Chapter Ten: The Other Memory

THE MOMENT I came to, it was already the height of the afternoon. While all the farmers are already reaping what they sowed on their lands and the chatty vendors are working their magic to allure their customers' purses, here I am, still in bed lying on my stomach. I could hardly open my eyes as intense sunlight seeped through the cheap blinders of the room. However, what didn't go unnoticed by my senses was that when my hand reached for the place next to mine looking for a certain someone, it was cold and void.

Agad akong napamulat at napabalikwas mula sa pagkakahiga. Kahit na ba batid ko ang ibig sabihin, wala akong nagawa kundi kapain muli ang espasyo hanggang sa rumehistro sa kokote ko na wala na siya. Naglaho na siya. Parang bula. Parang isang panaginip na kinagisingan ko na. O totoo nga ba siya?

I immediately reached for my head, pondering whether what transpired last night was nothing but a spell a lousy alcohol had conjured. "Fuck... Am I losing it? Seriously? For a single can of beer?" I whispered as I shut my eyes close. "Come on, Sean. Pull yourself together. Try to remember everything." As if it's not yet enough I am also trying to recall the memories before I got here.

'Hindi ba't nasabi mong boring ang ganitong katahimikan?'

I groaned at the echoing argument in my mind. "Fine, it wasn't the alcohol," I admitted. "Then was it true?" Instinctively, I looked at my own self wondering if I was real. It was ridiculous but waking up with only the memory of kissing someone and not finding that someone was haunting my very bones.

Bagama't dala-dala pa rin ng bawat paghinga ang hiya at kilabot ng mga natatandaang nangyari kagabi, namumutawi rin ang kaba na guniguni ko lang ang lahat. I might be acting exaggeratingly over getting laid with a stranger but alas... this small bubble of peace of mine does not eliminate the undeniable truth of who I am outside it.

"Ugh, ang lagkit..." Abang napatigil ako sa pagrereklamo nang mapagnilayan kong wala na kong huhubarin pa para makaramdam ng kaunting lamig. Me being enveloped with only a thin white blanket is enough to hint that last night may have really existed, after all.

"Of course... malagkit," I grimaced. "I didn't get to clean up..."

Binaling ko ang mapanuri kong tingin sa kabuuan ng maliit kong silid. Sa liit nito'y hindi matatanggi ng mga piraso ng kasuotan sa sahig ang inakala kong panaginip. "Yep, no doubts, we really did it."

But where is she? Ito ang bumagabag sa 'kin higit pa sa kahit na ano. Is it because I have to interrogate her? Is it because I felt bewitched and deceived? I don't know. What I know is that I have to see her again and seek the truth that I should've prioritized instead of getting into her pants.

The more I put what happened into words, the more I drown in shame. Jesus Christ.

Sa isip-isip na maaaring nasa loob pa siya ng pamamahay ko ay binalak kong tawagin siya. Subalit, napatid ako ng katotohanang ni pangalan ng babaeng hinayaan kong umakyat sa kama ko, hindi ko alam. "Is this really a one-night stand?" Nagulo ko na lang ang buhok ko lalo sa pagkabalisa. "She didn't just do a cum and run to me, did she?"

Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi ko at saka binurong muli ang ulo sa unan. "Sean Kyle!" I screamed in frustration to myself, realizations that I had not given a single care last night have come to hit me now that I am in the point of no return. "Are you a teenager in heat or what?! Even fuck buddies exchange whatever names they could think of to address each other during the act at least!"

After a few minutes of almost reaping my hair from my scalp, I turned my head with a huff to the space she once laid on. "Why do I feel like this is not the first time we've met?" nanghihina kong tanong at napabuntong-hininga.

Ini-orkestra ko ang kaliwa kong kamay sa espasyo, sinusubukan abutin ang imahe ng mukha niya na tanging ako lang ang nakakakita. Even with her presence gone, I can't shrug that gut feeling that last night was not the first time we laid our sights on each other. And if I'm being so bold, no pun intended, it's almost seemed magical. A twist of fate, if you may.

You must be really bewitched, Sean Kyle Vantress. You're down bad.

I was about to take off the blanket over me when my eyes narrowed to a thin piece of paper sitting on the nightdresser. My veins pumped alive, and my hand immediately stretched to reach for it.

'I'm sorry I can't stay long, sleepyhead. Breakfast's ready downstairs. Don't go out so much for the next few days lest you might actually run over someone next time. —M.'

The whole time I was reading her note, I was holding my breath. And it was only when I sighed out of relief that she had the decency to leave a note that I realized I was. "She has a pretty decent handwriting," I commented. It's lame of me to deny her effect on me while I can easily admit to a crime whether I truthfully did it or not.

But hey, it's not wrong to save a piece of your ass. Glancing back at the note, I sighed. "Breakfast, huh?"

