. Everything about her was tired, but also held a wise element to it. One of knowledge that made him think maybe telling her would be okay.

Do you miss your head,

He always got to class early, but so did she. It was now or never. His doubts would come crashing down full force soon, which meant he had to act now. But he couldn't let himself keep falling. He was spiraling deeper and deeper into this hole he wouldn't be able to dig himself out of if he wasn't careful. The memory of his nightmare sat heavy on his shoulders as he opened the door to the classroom. The way Tensei and his parents had cried sent a shiver mercilessly tearing through his entire body. His face felt pale, and he realized he hadn't put on any concealer this morning despite waking up early. He probably looked like death.

Harper was the only one in the classroom. She sat at her desk with her hand propped up on her hand, almost as though she'd been waiting. Once again, the brunette looked at him with that sharp gaze that made him think maybe she already knew what was on his mind. He felt vulnerable, but safe at the same time. Like he didn't have to explain himself to her ever when they were together. She was the type of person you could cry around, and she wouldn't pry into why. She would just pat your back and offer you her hand.

Iida couldn't force any words from his mouth as he walked almost automatically back towards where she was seated. Her eyes followed him lazily, but they were alert and expectant. Normally, that would have set Tenya on edge. But there was also an underlying layer of patience lingering in her gaze that immediately pushed him towards ease. Even as he came to stand in front of her desk, his hands gripping his backpack straps, he felt his nerves fell to rest for the first time all morning. She peered up at him, tilting her head in silent question. It was oddly non-pressuring. He took a deep breath.

with your tattered clothes and your bloody nose?

"I...I-I need to... to talk to you." Iida managed to croak out. He hadn't used his voice all morning. It occurred to him then that maybe he should have drank some water, but even then he was sure he'd sound like he was dragged through the mud. His tone cracked as he said this, which made it worse, but no concern showed on her face. The lack of anxiety she seemed to be feeling helped him calm down slightly and it prevented him from totally clamming up. She seemed as she always was.

"Of course. I'm always here if you need me." She said exactly what he needed to hear, just as always. His hands fell from the straps of his bag, his Adam's apple bobbing as he gulped. She leaned back in her seat slightly to better look up at him, her brown eyes silent assessing him. He kept his own stare trained on the desk, taking in the scratches it had gathered over the years from previous students and classes. A large part of him screamed that this as a bad idea, but he knew it was too late. He needed to get this out. Off his chest. He needed someone to know.

"It's... I-It's not about school. Or... anything. It's about me, and I completely understand if you don't-" Iida was cut off when she grabbed his hands. It startled him into silence, and he stared in a bewildered sort of way as her smaller hands squeezed his larger ones in a way that was nothing short of comforting. His chest tightened again with emotion, tears welling in his eyes. It struck him hard that yes, she was here for him. She wasn't going anywhere. Harper was willing to talk to him. To listen.

"It's okay, Iida." Harper said simply, her voice calm and quiet as it usually was. "You can tell me."

Tenya managed to raise his gaze, his eyes wet as he struggled to hold back tears. He squeezed her hands back. The words climbed up his throat. He pushed them with all his might, willing them to voice themselves. Everything within him screamed to stop, to not go forward. Not to do this. Not to put them in this situation. Maybe it should have been easier than it was for Iida. Maybe the words should have just tumbled out. Instead, they exited in a choked, quiet manner.

"I need help."

Aren't you glad to be rid of the smell? Not at all?

It was like he'd gotten a breath of fresh air, saying those words. He inhaled sharply, leaning back but not letting go of his friend's hands. He watched her, waiting or some sort of questioning. Maybe she'd recoil with confusion or disgust, and demand he explain. Maybe she'd comment on the way he was crying. He waited for the worst. Braced for it, really. Because how could admitting something that heavy have no backlash? It was just three words, but the weight they held was hefty.

Instead, she simply smiled. It wasn't mocking or happy, but understanding and almost relieved. He watched her stand up. For a heart stopping moment, her hands slipped out of his. Of course Tenya would immediately assume she was going to walk away. A sob bubbled from his chest, and he felt pathetic. But Harper didn't walk away and leave him there. He knew she was too good of a friend for that. He'd said before that she'd always had a way of making him feel light. Now was no different, as she captured him in a hug.

