HERE I am walking down the aisle with my father, in a wheelchair. I can't feel anything, and I am not supposed to.

I am simply fulfilling my duties as the heir of Mazariego, there's nothing to be happy about nor to celebrate.

"I'm gonna love you forever, Forever and ever, Amen."

How funny to say that we're gonna love each other when I don't feel an ounce of love or care. Hell, we didn't even know the basics about each other.

"If you wonder how long I'll be faithful."

There is no such thing. Even couples who married each other looking so in love still crumble.

"Take care of my daughter, Kaia. You know how important she is to me. I treasure my daughter but well, maybe I can't do that in my state anymore, so please, be careful with my princess. Lavelle, I'm sorry but please be happy." my father said, smiling, Kaia just hugged my father while I smiled before the nurse pull him.

I nodded in respect and Kaia then hold my hand. I was trying so hard to stay focused and sharp, but my anxiety is slowly eating me.

I need to do this. Pagpapalakas ko sa loob nang hawakan ni Kaia ang kamay ko patungong altar. Isa ito sa sinumpaan ko noon pa man, ngayong narito na ako hindi ko ito pwedeng talikuran.

"Calm down," Kaia whispered when he noticed my trembling hands.

"I am calm," I respond but more like I was trying to convince myself that I am calm.

"In the presence of your family and friends and with the power vested in me, Lavelle Mazariego do you take Kaia Fraire as your husband?"

I sighed and answered, "I do."

"Kaia Fraire, do you take Lavelle Mazariego as your wife?"

With a soft smile, Kaia answered the same. "I do."

"You may now exchange your vows and rings."

"I, Lavelle Mazariego and soon-to-be Fraire am willing to be with Kaia Fraire, I am honored to be your spouse. I am willing to do all the responsibilities I have starting from this day. I promise to treat you with respect, fidelity, and loyalty from this day onward. I am willing to be with you, in sickness and in health, rich or poorer. I am willing to be by your side, till death parts us." I said with no emotion visible as I slid the ring on his finger.

"I, Kaia Fraire, am honored to be your spouse. I am willing and I vow to stay by your side and be faithful. I vow to make you happy while I am here. With this ring, I vow my fidelity and respect and outmost sincerity and loyalty. I vow to be with you, in sickness and in health, rich o poorer. I am willing to be by your side, till death parts us."

"With the power vested in me, I now announce you husband and wife. You may live with strong love and respect. You may now kiss the bride."

It's fine. This is part of my duty. I said in my mind.

I am afraid that Kaia would kiss me really. Wala naman akong magagawa. As he gets closer to me, I just closed my eyes while hoping and calming myself.

"Can I?" my eyes opened when he asked. I am relieved.

Even though scared and anxious I nodded. The important thing is he asked. He is not like other men. So, calm down Lavelle.

He kissed me. On my forehead.

This moment one thing crossed my mind. Maybe he does know me and I'm the one who doesn't.

"Thank you for that, Kaia," I said softly, he just smiled at me and bow a little.

THE reception ended early and so we are now on our private plane. Our way to the Maldives was comfortable.

I am just minding my own business. While he was feeding me some strawberries, oranges, and grapes. We would also talk if he asked me something, just like now.

"What's your favorite thing to do?"

"To do? like a hobby?" I inquired and when he nodded, I answered. "To paint I guess?"

"You're not sure? I attended your recent exhibit."

I nodded and he fed me.

"Before I am sure but now, I don't know anymore. You attended? What do you think about it?" I asked again. Kahit na ayoko na masyado magpinta ay kailangan ko pa ring makuha ang feedback ng mga nakakita ng exhibit.

"Well, I could say that they are alive. Disturbing, dark, and deep. Unsettle. If you connect all the artwork, it was like, seeking help. It was waiting for someone to come to finally open and light the way. He was waiting for someone to save him. It was a wonderful painting, it was realistic." he said like he was still looking at the painting.

"Thank you for that, you actually know the meaning behind it. Thank you for understanding." I sincerely said then smile genuinely.

I hope that you'll get to know me that deeply just like my painting.

"Are you tired? You can sleep first I'll set up your bed." tumango lang ako ro'n at hindi na nagsalita pa.

DARK room again. I'm tired of this. I wanted to run, to hide, to scream, to . . . end this.

I can't move my body. There I saw myself again being the helpless girl.

A girl seeking help and yet it has never been heard until now. A girl who was left, bleeding, yet still wants to fight. A girl who slowly loses her belief that she'll be able to get out.

A girl who sits in the corner and finds comfort in the dark. A girl who was terrified at first but got used to it.

A girl who got tired because of many reasons and questions she was waiting to be answered but left unattended.

I stood up the moment I woke up and washed my face. This is just tiring. I can't even move at my pace because Kaia is there, and I don't want to scare him away.

"Lavelle, you fine?"

"Yeah, wait a sec."

Kaia was the one I saw the moment I came out. He's waiting for me.

"Let's eat, you slept for five hours, only three hours left, and we'll be there," he said then covered me with the comforter.

I smiled at that.

"Can I feed you? You seem cold." puna nito at pagpapaalam na ikinatango ko na lang.

It's cold really o baka hindi lang talaga ako sanay sa byahe it's been years since the last time I rode a plane for hours.

He was feeding me throughout kaya ang kamay ko na kanina ay nilalamig ay nagkaroon ng init dahil sa pagkakatago sa comforter kasabay nito ang unti-unting pagkalma ng loob ko.

We just talked about business sa buong byahe nakatulog pa ako ulit pagtapos naming mag-usap. Overall, he's really a Fraire.

Tatak Fraire.

I hope we can enjoy our time in the Maldives. I really want to make this marriage work. I want us to stay because marriage is sacred.

Even though we are in an arranged marriage I still want to keep the fidelity, loyalty, and trust that build a strong foundation of any other relationship. I want us to last. I want us to bring honor to our marriage, it should always be like this.

I want to believe that even marriage without love can work out. With that thought in mind, I smiled softly and hoped for the better.

CLAIREJXSM | 🍁🍁🍁