"please tell me! explain to me why you choose not to sleep anymore."

my love, it's simple really ...

when my eyes close, flashes of unadulterated rage flow through every ounce of my being.

flashbacks to deranged and evil things that never happened. at least i believe they didn't.

... i barely recognize reality anymore. try to explain it to me sometime.

help me! help me! help me!

violence ... death ... murder... i can't stop the thoughts no matter how hard i try.

it scares me. it scares me. it scares me.

"you're scared of your dreams?"

yes. they haunt me more than anything ever has. i cannot dream without my heart being torn to shreds.

my mind won't listen to me anymore. (although arguably, it never did)

tell me what i need to do to make it stop.

please. please. please. i'd do anything for a few seconds of silence.

i pray to whoever is listening at this point. i used to know a girl. she used to be my world.... my god.

she's dead now ... both to the world and me ... very fitting for her. (perhaps, she took the place of god.)

"you shouldn't say that.."

why not? if god was real, they wouldn't put me through this!

they wouldn't... would they? do i deserve this?

i do deserve it.. don't i? certainly.. i do.
i'm being punished.. this is my hell.

hell isn't some fiery depth we go to.

no. no. no.

it's in your mind, replaying all of your worst mistakes and thoughts for the rest of time. never ending suffering, and there's nothing you can do to end this crippling pain.

i sometimes think death would be solve this. enternal sleep sounds so welcoming... sweet and tender.

but then i remember, i deserve this. i will live out my days until my mind kills me.

simple enough for you, my love?