IT'S BEEN two months since Firth started courting me officially and he would constantly surprise me if he does have time or even at the airport. He would give me just flowers. I like it. I like how the butterflies would appear on my stomach when he's near or when he makes me special. I like it when my heart beats fast and loud every time he makes some advances.

"How are you?" 'yan lagi ang tanong niya tuwing mag-uusap kami pero ngayon ko lang gustong umiyak sa harapan niya. I don't even know why!

"Okay lang hindi na tayo madalas nag kikita dahil sa schedule natin pero okay naman. I wish that you're here though,"

"Someones's clingy . . ." pang-aasar nito pero sumeryoso rin kalaunan. "But that's not it I know somethings wrong, what is it?" hindi ako nag salita.

"Feel free to say it, but if you're having trouble, that's okay, take your time." he then smiled reassuringly at me. I stared at him for several minutes, but he only peeked at me sometimes since he was eating.

"Uhm, I am not sure, and you know it's a family matter and maybe you'll get uncomfortable."

"Love, Kairi, that's not the point. The question is, do you feel safe discussing it with me? If you don't, I will wait until you are ready to share it. Just keep in mind that I'll always be here to listen, and if you need advice or to cheer you up, I'll be here."

That was not something I expected him to say! I expected him to be uninterested—I mean, we speak about it all the time—but I didn't expect him to be this way about certain things. All I could hear was his sincerity toward me.

"Kai, love?" malambing na tawag niya na nakapagpabalik sa akin.

"I'll discuss it, but I believe it's sort of difficult," I explained, knowing that I am not used to talking about my worries. "Y-you know, um . . . I was under pressure from my father, and I was convinced that everything I did was bad. I'm at a loss for what to do."

I was avoiding the matter since I am not used to addressing my problems, but I know I need to get this out or it will become worse.

"You know I've been doing this and that so he, they won't be dissatisfied. I am not very successful at my job these days, I frequently use my privilege as the niece to get my uncle, Tito Art, to give me a break from work, kahit maliit na bagay lang naman 'yong gagawin ko ay natatakot ako. I'm afraid that they will see me failing, falling. Pakiramdam ko lahat ng tao inaantay lang ang pag bagsak ko. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I'm terrified. My siblings, they're succeeding, and I'm a failure; I don't think I'll ever be as good as them. I'm not sure. I can't live up to their expectations! I'll never be like them!" I'm shaking and breathing quickly as I share those with Firth, and I'm sobbing.

He appeared to be aware. "Hey . . . hey . . . look at me, Kairi. Please look at me. Okay, take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. Repeat it," he was worried about me, but I got up and went to my pouch, where I kept my pills.

"God! Look at me, Kai, okay? I'll make a call for you-"

To retain my sanity, I'm describing things like what I see, hear, and so on, but my eyesight is clouded. "Firth, I'm becoming sleepy."

I WOKE sluggishly, so I grabbed for the water first, followed by a quick glance around my hotel room. People are there in my room. "Captain Ibáñez is already awake!"

Two people came to me immediately and checked up on me, but I felt more and more anxious about them. I started trembling again and I don't know why. "P-please leave. L-eave now." I begged. I don't want them around me.

I felt suffocated around people. I don't think they care for me they are just here to see me nit being well.

"But we need to check up on you."

"I don't need it! I am perfectly fine! I am okay. I can handle myself just fine!" I screamed my lungs out making them stunned at my sudden outburst kaya kahit labag sa loob ay lumabas sila ng kwarto ko.

Text ni Firth ang sumalubong pag gising ko.

From Firth:

Love, Kairi, I am sorry for not being able to wait for you to wake up. I really need to go to the airport I still have a flight. Don't worry I send our doctor there in Australia I told them to check up on you when you wake up.

It's all right, Kairi. You still have yourself. I muttered to myself as I wrapped myself in the blanket. My phone rang, I figured it was Firth, but it was my Tito Art. I straightened up and cleared my throat first.

"Tito Art! It's a good thing you called, because did you know that here in Australia-"

"Kairi, stop. Just this one, please be true." My uncle's voice is filled with fear, wrath, disappointment, and regret, and my tears watered again. "That jerk," he murmured.

"I apologize, tito. I apologize for my inability to be competent. You wouldn't be proud of me as a niece or daughter. I genuinely regret disappointing you all. P-Please inform Dad that I will do all necessary to make him proud of me. Please. Please, Tito. Tell him I'll do my best." I was aware that my voice was weak. I wanted to be heard kahit isang tao lang ang makinig sa lahat ng hindi ko masabi.

"Shhh . . . Kairi calm down, okay? It'll be okay ."

"How can I be good, tito? How am I going to be the best? How will I make my father proud? How can I compete with Kuya Ace and Ciana without losing?" I was sobbing and desperate over the phone, but I didn't care. All I had to do was outperform them, to be the greatest, and my father would be pleased.

"Kairi, may I make a video call to you right now?" Tito Art's voice trembled, but he managed to keep it firm.

"Y-yes, but first, tito, tell me what I should do to be the best," I asked, still shaking from my sobs.

"We'll get there, but first, let me videocall you," he said, he was also the one who ended the call and video-called me. He was in his office, dressed to the nines in his specs and suit. Halata sa mukha ang pagod at pag-aalala.

"Tito about my question earlier can you answer it like right now."

