Fall was in full effect. The frost on the morning windows though, it was a sign that winter was fast approaching.

So much had happened over the last two months, and after Wren and her family left, last month, Veda and I felt their absence even more. We missed the fall ball, Olympias birthday, and thanksgiving.

The last month had been tough, we had the funeral of Vedas Gramma, which I wasn't allowed to attend, because Daniel didn't want to meet me. That was fair, it wasn't my Gramma and it wasn't my space to fill, to be their person. It was hard to swallow though, letting Veda go, knowing she needed me by her side. Charlie promised he would sit with her, and be there throughout.

I went for a walk that day, put on some hiking boots that I had discovered in the attic, and walked and walked. My mind was so clouded, and my emotions so raw, that I hadn't even considered or heeded my Mothers warning, about serial killers on hiking trails. I don't think it was until I got home, and Kate called, that I realised what I had done may have been slightly naive.

"Why was your phone location in a forest all day" Kate asked me, a little hyped up and cross, which was unlike her.

I sat my backpack down on the kitchen counter and began to remove the things I had taken with me. I placed down a bottle of water, a hat, and a raincoat.

"I went for a hike" I replied, ignoring her frustrated sighs that followed.

"Millie I called all day. I thought you had been abducted or something. Your cell just rang out" she accused "you suck, you know that"

I sat down on the kitchen stool, and leant against my hand on the counter "and yet you didn't call the cops or the forest rangers" I returned sarcastically.

"I called Moira" she told me.

I sat upright, and became more alert, my hazy thoughts clearing "What did she say" I asked, hesitantly.

"She called the ranger, he checked the records and told her you only entered the park that day, and that you were alone. He said if your car didn't leave by a certain time he would call her back and start looking along the trails. He assured her you would most probably be fine as people walk those trails all day, and most seasons"

"Is she mad" I asked, looking at my phone quickly, and noting missed calls and texts. None were Veda luckily, but most were Moira.

"Millie..." Kate said, sounding more of a question.

"Yeah" I asked, feeling like I was anticipating a slap.

"She's coming out there" she revealed.

"Noooooo" I groaned, dropping my head down to the kitchen work top "nooo Kate. I don't need my Mother here. She should be at work"

"She said it's Friday, and a weekend check in, despite being expensive, and nine hours away, was the only thing that would stop her worrying about you"

I groaned against the cold kitchen counter "I feel like there's more" I asked.

Kates voice returned to her sunshine self "there is" she said enthused "I'm coming with her" she said with a little giggle. "We are literally just boarding. She abandoned me five minutes ago for first class. I'll send you the flight details. Shes got a car organised your end. See you later Mills. Love yooooou"

Kate clicked off, and I looked up at the clock on the wall. It was the afternoon here. They wouldn't be here until after midnight.

I spent the rest of the day getting the house ready for more visitors, checking my phone for Vedas messages, and chatting with Wren on face time.

The moment I put the phone down with Wren, the house seemed so big, and the silence so loud. I had been spending so much time alone, most of November, but Thanksgiving had been with Charlie and Veda. A first family holiday for us three, together. It brought us closer again. My Mother had meant to come for it, but the weather took a turn and flights got cancelled, so I wasn't surprised that she was now on the way. My Mother hated not knowing what was happening, she had no control of this situation, and my Mother loved to have a sense of control, with all aspects of her life. It was just how she coped.

I phoned Veda later in the evening, before I went to bed early. She usually came on a Friday, but since it was the funeral, she was due tomorrow.

"Hi" Veda answered.

"Hey V, you okay" I asked.

"I guess" she said solemnly.

"I'm sorry, that I couldn't be there today"

"It's okay. I know you would have" she returned.

"We have visitors coming tonight" I revealed.

Her voice changed entirely, to one of excitement "who is it"

"Don't get too excited" I warned her "it's only Kate and Moira"

She still sounded excited though "that's great. How long will they stay"

"Only the weekend" I told her.

The sigh again, she missed everyone, and nobody could ever stay longer than a couple nights.

"When are we going home" she asked me, a little more quietly.

"I don't know" I said honestly "I hope soon"

"I love Charlie, don't get me wrong. I just... I want to be with you. I want to go back to Oregon. I miss Jo. I really really miss Jo" she started to unravel then, and I could hear all the pent up emotion and anger spilling out of my little sisters mind "I hate being here, and I hate that Charlie won't just stop this and send me back. I hate him, and I hate you, for letting him"

"Veda" I said seriously, sitting up on the edge of my bed and holding my head in my hands "I want to take you home. You know I do. You don't hate Charlie and you don't hate me, you hate the situation, and I get it. I hate this for us all too. It's going to sort itself out, I promise"

"When" she cried out angrily.

"Soon" I promised again.

So many promises. I just hoped I could keep them all.

***
My Mother and Kate were in the house when I woke up the next morning. I had left a key out for them under a pot, and gone to bed with exhaustion, mostly emotional.

When I padded down the stairs, Kate was in the kitchen cooking up some eggs Benedict, and my Mother was reading the newspaper at the kitchen worktop.

"Millicent" my Mother greeted, and she stood up, placing the paper down, and walked over to hug me. "You lost weight" she accused, prodding me in the ribs as she backed up "Kate feed her quickly, she's clearly not been looking after herself"

Kate came over in an apron, and her wide joyful smile made me feel warm inside as she hugged me too. "I am going to feed you, both" she told me affectionately, and she pointed to Norman at my feet "he's lost weight too"

"He's meant to" I told her, as she walked back into the kitchen. "He's on that vet diet. He hates me"

I closed my robe around my waist, and got up on the stool beside my Mother "Veda will be over today. She's excited to see you both"

My Mother sipped her coffee "Me too, so, you know we came to check on you both" she asked me over the rim of the cup. "Because one of you went AWOL in the forest"

"You didn't need to do that. I'm fine" I protested.

"You don't look fine" my Mother accused "you look tired, hungry and sad"

"That's pretty accurate actually, Mother" I replied.

"You do look a little peaky Mill" Kate agreed, placing down a plate with an immaculate eggs Benedict at its centre "eat up"

I took a fork and ran it down through the eggs centre, the yellow yolk seeped out beautifully.

"Mmm this looks good" I observed, taking a bite. "Thank you Kit Kat"

Kate pulled a stool up opposite, and my Mother ate hers beside me. It was only then that I noticed my Mothers clothes, she was wearing cream, and not a black piece of clothing was in sight. Her tight denim jeans were blue, and her sweater was a cream cashmere that looked expensive and soft.

She raised her fork to her mouth, then found me looking her up and down. She paused, holding her fork to her lips "What are you looking at" she asked.

I pointed my own fork at her "Avery's influence" I teased.

Kate looked at her too, and nodded, her mouth full of her breakfast "You do look different" she agreed, mumbling through her mouthful of food.

"Doesn't she" I added, annoying my Mother further, which I of course loved.

She rolled her eyes "nothing about me has changed"

Kate and I both tried not to laugh.

"Whatever you say Mother. So, how is Avery" I asked curiously.

"Fine" my Mother answered quickly, almost sounding dismissive.

Kate and I glanced at each other, wide eyed. Trouble in paradise?!

My Mother noted our shared look and tried not to roll her eyes again "We are here for you Millicent, not to delve into my relationship issues"

"Issues" Kate confirmed "So there's an issue" she asked "because Moira this is a safe space. A girls trip. You can totally tell us girls"

My Mother stood, irked by Kates suggestion. She lifted her plate and took it over to the sink "Its not a girls trip Katherine. I'm here to take my daughter and niece home. I'm not putting up with my Nephews stupidity a moment longer" she said, whipping around to face us "he must know he doesn't stand a chance at being Vedas guardian. He's about to be deployed, the grandmother is dead. There's a foreclosure on that house for goodness sake" she ranted "He's holding you both hostage when he knows there's only one end to this. He's just wasting everyone's time. Stupid. It's stupid. I can't stand it when people don't see the inevitable" she shouted even more, going on another rant entirely. "The end is in sight and they won't just admit it. They won't put an end to it, put everyone out of their misery and end the pain. Why hold onto something that won't work"

This rant wasn't about Charlie, she was now talking about Avery, I presumed. She was too emotional for this to be about Charlie.

