Chapter Two: Side Characters' After Party

[Trigger Warning: This chapter contains dialogues of characters expressing their views about death nonchalantly. In case it felt offensive, please be reminded that these characters, especially Clan of Light members, have their own perceptions based on their upbringing and background.]

'PAANO na nga ba 'ko?' Ito pa rin ang tanong na pilit kong pinupunan ng sagot. At alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako ang taong palatanong, bagkus ako ang taga-sagot. Hindi ako 'yong nagkukumahog, bagkus ako yaong madadatnan mo sa dulo— nakasubabay—naghihintay. 'Yon ako pero 'di ko maitatanggi na sana nabigyan ko ng sagot ang sarili ko bago sumilay ang umaga sa araw na 'to.

Perhaps I won't feel as pathetic for not imagining a future for myself.

Today is the day the Queen of Archery will return. Today is our actual ending, and so is the continuation of their happily ever after. Today is also the beginning of my punishment. One that I inflicted on myself not because I'm afraid the Underground won't offer me mercy but because I'm capable of walking down the road of thorns happily and bleeding without being told.

Humigpit ang kapit ko sa kurtinang tumatabing sa malaking bintana. Bagama't tirik na ang araw, hindi ko magawang hawiin ito. Ang pabayaang sumilay ang liwanag sa kuwarto ko ay hudyat na tapos na ang kuwento. At iyon ang tunay kong hindi magawa. Hindi ko magawang pagkatiwalaan ang sarili ko na hindi dadayo ang mga paa ko sa pintuan at magdugtong ng panibagong kabanata.

I can't help but bitterly scoff at the thought. Perhaps if I was raised to be more selfish, I wouldn't find myself here, lost and uncertain of what the future holds.

"Kung pumunta ka lang dito para kaawaan ako, pwes nagsasayang ka lang ng oras mo," payo ko sa nagmamay-ari ng mga mahihinang tapik ng takong mula sa likuran ko. Napapapikit kong hinanda ang sarili na bitawan ang kurtina, dinig kung paanong lumundo ang isang gilid ng kama ko sa pagsalampak ng bisitang hindi imbitado.

"Hindi ba't dapat nasa baba ka rin para magpaalam sa kaniya?" I turned to Polaris, the head of the Clan of Light.

Polaris threw me an unimpressed look as if wondering what the fuss is for. "Back at you, judge. Aren't you the one who's supposed to be there and not me? Kaano-ano ko ba 'yang babaeng 'yan? As far as I am concerned, she was simply a means to an end. I already did more than enough to help her, anyway," she shrugged apathetically.

Not that I'm expecting her to be a Mother Theresa to someone she spent three years with but she's just so indifferent sometimes. "At ngayong ayos na ang Clan of Light ay wala ka nang paggagamitan sa kaniya, tama?" naiiling kong sabi na kalauna'y naging singhal.

"Nah. Clan of Light will never be the same as before. We only helped to put an ending to what we thought would be endless." Though her tone neither faltered nor changed, there was a trace of hopelessness glazed on her words. "We will never be safe. We can never be truly free because we can never control people's fear of the unknown. We never did even before. Mas lalo na ngayon."

Ipinadekwatro niya ang mga binti niya't pinadagan ang kaliwang siko sa mga ito. "Tumulong man kami sa pagresolba ng isyu sa Onyx Council, pangangambahan pa rin ng Underground ang presensya ng isang matandang organisasyon na may kaalaman at kakayahan para bumalik sa rurok ng kapangyarihan. Idagdag mo pa na walang nakaaalam sa presensya namin until Alexandria Vantress happened."

Nahulog ang mga balikat ko sa sinaad niya. Polaris White is never one to spend a second of her time on delusions after living her entire life in fear and isolation. And though I could have teased her for being too serious sometimes, I could never deny the piercing truth behind every word she spouts.

"We can stay isolated, but who knows? We always knew we were a ticking time bomb. The very founders of this Clan knew the risks when they started the silent war against the Council," she smirked as if telling me that she has long accepted her and her clan's fate— that their demise is an inevitable price they pay for standing up against injustice and inhumanity for generations. "Kakaunti na lang kami, Sean. Balang araw, mauubos din kami."