Pagkababa ko sa unang palapag, naabutan ko si Bean na komportableng nakadapa sa couch at tila ba umiidlip nang sumasayaw pa nang kaunti ang buntot. Ni ang langitngit ng bawat baiting sa bawat hakbang ko ay 'di sapat para magising siya. That reminds me...

"Wow, Bean did not go up and wake me?" My eyes narrowed at the unusual discovery. "Should I check if it's raining pigs?" Ever since I woke up in here alone with him, Bean would unfailingly express what he wanted to, and that includes his need for me to wake up to feed him, play with him, and escort him for a walk every morning. And yet he didn't today.

One weird thing came after another. Ang mga pinimili ko kagabi na naiwan sa kotse, maayos at organisa nang nakapostura sa naaayon nitong lalagyan. Ang basura ay masinop na nabalot na sa labas ng pintuan. Nang sinamahan ko si Bean sa couch ay napagtanto ko ring bagong ligo ito base sa amoy at aliwalas ng balahibo nito. Maging ang mga nakakalat na iilang dyaryo at laruan niya sa sala ay naibalik sa mga dati nitong puwesto na animo'y walang gumalaw dito.

I gasped at the thought that suddenly struck me. Was it her? Did she do all these? But why?

"Still have a thing about staring, huh?"

Sa pagkakaalala sa litanya niyang ito, napakunot kaagad ang noo ko. Still? Pero kahit nang ilaan ko ang kalahating oras upang suyurin ang mga naaalala ko bago ako magising dito at pati ang mga ilang bakas ng mga sinaryong bigla-biglang lumilitaw sa isipan ko, wala akong natatandaan na pagkakataon na nagtagpo ang landas naming dalawa.

I rested my back on the couch, lifting my head to the ceiling and the spinning fan.

"Why would I kiss someone I want to threaten?"

"Do you automatically trust someone just because they kissed you?"

Pumaulit-ulit ang katanungan na 'yan sa bibig at utak ko tulad ng walang humpay na pag-ikot ng elisi. As another quiet afternoon emerges, I can't help but allow myself to be absorbed by the deafening silence, the warm breeze flowing from all sides of the house, and the tranquil breathing coming from the little sleeping creature by my side.

Once again, I slipped into the embrace of slumber.

"Ate, bakit aligaga ang mga tao?"

Recognizing the throbbing voices that entail echoes as soon as they finish a single line, I opened my eyes with a gasp to find myself in the plane where time does not matter. I took the setting with familiarity and ease as if merely visiting a park I used to go to when I was a kid. I had numerous dreams and nightmares after my mother died. They had recurring locations, moments, and faces that eventually became engraved in my mind. That is why when I swept my assessing eyes on every crook and corner, my heart sank at the familiar red velvet carpet.

Naparito na ba ako noon? Oo. Pero sa reyalidad at hind isa panaginip.

Ang mga estatwang tila ba pinagmamasdan ang bawat kibot mo. Ang mga balunbon ng bulaklak sa bawat pasilyo na kahit kailan ay hindi ko naibigan dahil palagian silang nagpapaalala ng burol at lamay. Ang mga pader na napupuno ng mga kwadrado, malaki man o maliit. Ang amoy ng apricot na naglalakbay kahit saan ka humihinga. Ang malaking bintana sa kisame kung saan malayang dinudulutan ng buwan ang punong bulwagan ng mansyon tuwing gabi.

Sinong hindi makakakilala sa mansyong pinili kong huwag balikan?

My attention eventually landed where the first voice I heard has come from. Parang may kung anong nagbara sa lalamunan ko nang madatnan ko ang taong kinuha agad ng tadhana bago ko makilala nang lubusan. Ang taong kung nabuhay lang sana, magbabago ang mga guhit sa palad namin ni Kuya.

She was biting her thumb finger anxiously, watching every rushing staff who was also fulfilling whatever they were ordered to do the same way. "What more to bring?" I heard her mumble to herself.

"Ate Ashley?" Two meters away from her is the image of a child 'me.' He is rubbing his eyes with the back of his left hand as he keeps his steps steady toward his elder sister. "Ate?"

Napapitlag sa boses ng batang Sean si Ate. "Oh, Sean... Hello," she turned, whisking away the hand she was biting at her back. "I'm sorry we woke you."

Beyond the young lady adorning a pink nightgown and the uncunningly similar wavy hair to their father's, the child 'me' notices the chaos erupting in the mansion. From the butler to the lowest rank of associate in the mafia are running from all directions without their usual care for etiquette and protocol. Each one of them carries either a suitcase or a document. Once in a while, they would bump into one another and hardly consider an apology.

"What's happening?" A baffled Sean asked, looking back at the only relative he has within the house. "Bakit sila nagmamadali? Are we being attacked?"

"No," mabilis na sita ni Ate at dinakot ang magkabilang balikat ng kapatid. "Not yet." Lumamlam ang boses nito ngunit 'di nito napawi ang bigat ng posibilidad ng kapahamakan habang wala ang mga magulang namin.

"But... Wala rito sina Mama at Papa."

