Freck gulped. There was an anxious look on her face too. My hands and feet got suddenly cold. Isn't this what we were in training to do? I thought I would be happier than I was ta go on our first adventure. I was sort of happy, but there was a heavy dollop of doubt. Both Gee and Grandma Chrys warned us to expect danger. To delve deeper into the mastery of cigam required us ta engage every cell in our bodies. Desperation is the necessary ingredient ta make that possible. Desperation means there is no other way out.

Grandma Chrys also told us that the decision ta go, or not was up ta us. I was scared. I was darned sure that Freck was feelin' frightened by the glance she gave me. We's just barely teenagers. Not even old enough to drive a car. Maybe we should wait until we got older.

Grandma Chrys could read my mind, and so could Momma, Uncle Ren, and Jacob. Every misgivin' was available for them ta overhear. Grandma Chrys reminded us, "The decision is yours to make. You do not have to answer right now. But all of the Keepers are in agreement that we need to act quickly. Should you decide not to go we will press on without you. Please return to your Palace homes and, if you will, come back tomorrow with your answers."

She smiled that warm--like being wrapped in a soft warmed blanket smile--and her eyes told us that whatever we chose would be perfectly acceptable. There would be no burden of guilt for us to carry.

◽️◽️◽️

As we left, not a single thought was shared. Nary a word was spoken by anyone. Freck and I were left alone to contemplate. Instead of goin' directly home, Freck asked if we could be dropped off at the palace Burns commons. The adults went back ta our houses, and Gee stayed with Grandma Chrys. When she said that it was our decision she meant it. We were on totally on our own ta make it.

We walked across the well-manicured lawn to our favorite meditation place by the creek. Fresh blankets had been laid out on the lush deep-green grass. The water, as usual, was gurgling, and giggling as if the mossy rocks tickled its tummy. The temperature was around 75 degrees. There was a very slight breeze carryin' the faint smell of gardenias, and honeysuckle in the air. It was perfect, but why shouldn't it be, we were still in the Palace after all. The makers were invisibly behind the scenes doin' their jobs so's we was always comfortable as possible. They were nowhere to be seen, of course, but the evidence of their efforts was all 'round us. I even noticed when we passed by the picnic tables in the pavilion, that they had thoughtfully set out trays with bread, cheeses, and fruits in case we got hungry. There were carafes with water and juice if we was thirsty. Cans of soda pop were coolin' in the stream. I was struck by the thought that if we decided to go on the adventure there wouldn't be no makers along. We would be roughing it. One can get really spoiled livin' at the palace.

Freck said out loud, "Ya knows we've been takin' it pretty danged easy."

"Exactly what I was thinkin'."

She was intently lookin' down at her hands as if memorizing the patterns of her freckles. Slowly she said,without raising her head, "Since we began our studies with Gee, I'd almost forgotten why we were doin' all this. Grandma Chrys wouldn't have asked us for our help if they didn't really it, right?"

"Right." I agreed.

"We've done lots of things more frightenin' than this. We was determined to find our mothers no matter what. We set off into the woods knowin' full well that the forest was extremely dangerous, and that we might not come back alive, or even return at all. Yet we did it. All by ourselves. With very little to prepare us for what we'd find there."

I said, "We did have the protection of the Whistlin' Salamander."

"Yes, but we didn't know it at the time."

"That's true Freck. Were we brave or just plain dumb?"

"We were desperate. We believed we didn't have no choice."

"And because of our desperation, we accidentally invoked cigam," I replied. "We've seen it work first hand. Both Gee and Grandma Chrys have told us that we have to reach a state of desperation, where there is really no other way out. Every cell in our bodies has to be super-powered and totally focused. Meditation is helpin' us ta get in touch with our deeper selves, ta get calm, and find focus, but desperation is the final ingredient."

"Right, Wishes. Grandma Chrys also said that we could learn to master cigam. It is possible that we could become as powerful as Gee, although that is hard ta believe. How do we get there? It's obvious we have to be as desperate to gain cigam as we were to find our mothers. I'm not sure that I'm that desperate yet. In fact, I'm kinda scared of it."