"Don't say that."

"Oh, but you know it just as I do," she shook her head, a bitter smile plastered on her lips. "Nabuo ang Clan of Light para kontrahin ang Onyx Council. Wala na ring natitirang antidote na pwede naming protektahan. We never recovered the original formula of it either. We already lost our purpose the moment the Council did. Before long, we would also disappear like them. Back to ashes. Back to the shadows."

At sa oras nga na dumating 'yon, hindi ko 'yon mapipigilan. Hindi ko sila matutulungan. I had already exhausted all the power I could have on the Underground for my loved ones' futures and dreams. I am happy I succeeded, but at the same time, I can't stop the shame flooding in my bones, for I cannot prevent the tragedy that is about to come to their existence after helping us greatly.

I gulped at the thought of the pending eradication of the old and the past. There's just too much of reality now that 'happily ever after' can no longer hide everything under the rug. With that, I took hold of the velvet curtain again, realizing that maybe, it's not Alex that I'm unwilling to see but the ugly truth waiting for all of us who are not protagonists in her story.

"You didn't tell me we have a scheduled pity party for breakfast today," I jokingly commented before I finally pulled the curtain aside. "I can't deny there's a certain bitterness on its taste."

Polaris chuckled. "'Yon lang ang bagay na masagana tayo so, might as well use it for a party, don't you think?"

"Yeah?" Ibinaba ko ang tingin ko sa kung saan kanina'y nagpapaalamanan sina Alex at mga miyembro ng Clan of Light, hinahanap ang pamilyar na kulay ng buhok na pinagmasdan ko rin nang ilang taon mula sa likuran nito.

"Speaking of parties, why don't we go to one? Sed has found this club in a remote town. It's quite close to the town that you're settling in next week. Should be a nice chance to check out the vicinity of your new home before moving in," she suggested, excitement evident in her tone. I could already imagine how promiscuous she would be later on. After all, her tastes know no gender or restraint. Anyone who'd be willing to rest upon her lap and toys, she would be delighted to keep.

Matapos titigan nang halos isang minuto ang imahe sa labas, nangingiti ko nang tinabingan muli ng kurtina ang bintana. Pagtatabing na maihahantulad sa pagsasara ng librong tapos nang maranasan.

"Sure, why not?" I turned to her through my shoulder, a newfound purpose blazing in my core. "What else could us side characters do now that we have all the time in the world?"

Napangisi naman ang babae, animo'y batid na ang imaheng nadatnan ko ngunit mas namamangha siya sa reaksyon ko rito. "Siyang tunay," pumilitik ito ng dila at inialis ang pagkaka-ekis ng mga binti niya. "We are going to die soon anyway, what harm could one party give to us?" aniya at tumayo na mula sa kama ko.

"I'll pick you up at nine, judge. The ride would take us an hour or two, so you better eat before we go." After laying out some reminders for our little trip later on, her heels soon ramp outside my room, leaving me with nothing but the image I will be seeing from now on.

Sumandal ako sa pader at bumuntong-hininga. Alexandria Cromello is gone.

I thought it'd be difficult— to have someone who became a part of your daily routine suddenly disappear— to have that person's last trace fade for good— to welcome a world she is not a part of. I guess I was mistaken. It might not be that difficult, after all. In the beginning, she's not mine to keep, and she's not here to stay.

She is gone. And surprisingly, far from intoxicated, I rather feel free for the first time in a while.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

IT WAS past eleven when Sed suddenly stepped on our ride's brake, throwing our heads on almost every sturdy part of the car. "We're here, assholes," he announced nonchalantly before multiple streaks of curses erupt within the six-seater car.

"Nakanampucha!" Gavin exclaimed, his tattooed right hand running his hair over roughly. "Gets kong mamamatay din tayong lahat sa huli, pero pwede bang pahingi ng heads up kung it's time na? Hindi naman tayo nagmamadali, ano?"

"Nah, just die. We do not need to be dramatic," the driver shrugged before finally turning the engine off and getting out of the car before any of us does.