"I know," Ashley nodded. "But we have to survive until we meet them on an agreed location, do you understand?"

"You mean now?"

Fear started to creep on my sister's face. "Yes. We're leaving, and we might not come back for a while," she told him, a hint of trembling apparent in her tone.

"Why? We're Vantress, who would dare go against us?" Young and unstained, the little 'me' fidgeted as he realized that the world he was used to was about to be altered. "Papa is strong and brilliant. He will protect us. He'll definitely win like he always does."

My sister paused for a second, trying to withhold the truth cradled by her lips. "Of course, Papa will never fail us," she assured him. "Aalis lang tayo as a precautionary measure, okay? We will come back here someday. I promise you."

"Young miss, an expected guest has finally arrived," our head maid announced from the bottom of the grand staircase. The rest of the workforce lined up behind her. "All of your belongings have been secured."

Nasaksihan ko kung paanong humigpit ang mga kamay ni Ate Ashley sa batang ako. Sobrang higpit na maging ang maliliit na sugat dala ng pagkagat niya sa hinlalaki ay nagsimulang magdugo.

"Ate, you're hurting me..." the young master whined.

The eldest of Vantress siblings snapped from what seemed to be a trance. "Oh, I'm sorry, sweet brother," she gulped. "We have to go now. My friend's already there. She's the daughter of mother's friend. She'll help us today, and she will remain to do that until..."

"Until?"

Ashley's lips trembled. "Until..." she frowned, determining whether to continue or not.

"Ate?"

"Until any of us can fulfill our end of the bargain."

Hindi mapagkakaila ang kagulumihanan sa kaloob-looban ng batang 'ako,' 'pagkat sa mukha pa lang nito ay kita na ang hindi pagkakaintindi sa bawat sinalita ng kapatid. Pero may magagawa nga ba siya, gayong nasa bingit sila ng kapahamakan?

As one last attempt to go along with her sister's words, he inquired. "Alright. What's the friend's name? I have to remember. I have to help fulfill our side of the bargain."

Rather than pleased, the future heiress was terrified as she saw the glint of excitement on her brother's hawthorne eyes. Animo'y ang huling nanaisin niya sa mundo ay ang magkrus ang landas ng kapatid at ng tinagurian niyang kaibigan niya at ng mga magulang nila.

"Polaris. Her name's Polaris White, and you ought to never forget her name. She's the one who's frozen in time. Stuck in place. And only one of us can free her. That's our end of the bargain."

Little Sean who didn't know any better tilted his head in curiosity but later nodded slowly.

As if on cue, his nod put a tap on the remote control. Every action and every person gradually halted from any motion, and all sound there was was instantly sucked in a vacuum. Maging ako, napasinghap sa pagkaramdam ng paglaho ng hangin sa paligid. Pero ang mas nakapanindig ng balahibo ko ay ang pagkakatantong hindi na rin ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko bilang manonood at may hiningang kay lapit sa kanang tenga ko.

"Remember her, Sean. A Vantress must keep their promise. Always."

Marahas akong napabalikwas sa pagkakasandal sa couch. Malakas at banayad ang paghangos ko na para bang ilang milya ang tinakbo ko't ginapang. Ilang beses akong napakurap, iniintindi kung tapos na ang panaginip at naibalik na ko sa reyalidad.

"For gods' sake..." nanginginig ang mga kamay akong napahilamos sa mukha ko. "What was that? Why..."

"Are you alright?"

The tremble faded when I heard a different voice this time.

"You're sweating. Do you want a glass of water?" she said worriedly, the rasp on how she spoke still prominent as I remembered it.

I clenched my jaw at the urge to turn my head and confirm who it was. Was it her? Could it be her? I braced myself for any possibility of disappointment or the horrifying truth that I may still be stuck in a nightmare like I did several times before. And when I did see for myself whose voice was it, it took every shred of my staggering strength to hold myself back from breaking down.

"You're staring at me again, Sean," the woman who just left me the same evening I met her teased, a mischievous yet soft smile plastered on her lips. "I'm real, you know."

Napatango ako nang hindi ko namamalayan sa huli niyang sinabi. Biro lang 'yon pero kakatwang pinanghawakan ko 'yon para matukoy ko kung ano ang dapat maramdaman ko sa ngayon. She's real. I'm back. I'm not in that nightmare anymore.

Gayunpaman, hindi ko tinawag na bangungot 'yon dahil sa kaguluhang nagaganap doon. Bangungot 'yon dahil... hindi ko lubos na matandaan kung memorya rin ba 'yon na hindi ko matandaan. Sapagkat nakakatakot isipin na may alaala akong hindi matandaan sa araw na unang gumalaw ang tadhana para kina Kuya at Alexandria.

The day when the massacre happened at the Cromellos' villa.

****

"Where are the people?" resumed the little prince at last.

"It's a little lonely in the desert..." 

"It is lonely when you're among people, too," said the snake."

― The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry