Since it was my birthday this week...I'm sticking with tradition and giving you something 😉🥳 Have a taste if you would like, of book six.

One year ago today I was settling down with Kate, my best friend, in an apartment back home in Eugene, and getting to know the Antichrist ( Norman). I had been about to start my first teaching job in a local community college teaching Psychology whilst also working alongside my mother, Professor Dawson, at her university. I was being mentored and moulded to become a Professor myself.

I didn't think the world needed two Professor M Dawsons and so I blew that shit up royally and met and fell in love with a student.

Wren

My heart skipped a beat at the thought of her, and the thought of that day I first saw her.

Red heads everywhere.

And boy that didn't change, because she was from a family of red heads, her Mama, her grandmother, and her great grandmother I had also observed, from the pictures I've seen. All so similar, and all beautiful women.

Today though, Red heads are nowhere! What I wouldn't give to still see them.

As I'm considering how stupid and unfair it all was that our journey had come to such a sudden stop...Normans dramatic wail shakes me from my thoughts.

I spin around on my office chair and set my eyes on him, sat there in the bedroom doorway and glaring at me with displeasure. "What" I ask with zero patience.

His tail manically flicks about behind his green eyed stare and I know exactly what he wants... what he always wants.

A bowl of kibble and the blood of all human men under his nails.

"The vet said you are obese Norman... desist with the whining"

My god, if looks could savage you on the spot. I shake my head at him and spin back round to face my laptop and the email that had just landed in my inbox.

YOU GOT THE JOB - WillaJameson

"Oh shit" I cursed out loud.

I jumped to my feet and paced back and forth in my small space, just like the demented feline who watched me and observed me with intrigue.

"I forgot about that" I groan as I kick the waste paper basket across the room, near missing Norman who squeaked and moved at a pace into the living area.

When Wren and I had been planning our future, and the year ahead, on the west coast, she had got me an interview at her old high school. They needed a counsellor to cover maternity leave, and I needed something short term until I got settled and figured out what I wanted to do.

Willa, her grandmother, had put in a good word for me, she was currently coaching the basketball team there in her last year before retirement, having recently moved from Harpers school. She was so kind. I had loved getting to know both her and Allie.

This family, Wrens family, they were entangled in every which way. I had never known such a large family who were all involved in each others lives with such regularity and intensity before. I didn't know family, mine was so small my entire life, but as I found out, just as messy!

Wrens family was full of women, until you discovered Bastion and his adorable dimples, gah that kid. I missed him. I missed all of them. I had loved meeting them, spending Christmas with them, and New year. I had been booked on the family vacation to Greece too this summer, but I never quite made that trip.

Teddy had been wary of my intentions, and Harper had grilled me a little, but they were sweet enough and good enough people to take the time to get to know me, and accept me, for someone who truly just loved and adored their daughter. I had no bad intentions, and I truly just wanted to love on her for as long as I was permitted to.

I hadn't missed the squabbling of Olympia and Wren, man they went to town! I never had a sibling, and so when I saw punches being thrown or objects flying towards sibling targets...I wasn't sure what the hell to do. Apparently it was quite normal, despite them covering a mile or two once in pursuit of slamming the other to the ground in some dispute over Cameron, and who did and didn't know he had surgery before Christmas.

Olympia was wild, Josephine was funny and sweet, Bash was cute, and Cameron, Wrens best friend... he was just the calm in the crazy chaos. I was happy to get to know them all, and to get to build a bond with them those six months.

The thing is, life never goes to plan, and trauma doesn't heal over night. Life isn't a fairy tale or an easy ride, and when you find out your dads a sexual deviant rapist it kinda fucks you up, ya know?!

Both Wren and I met at a time of transition and then trauma. We had something in common that neither of us wanted to. Those first few months of our relationship we took comfort in that commonality, using each other to lean on and band aid over the pain. It wasn't a good idea to avoid and run from trauma ... or pain like that. It wasn't good to build a foundation on a trauma bond either. Wren and I ignored our personal journeys and threw ourselves into our romantic relationship with gusto. I had dropped my search of my birth mothers family, and instead chosen to follow my love home for Christmas. For four months I used Kates apartment whilst she romanced Peter at his.

Wren and I were together constantly when she wasn't at university or playing soccer. We were physically electric together, and looking back I can see how that was perhaps unhealthy. We made each other feel euphoria to smother the internal feelings of despair. The thing is, you can't keep that buried forever, it seeps out.