Napabuntong-hininga naman si Polaris na mahinahong kinakalas ang pagkakakabit ng seatbelt sa kaniya. "Unahin na kaya natin si Sed?" lukot ang mukhang pag-iinat nito mula sa passenger's seat.

"I agree," sulsol ni Zsazsah na nauurat na binalibag ang pinto pagkalabas.

"Anyare d'on? May toyo na naman?"

"Lumihis 'yung lipstick, anteh," Gavin snorted, even gesturing how the smudge accident happened and how our local kikay's first reaction came to be.

Mangha sa pagkakagaya nito maging sa arte't paghawi ng buhok ay nangingisi ko siyang siniko. "Ikaw ang mauuna kay Sed kapag hindi mo tinantanan si Zsazsah. 'Di ka na nagtanda noong nakaraang nakaratay ka nang halos isang linggo dahil sa lason na hinalo niya sa pagkain mo kakaasar mo sa kaniya, 'no?"

"It's fine! I'm sure she'll appreciate it as me being willing to be her test subject," he chuckled in amusement as he led the others out of the car. Nagkatinginan kami ni Polaris dulot ng asta ng pinsan niya ngunit maging siya ay kibit-balikat na lang sa pagsasawalang bahalang ugali nito.

"It's in our blood," she reasoned while shaking her head.

For a clan that is formed by fighters of good and justice, the members are more or less one big dysfunctional family that happens to be protective and hostile to each other at the same time. They would kill for you, but they'd definitely try to kill you on weekdays and then plan your funeral on weekends. Such an odd display of affection, but at least it's honest.

Maaaring pruweba lang 'yon na mas maaatim pa nilang mamatay sa kamay ng mga mahal nila sa buhay kaysa sa mga taong kahit kailan ay hindi naging parte ng mga buhay nila. Kung ito man o sadyang wala na silang amor mabuhay, sila lang ang nakaaalam at iyon ang hiwaga ng bawat miyembro ng Clan of Light.

"I know it's not exactly a requirement for us, but Sed, did you even have a driver's license that you actually applied for from a legal agency?" Zsazsah inquired as she expertly tap her right cheek with a tissue, most likely removing the smudge Gavin had the honor to witness to appear.

Palarong pinaikot ni Sed ang susi ng sasakyan sa hintuturo niya. "As you've said, it's not a requirement for us, so why would I?" he shrugged, ignoring the boring deadly glare of the red-headed woman by turning his face away from her direction. "You arrived alive, didn't you? That's enough."

Nasundan pa ng mga asaran at sermunan ang naging tugon ni Sed. At habang abala sila roon ay pinagmasdan ko ang kabuuan ng lugar kung saan kami huminto. Though not as enthusiastic as them about partying all night, getting laid, and drinking until their guts and liver explode, I was slightly alarmed when I realized that we basically stopped in the middle of nowhere. There are hardly any road signs and even if there actually is, it's been covered by long tendrils of gloomy willow trees. Our headlights are still on, the dust enjoined to the air visible thanks to them.

And if you're going to ask my horror movie-crazed younger self, this is the perfect setting for a teenagers' road trip-gone-wrong trope. I do hope the setting is not applicable to us who are in our early and mid-30s. "To describe this place as remote is an understatement, Madame White," I commented as my eyes linger from left to right.

"Hindi magiging thrilling ang party kung hindi, judge. Remote is just fine. This place is just right. No one can find us here. It's the side characters' after party, remember? The worst thing that could happen is when the author of our story suddenly decides to kill off our useless roles," pagtatama ni Polaris bago umabot sa pandinig ko ang pagsisimula nila sa pagbagtas ng kung saang daan na pinamumugaran ng kumpol ng mga dahon at sanga. "Don't worry. It's simply a secret passageway thing. Nothing more."

Binawi ko ang paningin ko mula sa kapaligiran at binalingan ang babaeng tila may ibang pinaparating sa kaniyang mga salita. "Kapag ikaw ang nagsasabi niyan, ang hirap na hindi magduda," patungkol ko sa tila nang-aalong boses nito na sumunod lang sa agos ng gabing ito at kalimutan ang kahit anong lohikal. "Is there something that would surprise me at the club? Will I be reported dead somewhere in this forest?"

