the past week or so has passed in a fog of disassociation. the past several weeks, actually. i can remember being in yellowstone and eating a sandwich while birds fly around as clearly as if it just happened, as if i was just there, and yet several weeks have passed since that moment. sure, a few moments have stood out since then, but nothing has really been able to bring out my brain. it's nice for school, as i am able to breeze through the day (for the most part) and not experience as much of the discomfort and annoyance as i usually would, but other things which i should have been able to pay more attention to are just not really doing that for me? i don't mind a little bit of disassociation now and again, for example when i was in sixth grade and listening to my algebra teacher drone on and on it was a welcome escape. but it feels really unhealthy to have it go on for so long, and as my parents are big believers in not talking about feelings or mental health or anything that really NEEDS to be talked about (besides my sister and her anxiety, but even that's just because she screams and shakes when she gets overwhelmed - she's less subtle, so she gets attention. yay), so i turn to this. and yeah, i probably shouldn't be pouring everything out onto wattpad - i mean, i'm not saying it's a lil like tom riddle's diary, but it sort of is .. so, there's that. hopefully, this fog will pass soon, and i'll be able to return to living my life whilst actually being present in it.

i'll probably delete this later, but i needed to vent a lil bit. thanks for reading if u did. i suppose.