My toes sink into the warm sand, and I lie back letting the sun loose on my body... every bit still aching a little from an intense spring season of soccer.

We made mid table. That would have to do. It was frustrating though, knowing we could have done better. Next season we would go again, and try harder. With new girls, fresh blood, and some leaving for pastures new it was a fresh start.

The truth is, my mind hadn't been too focused on soccer. My time at university had started with a love affair I couldn't have prepared myself for, followed by a family revelation I didn't see coming, and a massive break up that I didn't handle well.

I never wanted to break up with Millie. I would never want that, but as soon as she called out my behaviour and asked for time out... I got triggered... that I wasn't enough for her.

Millie was older, way more mature, and absolutely beautiful. She could have anyone she wanted, and so why should she want a freshly twenty year old with issues, and a bad habit of finding solace partying and getting drunk.

We had six months start to finish. She appeared into my life and fit right in like she was meant to be there. My family loved her, my friends loved her... and I loved her.

I knew I was an idiot for not returning her texts... but with each ones arrival I still wasn't feeling good enough, or worthy of her. I had thrown myself into the partying even more so when she left town, and I am ashamed to say I've hooked up with more girls in my dorms and college town than I'd like to admit. I put Clark to shame, and that said something. That had added to my belief that she needed better than me. I had moved on with other people, and she deserved better.

I've been running so fast against the ghosts at my back... that I've forgotten who I am and why I am worthy of love at all. The details that came out about my birth father, they destroyed me, and my Mama too a little bit.

Mama was lucky, she had my Mom, and she was six months into therapy now about it all. Mama was back to glowing, and feeling safe in her skin again. I however. I was still trying not to trip as I ran, knowing he was right behind me, breathing down my neck. The product of a sexual assault... how would I ever feel worthy again?!

My parents wanted to hold me tighter, knowing I was breaking... but all that did was push me further away.

This trip to Greece, it was the first time I had been around my family for more than a couple days since March, when we had all gone to Utah for my great grandpa Anderson's funeral. It was a death that we all saw coming, thanks to his grand old age, but one that was hard to face all the same. It came a week after Millie and I went separate ways... and I don't think it helped in my disconnect from reality.

We were two weeks into the month long vacation now, and I was starting to feel myself finally slow down... and the running from my problems, it became more of a slow paced jog.

The love of my family, the chaos of it all... and the way they did hold on tight... I needed that. I should have been running toward it all this time... and not away.

My Yia Yia hugged me so tight that first morning of vacation. I felt the earth leave my feet... and the way she looked to me with as much love as she did Olympia, my siblings and my cousins... it made me feel less like an intruder... and more like the Wren who knew who she was and where she belonged.

I was my Mothers Daughter, and that's where I had to return... to my family's centre.

I was Wren Helena Nomikos, loved, adored and wanted by my family. I had to hold onto that and let the love and security I had always had, lift me back up, and have me stand still in its embrace.

This annual Greek vacation, despite being a little crazy with my cousins and aunts... it was my therapy.

And as I consider all of that, I hear them approaching. The sound of Greek chatter, and loud and proud voices carrying up the beach.

A shadow covers my face and makes me lurch upward "hey" I groan, whacking a smiling wickedly Olympia sideways onto the sand beside me.

She hits the sand and the air comes out of her with a "whoomp"

"That wasn't nice" she says rolling onto her side to prod me between the ribs. "If you think this all in one swimsuit will hide the tattoos... you're wrong" she informs me annoyingly. "I can see the top of the dream catcher right now"

I look down, following her gaze and giving myself an almighty double chin in the process. She snaps a pic on her cell phone and jumps up out of my reach. "Absolutely beautiful" she says admiring her handy work.

I reach out my hand "give me it" I order.

"Too late... uploaded it" Olympia sings as she dances off towards Mama who is helping Bash collect shells on the shoreline.

I reach into my bag and pull out my cell. There are no messages from Millie, it's the first thing I always search for, no matter how many weeks have passed now without word. I had messed this up so badly I wasn't sure she would ever talk to me again. I just knew after last time, that if I reached out to her again...I had to be healing... and not the shell of myself I had been for so long now.

I log into my online account and see Olympias social media has updated. I press on her profile picture and a story plays out, it's the most horrific angle of me in my swimsuit that I've ever seen. She even tagged my university player profile.

