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Welcome to me hurting my own feelings

Fem!Reader

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A strong, unfortunately familiar metallic odour floated throughout the dorm room, wrapping and winding itself into and around the sparingly decorated space.

The twist of a wet rag gurgled and wheezed while water trickled heavily down into the small pool by her strong hands. This was the only indication you had before a startlingly cool moss texture pressed to your crusted eyes.

"Stay still Y/n." Her soft voice fret, placing her other hand on the back of your head steadily.

"Well, I'd appreciate a warning next time." You chuckled, doing your best to ignore the discomfort of the rag dabbing against your eyelids.

The warmth of her sigh against your face felt like it was reaching in and scooping up your heart in a kind hug. "And I'd appreciate you not pushing yourself like this every time we train." She retorted, exasperation laced within a teasing tone.

The rag traced down your face in a spongy, bouncing way, leaving a trail of cool, cleanliness behind where your crusting blood stains were.

The lump in your throat was getting harder to swallow.

Still, a timid smile attempted to break across your face. "Sorry."

She huffed, probably puffing our her cheeks in the most adorable way possible. You didn't even need to see it and butterflies still stormed your stomach.

"Yeah, well, I'll accept your apology when you actually mean it." The rag and the hand behind your head slipped from you and met a pool of water to dip into again. "Really, you need to take care of yourself a bit better than this though. Mr. Aizawa has told you a bunch of times already Y/n."

"Aww, are you worried about me Ochaco?" You cooed while she rang the rag out again.

She scoffed harshly to herself. "Of course I am! Just, look at the state you're in!"

"I can't." You said, as a fleeting grin spread across your face.

She paused, a quietness barely settled before she spoke. "You know what I meant." She grumbled and leaned forward again; making her box spring beneath the mattress squeak with age. "You blinding yourself after every fight can't be good for you, especially with all the blood you lose." Her delicate touch began to tend to you again.

The water seeped into the blood, dislodging sticky flakes from your eye lids carefully until you could begin to crack your eyes open, taking in as much of your fuzzy surroundings that you could.

"It's really not that bad, I could keep going if I needed to." You chuckled, your fingers nervously curling around the soft comforter of your bed and squeezing it tightly in your hold.

The blob shape you could only assume to be Ochaco sighed and shook their head. "It really wouldn't help having a frantic hero shooting lasers from her bleeding eyes with no rhyme or reason."

Her diligent hands paused for a moment. "That's honestly a horrifying image." She said lightly, a breathy laugh finally lifting the atmosphere around her.

A warmth rose inside of you as well, encouraging a genuine smile to melt onto your face like butter in a warm pan.

Her laughter started to settle down and she went back to tending to your eyes. "I just don't want you to go out there alone and end up in a situation where you're a sitting duck."

Finally able to fully peel open an eye you forced your gaze to her, struggling to blink a few times.

I missed looking at you.

"There you are!" She said happily, dipping the reddish brown stained All Might rag back in an old ice cream pale full of water. "Nice to see you again, Y/n."

"It's nice to see you too." You replied with the most casual tone you could manage.

She leaned forwards again, dabbing away the bits of crusted blood at the corners of your eyes. Her eyes were trained on yours, intensely focused.

Nerves and butter soft fluttering balled up inside the longer you stared, until it almost was unbearable. Unfortunately, your gaze lowered to her lips, as delicate and silky as rose petals, floating on a breeze as she spoke.

Wait... She was saying something.. Oh crap!

You squeezed your eyes shut and lifted your head more; waiting a brief time before opening your eyes. "Sorry, what?"

She closed her chocolatey irises with a good natured sigh. "I said your eyes are looking better." A smirk spread across her face. "Although, your ears could stand a check up too."

"I can hear fine thanks! I was just thinking." You said, pride dripping from every syllable.

"Mind if I ask what you were thinking about?" She asked passively, looking for something to fill the silence as she continued to tend to you.

An unnecessary amount of anxiety surged through your body, like you almost blatantly confessed your feelings. Air swirled away from your head; slipping all the oxygen from your lungs and making it impossible to retrieve.

The vortex grew when her eyes landed on your with a frown. "Y/n?"

She knows. She has to. There's no way she doesn't know. She's staring right at me. She's waiting. Should I?.. If she knew she's either not interested at all.. or she's waiting for me.

Thoughts muddled together as blood pumped through your ears so aggressively you almost didn't catch her calling to you.

"Are you okay?" She mouthed.

Her eyes were so inviting, so worried. Her hands rested on your shoulders firmly as she sat back, searching your eyes.

If I don't do something I'll regret it.

Timid palms rested on her elbows for a mere second before you lurched forwards and wrapped her in a tight embrace, nuzzling into her shoulder. Letting her gentle smell of a summer rain and lilac wash over you one more time.

