We had a brief drink of lemonade with Mary, and Wrens Grandma Jameson on the porch. I watched and observed Wren as she told them about her Soccer camp, and the enormous offer she had received to train with the national under twenty threes in California.

Wrens Grandma was thrilled, and Mary smiled at all the right moments, winking at me, and catching me out, when I had realised I was staring at Wren with love hearts for eyes.

She curled her finger at me to come closer, and I obeyed her ask. Wren and her grandmother went inside to gather some snacks for our drive down to Eugene. I moved two seats over to be sat beside Mary.

I lowered into the seat. Mary's hand came from her lap and landed on mine on the arm of the chair. Light as a feather it was.

"It's a beautiful evening Teach" she observed, looking out to the lake.

I followed her gaze and nodded "it is"

"It would make a fantastic night to jump" she mused.

"Jump" I ask, looking sideways to her. "Into the lake" I question.

Her lips lifted ever so "into the next chapter of your story, dum dum"

"Hey" I argue "no calling me dum dum... we've spoken about that. It's a slur when it comes to a teacher"

She pats my hand "nothing dumb about you teach, but when it comes to acts of the heart... I'd have to mark you back a few grades"

I sit forward and look to her "is that so" I ask, with mock offence.

She nods and coughs a little. Her weakness evident in the irregular and fast rise and fall of her chest.

"You adore that girl" she whispers croakily "the way you look at her Millie. It's beautiful. Don't spend too long worrying about the details though. Life is short. If you love her as much as I see in your eyes ... then make her yours... and don't worry about the rest"

"We aren't rushing into it" I explain. "She wants to go slow... and if that's what she needs then I will. It's got to be the right time"

"Understandable" she replied "just spend a little time every day nurturing it. A relationship has to be nurtured or it withers, and sometimes then, sometimes it dies. I explained this to Harper only recently"

I frowned "Harper and Teddy having issues?" I question. That surprised me, they always seemed so in love and affectionate with one another.

She shook her head "not the type that will break them" she assured me. "When couples are together for so long, it happens. You go through life together, and things crop up that test you all the time. Work, kids, money, life. It's like trying to hold on in a hurricane, you know you won't ever let go, but it doesn't mean the fear doesn't set in when the eye of the storm hits"

"So, they're okay" I ask.

She smiled "Yes" she reassured me. "They've been through a lot those girls, Josephine's health battle of course, and a life in the public eye. Nothing is private. Teddy's career change and long hours weren't easy, then of course their daughters teenage years have been nothing short of nail biting, and what happened recently with Wrens biological father. It was hard"

"I had no idea" I say, sitting back in my seat. "I mean, I know it's been a tough time since October with all of that coming out"

She nodded "Harper came and stayed here a couple nights in the early spring, when they fell out. Teddy drove on up here that second morning and declared she couldn't and wouldn't spend a third without her. She wouldn't leave until Harper hashed it out with her. They sat on this porch for three hours, talked it out and went home"

"Wow" I reply, "you just have no idea what goes on, even with the strongest relationships"

Mary patted my hand again "Strong doesn't mean perfect, and years together don't equate to no problems ... or arguments. Erica always said that couples who rarely fight, like us, they go ten years and have a big blow up. Then another decade before another. You have to. It's healthier of course to have little disagreements, and communicate any issues at the time. Take two people though, who don't like confrontation, or always put one another first, and eventually it blows like a sleeping volcano. Teddy and Harper are human Millie. There's not one couple out there on their journey together that don't experience a down at one point or another. So don't expect perfection teach... it isn't something sustainable, and you will be left with constant disappointment if you do"

"You're right... I do that a lot. It's my Mother in me, perfection or nothing"

"I see that" Mary nods.

