That Au where "I'm pretending to be your boyfriend because I'm 98% sure that guy hitting on you is a serial killer and you need a distraction to get away so here I am"

Hope you like ^_^

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I never usually drank alone, I hardly drank at all actually, but today had been too horrible and I just wanted one beer before I had to go home and cry myself to sleep for the third night in a row.

The bar was near empty, thankfully, most people were dancing or sitting in booths and tables. I went to the far end of the bar so nobody would notice me and I could drink in peace, without the chance that a couple would sit next to me and start chatting it up. It's happened before way too many times and now I take extra precautions so I'm not stuck next to two people who seemingly have their lives together and are happy with them. Trust me, it's the worst thing imaginable when you don't have your life together and you're especially unhappy with it.

The bar tender served me and then disappeared into the back, which I was thankful for. To me, there was nothing more uncomfortable than a strange bartender trying to be friendly. It was just awkward. Especially since I lacked social skills and the ability to get other people to like me. It made almost all situations awkward and anxiety-inducing.

The beer didn't taste all that good, but I was thankful for the alcohol at least. The only TV I had clear view of had some boring soccer game on its channel and I didn't have the bravery to ask the bar tender to change it for me, so I just watched it with disinterest and picked the team with the most appealing colors on its uniform. So far it was losing.

I don't know why it happened. I'm not appealing at the least, and if I was somebody with a life then I wouldn't even think of doing such a thing, but somebody decided to sit right next to me when there were literally ten other and better seats to choose from. When he sat down, I only nodded politely and went back to watching the soccer game. I didn't expect him to start making conversation.

"You looked like you needed a friend. My names Al, and who might your lovely face be?"

Lovely? My cheeks were scarlet before I even registered what he'd said to me. "J-Jordan," I said awkwardly.

He held out his hand for me to shake and I shook it after wasting three seconds staring at it. His hand was suffocatingly warm and it nearly crushed mine with how tight his grip was. I drew it back as quickly as possible once he let go, but in between that I had a moment to look him over. He was wearing sweatpants and a navy blue hoodie, with sunglasses on top of his unruly brown hair and a confident smile on his lips. He had really scary looking grey eyes. But he was kinda good looking besides that.

"You've got a nice face. You know, you should smile more often cutie." He gave my arm a small, teasing poke. Maybe it was me being stuck up and kinda rude, but I didn't really like how comfortable he was touching me when I'd barely said anything to him.

"Um...thanks." I kept my eyes on the soccer game as he kept staring at me. Don't get me wrong, I thought he was easy on the eyes but I wasn't looking to date anybody. He seemed like he wanted that. I hated to disappoint.

"C'mon, I know that game isn't more interesting than me. Let's talk for a little while. I bet you got a cute last name to go with your first?" His fingers were tracing the label of my beer as he talked. I suddenly wasn't in the mood to drink anymore.

"Cooper," I lied. Maybe I'm not the brightest guy, but giving your full name to a stranger doesn't seem like a good idea. It's best to just pretend he said middle name.

"Jordan Cooper? Isn't that a lovely name. Hey, mind if I take a drink of this? We drink the same beer, you know."

I nodded politely, still without looking directly at him. I didn't necessarily want him drinking after me, but I guess it was the polite thing to do since he wanted it.

"You don't talk much do you? Well that's alright, people who don't talk a lot tend to be smarter. I bet you're a smart little guy." After he'd taken a swig from my beer, he sat it down and repositioned his hands...one of them were brushing against my elbow. Again, I didn't say anything and continued watching the soccer game.

"I bet you go to college. Which college you go to? I might've went to the same one." His hand was now completely slush against my arm and my comfort levels were dropping at an alarming rate.

"Aberdale," I lied again. I was already out of college. I had been for a year.

"Aberdale? Why, I live right next to there. Maybe we can catch a cab together after we get outta here?"

I didn't feel up to being polite anymore. His hand was on my arm, he was maybe two inches away from my face, and he smelled like cigarettes and other things that I recognized as clear warning signs my mother always warned me about. I was probably seconds away from an anxiety attack and the bar tender was nowhere to be seen.

"I-It's okay. I have a car, so..." I tried to subtly pull my arm away by reaching for my beer, but he got it for me and shoved it right in my face. He was forcing me to take it and drink it in front of him, when he'd just put his mouth on it and groped it for a good five minutes.