"Y-Y/n!?" She squeaked out, quickly planting her hand firmly onto part of the bed behind her to keep you both from almost falling backwards.

"What's wrong? What's gotten into you?" Her voice was soft and laced with a troubled concern as her other hand tentatively wrapped around you.

"I like you Ochaco." You muttered into her shoulder, barely over a whisper. "I really like you."

Her body slowed to a freeze, like she had been turned to a statue under your desperate hold. Nothing was said verbally, but the hand on your back lifted away from you.

A bout of trembling overtook your body, you pulled away to get a glimpse of her face.

She looked scared, horrified even.

Terror ensued as you jerked away from her. "I-I'm sorry Ochaco! I didn't want to make you uncomfortable—!" Your voice couldn't utter any more words as it twisted shut. A disgusting, slimy feeling coated your insides. A certain kind of shame that never seemed to be very far behind.

She sat there wide eyed for a few moments before jaggedly looking away from you.

"I... I'm flattered. But— I'm not... I don't like girls... in that way..."

The words ripped through your body, the tears that were barely being contained finally sped down your cheeks.

"I-I-I—" Words failed and uncomfortable laughter pushed out, doing anything to avoid completely breaking down into a sobbing mess.

"I've... made this super weird, huh?" You laughed, pushing your tears away with the back of your hand while blinking rapidly. "I-I'm sorry about that, hah ha, just um... just forget this happened okay?" You flung your legs off the side of the bed and sped towards the door, still half blind.

"Y-Y/n!" She called after you, bewildered.

"Don't worry about it Ochaco." You stated through a small voice while you swung open her door and sped down the dorm halls.

She raced to the door after you and watched you flee. "Y/n! Come back!" She called after you.

But nothing could make you turn back around. You'd ruined everything and there was not a single thing that could make you turn back and face her.

So, you avoided her.

No sparring sessions, no jokes about past upper class men, no late night talks. Nothing. A week turned into a month, which turned into two, and then a semester. An entire semester without your best friend since your first year in UA.

She'd hasn't told anyone what happened, at least not that you'd heard, and neither of you had really talked directly since. The sting was still healing, humiliation heals slow.

Despite the lonely distance that followed, the bite of embarrassment and shame stayed snug against your mind. Not a day went by that you didn't think about what had happened, and just how badly you wished to take it all back. Every time you walked past her in the hall, or saw her during homeroom, the afflicting mixture of longing and ignominy only gurgled up to the forefront of your mind. This went on for a long time. Too long.

Skiffs upon skiffs of snow had piled atop each other, Christmas lights wrapped around the trees on the campus, and you were on decoration duty. It wasn't exactly your ideal way to spend a perfectly good Saturday afternoon, but you just couldn't say no to Aoyama.

So for the past 35 minutes, you'd been struggling to get this box across the drifted over campus, trudging away through the snow in your comically large snow boots.

In a sweaty huff you heaved one of the last boxes from storage up the front stairs of 3-A dorms, you could barely feel the cold anymore from how much work you were putting into even holding the box. As you shoved the door open, you wobbled in a few paces until the weight of whatever was in this box was too much and pulled you down with it.

A few of your classmates hollered at you as the warmth of the building quickly coddled your exhausted body.

"Shut the door you damn nerd!" Bakugo cried out angrily, holding his arms close to him as a gust of wind blew through the door.

Not raising from your spot on the floor, you maneuvered your ankle to hook around the edge of the door and swing it closed with a stale 'Chu-clunk.'

"What took you so long?" Kaminari quipped from his lazing place on the couch and his paused game boy in his hands. "We've been waiting for like an hour."

"Shut it Denki, you weren't even helping." Mina shushed as she strode towards your puffing frame. Bakugo followed, smacking Kaminari's head on the way past.

A friendly hand landed on your back as a pink puff of hair floated into view. She tipped her head down to meet your eyes. "Thanks Y/n, why don't you take a breather?"

You shot up a bit. "N-No, it's okay, I'll keep helping you guys."

Her expression was soft and melted into a an amused, uneven smile. That was until Bakugo's voice made itself known. "Well how about you help by getting us the right decorations?!"

"Huh?" You heaved yourself up onto your knees, spotting Bakugo hunched over the now cut open box filled with little, worn down figurines of old Hero's, going back a few decades.

"What the hell is this?! Deku's private stash?!" He snapped again, trying to get some type of answer from you.

A flustered heat overtook your still reddened cheeks as you scorched towards the box, baffled and embarrassed. "I-I don't know! That was the only box left in the Christmas storage!"

Aoyama flounced over and curiously peeked over Bakugo's shoulder. "Hmm... I suppose maybe we could make these into tree decorations." He said, reaching overtop the angry blonde and delicately plucking a young Midnight figurine. "Nothing a little glitter can't fix!" He cheered enthusiastically.

