With weeks left to spare I made it back to Portland with Veda in tow. The last time I had been here was with Wren at her family Christmas, and as we crossed over the city limits I remembered it in detail.

Norman had been demented as always, and he had climbed the twelve foot Christmas tree out in the yard and got stuck. Teddy had helped me get up there with a ladder and assist the fur ball back down.

"This is why I prefer dogs" she had said.

I had to agree, at this point a whopping goofy Great Dane would be preferable to the fluffy and sometimes feral Norman.

"Do you and Harper think you will get one?" I had asked.

"A dog" Teddy had said with a smile as she held the ladder "Absolutely" she said as if it was absurd they wouldn't "and" she began, with more of a whisper "Its in the pipeline for this years Christmas wish. By next Christmas there will definitely be a dog in this house. Josephine and Bastion have been asking for two years"

***

From what I had seen online the last few weeks ...Teddy kept her word. There now seemed to be two babies in the Nomikos house again, although one wasn't so small. A Bernese mountain dog pup named Henrietta had made the cut. She was a loving tribute apparently to Harpers grandparents dog.  As well as Henrietta in the photos with Josie and Bash, there was a small cross breed, a funny looking long haired thing with bushy eyebrows and a constant smile on its face. It looked like an Ewok. It appeared to be a boy named Chewy. I was guessing from the names, that Josephine and Bastion had got to name one each.

As I drive up toward Willa and Allies lake side home, I spot another puppy up ahead on the grass out front of their beautiful home. It looks like Bernese mountain dogs were a family favourite.

"Oh my gosh look at that puppy" Veda noted as she finally looked up from her cell.

I came to a stop beside the garages and guest quarters, and stepped out onto the gravel, gazing around at the beauty before me. I had been here once for a family BBQ but it had been the evening time, and now here in the day light I couldn't get over the beauty of this place.

The house looked out over Lake Oswego at the front. It was far enough away that they had a sprawling lawn that was well maintained with flowers of every colour planted around it, but close enough you could reach it in seconds in a swimsuit and dive right in.

Behind the house was a forest, with an abundance of wildlife I knew Allie and Willa enjoyed. Bastion had told me many times that there were Sasquatch in his grandparents forest. I glanced over, shielding my eyes with my hand from the bright sun to look through the trees, almost like one may appear at any moment.

Veda broke the silence "Looks like you returned to your cottage Snow White. Expect the seven dwarfs any moment"

"No dwarfs" Allie called coming out of the house and onto the porch with a big smile.  "But I've always been on the shorter side"

I waved and walked over to her, passing Veda who was down on her knees fussing over the pink belly of a happy puppy.

"Hi Allie" I say reaching her. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate you and Willa letting us stay"

She brushed it off as nothing "of course...we are always here, and trust me we don't mind the distraction right now"

"Mary" I ask.

"Yeah, she's gone down hill again. But she knows you are due and she's happily waiting to see you"

I nod and turn back to Veda. Allie is watching her with a smile as she fussed and played with the pup.

"He yours" I asked about the puppy.

Allie looked to me briefly with upturned lips and nodded. My goodness as I looked at her, All I saw were Wrens blue eyes. They came from Allie... no doubt about that... so light blue they appeared almost... ice like.

"His name is Mr Darcy... I expect you can guess who named him" Allie revealed.

"Mary" I ask, wanting to laugh. Wren had told me how often she watched Jane Austen movies.

"Yes, she thought he looked like him with his black colouring coming around his chest like a blazer jacket and his puffed up white chest looking like a shirt underneath. He's most certainly handsome too"

"He's adorable" I agree.

"I think she was actually having a last laugh, having us, mostly Willa, have to shout out Mr Darcy every time we let him out in the garden or took him for a walk"

"I love that" I muse.

"So, I expect there's a story behind this young girl" Allie asked, gesturing to Veda.

"A long one" I reply, thinking of how I didn't know what to do next. I hadn't bet on my mother being out of town. I had so many things to do. Veda needed enrolling in school. I had to formally make sure she could stay with us, and I needed to get her settled somewhere which couldn't be Wrens grandparents guest house. I was determined to only stay here until I found something more appropriate. The maternity leave I was covering was only for six months, and after that I planned to get back out of Portland. Without Wren it just didn't feel the same.

"There's plenty of time for stories" Allie said warmly as she took my arm "now come in and let's get you fed"

Veda and the puppy followed us indoors, and the warm scent of nutmeg, vanilla and cinnamon hit us as the door shut behind us.

"Hi" Veda said sticking out her hand awkwardly to Allie.