Kate and I shared an awkward glance again, and my Mother finally stopped to breathe.

I stood up, scraped my chair back across the kitchen floor, and took my Mother by surprise with a tight hug. She fought it for a second and then gave into it.

"It's okay, to not be okay, Mom" I told her. "Kates right. Tell us what's on your mind. That's what family is for"

"No, this weekend isn't about me" she protested.

I released her and gestured to the couch in the family room "let's take our coffees in there"

"If you tell us about Avery, I'll tell you about Kai" Kate offered.

My Mother threw up her hand "please no Katherine. Don't inflict that on me"

I pushed my Mother and Kate into the family room, and ushered them into the seats. "Play nice" I remind them. "Now this is a safe space as Kate said, so let's all purge our worries, share our thoughts, and let them go. Who wants to start" I asked.

My Mother sat stiffly, and she looked at Kate, and then back to me "well aren't we eager" she mused.

"I'll start" Kate said almost excitedly,

My Mother couldn't control the eye roll this time.

Kate scooped her legs under her body, her coffee cup nursed between her hands. Norman got up beside her, and curled himself up on her lopsided lap.

"Even the cats settled in for the long haul" my Mother poked.

"Tell us everything Kate" I asked, with a smile.

Kate began an almost twenty minute non stop brag about Kai, and how he was the most perfect human man she had ever met. I wasn't sure what extraterrestrial men she had met previously, but my Mother and I sat back and listened as she excitedly revealed everything that made Kai her "one"

Kates voice filled the silence that the house and I, had become accustomed too, and it made me sit back and relax. The silence was gone, and Kates happiness radiated from her, making me feel her joy too, and even my Mother at times smiled, without hiding it.

Kai it seemed, was sweet, generous, good in bed, down for all the weird and wonderful shit Kate pulled, and he loved her, beyond all else he loved her.

My Mother clapped, when Kate finally came to a stop and took a breath. "I'm happy for you Katherine. He sounds wonderful"

"Thanks" Kate replied, chuffed that my Mother was being nice.

"Now, you" I asked my Mother.

She adjusted herself in her seat and looked uncomfortable to have the spot light on her.

"I don't know what it is you girls are hoping to hear" she told us.

"That you are happy, Mom" I replied, looking her straight in the eyes, and seeing that she wasn't.

She sighed, and placed one leg over the other, tapping her foot apprehensively. Something had unnerved my Mother, a rare thing to accomplish.

"Please" Kate asked "we won't Judge".

My Mother finally gave in "Fine. Avery and I, we had a fight. Well it wasn't really a fight. It was ... the opposite I suppose"

"What's the opposite of a fight". Kate asked, confused.

"Not arguing at all. She said something, that I didn't know how to react to... and I...left the chat" she confessed, releasing it like a held in breath.

"You...left...the...chat" I asked, slowly, And purposefully clear, just to make sure I understood.

She nodded "yes"

Kate screwed up her face "Is this a metaphor for something" she asked, confused again.

"No" My Mother replied a little short "I quite literally exited our chat on my phone"

"Mother" I gasped. "You can't exit your girlfriends chat... it won't make anything go away. When was this" I asked.

"Two days ago" she revealed.

Kate placed her coffee cup down and held the chair arm tightly "Oh Moira" she accused "that's bad. Real bad"

"Is it" she asked, not quite sure of how that online world worked, or the etiquette of a group chat exit. "She can still call. I just couldn't look at that chat anymore or what she said"

"Mother" I said, shaking my head "a chat exit, on any platform, with your significant other... is the modern day dumping. You dumped her"

"I did not" she argued "I just wanted a moment to process without the constant ding ding ding"

"Moira Dawson... you have a lot of work to do..." Kate told her "Did Avery call or turn up at your house"

My Mother shrugged "she was out of town for work. She's back today. So, she won't find me there if she does. She did call last night, but we were flying, my phone was on airplane mode. She left a voicemail but I haven't dare listen to it"

"You, you came here to run away, didn't you" I accused, almost amused, but then a little concerned. "Mom what is it. What did she say that freaked you out"

My Mother held her fingers to her temple, taking a deep breath "she, she mentioned that she had wanted to be a Mom when she was with her wife. But it was never the right time. And I panicked, of course I panicked, because maybe that's what she wants. Maybe she wants a family, and I don't. Surely it's stupid to carry this on, to put any more of ourselves into something that is a waste of time. Why hurt ourselves further Millie. If this isn't going to end with her as my future, then why muddy the present, and torture ourselves. It's done"

Kate and I looked to her, both deflated, and feeling bad, that my Mothers first adult relationship had prematurely ended, because she was scared.