The fact that Wren was a student who got dragged out to party on the regular over New Year and then the new term... it made me insecure... and that's where my pain began to seep out. I was jealous, and a little possessive of our time together. I had been there and done that when I was at college, and I didn't really want to do it all over again. The age difference and maturity level started to come into play.

I didn't feel like I was enough, and I felt like I was holding her back. My internal monologue got mean on me, and made me feel like I wasn't worth this girls time. I didn't want to ruin any part of her time at college, and so I had text her suggesting that we take some time apart just until we had both figured out our own shit. I felt like we had started to suffocate one another.

Wren had been drinking more than I'd ever seen that last month in March, and she herself had started to feel the pain seeping out. Her Mom called me worried about it, and I couldn't deny I wasn't too. Wren didn't appreciate the intervention though, when Cameron and I had sat her down that last night.

"I'm just having fun" she had said as if we were insane to think it something worrying. I'm twenty for goodness sake. You are both acting like I'm drinking every day"

"Bird, it's the amount you drink when you do drink... you couldn't even walk last weekend when we left that party" Cameron reminded her.

"Baby, just listen to us. It's not safe to do that... I know you are hurting but it's not the way to deal with it. Your Mom sent the details for that therapist... call her"

"Get lost" she had said angrily as she slammed the apartment door and left.

That was the last time I'd seen her. My red head, my first love... and as far as I could see...my only love.

She had responded to my text with one line.

W- Okay, see you then.

The childish way she had returned that text that ended our relationship... it made me so desperately sad, and angry. She played right into my fears, and I hers.

So, now I sit here reading this email, three months later, in the camper in a little town outside Boston. I had been in this town for two weeks, mustering up the courage to go and knock on my birth moms family's front door... and I am frozen as the phone rings beside me.

I knew it was likely the school offering me the job officially, a job I no longer wanted but financially probably needed. I definitely needed some structure again, and to have a job for the next six months would be good for me. I would be far enough from Wren that I wouldn't have to see her, but her family were another thing entirely. Willa worked at the school and both of her sisters attended it. Josephine starting the same time as me. Would it be a sane choice? Absolutely not! But did part of me long to go back ... abso- stupid-lutely.

I pick up the cell in shaking hands and answer "Millicent Dawson speaking"

"Millicent ... It's Joe, the Principal of Laurelwood... how are you?" He says with smile in his tone.

I bite my lip and ignore my reflex to hang up.

"Morning Joe, I'm good thank you" I return.

"Well I won't keep you waiting Millicent... I'm happy to inform you that you got the job. Your references came back great"

I knew my mothers was glowing.

Since Wren had been over eighteen, a legal adult, and our relationship had started before she attended college, it had been a slap on the wrist for me for not reporting it at the beginning of term. Since I had not been her professor though or even marked her work or given grades, all was above board. I had been let go, of course, but only because I begged to be. I wouldn't be favourable for any tenure there now anyway.

My head wanted to decline this school job, but my heart said "Wonderful... when do I start"

"September third. The faculty come in a few days before the kids return to get ready and settled. I'd like you in to meet everyone and read over the kids files ready for the new term"

"Perfect" I said on autopilot.

"Great. I'll send over a relocation pack and all the info you will need. I'm just leaving for summer break so i'll see you again, September. If you need anything though Millicent... just call my personal cell"

"It's Millie" I correct.

"Millie... that's real pretty. I'll see you soon then comrade" he said cheerily before hanging up

I sat down on my bed and dumped my cell on the desk in front of me. Joe sounded just like Kate, cheery, on purpose!

Now that her last love, Peter, was at the bottom of the chicken buckets adorning Kates apartment floor the last month, perhaps I could do a little matchmaking.

I laid back on the bed and held my temple, Considering if I should change identity and run for my life, or return and stop running, and face reality like the adult woman I was meant to be.

I missed her. How was she? Did she miss me too?

I sat back up and dialled Kate. She always knew what to say.

The phone rang a couple beats and then she picked up. Sunshine poured out of the speaker into my soulless husk "If it isn't my Millicent Dawson here to make my day" came her cheery tone.

"Katherine ... I rang you to stop a spiralling that will end with Norman and I living in Tahiti on a beach, and begging tourists for crumbs... I fear he may be more successful at that then me. I won't survive"

I can hear Kate walk out of ear shot of her mother and sister in the bakery, closing a door behind herself "what happened" she whispers.

"I got offered a job back in Oregon" I confess regretfully, as if it may be a fatal diagnosis.