Allie ignored the hand and went in for a hug instead "Welcome Veda, us Jamesons are happy to have you. My name is Allie, and my wife Willa is just in the city at our grandsons basketball game. She should be back soon, she apologised for not being here when you both arrived but she's not missed a game yet"

"Your place is amazing" Veda noted as she looked around "so you guys like rich or whatever"

I nudged her sideways "Manners" I remind her.

Allie looked amused and not offended. "It's okay, curiosity is a good thing to have. No, we aren't rich. We are comfortable. Willa inherited money and invested it wisely, so we are comfortable enough, but no we don't have a private jet or anything"

"Shame..." Veda muttered as she walked off to check out the living area.

"Make yourself at home" Allie called after her "and you" she said gesturing toward me "go see Mary... she's waiting on you" she said pointing down the hall to the bedrooms. "I'll make some lunch"

"Okay" I returned.

"And Millie" Allie called as I turned down the hallway to the bedrooms.

"Yeah" I say stopping and looking back.

"It's good to see you again"

"You too" I reply as we both carry on to our destinations, mine Mary, and Allie's the kitchen.

***

Mary's room overlooks the forest at the back of the house, it's bright though, and warm. As I push open the door further I spot her white hair. She's sat in an armchair looking out as birds fly down to the bird feeders on masse. Birds of every variety. I've never seen anything like it.

The reflection of the sun on my necklace sends a light flickering around the room that catches Mary's eye, and she finally notes my presence.

Her smile is a genuine one "If it isn't the teacher" she mused.

"Hi Mary" I return as I enter the room and walk toward her.

She pats the seat beside hers "Sit down Ms Dawson" she orders a little croakily, as if she hadn't used her voice in a while.

I do as I'm told, a little like my mother had ordered me to sit.

Mary looks me up and down "You look like an old movie star" she muses "the red lipstick and the dark hair... my goodness Wren knows how to pick 'em"

"We aren't together anymore" I remind her.

Mary was a little forgetful. I genuinely wasn't sure if she remembered that we had split.

"Oh, I know. I've not lost all my marbles quite yet dear. And as far as I see it ... you should be" she said with a cocked eyebrow.

I frowned not realising what she meant. She rolled her eyes "together" she pushed. "You should be together"

She was so much thinner than I remembered, and her frailty was obvious in her skinny little wrists and thin arms and legs. Her skin suddenly seemed too loose for her bones.

She reached over and took my hand in hers. I looked down to see it placed, her skin was so wrinkled against the smooth surface of mine.

"Why did you break up" she asked bluntly.

My chest tightened at the mention of it again. The elephant in the room, and what would be the elephant in this house for the next however long... My relationship with Wren.

"As far as I could see... you were happy... and Wren was besotted with you"

I nod slowly and lick my lips to moisten them from their stiffened state "It wasn't really either of our fault... we just had too many factors against us. It was timing. It just wasn't right"

"I know a little about that" Mary mused. "My first love was with a class mate...and as you can imagine, when I was at school, gay people didn't exist. We did of course, but it wasn't something that was accepted in society or talked about"

Just the mention of Mary's first love made me want to know more "what happened" I begged.

"Helena and I, we fell in love by accident... but also totally on purpose once we started the fall. I've never known a love like that one, one that wasn't meant for forever, but timed and short... sweet and explosive. The timing was right, but it was also wrong. On reflection and as years passed it became obvious that we were better suited to others, my wife Erica was made for me, and Helena's husband Joseph was made for her. I've always loved her though, even now"

She patted my hand and released me, placing hers back on her lap.

"Perhaps you and Wren will find the right timing... or perhaps you will find others more suited for you whilst time slips away and you are far from each other... but either way you will end up where you are fated to be"

I shake my head "no, I can't imagine ever finding anyone else, not anyone who I could love in the way I love her"

"How do you love her" Mary asked.

"With everything" I return "I love Wren...with everything. Is there any other way?" I ask genuinely, since this had been the first woman I had ever loved.

"Then, why are you on a break" she asks me curiously.

I take a deep breath "because I didn't know...if everything was enough"

"You feel like you aren't good enough for her" Mary asked, coughing a little to clear her voice.

"I wanted more for her... to be more of what she needed without sacrificing myself. I had to just go and work on me"

"And now" she asks me "have you worked on you"

"I'm doing it now, every day a little more me than yesterday" I confess.

"You know, she said the same thing" Mary told me "When I asked why you had split... she told me she wasn't enough for you... and you deserved more whilst she worked on herself"

"She did?" I ask.

