Chapter Nine: Hospitality

I FROZE the moment our lips touched. Like how one flick of a switch could turn everything down, my thoughts and my ability to move were instantly buried seven feet to the ground. Her eyes are gently shut, and the distance she had swiftly closed allowed me to see her long eyelashes to a degree. It was merely a collision, not a passionate kiss, yet I can't deny that my chest keeps heaving up and down laboriously. It's almost like déjà vu is not enough word to describe the familiarity my body feels with her.

I wondered what would fit or what I should think until this moment faded. However, the idea only sheds light on a memory I have thrown on the darkest part of my mind.

The memory when I answered Alexandria's question as to why the judge of the greatest council ever known to the Underground had stupidly chosen to fall in love with his brother's wife.

"Sean."

Hindi nagtagal ang mga labi ko sa kaniya. Hindi rin nagtagal ang pagkakapikit ko at lalong hindi ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na masaulo ang pakiramdam na mahalikan siya. Sa isang iglap, natagpuan na lang namin ang mga sarili namin na nakatitig sa isa't isa. Parehong may katanungan ang mga titig, ngunit magkaiba ang mensaheng kinikipkip.

We didn't dare voice those questions. Nonetheless, the way she pushed me the second I pursued her lips was enough testament that she would never mistake anyone for the Vantress who truly owned the key to her heart. And as much as I try to be, I would never be that Vantress.

Just how hardheaded am I to not fully understand that?!

In shame, I lowered my head. "I'm sorry. I crossed the line," I admitted.

Walang salita ang sumalubong sa paumanhin ko. Tanging ang malakas na pagbali ng kahoy sa pugon ang dumaig sa katahimikang bumabalot sa silid. Katahimikang batid kong mensahe na ring maituturing.

I scoffed as another splash of dejection was poured on me, soaking me with disgust for myself from my head down to my smallest toe. "I know I shouldn't have done that—"

"Yes, you should have not." Alex was quick to second my statement that she didn't let me finish it. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Once again, we looked straight into each other's eyes. She shook her head repeatedly, denying whatever happened. "This is a betrayal against your brother... and my husband."

Sinigurado niyang diinan ang pagkakabanggit sa kung sino si kuya sa kaniya at sa 'kin. 'Di man diretso ang mga kataga, pinahihiwatig niyang tandaan ko ang lugar kung saan ako nararapat. Pinapaalala niyang huwag kong hahamaking iwan ito para sa pwestong may umookupa na.

Sean Kyle Vantress, you idiot.

"I know I owe you a lot, but I cannot lay my heart among the cards as a prize," she said firmly, her hands clasped together as they rested upon her lap. "I am not the only one who can provide the light you seek, Sean. The sun may only be one in the sky, but that doesn't mean it's the only thing that can serve as a source of light."

Agad niyang inilihis ang tingin niya mula sa 'kin. Bagama't hindi siya ang may kasalanan, nasaksihan ko kung paanong lumukot ang mukha niya sa pagsisisi. Pinagmasdan ko kung paanong halos bumaon ang mga kuko sa mga palad niya nang dahil lang sa pagiging makasarili ko. Hindi ko inaakalang ang isang nakaw na halik na hindi man lang tumagal nang higit isang segundo ay magiging bangungot na habangbuhay na dadalaw sa konsensya namin ng babaeng mahal ko.

"I understand." That's all I could mutter. That's all my guts could dare say. How could I even say more when my chest feels like it's being squeezed mercilessly?

In the first place, what I participated in was a journey to turn Alex's utopia into reality, not a losing battle for love and affection.

Huminga ako nang malalim at saka nilunok ang kabuuan ng sagot sa tanong niya. Wala nang silbi ang kasagutan kung magiging pabigat lamang ito sa loob ng tatanggap.

Gathering the remaining strength I had after a clear rejection, I pushed myself up to stand once again. I felt my legs wobble at some point, but my willpower to not make myself look more pathetic than I am now triumphed in the end, fortunately.

"I'll go back to the Council, then," I told her as I tried to shift my eyes to anything except her pitiful figure being swallowed by guilt and embarrassment. I hated how I was the reason why she had shrunk to her seat. I hated how she could no longer look me in the eye when I waited days just to spend an hour with her.

"Be careful on your way," aniya at mas inilayo niya ang tingin niya mula sa 'kin. "Mas hihigpit ang seguridad sa Vantress Mansion matapos ng nangyari kay Valor. Mahihirapan ang mga tauhan mo na magmasid sa bawat hakbang nila."