"That little" I curse as I jump to my feet. I take off across the sand kicking it up as I sped toward her.

Mom and aunty Demi looked up as I passed them "don't do it Wren" Mom called after me.

Demi smiled, amused. "Are we about to see a repeat of the famous Willa Teddy take down..."

Olympia foolishly had her back to me, only turning when she heard me approaching. I whipped her cell from her hand and kept running.

"Wren..." she shouted after me.

I put in her passcode, which she didn't know I had figured out last Christmas by watching over her shoulder.

2269 which conveniently could be a certain someone's name.

I didn't like to push her on the subject, but when someone becomes your Lock Screen password... it's pretty darn clear what's up.

I find the picture of myself and delete it, from the deleted folder too, and then I go onto her social media and delete the post also.

"Give that back" she said wrestling it from my hands.

I held onto it to annoy her further "Stamáta" she said frustratedly.

"Télos pándon" I argue, releasing it.

"You know I liked you miles better when you were with Millie" she said checking over her phone and pocketing it.

"Thanks for bringing her up" I say sarcastically, turning around and heading back toward the family.

Olympia matched my step, her open white linen shirt was blowing in the wind and hitting my arm. My parents had let her loose in the swimwear store at the airport, and she was now swanning around looking like americas next top model, with my Mom having to cover her up at any opportunity she could.

When I looked sideways to O, confidently strutting down the beach, full of confidence and swagger... I envied her. She would never have the news I had had, and she didn't even know about it. I had begged my parents to keep the truth about my origins from my siblings. I didn't want them to have to deal with that news, and truthfully I didn't want them to ever think less of me as their sibling. Stupid I know. I knew they never would, and yet it was still something I feared.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk" she finally apologised.

I swallowed my thoughts and nudged her shoulder "I'm sorry for being one too"

"I just hate how you've been so distant... since"

"Since I got dumped" I add for her.

She takes my arm and forces me to stop walking. Her shades lower and she looks me in the eyes "Okay stop. I don't get it. Why would she dump you... you guys were so good together. You never told me what happened"

"Not much to tell. I don't blame her for wanting to take a break. I wasn't exactly fun to be around for her"

Olympia sighs "I really don't want to dislike her, because I really did love how she made you so happy... but I'm struggling to hold back my desire to go find her car and make it disappear"

"What is with you and acts of revenge" I ask, shaking my head at her and smiling at her weirdness.

She slips her shades back up her nose and we carry on walking "I just feel better when I've physically made my point"

"And how did you physically make your point with Cole" I ask, thinking of her first boyfriend whom she had dumped around her sixteenth birthday.

"I spray painted his new truck bright pink, the night before school started up after winter break"

I stopped walking and widened my eyes at her "you didn't" I gasp.

"I did" she reveals with a devilish smile.

"Show me" I ask, open mouthed.

She takes her cell out and shuffles through some pictures until she comes across one of a bright pink truck, and her pleased bright white smile as she throws a couple peace signs in front of it.

"Holy shit O. You could get in big trouble one day if you get caught"

She places the cell back in her pocket "the photos are in my hidden file, and anyway... nobody knows it was me"

"Someone took the photo" I point out.

"Daisy" she blushes a little as she says her name.

"Daisy Daisy" I start to sing "give me your answer do..." and I move out of Olympias reach as she tries to stifle my singing with her hand over my mouth. "I'm half crazy...." I sing louder as I run back to the family "all for the love of you" I manage to get out before I'm face planting the sand with my sister on my back and aunty Demi laughing in the distance.

"Olympia Maria and Wren Helena" my Mama calls "end it or no ice cream for you guys" and she points to my Mom over at the small beach taverna who is ordering our favourite ice cream sundaes.

Olympia and I don't move for a second, and Mama makes good on her threat "Teddy ... nothing for Wren and Olympia"

"Mama" we both argue as we jump up and dust off and run over to them.

She's sat at a table with Josephine beside her, her head in a book, and Bastion who is swinging his legs excitedly for his ice cream with our cousin Alexandra beside him. Aunty Callie, Thea, and Demi are on the longer table beside ours with cousins Apollo, Clio, Alexi, Athena and Matthias.

It looked more like a spring break for teens now that we were all teenagers and young adults.

"Anipsiá" Callie greets as she stands with outstretched arms. Callie had arrived later than us with Apollo and Alexandra, her husband Luke was working and wouldn't make this trip.