Kate squeaks excitedly "She's coming home she's coming home... wooop wooop she's coming home"

"Sound less excited" I throw in sarcastically.

"I won't. This is great news Mills. I need you back, your mother needs you back, and sure as heck you need to come back. You've been driving all round Oklahoma for months, dodging tornados and paternal family members left and right. Come home. You won't find what you are looking for out there. Not alone"

"How do you know I've been all over Oklahoma" I ask curiously, realising I'd never told her I was there so long.

"I still follow your location app religiously" she confesses with a little laugh "I gotta keep up with you and make sure you're okay"

I let out a sigh and drop down onto the bed again with the phone pressed to my ear against the pillow "I wanted to see where they grew up, where she grew up. He's no longer in town you know, my birth father. At least not the last address on file. It got sold only recently. I saw a family moving in when I drove by"

"Im sorry" Kate said, with empathy in her tone.

"He's hateful, and yet I still want to meet him... to look in his eyes and take in what she saw"

"Don't do that. It will hurt you even more. He won't ever admit it Mills. That type never do"

"Anyway, I've left Oklahoma" I say pointlessly, because of course she knew that.

"I know" she returned.

"I've been sat down the street from my birth mothers house for weeks" I reveal.

"I know" she says again sweetly "I was waiting for the day I logged in and you had moved further down the street"

"I can't do it" I fret, my voice cracking a little with emotion.

"Yes you can Millie... and you need this. To face it and come home. What's stopping you" she asked as I remained silent "what are you scared of"

I almost cry, but I bite down on my lip and the tears stay put behind my eyes "I'm scared she's going to open that door when I knock, and i'll find out she never died at all. She just didn't want me"

"She's not going to open the door Mills. I've seen her death notification in the local paper when I googled her" Kate revealed.

I screwed up my nose and sat up "Kate are you FBI. What the hell is with all the googling"

"I'm a good friend. I care enough to do the digging" she says nonchalantly.

I can hear her eating.

"If you are in the supply closet...stop eating the cream cakes now Katherine... you will thank me later when you are having to go for a run which you detest"

"You're right" she says muffled by the cake she had no doubt pushed into her mouth. "One moment on the lips... a lifetime on the hips"

"Let me add...that if it makes you happy go for it... but you told me to keep you honest"

"I know. Right, so back to your birth mom. She had three kids, a daughter and two sons. Her daughter is a teenager now, perhaps fourteen, and will still be living there. Go knock. It's the last days of school, and she won't be home. That's one less person you have to face. You could talk to the ex husband first and get the lie of the land"

"A sister" I muse. "I can't even imagine that"

"Go. You have three months before school starts. What if you can heal some of those wounds Mills. You would be back, and in a better place to see Wren"

"Wren doesn't even return my texts" I remind her.

"How many have there been" Kate asks, surprised at this news.

"A lot" I say honestly, letting out a sigh with the revelation.

I hadn't been able to leave it at that when we parted. I wanted to smooth it over so neither of us were hurting as we left. She didn't let me though, she wouldn't return any of my messages, and I knew she was okay... my Mother told me about her games and how well she was doing. I realised at some point a month or so ago, that I had to desist. If Wren wanted me, and to talk to me, she knew how to reach me. I hoped she was healing too, and that in our parting she had found time to focus on herself and what had happened in her own family.

"It doesn't mean she doesn't care" Kate tried to explain.

"Don't" I stop her "just let it be what it is"

"Okay" she gives in, but I know she's dying to say more.

"And did you just say ex... husband" I ask circling back and only just hearing that little bit of info.

"Yes, they got divorced. I found that too whilst on my look around"

"I'm not sure even my mother knew that" I say out loud, thinking of Moira and how she had never mentioned it.

"Okay I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go and knock"

With that, Norman's wails began again. Kate laughed "did you feed him breakfast"

I stood up and walked into the living area, following the sound of the fluff ball to the food bowl. "Which breakfast... his second or third" I asked sarcastically.

"All of them. He has a low blood sugar. He needs more than most"

"Vet says differently" I say childishly.

"Vet is a fat phobe" Kate replies in the same manner.

"I'm going ... i'll call you after" I say, looking down the street to cars leaving for work.

"Straight after... i'll be waiting"

"Just log into the camera you've probably got implanted in my pupils... and watch it unfold in real time"

"Haar haar" she says hanging up.

I pocket my phone and bend down to pour Normans third breakfast into his bowl "be good I've gotta go out... and don't you dare poop on my bed in retaliation... we've spoken about that"