The Clan's madame raised her brow, a bit confused by the full display of my towering walls against her out of the blue. "What do you mean? We're only here to have fun, judge. Cut yourself some slack," she laughed and cocked her head to the way where others seem to have been swallowed by the dark.

Yeah, right, my guts are telling me the exact opposite. "Of course. A passageway in the middle of nowhere without trail, lights, or a guide is absolutely safe for the most wanted person right now in the Underground. Got it," I reiterated, but she simply stretched her arms out to where others have gone.

Pinaningkitan ng mga mata ko ang daang pinagigitnaan ng dalawang matatangkad na mga puno, ang mga baging nito ang nagsisilbing bintana't takip ng bukana nito. Para bang isang tapak mo lang papasok ay lalamunin ka ng ibang mundo at walang maiiwan sa reyalidad maging iyong anino. Muli kong tiningnan si Polaris na nakaangat ang magkabilang gilid ng mga labi, nakahalukipkip ang mga braso sa dibdib.

"If something happens to you under my watch, Amaluna's firstborn son would have every clan member's head on a spike. I'm not that stupid to die for that reason. I don't particularly like your mother, more so your brother," paninigurado pa nito sa akin nang may pag-irap.

Knowing how much she hated Mom, her given scenario eased the tension building up on my shoulders and heaving chest. As if relieved to have finally calmed a beast down, the madame sighed before she proceeded to scan the surroundings, meticulously confirming if there were any traces of a breathing human being aside from us. When she found no one, it was time for her to unfold her own reality.

Napalunok ako nang unti-unting nagliwanag ang linyang bumabakod sa hugis ng mga mata ni Polaris. Tulad ng kung papaanong binabalot ng buwan ang araw sa tuwing sasapit ang duyog, binalot ng liwanag ang kung ano pa mang kulay na orihinal na naroroon sa mga mata niya. Sandaling pinakiramdaman ito ng babae sa kaniyang pagpikit, banayad na tinatanggap ang dugong naisalin sa kaniya at siya ring dugo na matatapos sa kaniya.

Sa pagmulat niya, natagpuan ko ang sarili na nakatitig sa mga mata ng tila isang lobo. Ito marahil ang dahilan kung bakit kung minsa'y nakakapangduda ang katauhan nina Polaris at iba pa niyang mga kasamahan. Sa harap ng mga mata nilang nagniningning sa kadiliman, sa balat nilang pumuputla sa pagsapit ng karurukan ng buwan, sa mga pangil nilang humaba't tumatalim sa oras na banaag na ang katahimikan, sinuman ay magmumukhang kuneho na perpekto sa kanilang pangangaso.

"It doesn't get old, does it? Hahaha! Now, shall we?" alok nito at marahang pumwesto upang makapaglakad nang nanatiling nakaharap sa 'kin. The woman's smile is mischievous yet genuine. A rare sight, but it suited her as if she were a girl gushing for a surprise she prepared for mommy and daddy.

"If it helps, imagine we're all naïve teenagers who happen to stumble the way toward the infamous Mhorfell Academy. We do not know what's waiting on the other side, only the rumors and news about it being the haven of those who were abandoned and lost." Hindi niya inialis ang titig ng maala-pilak niyang mga mata sa 'kin, tinitiyak na sa bawat hakbang ay papalapit ako sa tila patibong nilang inihanda.

Despite the keen supervision she gives, the mention of the academy didn't fail to hit a certain nerve in me, instantly fanning the flames on it that I made sure to be kept at bay at all times. I scoffed, "You mean the same academy I used as the setting of my and Alexandria's scheme? The same place where graves were dug because of me?"

She frowned. "Let loose, judge. You're not here to save the princess anymore. You're not the sacrificial lamb anymore. You're not the prince charming who chose to be the villain for the greater good anymore," she hummed similarly as to how a siren would lure a young sailor into diving into an endless pit.

And when I'm a step away from the very entrance and she a step over, only her eyes remained visible to my mundane sight, glowing as we delve deeper into the dark.

"Imagine we're the protagonists this time, judge, and we're out for adventure, and for the first time in so long, we live for ourselves and no one else's sake."

***

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry