Chapter 11
Sometimes I would

Calix's POV

My mind is on cloud nine. I still couldn't believe that I found someone who's willing to understand me. I'm not a people pleaser pero when it comes to him, i begged.

Ang tagal na nung may nangyari sa amin. Nung una di ko pa alam paano iyon gawin pero I searched how on gay websites so the night that he came by, I know alam kong may mangyayari sa amin kaya hinanda ko ang aking sarili and I did. It was fantastic!

Kung di niyo nalalaman, minsanan lang akong galawin ng girlfriend ko dahil apaka busy nito sa pagbili ng mga designer bags at pagpa-party. I just rolled my eyes of the thought of her partying with some foreigners.

Modelo si Natasha, of course it's in her nature to socialize but sometimes it took us in big commotions and arguments. Never kong minahal si Natasha, I'm doing this for the company pero di ko rin maiwasan ang magselos. Kahit pa wala talaga akong nararamdaman ay kabaliktaran ang pagtingin niya sa akin.

All the time na pag nagkikita kami. She is so sweet and innocent. Very possessive at obsessed siya sa akin, ayaw niyang may kausap akong babae o kahit na sinong sa tingin niya ay aagaw sa akin. I got tired of it and felt suffocating of her controlling ways. Kapag siya, hinahayaan ko kahit na parang tinatapakan niya ang pagkatao ko but when it comes to her she always insists her dominance over me and I have no choice but to submit.

A memory flashed through my eyes. An event I wish I never had experienced.

"You're marrying Natasha after your ate goes to abroad." Mom strictly said. She on the other line.

"But mom! This is absurd, diba masyadong maaga para maipakasal ako?" Tutol ko. Narinig ko ang malakas na pagbuntong hininga ni Papa. Sa palagay ko magkasama sila ni mama ngayon.

"She and her father insisted. Besides, you'll still continue college."  Pagpupumilit ni mama. I clenched my fist on the ground at napatingala sa puno ng mangga. The starry night contradicts my optimism right now.

"I've been trying to...like her, but mom I don't think I'll ever will. She's too much of a woman." Rason ko. Underneath my mind is a guilty conscience who's been struggling to withdraw the truth. To put it all in general, I think I was just pressured to like her.

"Son, your ate chose us over her lesbian lover and chose her career above all else, even in love. She did that because she doesn't want to disappoint us. I hope you do the same."

My tears starts accumulate. I can't with her. She's too overruling. Why can't I choose for myself. If ate is a goody to shoes of a person then I'm not. I refuse to be dictated by what I want to be and by whom I want to love. Can't I explore my puberty without my parents eyeing my mistakes and just embrace me for who I am? Is that too hard to ask?

"Mom, I don't think this is gonna work?" The truth needed to be said.

"Nonsense, I had survived our dad's marriage because I taught myself how to love him, for sure you will too."

"What If I don't?" My voice starts to crack. Bakit pakiramdam ko she's selling me? Like I was some dog or pet that could easily be discarded. To be honest, I'm just a pawn in my mother's game of chess.

"She is the perfect wife for you," Dagdag pa ni mama. "...you'll be tieing knots wether you like it or not." She puts down the phone and all was heard from the other line was a long toot indicating that the call ended.

I hate her.

I hate them.

Why do they always make me feel this way? Lagi nila akong pinagkakaisahan. Everytime I had my own shared opinions they always rejects my ideas and refuse to let me cooperate. Ang tanging cooperation na gusto nila from me is ang sumunod sa lahat ng guso nila.

I can feel my eyes starts to sting as tears breaks loose, racing down to my cheeks.

The wind softly caresses my hair as the leaves of the mango tree falls down. Napalingon ako sa stadium kung saan may malakng event na ginaganap and Jayjay is one of the contestants.

I heard large footsteps from a far and there I saw, him.

Agad akong nagpunas ng luha pero di parin maawat ang pagluha ko. Lumalakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko. I need to hide my face. Yumuko ako and tried to compose myself but failed. Humihikbi na ako ngayon.

A soft tap was felt right above my shoulders at dahan-dahan akong tumingala para harapin siya. Fuck, ang luha ko makikita na niyang umiyak ako.

"C-Claude?" Banggit ko sa pangalan niya.

"C-Calix?"

***

LUMALAKAS ang buhos ng ulan. I was in the middle of riding my car when I saw Gretchen at some alley near BGC. Gretchen was ate'd ex before that forced them to end their relationship. My family are a firm believer of homosexuality being a disgrace to the tru nature of humans. Despite their riches, one thing they surely couldn't afford was an open mind. Sayang because ate never really dated anyone after ate Gretchen. I think she was ate's one true love back then before she pursued med school.

