The door shut behind me for the second time
As I brought in a motley of items -
Fresh dosas* from a street vendor, bandages and willpower. 

"Where did you go?" 
An all-too-familiar voice demanded,
The subtle note of worry pricked my conscience. 

I turned to my partner, seated on the sofa
They were already dressed
In a thick sweater and varying shades of dread. 

"I stepped out to get some breakfast,"
Said I, raising the plastic bag
As evidence to prove my supposed innocence.

"I heard the door the first time when it was quarter to seven,
It's no use fooling me -
Why don't you tell me the truth?"

Their tone pleaded for sincerity -
Not just in this isolated incident,
But in our relationship.

My heart bled as I realized
That they must've felt the growing distance,
The detached silence from my end.

Now that I had swept away the veil of self-doubt
Clouding my eyes, I turned to compassion
Whose whispers I had been ignoring for a while.

Apathy was the cruelest treatment
To prescribe to a loved one,
Especially to one so loyal.

I had attempted to douse the fiery passion between us
Opting to watch it die rather than
To rekindle it, nurture it.

Had I mistaken my indifference
To everything that once inspired me,
As being out of love towards my other half?

Dropping the bag and my wallet on the kitchen counter,
I approached their pale self, wondering -
How long had it been since they noticed my absence?

I knelt before them, clasping their hands
Words failed me - despite their request, no, plea, to speak
To tell them exactly what I was going through.

"Where do I start?"
I began, fumbling, a better question would've been
How should I start?

How could I possibly articulate my agony,
How could I write down my restlessness,
How must I be able to relay all of this to them?

"Is everything okay? Are you okay?"
They asked and I broke down a little more -
They were trying so hard to meet a middle ground.

Hot tears flooded, clearing a path
On my dusty cheeks,
All I could do was shake my head.

They embraced me,
Patting the back of my shaking self
And whispering words of comfort into my ear.

I couldn't recall the last time we were as close
But I knew this - I would use the very last reserves of coal
In my heart to rekindle our relationship.

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maits⁴¹³

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dosa - a thin, crispy, savoury pancake of South Indian origin, made from a fermented batter of rice and/or lentils.

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