I just don't understand this world.

It seems as if the people who were in my life leave so suddenly without so much as a goodbye. It kills me.

I don't even know if I should be here. It just isn't fair. Life isn't the best on my part.

Going through breakups back to back is fucking painful. I am a human being. I cut and bleed. I have feelings.

To have someone break your heart over your innocence is devastating. Dealing with pain and heart break is something I can't deal with again.

I want to be happy, but I just can't. Its getting harder and harder by the day. It kills me to have someone that I loved with my all is slowly but painfully killing me. I cry day by day because of me wanting to be happy and not have to suffer.

I didn't want to be depressed and miserable all the time. To be stabbed in the back by your friends in secret. To be having to deal with social anxiety every day.

My friends on here are the best people I have ever met, but in reality, the people that I used to trust decide to put me through hell and back. That isn't what I want. I want to be loved by someone.

I want someone to save me from myself. I want to be the happy smiley cheerful girl I used to be. Not depressed or physically and emotionally scarred.

I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know who Amaya is anymore. It fucking kills me to say that.

I don't want to struggle anymore. I don't want to be brought down because of who and how I am. It isn't fair.

Not that I don't love you all because I do, but I may leave this world. Dealing with all this bullshit is taking over me. I try to fight it but I am getting weaker and weaker.

I love you MJFam, but I'm think about leaving. It pains me to say it, but I can't anymore. Its too much to bear.

-A