Ps: a hard chapter to write :(

***

"There's a party held by The Chaimongkon that night," Macau says after he looks at his schedule.

"Who?" Porchay asks with peak curiosity.

"Kai's family," Porchay's mouth forms an 'O', "I obviously invited. You can be my plus one. We can bring minimal guard, two perhaps, including Ananda."

"Are you and him ...?" Worry latches heavily in it.

Macau snorts a laugh when he sees Chay's expression. "You're almost died but you worry about me? C'mon, I can handle Eakasit Chaimongkon just fine."

"He doesn't look like someone you can handle 'just fine', Cau. He reminds me of Phi Kim. You know, the type that all smiles but can stab you in the eye if he wants to kind of person."

"He won't stab me in the eye, it's the other way around, because he is fucking annoying and gets on my nerve sometimes. Just the other day, I met him and his mom at the mall, by coincidence. Did you know what he said? 'Mom, this is Macau Theerapanyakul, V's brother. He's my boyfriend'. Like as if I would let him be my boyfriend. But I can't do anything in front of his mom, so I just smiled and waied."

Chay laughs. "So what did her mother do?"

"She invited me to dinner and by the way, surpriiiiseeee, there was his dad in the restaurant, waiting. He was looking so proud while I was sweating bullets!" Macau scoffs at the memory. Chay laughs again.

"So his parents approved then?"

"What do you think? I've been getting invitations from his family to all family functions until next year, I think. Our family name is not just for display."

Yeah. Everybody wants something from the Theerapanyakuls. But the Chaimongkon isn't a lightweight player either, judging by what Macau told Chay. If they ever be together, when, just imagine what their children might have to bear.

"Don't go planning my wedding just yet, Chay," Chay grins at his best friend, "Hia doesn't approve, yet. Phi Pete is coaxing him right now."

"Do you want him to approve?"

Macau shrugs nonchalantly. "He's not a bad choice. It will be like you marrying a governor's son instead of a patriarch of the underworld's son."

Porchay chuckles in annoyance and throws him a pillow. Macau laughs, happy that he succeeds in teasing his best friend.

"If they reject ..." Chay is back on the topic. "If somebody objects ..."

"Nobody will object if you play your cards right," Macau gives Chay a meaningful stare.

"How?"

"Guilt trip, hard." Born as the youngest of one of the most powerful and richest houses in Thailand, Macau sure knows how to use it for his own gain.

Porchay nods. "You have to teach me, though." He is not used to going the route. He is also the youngest, but in his family, Porchay can only take everything without objecting to make his brother's hard life easier.

There's a knock on the door. The two watch as the door opens and Porsche comes in. "Erm, Chay ... There is someone who wants to see you."

Then Ash comes with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and food. "Hi," he greets with a wide smile.

Talks about the devil and he shall come.

Porchay can smell trouble for miles away. He glances at his older brother who, for some reason, looks pleased. So, he likes Phi Ash and chooses him for Chay instead of Kim. Approved is the right word for this.

But gone is the day he needs, wants, his brother's approval.

Porchay smiles and politely wai, so does Macau. He gives Macau a side-eye and tells him to stay without a word. Macau doesn't do a thing but he sits at the corner of the room and pretends to be busy with his phone.

"I heard you're sick," Ash says. "Was it like last time?"

Porchay can see Macau perks up on his horizon. Like last time? Last time of what?

"No," Macau is the one answering. Ash turns to look at Cau. They share this look that Chay doesn't understand. "It's not like last time. Last time was caused by fatigue."

"Oh," that's all Ash says in return. He gives Chay an assuring smile.

"How did you know about last time?" Macau asks. All eyes are on Ash, including Porsche.

"The contact that your brother used is mine. I lend it to him for free."

There is understanding on Macau's face. So Ash was the one who paid for the service. "I'm sure my brother is more than happy to pay you back. We don't like debts of any kind after all."

Ash dismisses it with his hand. "It's not a debt. It's my pleasure to help," he switches his focus on Chay, "For future reference, you're more than welcome to use my contacts. For free, of course."

There's no such thing as a free meal. Porchay is sure he will pay for the service in one way or another. So he just smiles at the offer.

"I want to come earlier, but can't get access and then I had to go to Germany for work. So I called your brother when I landed." He gives excuses like he did something wrong to Chay for not being there.