"No, Kairi. Enough with that." Now tito's voice holds authority. "Look, Kairi, I know how stressful that was, and you may be exhausted right now, but look at me, you are already enough. Okay, you're already the greatest."

"No! That is not true! Please stop putting those words into my mind! Can you not see me? I'm a freaking disappointment! I'm a catastrophe! I'm nothing without you; I couldn't be a pilot if I didn't have a tito who owns the airline with which I work! In comparison to my brother and sister, I am nothing."

"Kairi! Look at me! You did all of it with no help from me! You go through the flying school procedure on your own. Being on our family's airline is not your fault! That is your accomplishment. I didn't do anything, and I didn't control it since it would be unfair to others, so you, being one of our finest assets, were all your hard work, not mine."

"No . . . no . . ." I murmured, covering my ears, terrified to hear what Tito Art was saying. "I-I need medicines. I need them." Nanginginig na ani ko.

Kumuha ako ng limang piraso no'n sa bote na pinaglalagyan nito at ininom 'yon nang sabay-sabay at ng hindi makuntento ay kumuha pa ulit ako. "My God! Stop taking those medicines, Kairi! That isn't candy! Kairi!" Tito Art shouted he was frightened as well when dialing on his other phone. "F*ck stop, Kairi! Stop taking those medicines!"

"Oh God, ano bang gagawin ko! Firth was still on the flight and can't pick up the phone. Right the crew!" tito exclaimed. "Send tons of doctors to Captain Ibáñez's room now! Wala akong pake kung sino basta doktor. 'Yong pinadala ni Firth? Let them in on my niece's room. Just . . . just please humingi kayo ng key card sa reception." He then ended that call and started dialing another number again.

"Tang*na! Ayaw sumagot. F*cking answer the phone! Assh*le." He muttered another curse after another I was supposed to be afraid because of his range but my mind was just too clouded to care.

I was still crying and begging them desperately to give back the pills but then I started to feel drowsy again.

WHEN I woke up the ceiling of my hotel room was the first thing I saw. Doctors were gone wala na rin ang ingay sa kwarto ko. Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at hinanap agad ang cellphone ko. Nakita ko naman ito na naka charge na pero ang video call namin ni Tito Art ay nakabukas pa rin. Wala siya ngayon sa frame. Madaling araw na rin at mamaya lang ay babalik na kami patungong Manila kaya inayos ko muna ang mga gamit ko.

I felt okay and relieved now, hindi gaya kanina na halos hindi ako makahinga at ang utak ay sarado sa mga bagay.

Inihanda ko ang susuotin ko mamaya para hindi ako magahol kung sakali. Naligo na rin ako dahil bababa ako para kumain dahil hindi pa ako kumakain at kumakalam na rin ang tiyan ko.

"Kairi?" Tito Art's voice was heard when I was supposed to go down.

"Tito, uh . . . I'm sorry about what happened," I said guiltily. I made him worry.

"Kairi tapatin mo nga ako, kailan pa 'to?" ang seryoso at baritong boses nito ang nangibabaw may hawak pa itong black folder.

"You don't need to know it Tito just happened na masyado na ata akong madaming iniisip kaya ganon 'yong reaction ko kanina. Don't mind it." I said nonchalantly kahit ang totoo ay kumakalabog na naman ng mabilis ang dibdib ko dahil sa kaba na baka sabihin ni Tito Art kina dad ang nangyari kanina.

"Kairi this is a serious matter! God! Are you seeing a doctor? Check-ups?" he asked still panicking.

"Y-yes, during my day off or kapag wala akong pasok minsan I would visit doctors over the countries I've been to."

"Kairi why don't you take a break from work muna?" sabi nito na ikinabigla ko. "Kairi, grasp the issue; your health is not just physical health; don't leave it behind because you don't want to disappoint your father; Kuya Asrani was always like that, being a nasty guy in public but crawling and scratching when he was alone."

"Kahit pa tito ayoko mag lagi sa bahay I wanted to work." pagpupumilit ko pa.

"No is no Kairi. Before your ang flight to Manila Captain Firth Andrade will arrive. I sent him simula noong mag message siya sa akin I was so worried about you, so I decided that luckily, we have a pilot who's on break and agree to take over Firth's Flight. Now, pack your things, fix yourself, and eat. You rest after, you need it.

"Another one, you'll take a three-month break. Accept it. Like Firth, would be on leave for three months. He will accompany you; you need someone by your side, and I am unable to be with you, so I'll cover your expenditures; just let me know when and where you're traveling." aalma pa sana ako sa desisyon ni Tito Art pero nag paalam na ito at ibinaba ang tawag.

NAKARATING na kami rito sa Manila pero si Firth ay wala pa ring imik. Tinanong niya lang ako kung ayos na ako tapos ay hindi niya na ako kinausap pa. He's being distant but his body speaks different. He was gentle and still helps me to a lot of things.

Kahit kanina noong kinakausap kami ni Tito Art ay ganito ang gawa niya. When we returned home, the helpers and Kuya Ace, who was supposed to enter the house, greeted us.

"Who is this man Kairi?" Kuya Ace was probably puzzled because this was the first time I went home with a guy.

"Kuya, he's Firth Andrade, um, co-captain," I spoke, but kuya's eagle eye quickly saw Firth, who was now standing solidly beside me not to mention Firth was holding my waist for support.

"Yeah, co-captain, the co-worker that's my sideline for now but I'm her lover full-time."

CLAIREJXSM | 🍁🍁🍁