Hindi nakalagpas sa paningin ko ang pagtakas ng luha mula sa kaliwang mata niya bago niya ibaling maging ang katawan niya sa ibang direksyon. Putangina, hindi ito ang gusto ko. Naikuyom ko ang mga kamao ko sa namumuong galit para sa sarili ko. Hindi ito ang gusto kong maramdaman mo...

"Don't worry," I stopped for a second to gasp for air. The last thing I'd want is to end this conversation with my voice breaking. "We'll be more cautious. The same goes for you. At this time, tiyak kong maghihinala na sila kung buhay ka pa ba talaga o hindi."

Kahit na ba sapat na ang katangahang nagawa ko ngayon para sa isang dekada, I decided to add another one on my list. I waited for her to respond one more time, to hear her voice to console my wounded conscience and pride. But again, the silence was loud enough of an answer. And I am not deaf to continue to believe otherwise.

"If anything, I hope that the prize for my helping you would be to forget whatever mistake I did moments ago." Hindi ko alam kung saan ko nadampot ang apog na makiusap pa pero ayokong madaplisan ng nangyari ang planong patapos na. Ayokong matapos ang nakaw na mga oras ko kasama ka na mabahiran ng pagkakamali ko.

"Forget it and look at me in the eye again next time we see each other..." my voice trailed off, unveiling my every word's intention to beg. "Kahit iyon na lang, ayos na. I will no longer try to acquire something that is beyond my reach. I promise."

This time, I did not wait for an answer and turned my heels to leave the suffocating atmosphere in the room. Kahit na ba halos padabog kong naisara ang pinto, ni hindi ko na ininda 'yon sapagkat wala 'yon kumpara sa hiya at inis ko para sa sarili ko.

When I happen to stumble upon a vacant room, I quickly sheltered myself with its silence and space. Inilapat ko ang likod ko sa kasasaradong pinto at saka iniuntog ang ulo nang ilang beses, nagbabakasakaling mahanap ko rin ang sagot kung bakit panandalian akong sumuko sa emosyon ko.

"Fuck, Sean. Hundreds of lives are at stake in this. Don't mess it up," marahas kong bulong sa sarili habang nakatitig sa mataas na kisame.

"Please don't mess up. Not this one," I pleaded to myself, the strength my legs wielded finally drained. "Don't mess up the one thing only you could do for her and for your family."

"Don't ruin the only purpose your existence has," I repeated the same cries over and over while I sat floor. Over and over until my head gets it. Over and over until my heart can understand that the only it would experience at this period of my life is to witness other people's happiness.

"In the end, you yourself are a pawn, Sean."

The agonizing pain from that time allowed me to snap back to reality, only to be met by a pair of shimmering copper eyes and a soft weight over my lips. My own eyes widened as I realized that the woman I brought home had woken up and did not make any effort to withdraw from the kiss.

Pero bago pa ako makaakto ay marahan na siyang lumayo mula sa 'kin. I wish I could say the same about her gaze, though. She sat opposite to me. Her gaze, much like hers, is neither intimidating nor breathtaking. What made me uncomfortable about it was how natural it felt to be seen by her when I didn't even know who she was. It is astoundingly mundane as if you're simply basking yourself in the warmth of the afternoon sun.

"Still have a thing about staring, huh?" the woman asked, her voice adorning a particular rasp.

Sandali akong napakurap nang ilang beses nang mapagtanto na malawak na itong nakangiti sa 'kin na tila nang-aasar. Napaawang na lang ang bibig ko. "Excuse me???" I exclaimed in disbelief. Hindi ba't siya ang nakatitig sa 'kin kanina pa?!

"I don't know what you're talking about, but kissing someone without consent can be considered sexual harassment, miss," tuloy-tuloy kong depensa sa sarili ko. Ngunit ni isang beses ay hindi napawi ang ngiti sa mga labi ng babae. It's as if her glee has intensified with seeing me all bothered by something trivial like a kiss.

"Hmm..." She leaned back with her two arms supporting her weight. "If that's the case, the jails in foreign countries would be infamous for their number of inmates," she retorted nonchalantly.

"Ma'am?" My mouth was left agape at how she effortlessly brushed my complaint aside. "This land may be one of the worst places to be on Earth, but this is the Philippines, miss."

"And as someone who hailed from the land of France, I beg you consider that kiss as my thank you for saving me and for your generosity in bringing me to your humble abode," the woman eloquently turned the tables to her advantage.

"Are you this much trouble in France?"

"Oh, much worse, good sir. Your country is quite tolerant," she beamed proudly.

With that, I think I have already said all existing curses for this country that I have nothing left anymore.