Chay knows the underlying meaning of those words. But still ... He can't choose Ash. Probably never. Chay's heart is a stubborn one. He rather be alone than be with someone his heart doesn't want.

"That's ok, Phi. I have enough people who worry about me already," he says with a genuine-look fake smile that he is now so used to wearing. He doesn't want Ash to have false hope. He is a good guy after all.

Ash gives him a small smile as he tilts his head. He knows rejection when he sees one, but not used to getting it. It just makes him crave more.

"I'm fine now. When did you land? Yesterday?"

"Two hours ago. There was traffic."

Macau gives him a hike brow. Porchay gives a ghosted smile. So, Ash is just as stubborn as him then. These stubborn men and their want. But Chay doesn't care, he is beyond that now. He warns him if Ash doesn't abide and proceeds still, that's his own choice.

Someone comes in and nonchalantly by-passed Ash, shoulder bumping shoulder. Kim, in a neat dark indigo suit with a dark tank top underneath that boasted his slender but full muscle form. He is smaller in height but beats it with swag and arrogance. There is nothing gentle in Kim if he doesn't want to show it.

Great. Porchay is already tired.

Chay watches the blank face Kim supports and tries to find that telling tick in his eyes that gives away his real emotions. When he finds it in a short amount of time, Chay ghosted a smile. Liars can be a good poker players indeed, but Chay had studied the game and the players diligently.

"Where's your manner, Theerapanyakul?"

Kim ignores him and Chay has this urge to grab a bucket of popcorn and watch. But then Kim makes this cheating move where his finger traces Chay's hair and cheek in a vivid display of affection. Even his voice is dripping in one when he says, "Have you eaten?" Chay fights hard the shivers that erupt.

Porchay nods but doesn't say anything. Ash gives him a tilt in the head again as he watches Chay, and senses something is wrong. He doesn't hide his smile.

Kim looks at Chay with pinched eyes. He too senses something is wrong. There has been something not right ever since Chay woke up, but he can't point what. There were ok before the incident. More than ok.

"I'm sorry work kinda held me back."

Chay's mouth tilts upward, but that's not a smile. "That's ok. It's not the first time someone abandoned me for work or something else."

Porsche tenses up at the back. His face grows hard but Chay doesn't care. It's the truth and truth hurts sometimes.

"Chay ...," Kim warns. "I'm not, won't abandon you for work or anything else."

Chay shrugs. "I don't care. There's an alternative for everything." He knows he's playing with molten lava with Ash being here, but he just wants to hurt someone now.

"Chay ...," Kim warns harder. Edges become knife-like.

"Alternative can be a good thing. It can be safer. Happier," Ash says. He gives Chay assurance with his eyes, that he can be a better choice.

Chay doesn't answer that the proposal is the only thing that prevents Ash from becoming bloody on the floor.

The nonchalant look on Kim's face morphs. Now his face is full of unspoken threats, directed to Ash who just smiles at him.

"You want to try me, Sutivanichsak? I got dirt on your family for days."

"So do I, Theerapanyakul."

Kim laughs. "At least everyone already knows we are bastards. But your family ... I'm sure it will be a spectacular show when people learn that your family is a bigger bastard than us. I can burn yours to the ground. Just me. No need my family."

Ash gives him a nonchalant look. He knows his battle well. All that dirt, they can't be traced back to him. "You can't burn hundreds of years legacy, Theerapanyakul. Of all people, you know this better."

Kim gives him a hike brow with a predatory smile. "As I said, try me, Sutivanichsak, then you can know what I can and can't do."

"If you guys want to fight, do it outside," Chay says. Even to him, he sounds cold.

"That's your cue to be gone, Sutivanischak," Kim says.

Ash smiles and proceeds to walk closer to where Chay is but Kim blocks him. "Then, I'll see you later, Chay. Don't forget to eat the cake. Strawberry and peach cream cake, your favorite."

Ash gives him one last smile before he walks away. He thrives at the scowl on Kim's face.

Kim plops to the empty space on the bed beside Chay, draws his laptop from his bag, and continues his work. Macau looks at Chay meaningfully, and he replies with a nod. Then his best friend excuses himself with a hug.