I hadn't thought of it that way, but even though cigam had saved our lives, that wasn't enough to intensely want it. Was it? Were we stuck?

Freck asked, "What would happen if we just went back to our old lives in Burns? What if we just forgot all about the Keepers and the Kingdom and returned ta normal life?"

"Maybe ya could do it Freck, but I cain't . My mother's a Keeper and I'm half-Keeper. All this is in my blood. Since Mizzus Anderton is your new godmother, and she loves Rotel, you will always have a connection too. Just goin' home and forgettin' cain't happen for either one of us anymore. B'sides what would Gee do?"

"What do ya mean?"

"Well Gee is our good friend and teacher. If we dropped out, wouldn't he have ta teach someone else?"

"That makes sense," she mused, "but for some reason the Keepers feel a pressing need to train us. We seem to represent a hope for help that they can't find in their own ranks. I think the need us on the adventure 'cuz we're human. If we refuse ta go , they will be forced to find someone else and start all over. We wouldn't have Gee 'round 'cuz he'd be too busy workin' with two other students."

Ouch, that was a painful thought. I've become so used to havin' Gee 'round that I cain't imagine life without him."

Freck had an idea. "Maybe we should meditate on it. Discussin' the problem ain't gettin' us anywhere. If we spend a couple hours in deep contemplation, the answer might come ta us."

It was a good thought. Who knows, it just might work. Before we started our meditation we got somethin' ta eat and drink. Hunger pangs, and thirst are meditation killers, or so Gee taught us. He also said not to eat, or drink too much. Take just enough for comfort, but not so much yer bloated.

We always began our meditations in the same way. We inhaled deeply three times and exhaled slowly. I liked to imagine myself under the covers of my bed at night where it is safe, warm, and dark. We let go of all external sounds, smells, and sights while concentratin' just on our breathin'. Usually we practice meditation for the practice alone. This time Freck suggested that we carry the weight of our decision down with us. Take a breath, let it out, picture the problem and repeat for as many times as it takes. We had been doin' this everyday for three weeks now, so's it didn't take long to reach a deep meditative state.

Time becomes meaningless. The mind perfectly still. The body calm. In this state only the soul exists. I carried the question of what should we do with me like a sleepin' baby in my arms. Once I arrived at the deepest place I knew, I asked the baby what we should do. The baby opened its amazing blue eyes. They were so clear that I had the sensation they could see all eternity. These were not the eyes of an unknowin' infant. There was ancient wisdom in 'em that could only be gained through eons of experience. The baby said, "I know you Wishes. The answer you seek is already known to you. You have a destiny that can be filled by no other. You are still considered a child by the counting of physical years, but your soul is very old. I know because I am your soul."

The baby was right. I did know what I had ta do. For me the answer was clear. I had ta say yes. I really hoped Freck would come ta the same conclusion, but whether she did or not, it didn't matter. I would say yes. I opened my eyes and looked over at Freck. "Did you get an answer?" I asked her.

She said, "Yes I did. I'm wonderin' about something though. I had a really strange experience. The question I was askin' turned into a sleeping baby in my arms. I felt that I should ask the baby the question. So, I did. I asked the baby what I should do, and you know what?"

"I'm pretty sure I do Freck, 'cuz I had the same thing happen."

"You did! That's doggone amazin'. Did the baby tell you that you already knew the answer?"

"Yes."

"And did the baby's eyes look like they were a billion years old?"

I said, "That's exactly what happened Freck. Did it tell you that it knew you?"

Freck was so excited she almost jumped outa her skin. "It did, and it said that it knew me because my soul was very old!"

We looked at each other like we couldn't believe what just happened. The gosh honest truth was that if Freck hadn't talked about it, I would've been too scared to bring it up for fear she would think I was nuts. There we were both dumfounded not sure what ta say next. I asked, "What did ya decide?"

"I have to say yes."

"Me too Freck. It don't seem there's any other choice. Somethin' incredible is goin' ta happen. Do ya feel it?"

"I do. There's a tingle runnin' up my spine. My chest feels like I have a warm water bottle tucked inside. And my head is thrummin'."

"We don't have ta wait until tomorrow," I said. Let's go to our Palace homes and tell them our decision."

So we did.