I walked over and sat down in the seat beside her "Its not done Mom"

"It is" she said, sounding resigned to it. "She wants something I don't. Our futures are not the same. We are not aligned, not destined, or meant to be, no matter how much she wants me to believe it. We are done. I'm done. I don't want to see her again"

Kate was typing on her phone, ignoring us. My Mother and I looked over to her as her typing intensified, as if to say "time and a place Kate"

She looked up with a smile "Avery wants to talk" she told us.

My Mother jumped out of her chair, about to make her great escape. I reached for her hand and drew her back to a sitting position.

"Talk to her" I pleaded.

My Mother scowled at Kate "what did you say to her"

Kate handed her the cell "I told her you were with us in Manchester, in case she was worried about you. She said she was, and that she's not been able to reach you in two days. I said ring me back in two minutes, and I'll stick you on the phone"

"Charming" My Mother replied.

"I have to go and pick up Veda" I explained "Charlie and I are going to tell her today, about Millie being alive"

"Um... what" Kate asked me shocked.

"Are you sure Millicent... is it a good time to do that" My Mother added.

I nodded "there will never be a good time to tell her, but, with Charlie there...I think it's best. We can both explain as best we can. We don't want that woman hanging over us anymore"

My Mother almost winced when I said "that woman", still even now she couldn't hear a bad word said about her sister. She agreed wholeheartedly, but she would always feel the urge to protect her, it was quite literally in her genetic makeup.

"I understand" was all she could say, before Kates phone began to ring.

"Take it. I'll be back this afternoon with Veda. All being well we can have dinner together"

Kate handed my Mother her phone, and walked me to the stairs as I went to get dressed "I'm going back to sleep" she told me "I hope when I wake up later that Moira is back on with Avery, and you and MJ are all good"

"Thanks Kate" I said, hugging her quickly. I took her hand "I really am so happy about Kai"

"Me too" she returned with a beaming smile "I think we both found our someone special this year, perhaps there's a double wedding on the cards" she teased.

"Half gay, half straight... we cater for all" I teased back, dropping her hand.

"Manifesting it" Kate called, as she walked up the stairs ahead of me.

***

Charlie met me at the door to his grandmothers house. I wasn't sure how my Mother knew it was in foreclosure. I hadn't got that out of her, but knowing her, she had someone employed and assigned to investigate Charlie a long time ago.

"Hey" Charlie greeted "she's just getting ready. Come in". He asked me for the first time.

I stepped inside the small home, glancing around the rooms that all fed off of the little entryway. It was snug. There was a fresh paint smell coming from a few of the rooms.

"I'm decorating" Charlie told me, seeing me eyeing up the messy front room.

"It will look great" I told him, unsure in reality, of why he was redecorating a house that was about to be lost.

He picked up some clothing that was on the floor and busied himself clearing the kitchen table so that we could sit down.

I took the first cleared seat, and he disappeared into the hallway "Veda, Millie's here" he called, coming back to sit with me.

He sat, with his large hands clasped on the table top "Whose going to do the talking" he asked me.

I shrugged slightly "I don't mind. I can, if you would be more comfortable" I suggested.

"No" he replied, changing his mind "I'll do it. It has to be me. If she hates someone. It has to be me" he explained.

I frowned "why" I asked.

He didn't get a chance to explain, because Veda walked in, smiling at the scene in front of her "my two favourite siblings" she noted "Thor and Snow White"

"Thor isn't black" Charlie told her "Luke Cage I could have got on board with"

I shook my head "you think I get on board with Snow White" I asked him.

He laughed "I guess not"

Veda sat down at the head of the table. She seemed content, to have us all together. Like a child of divorced parents, when they came together in one place, and both were amicable.