She grabs hold of Olympia and I and squeezes us tightly before kissing both cheeks.

"Ay ay ay you get more beautiful with every time I see you" she says pinching my left cheek and then Olympias.

"And you" she says, holding Olympia shoulders as she admired her "are Theodora's twin... it's absolutely uncanny. Harper don't you think" she asks looking down to my Mama who was observing us all with a grin.

"She is" she replies "right down to the basketball shorts and sneakers obsession"

"Mom has way more than me" Olympia counters "shes got two whole closet walls of them"

"Mom is twice your age" Mama reminds her.

"And then some" Mom added as she came over to the table with a tray of ice cream sundaes that she placed down on our table.

Bastion and Josephine were quick to take theirs and tuck right in, Alexandra too. Mom tucked her dark curls behind her ears as she leant forward and she pushed ours over toward us "now don't make me regret this" she whispered.

Mama rolled her eyes. "Teddy ... they won't learn if you keep ignoring and rewarding bad behaviour"

"Tale as old as time" Callie added as she turned back to her table "Baba was the same with us"

"And look how you all turned out" Mama added as she gestured toward Aunt Demi and Thea who were having it out over the boat trip tonight and if it was or wasn't a formal dress occasion.

Mom sat down beside Mama and laced her arm around the back of her chair, her hand limply hanging over Mamas bikini top.

"Harper... it's vacation. We can let some stuff go... for an easy life"

Mama leaned into her as Mom closed her arm around her with a smile "Fine" she gave in "I can't say no when you smile like that at me"

Mom kissed her on the lips and I avoided looking at them and their gross display of affection.

"Get a room" Olympia groaned.

Josephine looked up and smiled as she saw them "I think it's sweet"

Olympia pointed her long spoon at her across the table "you would"

Josephine gave her the middle finger and continued on with her spoon in one hand and her book in the other.

"Cams flight is due in a couple hours" Mom announces.

Bash throws his fist in the air "yeeeees" he says excitedly "I can't way to show him the jet skis. You think he will ride with me Mom" he asks.

"Of course he will. He's wrapped around your finger, o gios mou"

"I didn't realise he was coming this trip... wasn't he going away with Greer his Mom for the summer" Olympia asked.

I swallow the mouthful of ice cream "She couldn't get off work for the whole time. He's going to come out here for a week whilst she's working and then go back and visit his other Mom. Mom paid for his ticket"

Olympia thinks about that for a second and then a hint of a smile tugs her lips as the news settles with her. "It will be great to hang out... I feel like it's been forever"

"Me too" I agree.

Cam had been absent a little recently, mostly studying. He had his top surgery before Christmas, and it had taken some time to get through it and see the results he desired as he healed. Now that he was healing up and feeling more content in his skin, I knew we would see him more. He and Jade had dated a little, but hadn't become a couple. I knew it wasn't the best timing for Cam, and if he couldn't give his all, he wouldn't ever put a girl in a position where she got less than she deserved. He was a gentleman like that, and always thought of others. It would be perfect to get a whole week with him away from home, and the distraction of school.

"Is he still dating Jade" Josephine asks innocently.

"Nope" Olympia answers bluntly as she stands from the table and adjusts her bikini top "and good riddance" she adds as she walks back to the sun beds on the beach.

"What was wrong with Jade" Josephine asks with a look of confusion. "I liked her"

Mom takes a sip of her soda, choosing to ignore that one.

"She existed" I informed Josie.

Bless Josephine, she was none the wiser sometimes to the dramas in this family, or the undertones of conversation. She had her head in a book often, and despite being fifteen she was luckily untouched by the worries and obsessions of romance. The pied piper of young love had not come for her yet and carried her away with its alluring tune.

I sometimes imagine being Josie, and how she was still just innocent, and sweet with it too. No boys or girls had messed with her brain chemistry yet, and taken root there. How freeing that must be.

I wasn't so lucky. Millicent Dawson was still very much inside of me, her roots were deep and her reach was far. It was a reminder every day that I wasn't feeling whole without her.

Where are you Millie? Will you ever come back? If I reached out for you... would you reach back?

I'm sorry.

Here among the chaos and loud chatter... and among the family... I felt her absence more than ever before. She had fit so well....with us, with me....and as Mama always said, about the ones who are meant to be...

She fit.