Naisuklay ko na lang ang kaliwang kamay ko sa buhok ko at nagdesisyong magparaya sa parte kung saan hinalikan niya ko nang walang permiso. "Where did you come from, anyway? Bakit ka palaboy-laboy sa daan? Wala ka ring suot na tsinelas."

The next expression on her face is not one that I expected. Even though she immediately swept it away with a smile, the look of surprise and sadness was there first. "I already told you. I hailed from France," she shrugged and then retracted her arms back to sit straight.

"Gawain ba sa bansa niyo ang maglakad nang walang suot sa paa?" I sarcastically inquired which only earned a silly laugh from her.

"I lost them as I explore the area," she answered when she recovered making fun of my irritation. "Minsan lang ako bumibisita rito. Sadyang naabutan lang ako ng gutom kaya natagpuan mo kong walang malay."

Someone from France? Yeah, sure, why not? Even a foreigner can learn Filipino if they stay here for years. Losing their slippers as they explore the area? Now, that seems suspicious. What could she be doing here for her to lose a basic necessity for a person? Minsanan lang bumibisita? Then why didn't she have a place to stay and eat this late at night?

Tila ba nahinuha ang suspetya ko sa panandalian kong pagtahimik, tumikhim ang dalaga. "They say the strongest suit of your people is being hospitable. Can't you be the bigger person and let things slide for now?"

I blinked for a moment after hearing her request. "You're not denying how suspicious you are." Rather than a question, it's more of a comment. One that appreciates how she does not hide her true colors.

Bumuntong-hininga siya at hinalukipkip ang dalawang braso sa kanyang dibdib. "I know that I am. It's just that I want to return the favor to the man who has also suspiciously appeared in this remote area."

I suddenly tensed. "What do you mean?"

"A good-looking man suddenly appeared in this lonely, isolated area three months ago. Out of nowhere, he has been living in this house with a dog he doesn't seem to remember to own, as well. He befriends the locals yet continues to visit the market once in a while. He would ride a car to go where he desires and adorn the clothing of a man who seems to be on vacation. If that is not equally suspicious to my situation, I don't know what is."

Napalunok ako sa punto per punto niyang paglarawan sa presensya ko sa bayan na 'to. Kahit na sino naman sa mga lokal na naninirahan dito nang matagal na ay tiyak na paghihinalaan din ako kung sisipatin lang din nila nang maayos ang kalagayan ko. Batid ko na kung titingnan sa paningin ng iba, kasuspe-suspetya rin ako. Gayunpaman, what's in it for her to bring this up to my face? What does she want to achieve by telling me that we're basically the same?

"Are you threatening me?" I frowned, my every sense coordinating with the memory of every weapon I incorporated with my ensemble whether I was in the house or not. "I suggest you stop now because it won't end prettily for you."

With the way she laid rough information about me, she's likely been on my tail for weeks. I could deduce more guesses on the extent of how much she knows about me being the suspicious man of the town, but what dreads me is the possibility of her knowing who I am.

"You're hurting me," she sighed as she drew a smile, contradicting her very statement. "Why would I kiss someone I want to threaten?"

"I don't know... Maybe—"

She leaned forward. "Then, I hope that for the second time, you change your mind about that."

Without allowing me to protest or even realize I had a chance to evade, our lips met for the second time. While I was pulled to the past on our first, this second one pulled me closer to the present. A present that is reeking of suspicions, yet even amidst all that, I can't help but give in to the intoxicating scent of our proximity. I was bewitched. It may be the alcohol speaking or the unsparing side of me considering her logic, but it didn't matter anymore. At least, that's what every instinct of mine tells me. Give in, they say, and give in, I did. 

Blurred images ran through my head as our hands crept to each other's skin. They were hazy but offered no dizziness, which they do most of the time. The friction sent tingles all over my body. I thought it'd acknowledge danger, as every mystery like this woman would naturally bear. But it didn't. It acknowledged comfort, to which I do not understand. It recognized her as if I had known her since the first time my blood flowed.

Embracing my own surrender, I opened my mouth, giving the access that she didn't fathom I would give. But the startle only lasted for one second, the same duration of that failure of a kiss I had with Alexandria, and what unfolded thereafter clouded any care for a count.

****

"But if you tame me, then we shall need each other.

To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you,

I shall be unique in all the world."

― The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

A/N: The memory Sean narrated is the one Alex mentioned on her POV on the second epilogue of book 2 (Mhorfell Academy and the Onyx Blood Disease). This epilogue is not in the physical book. The epilogues and other side stories were exclusively on the Wattpad version of the sequel.