"Oh come on, you can't drive back drunk. I'll call you a cab after you get done and I'll make sure you get back safe, okay?" The hand on my arm starting gripping me, hard. Like, almost hard enough to bruise. My breathing was turning ragged and I think I had a good five seconds before an anxiety attack would come on. I stared at my beer, trying to think of a quick way to run out of here and lose this guy, before I saw something at the bottom of the bottle that caught my eye. Something was fizzing. A tiny white thing. A pill.

He drugged my beer.

"Cutie pie, your beers getting warm. I would drink up before it does." He was brushing against my ear with his lips and I was on the verge tears and hysterics. Oh my god, what if I'm abducted? Where is the bar tender? What if this guy has a knife and he's about to pull it out any second now?

"Hey baby!" A new voice cut in. My breathing stopped short to look behind me at the new person who must've mistaken me for somebody else, but could potentially be the person who saves me from getting kidnapped. This really enthusiastic looking guy was smiling at me in the fondest way and I was nearly convinced I knew him.

"And who are you?" Al asked in an annoyed tone.

The smiling man stepped between us and wrapped his arm around my waist, before pressing a quick kiss to my head. Jesus Christ, I can't handle this amount of strangers touching me in one night.

"I'm his boyfriend Tom! Nice to meet you! Who are you?" The way he asked the question was confusing, like he was trying to be friendly and intimidating at the same time. His eyes were not even hesitating as he stared ruthlessly at Al, who was sweating under it. Boyfriend? Does he have me confused with someone else? I don't know anyone named Tom.

"Just a friend," Al said through a gritted smile. His hand wasn't on me anymore and I was so thankful for that. Toms hand on my waist felt better somehow, even though he was a stranger too and the hand was in a more intimate place.

Tom cocked his head in confusion, still wearing that same look of politeness and intimidation. "Really? Can't say I've ever met you. Babe, I didn't know you had a friend named Al."

I was dying inside and couldn't answer. He called me babe. There was nothing I could do.

Al looked ready to bolt any second, but looked as if he were clinging to false hope. "We just met, actually. I was going to make sure he got home safely after finishing his beer." He looked at me again expectantly, but I was over the intimidation factor. I just leant into Tom's side and pushed the beer away.

"No thanks," I said in a sickly sweet voice. "I shouldn't be drinking after people anyway. Tom says it's dangerous."

Said man looked at me out for the corner of his eye and grinned, before going back to staring down Al. "You said your name is Al? What's your last? I'll put it down in my contacts. Any friend of my baby is a friend of mine."

"It's Guardmen," another voice cut in, "and he isn't supposed to be violating his probation."

The bar tender had returned, with an angrier looking face too. "After the last incident, he's supposed to be on house arrest. Get your ass out of my bar before I call the cops, you sick pervert."

And with that, Al took off in a flash. As soon as he was put the doors, the bar tender grabbed a nearby phone and started dialing. The hand on my waist disappeared.

"Sorry I did that, but I was watching him from far away and I was 98% sure he was a rapist trying to prey on you. And then I saw him drop something in your drink, so then I was 100% sure. You okay?" Tom sat down in the seat Al had been in, grabbed my discarded beer, and tossed it in the trash behind the bar. My hero, I thought dreamily.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you. I-I was about to have an anxiety attack." God, why did I say that? Now he's gonna think I'm mentally unstable. And he's so sweet too, saving me from getting kidnapped. I don't want him to think that about me.

But he just nodded in understanding and sighed. "I would too if that was leeching onto me. But don't worry, Wags calling the cops and they'll get him. You need anything? Like water or...?"

"No! No, I'm fine. It's cool."

He grinned. "Cool."

I nodded. "Cool."

"Kool-aid."

"Kool-aid?" I giggled.

"Well I didn't know what else to say, but I wanted to keep talking to you because you seem cool like Kool-aid."

I heard the bartender, Wag, slam the phone back on the receiver. "Tom Cassell, are you flirting with someone who was nearly kidnapped just now?"

Tom Cassell. I really wanna be friends with Tom Cassell.

"I mean, I wouldn't call it flirting. It's just me being lame and him laughing because he doesn't know what else to do. The cops coming?"

