Why Do I Feel This Way?

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Author's POV

"Ow! Careful a little will you?!" The man winced as Jungkook sighed in annoyance before putting more pressure on the other already bruised skin; feeling irritated to be told like some slave but knowing that it was his fault to hit this man without knowing who he actually is so he needs to endure it to make up his negligence.

Twenty minutes had passed and Jungkook got to learn everything about this older man who claimed to be Jung-Hoseok. He's surprisingly not the caretaker but the partner of the caretaker who's also a martial man too. Usually, it's not him who takes care of the baby, but since his fiancee has an emergency at the military base; the other couldn't trust anyone enough to hire them and ask this gentleman to replace him instead so there won't be any problem knowing his lover would never do something harmful because they all are close friends with Jimin.

And on top of that, Jungkook also got to know the cute baby name is Park Min-Ha and he must admit, those are such beautiful names for a girl. However, his inside couldn't help but feel trouble hearing it for the first time. It is almost as if it wanted to tell Jungkook that there's something he missed. He feels as if this is not his first time but rather his hundred times already. And not to mention the warmth he felt instantly when his eyes first landed on Min-Ha, it made his stomach flip and his instinct immediately thought nothing but wanted to protect the child from the cruel world.

He tries to see the bigger picture, he tries to collect the puzzle and match them with each other; trying to remember if he ever heard the name before but no matter how hard he tries; he ends up going nowhere but right at the start. His brain went blank immediately when he got to that one point, confiding in him that there was still something he left behind which he couldn't confirm what it was. It sucks, he didn't like it even a bit.

"I'm going to get more ice, stay here. Don't move." Jungkook mumbled, realizing the cold cubes in the tiny plastic bag were melting away as Hoseok nodded slowly; feeling pain shoot him right the moment he made a tiny action; making him let out a hiss. Well, who wouldn't be in pain though? The younger one literally hit him with a stainless steel pan and not to mention the force it put, he believed he could have died if he didn't explain himself first. But luckily he did.

He watched Jungkook stand up, on his way to the kitchen when a tiny muffle sound came from the crib for the second time that morning– catching both of the adults' attention as the younger glanced behind his back; looking over the specific place at the bottom of the one-seater couch. It's weird, every time Jungkook will go a little bit far away from the living room; Min-Ha would let out a cry– as if she didn't want the man to go distant from her. This never happened before and to be honest, Hoseok couldn't be more dumbfounded by it.

But just like before, Jungkook would turn his eyes away and look back to the front before leaving the area without hesitation to ignore those begging cries.

However this time, Hoseok won't let it happen. He understands that the younger probably must feel uncomfortable holding a baby but if you are in his place, would you ignore it? Would you let a baby cry every time you wanted to go away? Or would you rather comfort the child first than go? It's not that he couldn't do it himself but he couldn't even move his head, what makes you think he could move his hands to actually pick Min-Ha? He would have done it if he could in the first place. That just adds another reason why Jungkook should hold her.

"Jungkook…" Hoseok trailed off, grabbing onto the younger's sleeve even before he could go inside the kitchen as the other hummed and looked down with a raised eyebrow. "Yes, do you need anything?" Jungkook asked and immediately regretted it as soon as he looked over the older's facial expressions. No words were spoken, no voices were heard nor actions were made but both of them understood it.  

Jungkook certainly is. He knows that look, the older one wants him to pick Min-Ha.

But he won't, and will never.

There's just something about the child that makes him restless, it makes him want to run away yet want to keep close. It makes him want to scream so bad yet wants to keep quiet. It makes him feel miserable yet calm… Why? Is there anything he should know? Why is he feeling this way? Everything seems shit ever since Jimin came into his life, letting him feel these things, and now what? The daughter too? Did he possibly do any sin to them in the past life?

Or not then what was the reason?

Jungkook closed his eyes as he took a deep breath before pulling his hand away from Hoseok's grasp and walking away quickly to the kitchen; leaving them in the living room. He couldn't… No matter how much he wants to, the thought of seeing Min-Ha again somehow makes him shiver. Now that he thinks it back, he thanked the universe for letting the baby wear the sunglasses, hiding her full face. He couldn't imagine how it feels to see her fully. Her tiny barely heard voice is enough to make him lose his sense, what could happen if he pulled the sunglasses? Oh, he couldn't even imagine it.

Everything about Min-Ha is wrong and it is pathetic of him to not understand why.

Jungkook sighed as he stopped himself in front of the refrigerator, trying so hard to ignore the tiny voice from the other side of the room. He already called SeokJin and declared that he was going to take a day off due to this sudden accident and the owner happily approved of it, saying he was happy to know that Jungkook is taking a break from work for a while and rest. However, Jungkook didn't plan to rest tonight– he decided to go along with Taehyung and Ji-Eun tonight. And since it was their gathering, he's sure they will meet as a club– a place where he desperately needs now in the hope these feelings would go away.

Jungkook's thoughts were broken when he heard the front door open as the sounds of footsteps filled the house, making him instantly walk to the front in instinct; afraid if anything happens to Min-Ha. But his propensity calmed down undoubtedly when he saw Jimin; looking so ridiculously hot with the complete military uniform. And it was as if the other didn't expect him to be in the house too, the general let his Phoenix eyes stare intensely at him who froze in his place.

"Jungkook? What are you doing here? Hoseok-hyung? What's with the bruises? What happened?" Jimin asked, his raspy voice echoing the whole area; dominating Jungkook as the younger tried so hard to not run out. Yeah sure, the father is currently hot as hell and he should be turned on anytime now but memories flashed inside his mind of what had occurred this morning. The woman's voice… The seductive aura it reflects even through the phone… It disgusted Jungkook to the point he somehow couldn't look over Jimin.