"Perhaps some part of me did ask for the break because things were so messy, and mentally and emotionally I had never been taught how to handle that. Moira didn't give me lessons on how to be imperfect. I'm learning though, that I can let go of my control, and just let life be a little messier or unplanned. I've only just realised at twenty four, that that's, okay"

The squeeze of Marys hand was strong this time "right on time Millicent Dawson. You're never late to your destination. Twenty four is a baby anyhow... you're only just starting out in life, and how lucky you are to meet Wren right out the gates. I had to wait so much longer to meet Erica, and what I wouldn't give to go back and have had her messy twenty's, and chaotic teens. I'd take messy any day with the right person... to have had them longer. Long term relationships mean you grow and change a tonne, sometimes by the end you are unrecognisable to the person you started it with, but as long as you nurture that love ... it stays Millie. The same goes for all of your meaningful relationships in life, not just romantic. If that's the only knowledge I pass onto you girls... I'm happy. I'm good to go"

"Okay, but don't...go" I reply with a lighthearted tone that makes her smile.

I lean sideways and hug her gently with one arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Won't be long though teach" she reminds me as we looked back out to the lake "you think I can trust you to take care of these girls when I'm gone"

It was my turn this time to squeeze her tighter, and with a loving smile offer her the comfort she sought "They will be okay. I promise"

"Hold you to it" she replied "if you don't keep your promise teach... I'm gonna rattle some chains, and chase you to your bed when you turn out the lights at night"

"Terrifying" I replied with a shudder, to the sound of her little laugh. "Don't do that"

"Then keep your word" she chuckled.

"I will, but I don't know... I kinda hope you defy your own odds and stay longer. To avoid the haunting if anything"

"I know you love me really" she retorted. "But it will be soon Millie, and I'm okay with my departure gate opening for boarding...it's time"

I couldn't help the emotion that filled my throat at her words, and the fact I knew she was right. Mary would soon leave us forever.

"From a psychologists point of view... I see you have reached a stage of acceptance of what is coming, before anyone else, which is common in terminal illness, but I want to ask...if I may" I ask.

She nods "go ahead teach... ask me anything"

"I studied a little on near death experience. The general features and experiences of it, they included visions, and out of body experiences, feeling as if one is transcending. Can I ask... what exactly makes you feel it is imminent. Are you experiencing something that none of us can see or feel?"

I had been fascinated by the subject of near death experience in my late teens when one of my favourite teachers had experienced one after a car accident. I studied it with an intense need to know more. I think, looking back, because I had a crush on the teacher, but equally I had been hungry for knowledge on something that hadn't been long studied or taken seriously.

"Yes" she said a little more quietly than before. She lifted her face to the sky and closed her eyes "I can smell her perfume" she whispered.

"Whose" I ask, watching her.

She smiled softly, her eyes still shut... and she inhaled deeply. She looks peaceful.

"Helena's" she tells me "I've not smelt that scent in over sixty years Millie, and then I awoke yesterday morning... and it was as if she was in the room with me"

She slowly opens her eyes and looks sideways to me "you think it odd it wasn't Erica don't you" she asks.

"Not at all" I reply quickly.

She gestures over to the rocking chair that was beside me "when I came out here earlier and Kate went in to make us tea, Erica was sat right there.... Young as the day I met her, with her dark hair and that gorgeous smile"

I turn and look to the empty wooden chair, and then I look back to Mary and my heart is lifted, and relieved, to see her peace, obvious in her expression.

"You did" I ask, almost choking up with emotion. "Did she say anything"

"She didn't have to... she's waiting with me. They've come to take me home Millie" she whispered, as calm and content as one can be. "And I don't like to tell Willa because I know how she can't bear the thought of my absence... but it's time for her to move up the family roster... she's head coach now... head of the family. No one else can do it better than my kid, no one else. Just be there for her, even the head coach needs an assist from time to time"

This moment with Mary, as she peacefully began her transcendence... into the unknown, it was a moment in my life that grounded me and taught me. I hadn't known her long, but what she had shown me these months, the importance of love, of family, and of the need to nurture the relationships of our loved ones... they were lessons that I took with me for my entire lifetime, and reflected upon often. Mary grounded me this day, and I never sought perfection in the same way ever again... I only sought connection, the type she herself had always made, with family and friends, and her people. Connections that made passing over peaceful, for you would walk toward those you had loved, and had long lost, and take their hands once more, just as you walked away and let go of others, that you would have to leave behind.

I wanted a love that would transcend... and I had it within my reach. I just had to take my time... and nurture it.