Chay looks at Kim working for seconds before he too is engrossing himself in social media, back turns on his lover who watches him like a hawk behind his laptop.
***

Chay is released an hour later, back to his room with Kim on his toes. The sound of the door closing encloses them inside, just the two of them. His eyes glade on the surface of the room. It's neat. Everything is in place. His laptop, the very one he launched to the wall, is sitting on his study desk.

Chay wants to hurry up and examine it but holds back as Kim is in here. He is sure the laptop was damaged then. Did he get it wrong?

Hands wrap his waist and he feels Kim's forehead on his shoulder blade. The man's breathing is a heavy one. They stay like that for a minute of pure silence.

Chay can't feel anything, not even hatred, and he hates it. He just feels this sense of tiredness that keeps dragging him down to somewhere full of darkness and quietness. He suddenly misses his old room back at his old house. It might not be as grand as this room, but even in Chay's loneliness and its modesty, there is warmth in there.

He feels the kiss on his nape before the whisper. "What's wrong, baby? I can't fix it if you won't talk to me."

"Nothing," he replies in an even tone.

"Chay," Kim is now pleading, "Please, please, don't do this. Don't shut me out."

Chay doesn't answer.
***

He is walking to the employees' diner when Porsche intercepts. "Chay, I want to have a word."

"About what?"

Porsche smiles. "Can't brothers talk without some excuses?" The way Chay frowns at his sentence hurts Porsche more than a bullet. It's like the word 'brothers' is very alien to Chay when it's Porsche that talks.

They look at each other for some time before Porchay says, "So ... Talk then."

"I ..." It takes a few tries of this before Porsche can manage his own head. "Can we sit down at least? It can be a long talk."

"No need." Porchay's face is still smooth on the surface. Porsche wants to cry. Has he lost his brother already?

"If you feel that I abandoned you, Chay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I did what was best to make sure you have a good life. I ..."

"I know," Porchay intercepts. "You sacrifice everything, your youth, your life, everything, for me. I'm ... Grateful for that. I'll make sure to repay in the future."

"Chay, that's not what I mean! I don't want you to repay ..."

"But I will," Chay says stubbornly. "So ... Why don't you live your own life now? You know, with all this," Porchay points to the whole surrounding, "and Phi Kinn. I'm ...," he pauses. "I'm fine now. I can take care of myself."

"Chay ... That's not ..."

But Chay doesn't give time for Porsche. "I want you to live your life, Hia. Be happy, the happiest of all people. You deserve that. Stop thinking you have to sacrifice yourself for me. Be ..., What's the word now? "Be selfish. I know it's not that hard for you as you did that already. So go back to that, please. I'm fine." There is no vindictive tone in Chay's voice. He says it like it is mere fact. Maybe it's what hurt the most for Porsche.

Porchay doesn't feel anything when he sees Porsche's heartbreak into a million pieces. He will not pick up the pieces. Let somebody else do that. Kinn perhaps.

So he walks away.

***

The D-day arrives. Chay wears simple blue jeans and a white shirt with sneakers, provided forever and always by Tankhun. The older fusses with the smallest detail, saying this is the first social gathering Chay has. He must look his best.

"Why would you wear that, ChayChay?" he chuckles and points to Porchay's white sneakers. Chay doesn't see anything wrong with that and he voices it.

"It's the birthday of a multi-millionaire granddaughter, Chay. Not some ordinary kid." 

"It's fine, Phi."

Khun chuckles but gives up. He puts down the dress shoes and looks at Porchay. "Greet everybody with a smile, stick to Macau no matter what happens because guards can't go inside the house, eat moderately, don't go charm somebody else's daughter," after a pause, "or son, don't drink too much and keep Macau off of that too, and ..."

"Yes, Motheerrr," Porchay smiles. He can't see how nervous Khun is for him and it is the sweetest thing. "I'll be ok, Phi. I promise."

Tankhun scoffs. "You just don't know how those jerks work, how predatory they are. You're too soft, too easy of a prey. I'm just ... I see what I can do to be there."

"No, Phi!" Tankhun must stay away from the party for this plan to work. Pete and Vegas are in Indonesia, working on a deal with The Sudiratmadjas. Porsche and Kinn have been quiet about this. Maybe the talk he had with Porsche has something to do with it. And Kim... Kim is working late with the possibility of not coming home. How convenient.