Mary nodded and leant her head back on the chair "you are both staying away from each other for the same reason. You both desire each other to be happy and healthy and don't feel you can offer that yet"

I didn't know Wren thought the same. I figured she was just fed up of me worrying about her, and needed time to be free and figure out her own issues. She was newly twenty and had just learnt something that had changed everything about the way she felt about herself. Despite how I tried, I couldn't make that better... only she could. I knew that, because I was going through something so similar it was beyond belief. I should have known for that very reason, that she felt not enough too, because we were both on the same road... just taking very different routes along it. I walked through the foliage trying to avoid seeing the path ahead, and Wren was drinking up its path ... hoping to numb the journey.

I hoped deep down, that she would appear soon, up ahead, and that I could catch up with her sooner or later and walk alongside her once again.

I knew we had the potential to be forever ... I just didn't know when day one would come... or if she even wanted it with me anymore.

"I didn't realise she felt the same way" I reveal quietly.

Mary looked out of the window as Mr Darcy and Veda came into view. The puppy was clumsily running after her as she explored the garden.

"Mr Darcy and a young lady I don't recognise" Mary observes.

"That's my little sister... Veda" I inform her.

She looks to me with surprise "you have a sister"

I nod and join her at the window, standing beside her as we watched them play. "Apparently so... and I can't tell you how overwhelmed I feel...to firstly discover her, and then have to take charge of her... all in one day. I'm not meant to be the one in charge... I make stupid decisions Mary"

"Like not finding accommodation in time for the school year" Mary interjected.

"Exactly" I reply. "I'm useless. What do I know about being a guardian" i criticise, with a deep sigh.

Mary reached out and squeezed my wrist, she looked to me almost amused "Oh teach, I've been there and got the t shirt"

"You have" I ask, taking a seat beside her again.

"Slightly different scenario, but when I was in my early forties... I got a call. My sister Kate, her youngest child was in need of a guardian, someone to take her in and look after her. She had nothing. My sister and her husband were in denial that she was gay, and wouldn't accept her in their home until she changed"

"That's terrible" I reply. It was nauseating to me how a parent could turn away from their child for anything, let alone who they chose to love.

Mary nodded "I know, but it was a different time, and within a community built on their faith and beliefs, and within a religion that didn't give you much room to think for yourself. Not excusing them... just explaining the background"

"So, her Mom asked you to have her? For good?" I ask, wanting to know how Mary navigated this and desperately searching for answers to how I would.

"No, Helena called me" she returned.

I frown, my eyebrows coming together in confusion "your first love Helena" I ask.

Mary sees my confusion and her lips lift again into an amused crescent moon shape. "I know, it's a little much of a long story... and the more I go into it the more confused you're about to get"

"Let's just say, her daughter Alberta... and this girl... they were best friends. Helena wanted to make sure her daughters friend was safe and looked after... and so she asked me to take her"

Again, my eyebrows crease together as I start to realise who she's talking about. Wrens middle name was Helena... and Alberta is Allie.. and Willa.... It's Willa. Of course it's Willa, why was I so dumb.

"Willa" I reply "you took Willa in"

She smiles "Yes, she was eighteen. Didn't have anything to her name but what was on her back, and you can imagine how much pain she was in. I had lived a lifetime away from Utah, and away from the family, and then suddenly I have a teenager handed to me. My niece. I had to figure out how to be a guardian, and I had to be responsible for her. She may have been an adult at eighteen, but she was a kid still in my eyes. I had never been responsible for anyone but myself either, just like you. It was terrifying if I'm honest, worrying if I would get it right, and how I would build this bond with a girl I'd never met"

"And how did you" I ask a little desperately "how do I do this Mary"

She places her hand on mine again, then looks out to Veda and Mr Darcy who are sat in a patch of sunlight sunbathing. "One day at a time Ms Dawson"

"What if I screw her up more... and what if I don't do a good job. I don't know where to even start"

"You already started. You brought her with you, because you knew she needed you, and all of your plans now include her without you even realising it... you've adjusted and made space for her already"

It was true, every decision I had made since finding her, had been to make sure I looked after her and for her well-being.

Mary tapped my hand "You're doing it Teach" she praised. "Nothing to be scared of"

"I had no idea you had Willa from eighteen" I say thinking back to it again.

"My wife Erica and I. Yes we adored that girl. I still do, and will do every day that I have left here with her. She was ours alright, and I like to think Willa has never felt anything but loved since that day she arrived off of the bus from Utah. And that's all kids really need Ms Dawson... whatever age... to know and feel they are loved, and that they matter to you"

I follow Mary's gaze to Veda. I don't know when it happened, but she had indeed worked her way inside of me. I did care... and she did matter... to me.

This journey would be hard work... but I had never shied away from a challenge. Unless you count all the times my friends invited me to take part in physical challenges like marathons or cook offs ... I could shy away from that kinda challenge.