So this is what it's like. Having the family together.

"What's the tea" she asked, looking back and forth between us for the answer.

Charlie coughed, clearing his throat, and finding his courage. "Millie and I need to talk to you about something" he began.

"One of you won me" she asked as a joke, but truly excited to have it be finally over.

"No, it's not about the custody" he explained.

She looked to me then, concerned. "Are you okay"

I took her hand and squeezed it "I'm okay V. This isn't about me"

"Then?" She asked.

Charlie reached forward and took her hand in both of his, swamping it.

"It's about our Mom. Our birth Mom"he said calmly.

Vedas features all changed, to confusion. "What about her"

Charlie took a breath, and tried to find the words, but silence filled the small space.

I felt the need then, to take the weight off of his chest, like a big sister should. "Veda" I began.

She turned back to me.

"Veda, I recently discovered...that our birth Mom... didn't die"

She looked confused "Didn't die" she repeated "what do you mean she didn't die. Of course she died"

Charlie shook her hands slowly in his "Its true V. She left us. She chose to leave us. She didn't die"

Veda's frown deepens "No, Charlie why would she do that"

"She wanted to escape the responsibility, and her marriage" I explained instead "she came to town a few months ago. She wanted my money. You know the inheritance I got.Yeah. She came for that. She's quite the maternal Mom is Millie"

"Why didn't you tell me" Veda asked, looking hurt.

"Mills was just trying to protect you V. We all have been" he tried to explain.

Veda pulled her hands from his, and sent her chair flying backward as she took off back to her room.

"Veda" we both called after her.

She didn't come back though, and another half hour passed as Charlie and I sat in silence, waiting.

"I wanted to ask you something" Charlie finally said, breaking the silence.

I looked up from the table "anything" I asked.

"You wouldn't ever leave her, would you" he asked.

I shook my head "not ever"

"And you would always put her first" he asked.

"Always" I confirmed.

"And her Christmas's will always be like the ones in the movies" he asks.

I felt a tear, on the edge of my lashes "I want them to be"

His chest was rising and falling hard, and I could see this was hard for him to say, perhaps the one thing he had never wanted to say... but realised was for the best.

"You will keep her safe... and love her like she needs to be loved. Like a mother loves" he asked, his voice cracking under the enormity of the ask.

The tears left warm trails down my cheeks as I nodded, taking his hand "I already do" I promised.

He looked away from me, his own eyes were bloodshot and misty "I know you will do it well, Mill" he said, removing his hands from the table. "Be a Mom I mean. You have that thing about you, that our Mom never had. That warmth. You have put Veda first from the jump, and I see the way she looks to you. She loves you, she respects you, and she knows you care about her. I'm sorry I've put you both through this wait. I just had to be sure" he confessed.

"Of what" I asked, wiping my eyes and the fresh tears away.

"Of you, of her, of us. I had to be sure we would be okay, and that she would be okay... if I let her go"

"We all will be" I promised.

He gestured to the paint pots "I just wanted to spend one last Christmas with her. That's why I'm painting. I wanted it to be nice here. One last Christmas in the old house, before it's gone... and the bank forecloses. I wanted one last chance... to leave her with a happy memory of this place, and of me"

I shook my head "Charlie this isn't an ending, it's a beginning. You can come and visit whenever you want... and I want you to be in our lives. Please don't say it like it's a goodbye"

"Whose saying goodbye" Veda asked, appearing in the doorway worried.

"Nobody" Charlie said, walking over and bringing her into his arms "we both want you to be happy V. Which is why I was just telling Millie, that she can take you home"

Veda looked up to Charlie, her eyes wide and hopeful "really" she asked.

"Really V" he told her, kissing her forehead. "I want you to go back to Oregon and be happy. I'm deploying in a couple weeks. I want Millie to be the one to take care of you. We are all we have" he told her, looking across the room to me "family" he nodded.

"Family" I agreed.

"And our Mom" Veda asked "is she coming back"

Charlie shook his head "No V"

"But if you wanted to speak with her" I told her, standing from the table "I know how to find her. You deserve answers, and if you want to meet her. I'll take you" I offered.