"There are no adults there. You can't!"

"Fine! But you tell me in detail who makes you even slightly hurt later."

"For what?" Porchay doesn't like where this is going.

"I want to know if they can stand my wrath, that's all."

Macau comes just minutes after, wearing a black shirt and a black slack with dress shoes. Porchay feels under-dressed but Macau says it's fine. "They're not royalty," he says.

When they arrive at the party, it is obvious what Macau is to the family as someone who Macau said is Kai's sister greets him with a warm hug. The pretty girl welcomes Chay with an equally warm handshake and smile. She introduces them to the birthday girl.

Someone murmurs Macau as the latest conquest of Khun Boss, but the boy pays no mind. Cau stays on the polite side. The talks shift to Porchay. Someone asks with a rude tone, "Who are you? Never seen you before."

Macau shifts his body, and Porchay grabs his arm. "And who are you, asking about my brother?"

"Brother?" the man scoffs. "He can't be. You only have one. He must be your 'thing' then."

"My 'thing'," Macau drags the word, "Huh. That's the funniest ever, isn't it Chay?" he smiles. "If you're dying to know, let me tell you what relationship he has with me. You see, his brother is Khun Annakinn Theerapanyakul's fiance. My brother and his fiance are taking him as their brother, seriously considering adopting him, if my crazy cousin hasn't beaten them into it. My other cousin, the psychopath one that I'm sure you know ...," Chay presses Cau's arm, stopping him, "Well, let's just say no one will know you're gone, not even with your family money if messes with him," he points to Chay with his head.

"But before them, there is me. I'm fully capable of taking down on my own."

The man falls silent before excusing himself. Macau shakes his head in disbelief. The others see Chay in a different light that he isn't comfortable with. So he tries to stay in the background, but it's harder to do that when people put their interest in him, Kai's family included as Macau is often swayed here and there by them. 

"It's ten thirty. Can we get out?" Chay asks.

"Wait. Kai isn't here yet."

Porchay hikes one of his brows in the questioning mark. Macau chuckles. "To be polite. I was invited because of him."

"Sure, whatever."

Kai makes an appearance five minutes later, and almost immediately goes to Macau's side after greeting his family. The guy kisses Cau's cheek unabashedly. Then tries to kiss the lips but is denied.

"Sorry, but can't stay longer. We have stuff to do."

Kai looks at Macau with a scrutiny gaze. "What will you do, mischievous? Are you trying to create a ruckus? Must I brace myself from now of the wrath of your brother?"

Macau looks offended. "I'm not creating anything!"

"Sure ..." The guy is already massaging his temple.

"And I can brace myself just fine, thank you."

Kai exhales. "Just ... Don't get hurt. Don't get kidnapped. Don't ..."

"Ya, ya, ya. Gotta go," Macau drags Chay with him, not even listening until it's over. He makes his way to greet everybody he knows goodbye with promises to attend another event in the future.

"His family seems nice. They love you for real. I can see that." Macau smiles at him. 'If I wasn't a Theerapanyakul' is behind that smile.

"What about Kai?"

Chay shrugs. "He's very ... Kim-like. He gives it that vibe of crafted dangerous."

"Yeah, I think so too. I haven't seen it with my own eyes, but I won't be surprised if he has a trail of bodies behind him."

Porchay laughs. They and their taste of men.

"Can I drive? I'm too nervous to stay still."

Ananda looks at Macau. The boy nods and keys exchange hands. They drive in silence to a middle-class apartment down in central Bangkok. Chay's heart is thumping harder and harder the closer he gets to the door of 1014, the one that the woman stays in.

He knocks.

The beautiful woman, the same as in the photos opens the door. She wears a light kimono. There is almost no need to question what she has been doing previously.

"Hi," the woman greets with a smile. "Can I help you?"

Macau is done with a polite greeting as he pushes the door and they enter. Porchay walks to the closed door that he is sure is in the bedroom and walks in.

What he sees confines him to the floor for a time.

He can recognize that naked back anywhere. The hair is sprawled on the bed.

Porchay slowly retreats. One step before another.

Macau peeks behind him, muttering curses before opening the door and hitting Kim's back. He is shouting something, but Chay can't hear anything. Someone runs passed by Chay. Ananda.

But Chay is already gone when Macau looks again.