With unfortunately comical timing, the little wooden head slipped off and fell back into the box, only to be lost amongst the many other dismembered and maimed figurines. "... Nothing a little glitter glue can't fix!" He corrects.

Mina chuckled to herself. "Lucky Midoriya isn't here to see this." She lifted a young All Might figurine with a lost arm and both his vertical hair pieces broken off completely. "I don't know how well he would take this."

An unpleasant ripple traveled throughout your body at the mere mention of Midoriya.

"I'll just go get new decorations." You said, quickly standing to your feet.

The three friends before you watched as your demeanour shifted before their very eyes. However, it only registered in two of them.

"Oh! You would?!" Aoyama cheered, clapping his hand in front of his face gratefully.

"Yeah sure, I should've checked if these were decorations in the first place anyway." You reasoned, shrugging nonchalantly as you slipped your boots off.

The young, purple eyed man beamed as he enveloped you in a dramatic, yet elegant, hug. "Oh Y/n! I knew you were amazing but I didn't realize the true extent of it!" He cooed, rubbing his cheek against the top of your head.

A groan emitted from your nose as you pushed away from him half heartedly. "Okay, okay! It's fine!" With a single swift duck, you slipped from his tight hold. "I'll just go grab my money."

He didn't look insulted in the slightest as he called after your rapidly retreating form. "Make sure to keep the receipt so the decoration committee can reimburse you!"

*•.*•.*•.*•.*•.

A shiver stabbed its chill randomly about your tightly wound body. A bag full of decomposable decorations stayed suspended by your numbly hooked knuckles, frequently switching which hand has to hold it.

Mittens would've been a good idea.

A light huff filtered through your thin scarf and floated off in a frozen cloud.

The near vacant train station held no sound aside from the crunching of snow under a couple of strangers boots. Tiny powdery flakes parachuted down, slowly weaving through the air to create a blinding tapestry upon the ground.

A chime sounded throughout the open station. "Next train, Shijo, on track two."

The hope to get into a warm train died as the wrong name was called. Bitterly, you buried your face deeper into your scarf, contemplating on whether or not you should light something on fire.

The train on the track behind came squeaking to a halt against the frigid metal tracks, followed a few seconds later by the doors opening. A small crowd of people shuffled off into the cold world with you.

You pulled your curious eyes over your shoulder at the bundled up citizens stepping out into the elements. Their faces were warmed enough to get to their next destination comfortably, their heads coddled by warm knit toques and big fluffy hoods.

The small gaggle that emerged began to thin out, revealing a truly sickening sight that dropped and anvil on your stomach. There stood a tall, muscular man with unmistakable green hair holding the hand of the beautifully warm woman you've been trying to avoid. "Are you kidding me." You muttered to yourself bitterly.

Apparently your luck didn't stop there. After Midoriya planted a sickly sweet kiss against Uraraka's chocolate brown hair his eyes slid in your direction.

With a small start you whipped your head away, focusing on the train tracks you were waiting in front of, hoping to the fates that he didn't see you.

"Hey! L/n?" Midoriya called out. Maybe if you didn't respond he'd just ignore you.

"L/n!" What were you thinking, of course he wouldn't ignore you, he was a golden retriever. Even if you weren't you he'd still come up and greet you.

Rapidly trying to save face you turned back rigidly. "Oh! H-Hey Midoriya!" You greeted, teeth grit while you shot him the best finger guns you could muster. The man rushed up to you, dragging Uraraka along behind him by her hand until they both stood before you. "Um... Hi, Uraraka."

She glanced from you to Midoriya and back to you with a plastered on grin. "Hey L/n."

You could feel those same feelings of adoration starting to bubble back up, mixed in the familiar concoction of dread and humiliation. You couldn't help but note this was the closest you've stood in months.

It's actual torture.

"What are you doing out here?" Midoriya asked, snatching your attention from Uraraka.

"Oh! Uh, just buying some decorations actually." You lifted your bag of products with a bit of a swing. "The school didn't seem to have any so... here I am. I'm just waiting for the next train back to UA."

Uraraka's eyes travelled to your hands and scrunched in mild concern. "You don't have any mittens. Aren't your hands cold?"

All three of you looked down to your icy fingers. "Ah, no, I'm okay." You lied, pulling your sleeve down over your hand again.

The brunette hummed to herself as if contemplating something, but she said nothing else, letting the conversation drop off the face of the Earth.

Midoriya didn't seem to notice. "Well, are you excited for Christmas?"

You smiled as best as you could, struggling to look him in the eye. "Yeah, I'm excited to not have any responsibilities for a while."