Veda shook her head "I don't want to meet her. Not right now anyway. Maybe one day"

***

Moira went home to work things out with Avery, content knowing Charlie and I were working on things here. Kate went home to claim her man, once again, and I stayed, left behind one last time. There would be no more silence, not anymore, and no more goodbyes.

The legal custody was agreed, in court, a few
Weeks later. I was Vedas permanent guardian. I didn't tell a soul. Veda and I wanted to tell the family on our surprise return.

Charlie was deploying two weeks before Christmas, and so with that in mind, our focus was here. We came together, and we created Christmas Two weeks early in the little home that Veda and he had always known. I helped him make it perfect, hiring decorators with the first of my inheritance money spent, to decorate every room, and replace the oven and the refrigerator. I even bought him and Daniel a new couch and armchairs.

"But the house is about to foreclose" Charlie told me, urging me to take it all back.

I ignored him, and continued to make the house comfortable once again, and liveable, because unbeknownst to Charlie, his first Christmas gift from me, was the house.

We sat around the Christmas tree, in stupid matching Christmas Pyjamas, as Veda tore open gift after gift, and then just as I was about to surprise Charlie, Daniel walked in.

I stood instantly, surprised, taking a step back as if I shouldn't be there.

"Hi" he said quietly "Happy Christmas I guess" he mused, looking at the scene unfolding in the family room. "Wow" he said, seeing the fresh decor and the new furniture "it looks like... a home"

"Dan sit down" Charlie asked, patting beside him. "Millie and I are throwing a Christmas you won't forget" he told him, handing him a present.

Daniel took it on his lap. He was tall like Charlie, lankier, younger, had more hair, currently an Afro, and he was a lot more hesitant with me. But he was here, and by the looks on his face, as he looked the gift over... he was happy to be.

"It's good to meet you" he told me, as I sat back down between them all.

"And you Daniel" I returned. "And you"

Veda handed Charlie the small box, and she looked to me with an excited smile. Knowing what was in it. "For you and Daniel" she told him "from Mills"

Daniel and Charlie both looked to me questioning "what's in it"

"Open it" I urged.

Charlie unwrapped the small box, and flicked open the lid with his thumb. He took out the keys, and looked up confused "Grammas house keys" he asked.

"No Charlie... Your house keys. Yours and Daniels" I told them.

"What" Daniel asked. "I don't understand"

"I've paid the house off. It's both of yours now. So that you always have a home to come back to" I told them.

Charlie chocked up, Daniel began to cry, wiping his tears away in large swipes of his arms, embarrassed to show his emotion.

"Millie" Charlie asked "This is too much"

He crawled over to me and hugged me tightly "it's too much" he whispered.

"If I can't be here looking out for you both... I can at least leave you the means to do so yourself. I want you to have this. It's your family home. It means something..."

"I love you" he whispered, and then he hugged Veda too "and you too little sis"

Daniel got up, he walked to my side and reached down for my hand. I didn't know what he wanted to do, so I reached back for his. He lifted me to my feet and hugged me, almost taking me off of my feet. The boy who didn't even want to know me a month ago, he hugged me "thank you" he whispered.

That was all the Christmas gifts I needed, seeing the happiness on my siblings faces, and knowing that for once, they got a Christmas they had longed for and deserved.

As the Grinch once discovered, perhaps Christmas wasn't about the gifts, the greed, the presents, or the food, perhaps, just perhaps it meant something a little bit more.

Veda and I had the most wonderful day, with our brothers, in the house that they would always call home.

Once Christmas in New Hampshire was over, Veda and I hired a camper, a silver vibrator for three. We packed that thing solidly, with all of our things, and Charlie helped me load the Nomikos's Christmas gift into the trailer behind it before he left.

We said our goodbyes, we locked up the house, and we got in. Veda took the passenger seat, Norman sat between us, and I, I put the camper into gear and turned to my Charges "ready to go home" I asked them.

Veda smiled "Let's"

Norman wailed, but it was more like "Hurry the fuck along" he liked to be moving in this thing.

I moved off, up the road, and watched as the little slice of heaven with the blue front door got further and further away.

Time to head West.

Home 🏡