Did they have sex…?

But if they really did, why did it matter? Many men have fucked him too, guess it was both fair and square.

"Ah, it's nothing. I fell and Jungkook was there at that time so he helped me and since I couldn't move; he offered to take care of Min-Ha." Hoseok lied smoothly, looking over Jungkook; noticed the younger expression changed drastically compared to before Jimin arrived. The man somehow looks disturbed…? Well, Jungkook is like earlier too but this time it kind of mixed with a hint of sadness…? He couldn't tell but he noticed it, the atmosphere around them is different from the previous one. And it all started when these two met each other.

"He… offered to take care of Min-Ha?" Jimin repeated, almost in disbelief what he heard. Did the younger one already know it? Then why did he still take care of her? Or was he still oblivious? Multiple concerns flooded inside Jimin's head as he gawked at the certain beautiful human being in front of him. There's only one way to know the answer to all of his questions…

He turned around, walked over to the baby crib, and looked over the child inside before letting out a relief upon the sight he saw. "Min-Ha is still wearing it… Thank god." He mumbled under his breath, implying on the sunglasses he made her wear; making sure to say it ultimately in a slow tone so that nobody else would hear the words other than him. There's no skepticism, it is indeed cruel of him to do that but did he was given another choice? Not until a certain date. Until then, he has no option but to put that thing on her face.

"My love, dad is here." Jimin mumbled and bent down, noticing that Min-Ha was crying as he picked her up carelessly; not knowing the sunglasses she wears will fall down and at last; reveal the whole thing he wants to hide from the world when he heard Jungkook gasp filling the living room. "Fuck!" He cursed unconsciously and turned around, hiding her from the younger as his inside threatened to explode; nervous to discover what was coming next.

There, Min-Ha…with a disability to hear the world's voice.

And to look at the world's beauty.

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"So you're telling me… Min-Ha is not your biological daughter? She's an adoption?" Jungkook asked uncertainty, peeking over the child who was playing with Hoseok in the living room every once in a while as he watched Jimin nod slowly; leaning against the walls with legs crossed, and hands attached.

"Yes, I found her at the orphanage and she was two days old. With no parents, no hearing nor look ability." Jimin explained and somehow Jungkook could feel his heart clenched hearing those words. It's normal for people to feel sympathy when they hear of Min-Ha's condition. Yet unfortunately for Jungkook, he didn't feel pity like he expected him to instead; he feels angry and disappointed in himself. He feels as if there's a weight on his shoulder saying that he's the one who should be taking care of Min-Ha all these months and not Jimin.

He couldn't help it. No matter how hard he tries to convince himself that this whole thing has nothing to do with him; he will end up right back on those guilty feelings; whispering to him why he didn't do his commitment.

"Fuck." He mumbled under his breath and cupped his forehead; unconsciously closing his eyes as his body stability disappeared; resulting in his body swinging and falling. "Ah!" He gasped, acknowledging there was a pair of hands that held onto his waist before he could touch the floor.

"Jungkook? Are you okay?" Jimin's voice greeted his ears, unknowingly this made his heart flutter, and his lips curved upwards to form a smile. He hates this… he hates that he smiles, he hates that he feels this… he hates that he feels as if he's falling yet floating… What is Jimin doing to him? The man didn't even do anything, yet here he is smiling like an idiot even though he claimed to hate the man, even though he claimed to hate the whole situation.

But is he really though?

Jungkook opened his eyes slowly, letting his heart slip at the view in front of him as he stared at those phoenix eyes and found himself drowned in them. Wrapped around the tight grip… he never feels so safe… What's happening? He couldn't think properly. The only thing he knows is that Park Jimin… A military man who tries his best to love and take care of a child that's not even related to him. What could be more beautiful than the effort?

Jungkook never found such a person.

"I'm fine." He lied, finally coming to his senses as he slowly stood up straight and slipped his body away from Jimin's embrace.

"I'm just a little bit dizzy, I'll wash my face and–" Jungkook's words got cut off when the sound of Min-Ha crying filled the house, it was barely heard but they both could listen to it as Jungkook smiled painfully, wondering why his first instinct is to scramble and fetch the child rather than ask Jimin to settle her since the general is her father.

But he takes a deep breath and ignores it.

"You should go. She's searching for you." He mumbled and watched as Jimin didn't say anything but nodded in return before the male left the kitchen; leaving Jungkook alone. Immediately, he clutched onto his chest and held himself over the countertop; why is he like this? The upheavals are making him crazy! He couldn't take it anymore… Why did he feel this way? Why does he get tingly when he thinks about Jimin? Why does he get butterflies when he thinks about the single father? Why did he get all warm inside when he thought about the general? Why does he feel as if the older one has been holding him all the time?

Why do I feel this way?

Jungkook peeked over the living room, seeing Jimin playing with Min-Ha as he watched the older man tickle the child; resulting in the area filling with her beautiful giggles with the general deep chuckle.

And yet somehow, those voices hurt Jungkook inside and he doesn't know why.

"I'm sorry for not taking care of you, Min-Ha…"

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[A/N: I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Since my studies have started again, I couldn't write more updates than two or three chapters per week which you will get only on weekends. So I hope you could wait for me... To those to message me on the MB, I don't get to reply yet but just now I'm thankful for it and I love yall my angels<3

One question, where do you think we'll be going? 👀]

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