The young man chuckled with a nod. "Yeah me too, I can't wait to see my mom, it's been a while since I last saw her so I thought I should get her a present." He looked to Uraraka tenderly, squeezing her hand in his. "Ochaco's been helping me pick something out today."

These little gestures felt like they were trying to maim you.

Uraraka flushed a deep pink as she waved him away. "Oh it's not a big deal, Izuku." She managed to mutter out, avoiding eye contact with either of you.

He cast his eyes back to you, smiling like a big, stupid, dumb, lucky, kind idiot. "We're not in a hurry, we could wait with you if you like."

"No!" You nearly shouted, making Midoriya's smile vanish in surprise. Uraraka seemed almost relieved, however.

You quickly regathered yourself. "No, that's okay. The last thing I'd want is to interrupt your day together."

The green haired guy scratched the back of his neck confused. "Well, okay... are you sure? You're really not interrupting, we're planning to hang out all day anyway."

Fantastic... thank you for that soul crushing information Midoriya.

"No, I'm okay, don't worry." You said, doing the best not to sound irritable.

Uraraka shook her gloved hand free of Midoriya's. "Okay, but at least take these." She said pulling off her woolly mittens and outstretched them to you. "Who knows how long the train will take in this weather, right?" She said with the most persuasive and caring voice.

You stared at the mittens for a moment before glancing back up at her face. "Uh... yeah, thank you." Timidly, You reached out for them, careful not to touch her fingers.

"It's no problem, really." She waved it off with a happy yet bashful smile.

The mittens went to work, Uraraka's warmth seeping into your iced over joints. You sighed, letting out a relived puff of air. "Listen, Uraraka I-" You cut yourself off, nearly forgetting Midoriya was standing right next to her. "Uh... I'm sorry."

Her face softened, a vulnerability rising in her regretful eyes. She closed them and shook her head lightly and stepped forward. "No, you don't have anything to be sorry for. I should've reached out." She set her hands on your shoulders with a gentle squeeze. "You're my best friend and I care about you. Nothing can change that."

There was that familiar sting. But, it was softer, kinder. An appreciative smile lifted the corners of your mouth as you met her eyes. There was an inherent gentle kindness that she enveloped only you in, the potent platonic love overflowing from her was enough to make you cry. If it weren't for Midoriya being right there you probably would have. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you." She apologized earnestly.

"Me too." A slump in your neck tilted your head forward, staring at your feet instead. "But I—" A shiver ran over your body as you lifted your eyes up just enough to reach her big brown irises. "I'm glad we're cool... we're cool right?"

A joyful grin brightened her face, melting the winter into a warm spring. "Of course we are."

The words floated within your head like a soft bundle of feathers, cleaning away all petulance you held like it was nothing. All your anger and embarrassment seemed to leave so quickly, it was actually startling.

Another automated chime cut through the muffled, snowy air like a hot knife. "Next train, Shinjuku, on track one."

You clutched your bag of decorations tighter, pulling yourself out of your free mind. "Well, that's me."

Midoriya and Uraraka simultaneously looked up to read the scrolling text on the screen overhead.

"Ah, so it is." He commented to himself. Again, at the same time, their eyes fell to you.

"It was good to talk to you again Y/n." She confessed, a genuine grin pulled across her soft cheeks.

You couldn't tell if it was the biting chill in the air or the down to earth nature she ironically overflowed with, but your skin felt utterly numb despite the warm erratic patter shaking within my ribs. 

The train rushed passed us, fluttering her hair prettily across her flushed face and around her warm, scarf coddled neck.

You hummed while dragging your feelings down desperately. "Yeah, it was good to talk to you too." The woollen mittens on your hands became heavy and you went to take them off.

She placed her hand around yours to stop you. "Don't worry about it Y/n, you can give them back when we hang out next time!"

"Oh! A-Are you sure?" Your voice was timid as your eyes widened.

She nodded with a peppy 'mhm!' And clasped her hands in front of her. The only thing you could muster was a small bow of gratitude. If you started talking you feared you might ramble and say something else that would make you both avoid each other for another semester.

The train slowed to a quick stop and dinged brightly, pushing you to take a few steps back towards the closest door. Your voice was as light as you could make it as you waved goodbye. "Thanks Uraraka. I'll see you guys back at the dorms!" You chirped.

They both waved and turned away, walking down to the crossing on freshly fallen snow. Their hands were entangled again cutely as they chatted naturally.

Only when you plopped yourself down on a seat in the nearly vacant train car did the excitement of reconnecting with Uraraka fade, giving way to the deep, bittersweet ache. The very same ache that sat at the bottom of your stomach, dormant and heavy. Now however, it bubbled and boiled, taking up every inch of your body.

Hot tears gathered in your glassy eyes as you stared out the window, desperate to keep your breathing under control.

You had your friend back, but why did it hurt so bad?