It was an awkward hug, like she'd never given one before. And hey, maybe she never had. Despite that, it was the best hug he'd ever had. Her hands slipped under his backpack and wrapped entirely around his middle. She pulled him towards her entirely, holding firm but not tight. It was a grip that was both steady and unwavering, and it was somehow just what he needed. I took him a second, but he hugged back. Tenya was quite sure it was the best hug he'd ever been given.

"Alright, Iida. Everyone needs a little help sometimes." Harper said, her voice quiet. "You'll be okay. I promise you'll be okay. I've got you."

Not at all!

He tried to choke back another sob, but it didn't quite work and ended up coming out strangled. She pulled back from him with tears of her own in her eyes. Tenya had no idea why she looked so relieved, but it made him feel lighter. He didn't refuse as she took his hand in her own, pulling him towards the door. His heart was beating at a slow, even pace for once. His shoulders were slack and his chest felt light. The tears staining at his cheeks were not the sad kind. They weren't the happy kind either, but he didn't mind. They were a relief.

Harper held tightly to his hand. Her grip wasn't too terribly strong, but it wasn't weak either. Her promise rung clearly in his ears, like wind chimes. It was alright. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. He'd be okay. She promised. She's got him. She's got him, and he's going to be okay, and she promised. It was nothing set in stone, but it was once again just what he'd needed at the time. It wasn't in any way what he'd expected, but instead what he'd desperately hoped for in the deepest parts of his mind. The deepest parts that were, somehow, the brightest.

He'd never been in the teacher's lounge. He tensed when they came to a stop in front of it. Students weren't supposed to enter. That was a no-brained-- the teacher's lounge was for faculty early. But the lack of hesitance Harper held as she slid open the door soothed him once again. There was something about this girl. She always knew. It scared him just a little bit. Not in a necessarily bad way.

I'll miss the fog through headlight wash and bed and breath and touch.

"Hey, Mr. Aizawa." Harper called, drawing the tired man's attention away from his paperwork. Tenya immediately tensed, moving to wipe at his tears with his free hand. Aizawa had proved himself to be a rather strict teacher. He was amazing at his job, no doubt, but he was afraid. Though, this was Harper they were talking about. She was so unworried, and he trusted her more than he trusted anyone. "I think Iida here needs a hug."

He expected some sort of eye roll or snort from the man, but instead something in his eyes lit up as though a switch were flipped. A few other teachers glanced at Iida with clear concern as the dark-haired man stood up and briskly crossed the room towards them. He tensed, opening his mouth to apologize on reflex. He didn't get the chance before he was enveloped in yet another hug. This one was strong, and protective. Not like Harper's, but just as comforting. His breath stuttered in his chest.

"Iida here needs a bit of help." Harper said as Aizawa pulled back, the small smile on his face making him look far less tired. Iida felt stunned.

But I'll brave it out! 

"I think we can work that out." Aizawa said in his usual, level tone. His gaze shifted to Iida, observing him. Prying. Iida squeezed Harper's hand just a little tighter under the searching eyes of his teacher. Even after that hug, he wasn't sure what to do. So he stood, and cried, and let himself just... process. It's all he could do. He'd finally asked for help. Now, he just had to take it a step at a time. And if step one was crying and feeling fairly pathetic, that was okay. "Iida, you'll be alright."

Iida desperately wanted to ask how he knew that, but didn't have to. Aizawa answered before he got the chance to make his hesitant inquiry.

Yeah, I'll brave it out! 

He watched with wide eyes as his calm, cool, collected, steady teacher rolled up his right sleeve to reveal a flurry of pale white scars that stuck out against his skin. They were hauntingly familiar, and his throat tightened. Aizawa's gaze was firm, but not unkind. Harper didn't say anything. He was glad, because he really didn't want her to. He was in disbelief. He'd done it. He'd asked for help. And now, here his teacher was, showing him similar wounds he never would have thought a man like Aizawa would possess.

"After all, I'm just fine. We're not the same, Iida, but if I can do it, I don't see why you can't too." 

There's no use getting down.

Iida choked out another sob, lowering his head and bringing up his forearm to cover his eyes. A thought struck him. It was one he'd never had before. It came so suddenly that he wasn't sure what to do. He froze, his lips parting in surprise and his eyes going wide. Harper squeezed his hand firmly, and Aizawa patiently waited for him to process as he stood there and tried to catch his breath. It was never something he thought would come to mind, but there it was, ringing loud, clear, and proud. 

"I'll be okay."

~~~~~~~~

The next one is lovey-dovey and it'll be hellllaaaa long so get ready y'all.