PETTY RANT ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH + DYSPHORIA SKIP IF U WANT (PLS SKIP I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO WITNESS THIS) (ESP IF I KNOW U IRL PLEASE THIS IS NOTHING TOO SERIOUS JUST) (iDk)
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my mental health is going down the drain and i haven't slept more than four hours a night in a week and i'm ready to fucking drop but i have so much homework constantly that i literally can't miss a day of school or it'll be a thousand times worse the next day and the past two days it's been a huge struggle not to pass out in class and i nearly fainted in choir like i saw spots and tunnel vision and started like swaying and stuff but i was on the back row so i grabbed the bar which isn't what ur supposed to do but wheatver and i steadied myself but still that hasn't happened in months and the last time i actually passed out was when i was super sick and really dizzy and just getting up to try to go the bathroom made me literally collapse on the floor so today i got closer than i'd like to that state and it threw me off for the rest of the day too and honestly it might sound a little dumb at this point and i'm super sorry for ranting like this so much but the binder my mom ordered is set to arrive within tomorrow to perhaps middle of next week and if it's not in by monday i'm going to actually have a nervous breakdown because we have a choir concert that night and the shirts we have to wear come all the way out to the shoulders so the only options are cup or nude bra s neither of which i have so while i did talk to my choir teacher about things and she did say that i could just wear a black sports one but the straps would be super obvious and even just explaining that bit to my mom made me start crying so i really can't handle that right now i'm nearing a mental breakdown even right now when i'm just exhausted and stressed and derealised but if i'm exhausted stressed derealised and displaying to a bunch of ppl especially my peers that i wear a bra which is not something i ever want to advertise and even that phrase felt disgusting to write and if that's all compounded idk what i'll do i mean there's no marching band this weekend because of hoco so maybe i can sleep a bit more or like try to put my room together because i've been in here since mid august and literally nothing is put away except a few clothing items and some basic furniture and now it's midnight and i have so much homework and nobody wanted to hear this so i'm going to leave goodbye ugh