I stopped by just to check on her. She's struggling to open her umbrella and she's already soaking wet.

"Gretchen! Want a lift?" I blurted which immediately caught her attention. She smiled after seeing me.

"Cal, long time no see! Sure, if you don't mind your interiors getting wet?" Umiling ako and unlocked the door near the passenger seat. She gladly opened the door and make her self in. "So, how's life going on with your sister? Is she doing okay?"

"Yeah, she's been here for a while. Babalik rin siya sa States before going to France. Her life lately was quite hectic and loaded. Kamustahin mo rin siya while she is still here."

"That wouldn't be a good idea," kumunot ang noo ko. "Your parents are quite controlling as far as I'm concerned, I don't want your sister to be the one who gets blamed for the aftermath."

"You really loved her do you?" I asked but I already know the answer. Ate is not that all bad, yes she would rubbed into my face all of her achievements and she loves it when my parents compare me to her but out of all those faces she's been flaunting this part of her was much more real and grounded. After knowing her past with ate Gretchen, I knew ate was much more than just a pain in the ass. She loved Gretchen the same way I liked Claude.

"More than you could've imagine, Cal. If only your parents could see that." Malumanay nitong sagot.

"Yeah, if only they could see that," i let a loud sigh before turning my focus on the road. "So, where are you heading?"

"To my law firm,"

"Wow, may law firm kana ate?" I was amazed. How fast everything had changed.

"Yes, been ruling it for almost two years na. It's just across this street. Anyways, thanks for stopping by, it's nice chatting with you." Abot langit na ngiti nito. I smiled back. Her wolf cut hair really brings this angsty side of hers. I like it. I kinda miss her though. I wish ate could meet her.

"Hey, if you had sometime, we could hang?" Presenta ko. She just smiled and nodded. "Coffee dates or even ask ate to---"

"No need to disturb your sister, I've been also seeing someone else." She plainly said.

"Ow, I see."

"Anyways, take my regards to her."

"I'll try."

"So, how's our life going on? How's your girlfriend, Natasha, wasn't it?" Tanong nito. I bit my lower lip as I replay the words 'girlfriend' in my head. Ugh! I'm not buying the hole dating thing. It makes me sick to lie about it.

"Ugh, she's fine...I guess."

"Observing from the tone, I think it has been rough between you two," well she guessed it. Speaking of, we haven't talked either after her last trip to Thailand, the time that I took her home. "Pakulo ba 'to ng parents mo?"

"..." I remained silent.

"Well, your eyers say so," mahina nitong sambit. "Look, I'm not here to meddle with your life, but, if there's something up and you need someone to talk to, try to talk to me okay?" Malambing nitong sabi. I parked the car near her firm and dropped her off.

"See you soon, Gretch!"

"Yeah! you too, bud." She waved her hand goodbye before I drove off away from BGC. My heart felt lonely the second we parted. Gretchen really is something and I'm glad she was ate's ex. I've had the opportunity to meet genuine people other than Claude. Nakakataba sa puso.

***

BIRDS chirping around the school yard. Its been sunny after that one awful week. I'm sitting next to Claude here on one of the tables, he's been busy writing for the Journalism Club. While I finished mine earlier. I really don't like writing news or articles, but when I'm around Claude. I've got a lot of things I needed to say.

Like,

"You look good by the way." I broke of the silence. He looked at me, surprised.

"A-ako? Look good? Pfft. Bolero." Claude.

"No, I'm not kidding. You really look good. Your hoodie really matches with you thick long hair." I rarely compliment someone with their features, and now, I'm staring at the most beautiful person I had met in my life.

"H'wag mo nga akong ma-loko,"

"You still wouldn't believe me?" Maamo kong tanong. "Well then, I'll make you believe later." I whispered. Insinuating something naughty that made his eyes opened in shock. His ear and cheeks all flustered and his lips thins.

"Eh? Kadiri mo!" He just shrugged and went back to writing. I came closer to him to rest my face next to his shoulder. My ear burried to her back, I could almost hear him breathing in such a fast pace.

"A-ayaw mo ba 'yon, we could have another session? That steamy session?" I teased that made him even red-der than before. He gulped and focused back into writing his article. He is near to the finish line when a familiar figure came at our table. Claude immediately push me off away from his shoulder.

"Jerald?" Nakangiting bati ni Claude sa kaniya. Bigla naman akong nag-init at tipong nagseselos sa kausap nito. I glanced at Jerald who is smiling back at Claude and then stared at me for a bit before glancing back to him.

"Ahh, I see, you're tutoring my friend?" Tumango si Claude kahit na hindi naman talaga niya ako tinuturuan. "Am I bothering you? Gusto sana kita imbitahin na kumain sa labas mamaya?" Aya nito. Claude shifted his head to face me, his face asking for approval to my friends request.

"No, he isn't available at the moment, nor he will ever be to anyone. He is mine and mine alone." My voice boldens and my stares sharpens. Sa tulis ng mga tinginan namin I could cut his annoying hair.

"Sungit naman neto," Jerald smirks. "By the way, you can come later bud, kasama ko si Chelsea. He's been fangirling over my best friend." Patawa niyang sambit sa akin.

Her sister, Chelsea has a crush on me. Makailang ulit nang ni-re-reto ni Jayjay sa akin ang kapatid nito but I'm not interested in dating noon so I turned her down, never thought her feelings would stay the same.

My boy here, Jerald, kahit I'm so antisocial and very reserved. He and my cousin always tries to make my life a little more fun. I am thankful for their existence and I may continue to deny their support. My heart is full of warmth and appreciation for their utmost efforts in accompanying me. At first I thought mga bayaran sila ni mama, but it turns out that they're genuine.

Ngayon, naiirita ako sa kaniya. After I knew about Claude's feeling for Jerald. Di ko maiwasang mairita sa mukha nito. Di niya alam na grabe ang epekto niya sa akin at sa relasyon namin ni Claude. He should back off, pero nagpipigil ako. Ayaw kong pangunahan ang lahat lalo na't tago pa ang pagsasama namin ni Claude.

"Not interested." I plainly replied.

"Okay, suite yourself," He shrugged his shoulder. "Still, I'm borrowing your tutor to come with me later for dinner. Not asking for your permission." He smiled. Teasing me. Napaigting ang aking panga out of rage. I'm gonna punch his face soon.

"Uh...pag-iisipan ko." Claude replied.

"See! He is not interested!" I intervened. Claude cleared his throat and gave me a slight push to signal me I was wrong.

"Ang sabi ko, pag-iisipan ko muna," nakapanaas kilay nitong pag-ulit. Mas lalo akong nainis nung nginitian niya pabalik si Jerald. "I'll chat you later." He smiled at him while his palm resting beneath his face, daydreaming at the sight of his crush.

"Oh, okay, cool. I'll see you later, then?"

"We'll see. Well see, Jerald." Claude smiled. Jerald bid good-bye to him before leaving us for good. My mood then switches to Claude who's now finishing his essay.

"What was that?" Are you cheating in front of me?" Di makapaniwalang anas ko. He chuckled and that chuckling turned into laughter. Napahawak siya sa kaniyang tiyan habang di magkandamayaw sa pagtawa.

"Do you really think jowa mo ako?"

"Well, yeah, we made out last week?"

"Pshh!! Hinaan mo nga bosed mo." He shushed me.

"Isn't that enough basis?"

"Wha--sex is not enough basis, Calix." Ano bang sa tingin mo? Sex is the foundation of a relationship?"

"Hindi ba?"

"Hays, If you want me that badly, ligawan mo ako. Panindigan mo ako gaya ng ginagawa nila sa mga babae. I would not settle my heart to some one night stand? If you want us to stay grounded, then one must commit to one another for this to work," his eyes were full of unspoken intentions na hindi ko pa gaano maintindihan but what I can tell is he is intimate about it. "If you love me, then...Calix Levarde, court me like what a gentleman would do to win someone's heart." He left me breathless.

I never courted anyone in my life. Natasha and I never really courted. It was just presented here and then. How am I going to do that If wala pa akong experience.

Fuck, is this what love is truly all about? Then I must be a better man para di niya ako iwan.

I think in love, sometimes we would do things that requires strength and commitment. For our case, Claude needs assurance, he needs a grounded relationship that he can freely says his own.

Sometimes, you would do anything for them not because you're waiting for anything in return. Rather, you'll do everything for them because you care for them without having anything in return.

Ako? What am I willing to do to win him?

"Sometimes...I would..." My mind went blank. I really don't know where to start.

I need to make Claude fall for me.

INKMAGINE ✒️

Among all the chapters, eto ang pinaka fave ko. Ano ba talagang kaya mong gawin sa taong mahal mo?

Anyways, we've just reached 213 reads and counting! Help me reach 300 reads! And don't forget to leave a like also after reading. It would mean so much to me, thankiess!

PADAYON!