I didn't ask for it, but Wag pulled out a glass and a bottle of orange juice and started pouring some for me. "There was a cop on duty nearby, he is currently chasing after the pervert while he attempts to escape by means of biking. Are you allergic to oranges?" He asked me politely. I shook my head no. He capped the juice and put it back on the shelf, before opening up a drawer and pulling out a bag of pretzels to lay in front of me.

"I-I don't need it, it's okay." I didn't want to eat his pretzels. It seemed rude.

"Nonsense, you need something to help that shaking. Would you like some peanut butter with your pretzels?" He conjured a can of peanut butter seemingly out of thin air, as if he were a wizard. Well, since he's already gone to the trouble of taking it out, I guess I should accept. Wait, am I shaking? I looked down at my arms and sure enough, I was trembling all over. That's embarrassing.

"Or do you want cheese instead?" Tom asked as he swiped my bag of pretzels. "Wag, get the cheese too. And the crackers, just to be safe. Oh, and do you have anymore of that Nutella shit? That stuffs good too. Get that."

I stifled a giggle. I guess it was kinda mean that he stole my pretzels, but he is really funny, so that makes up for it. He heard my attempt to control my giggle and gave me a lop-sided grin that sent my stomach into spirals. I didn't notice before but he has really cute blue hair.

Wag sighed and shook his head at the man. "I'm not getting you anything, you're an endless vortex of hunger. And give him back his pretzels! Goodness, you're rude."

"Hey, I was opening them like a gentleman!" He opened the bag with little effort and sat them in front of me. Then he opened the jar of peanut butter and when Wag brought out the squirt cheese and Nutella, he opened both for me too. I was flattered both at the chivalry and at the snack choices I had to choose from.

"Where's those crackers boy?" Tom asked in a gruff police officer voice. "He needs crackers too, get him some of those."

"I-I really don't, it's fine. Pretzels are fine." I reached my hand up to get one, found that my hand was still shaking, and knocked the spray cheese over in my attempt to retract my hand as soon as possible. I felt like crying all over again, but from embarrassment this time. They didn't laugh, but Tom got me a pretzel and handed it to me, while Wag sat the spray cheese back up and sent me a warm smile. They're so nice. I wish I was more interesting so I could be friends with them.

"I'll go get the crackers so Tom will shut up. Try not to flirt shamelessly while I'm gone." He disappeared into the back room again. Tom fished a pretzel out of the bag, asked me through a look if it was okay he ate one, and I nodded. He sprayed a gallon of cheese on it, dipped it in peanut butter, and then dipped it in Nutella twice. I giggled again, I couldn't help it. How did he eat like that?

"Ya know, you gotta cute laugh," he said through a layer of food, "if ya don't mind me sayin'. Whuts your name?"

"It's Jordan, and I don't mind," I said shyly. "You're really funny."

"Phanks!" He said through his food. "Cani getyo numbah?"

"I-I don't know what you just said." Between the thick British accent and the food, it was kinda hard to understand him.

He swallowed quickly and grinned. "My bad. Can I get your number?"

My number? He's asking me for my number? Oh my gosh, he likes me. That's what it means, right? When someone asks for your number it's because they like you, right?

"O-Oh! Of course you can, um, d-do you have a pen? I-I don't have any on me, I don't think...um, wait maybe I can-" I went to reach for my phone in my back pocket, when my elbow nudged the glass of juice and knocked it over, right on to Toms arm. Oh my god I hate myself.

And of course now the tears decide to spill, in the exact moment they didn't need to.

"Hey, it's alright!" I heard him say. "It's just juice-...shit, are you crying? Damnit, no hey! It's okay! Don't cry! Wag, get the hell out here!"

I furiously wiped at the stubborn things as I struggled to say something reassuring that I was fine, but my lips wouldn't stop shaking and I couldn't speak anymore because suddenly a weight in my chest prevented me from talking. Anxiety attack. Great.

I heard Wags voice return a moment later. "What's the mat- oh dear, are you alright? Tom what did you do!?"

"I don't know! He spilled his juice and- I-I don't know! What do we do!?"

"What's his name?"

"Uh, Jordan!"

"Jordan are you okay? What can we do to help?"

