Mew POV

At that time, I honestly gave up trying to stop myself from being with Kaownah. All I could think about at that time was that I wanted to spend all the time I could with him. It's like going back in the past! I feel so happy at that time, and I feel like I don't want that time to stop and just be with Kaownah.

But in the middle of the happiness, I remember Gulf! I remember my boyfriend, who is there at his home, trusting me not to be with my ex. I immediately asked Kaownah if I could go already, and thankfully, he let me and didn't ask any more questions.

After that day, Kaownah and I become closer to each other. Unlike before that, I'm always trying to ignore Kao and not be with him. I let myself be with Kaownah, but with limitations! Of course, I couldn't let my boyfriend know about my strange feeling toward his friend, who is also my ex. I know this is wrong! I know I should do this, but I just can't help it! I'm happy when I'm with Kao! I'm so glad to be with Gulf! Fuck! This is bad! This is so bad! I know I shouldn't do this, but I can't stop myself! I can't seem to choose between them. When I'm with Kao, it's like everything I felt before that I thought I had already forgotten is coming to me. I know it's wrong, but when I'm with him, it feels so right. When I am with Gulf, it is so different from when I'm with Kao. I know for a fact that I love Gulf! I love him, but what about Kao? Do I love him again, now that he came back to me?

I'm so fucked up thinking about what I should do next and whom I should choose between my past and my present love until one day!

The day that I've been trying to avoid happened...

~~~

Author POV

Setting: Bar

Mew arrived at a bar where he, Gulf, and their other workmates agreed to have their celebration. They completed an important project, so as a reward for themselves, they chose to celebrate it in a bar. They want to drink alcohol as it's been a while since they had time to do this. They are so occupied with their work and other personal stuff.

Mew arrived earlier because Gulf had to go somewhere else first. Mew wanted to fetch his boyfriend, but Gulf asked him to go first as their workmates might sulk with them again.

Zee: Mew! Where is Gulf?

Mew: I don't know! I wanted to fetch him for us to go together here, but he said he didn't want to. I'm getting worried already, he said he would buy something on the way here, but I still haven't received an update from him yet.

Mew worriedly said to his friend, who was currently having his drink. He was holding an open bottle of beer in his right hand and a close one to give to Mew in his left.

Zee: Maybe he's already on his way.

Mew: Ah, I hope so too; maybe I should text...

Mew couldn't finish his words when someone suddenly spoke behind him. He immediately turns around to see who it is.

Kao: Mew!

Zee: (Whisper) Mew! It's Kaownah!

Mew: Hey!

Kao: Gulf is looking for you! He is there!

Mew: Oh, Okay!

Mew started to walk with Kaownah to the place where Kaownah told him Gulf was there.

Mew: Where is he?

Mew tried to look for Gulf. He had already arrived at a secluded part of the bar where there were not much of people anymore. When Mew turned around to ask Kaownah where Gulf was, he was shocked when Kaownah suddenly kissed him. He immediately let go himself of Kaownah's hold.

Mew: No! Kaownah! This is wrong! Why are you doing this?

Kao: Please, Mew! Please let me do this! (He tried to kiss Mew again)

Mew: Kaownah, please stop!

Kao: Please! I still love you, Mew!

Mew: What are you saying? Are you drunk?

Kao: Yes, I am! But even though I drink alcohol, I still know what I'm doing and saying right now!

Mew: I'm sorry, Kaownah! But we are done already! It is Gulf, who I love already!

Kao: No! That is not true! I know you love me too! I can feel it!

Mew: Kaownah! Please, stop! Please just accept that we are through already! Ever since you left me that time, we were done!

Kao: That is not true! It's not true!

Mew: It's true, Kaownah! Because of what you did to me, I choose to erase you from my life! You hurt me so much, Kaownah! You made me look like a fool! I looked for you everywhere, but you're gone! You're just gone! Maybe my mom is right. You left me because you're used to me! You're so used to me that you felt so wrong already.

Kao: That is not true! I didn't mean to leave you! I'm sorry!

Mew: What?

Kao: I only left you so that I can finally make you free!

Mew: Free from what?

Kao: Free from me! Free from a coming obligation for me!

Mew: What do you mean, Kaownah? I don't understand you!

Kao: I was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma! It's cancer! It would be best if you didn't see me suffering because of knowing you. I know you will suffer too! I know how much you love me, so I'm afraid of what would have happened to you if I had left you! It would be best if you didn't look at me with pity. This is the reason why I choose to stay away from you!

Mew: But why? I'm your boyfriend! I have the right to know! We promise each other that we will never leave each other no matter what, but what did you do? We may get passed all those eye-frying eyes that were looking at us with disgust because of our relations but in the end. It was you who pushed me away from you! It was you who gave up on us. You made me feel useless. You made me think that I'm not enough. That is why you leave.

Kao: I know I was wrong! I was so bad at choosing to fight on my own! I'm sorry for choosing to leave you! I'm sorry for hurting you! I didn't mean it! I fight, Mew! I resist every chemo, every treatment that the doctor is giving just for you! I want to be well so that I can come back to you! When I'm okay, I'll try to find you!

Mew: But it's already too late, Kaownah! It's been nine years since you left me. So many things have changed already! Like my love for you! I don't love you the same as before. It's Gulf already! He is the one I love, just like how much I loved you back. Maybe more!

Kao: That is why I'm here! I wanted us to come back to what we are used to being! I wanted you to love me back, even little by little, until you love me again, just like before. Even if there is somebody else, I know from the very start that we met again. I know you have some deep feelings for me. I can see it in your eyes! You still love me, Mew! Am I right?

Mew: Kaownah!

Kao: (Tried to hold Mew) You still love me, right?

Mew: Kaownah!

Kao: Right?

Someone suddenly arrives in the place where Mew and Kaownah are standing.

Gulf: Now I know the truth!

Mew: Gulf!

Gulf: Wow! You two are so good at hiding things from me! God! I can't believe this! You! Kaownah! I thought we were friends! I treat you like my brother, and you will do this to me! Will I steal my boyfriend? You are a snake! Is this why you ask me to go here alone? Is this why you texted that if I arrive, I should go here straight? Wow! This is so wow! I can't say anything because you two are hurting me so much now! It fucking hurts, you know!

Mew tried to go near Gulf and hold him, but he pushed his hands away.

Mew: Baby, please listen to me first! I will explain!

Gulf: Please don't talk to me anymore! I don't want to talk to you!

Mew: Gulf, wait! Baby!

Gulf: Go! Fuck each other! I hate both of you! (started to walk away)

TO BE CONTINUED
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