To be honest, with the way the day has gone, I should've expected some sort of attack. But I really thought maybe I'd be okay. I guess not. In all my past anxiety attacks, usually I had a friend nearby or some family, and hugs were the things I craved and the things that helped me through them. But the only people around were two men that I'd just met and one was unreachable because he was behind a bar.

"Wait, anxiety attack! Are you having one of those?" Tom asked me as I shook uncontrollably. I nodded, still trying to steady my breathing. If I hyperventilate and pass out, I will die of embarrassment. I am not passing out in front of the only boy in the last three years who's taken interest in me.

"Okay! Um, my sister likes blankets during those, do you need blankets?"

I shook my head, wishing I could just say hug, but my mouth refused to open.

"No blankets? Okay um...contact! Sometimes she wants that! Physical contact, do you need that?"

I nodded furiously. Without a moments hesitation, he wrapped his arms around me in a monster hug.

I melted. He was warm and soft and I wanted to lay on him forever and just sleep until I died. How can a human being be this comfortable? It doesn't seem possible. He rested his chin on the top of my head while I tucked my face into his neck. Slowly, my shaking ceased and the weight on my chest eased itself away. He was rubbing small circles into my back and I wanted to cry all over again, but with joy this time. I never thought I could crave human contact so much in my life. I was feeling things I didn't even know existed.

I stayed in his arms for longer than necessary, but he didn't seem to care. He told James to call an Uber and that he'd take me back home, if that was okay with me. I nodded against him. Of all the people in the world, Tom Cassell would be my number one pick to take me home.

The drive back to my apartment was slow, and I stayed huddled into Toms chest for the duration of the ride. The Uber guy was nice though, and when Tom explained that I was feeling a little sick, he took the street with the least amount of pot holes in it. I was thankful for that. I was also thankful of the man who was allowing me to leech onto him without complaint. Very thankful.

He helped me up to my apartment, he opened my door for me, he even put me to bed and tucked me in, like actually tucked me in. I hadn't had that done to me since I was at least seven. It felt so nice to be cared for and treated so special. I hadn't felt this spoiled in a long time.

"Alright. Um. If everything's good, I think I'll head on back and see if they caught that guy. You good? Because uh...I can stay for a little longer if you want. Completely up to you."

I was glad I could finally speak again, so I could fully explain why I didn't want to keep him away from his life any longer than required. "I-I think I'll be okay, I don't really wanna keep you any longer. Thank you so much."

"You sure? I mean, I'm not really doing anything. I could stay a bit longer if you need me."

"N-No, I don't wanna waste your time-"

"It's no sweat!"

"You're sure?" No, don't be selfish. He has to go back to his life. He's spent enough time on you already.

But he seemed ecstatic about the chance to spend time with me, which really confused me. I didn't think myself an interesting person. I was kind of a mess. Why would anyone wanna hang out with a mess, or get excited about hanging out with a mess?

"Positive!" He beamed excitedly. "But I'm gonna need to know where your snacks are before I stay any longer."

I laughed so hard I snorted. And then Tom was laughing and snorting at me because I snorted. And then we were both laughing uncontrollably over the pig-like snorts streaming out of our mouths.

We watched a movie in my bedroom. I insisted he sit on the bed, since the floor looked so uncomfortable. At first he declined but a good ten minutes into the movie, he slowly maneuvered his way onto the opposite end of the bed and stayed there, almost cuddling my feet by the way he was laying. And midway through the movie he started shifting again, until he was right beside me, his arm touching mine in a way that made my stomach flutter beautifully. I shifted a little too, until I was resting my head on his chest and he was holding me.

We fell asleep on each other. And when I woke up he was still holding me, almost cradling me, and I'd never woken up so wonderfully before in my whole life.

Who knew something this good could come out of nearly getting murdered?

~~~

My kidneys and my bladder and everything else below my stomach are HAVING A WAR AGAINST EACH OTHER AND IT IS BLOODY

So I couldn't sleep last night because of World War III in my tum, and I wrote this because of an Au I saw while scrolling through the internets :3 I might stay up and write some more because I saw some pretty good ones, sooo maybe expect some more one shots soon?

Oki I gotta go and force water down my throat so my kidneys will chill out so byeeeeee lovely people <3

- Lee