GULF'S POV

I let out a deep sigh. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home.

I stand up and bid my goodbye to my friend with a reason of me bring too tired because of our dance practice. They just let me go, and just say take care and contacr them when I reached home.

I can't see anyone home when I arrived. I just ignore it and went straight to my room. I'm already used in this. Arriving home but no one is around. Maybe mom is somewhere playing majong. She will be home before dinner though, so never mind.

I threw my things somewhere in my room and threw myself in the bed. My anxiety is on it again.

I feel so lonely even if I'm with my friends. I feel alone even they are around me. I want to cry for no reason. I feel so useless even if everyone is asking for my help.

I buried my face on the pillow. Everything started when my father left us because of other woman. Followed by my boyfriend who I caught red handed kissing other girl. He cheated on me and he admitted it proudly. It's a very big blow to me, specially when he said that no one will love someone like me.

It all happened last year. Though I already accepted everything, still, the effect on me is huge.

My phone in my pocket vibrate. I fished it out and check it. My feeling lightened up when I saw the notification of Mew liking my tweet and a notification of his live on instagram. I immediately sit down on my bed and went straigjt to his live.

Mew became my stress reliever and my reason to be happy these past months. His smile, is the cure to my sadness and his laugh serve happy music to my heart.

I just stare at his face while he is munching his chocolate ice cream and talking. I can't understand what he is saying coz he is using his own language, so I just stare at his face.

Mew is a thailand bl actor. No, not just an actor. He's also a singer, dancer, composer and a total performer. He just finished his masteral and now he is taking up doctorate. Not to mention how handsome, gorgeous and hot he is. He is a total package and I can't see any reason not to admire him.

After his live, I grabbed my laptop and start typing an update for my story. Yes, I'm a writer, a low key one or under rated as the other called it. And yes, I'm a lgbt story writer. And Mew is my protagonist. After all he is my reason in everything.

After an hour I posted my update and wait for my readers feedback. As usual, they cry and laugh, just like how I want them to feel. Some even send me video message on the page I manage. I just smile. Sometimes I feel sorry for my readers. They became my emotion absorber because my updates is always base on my emotion. But still, I'm thankful. They always make me feel that it is really worth to come back as a writer.

As days, weeks and months goes by, my addiction and admiration to Mew become stronger. I can even say that I love him. I even imagine him as my lover. I even told to myself that if allowed by destiny and fate, I will marry him.

I always like his tweet, his ig post. I even have a weibo and a vlive app because of him. We are friends in facebook. I'm one of the lucky fans he accepted as friend in his fb. There are also time that he reply on my message to him and instagram. It almost made me crazy. My friend even says that I should be in the mental hospital. I just laughed at them. Who cares. I'm damn crazy and happy with his reply.

I blow out an air. I feel so nervous. Today is Mew first fanmeeting in my country and I will finally see him up close. I'm in the line, waiting for my turn to ask for his signature and talk to him. My heart beat fast and loud. I hope I will not faint in front of him later.

"Hi Gulf."

My breath suddenly stop. My eyes got big at my lips formed in O as he say my name.

"Hey, breath baby."

I cover my mouth with my hand. I restrained my tears from coming out. I can't utter a words. He recognized me. He f*cking recognized me.

I never say anyword aside from thank you to him. He took me by surprised whem he recognized me. So, before the end of the fanmeeting, i approach his manager and gave him the letter I wrote right after I calmed down.

In just one night I became famous. I got a lot of followers in twitter, instagram and facebook. The video of Mew recognizing me trend all over the social media. I also got some basher who message me nonsense. I just ignore them, they just envy because Mew recognized me.

Me and Mew exchange message from time to time after that in line. I exclusively know his schedule ahead of time. Sometimes he called me if he has a spare time. He even posted an screen shoot of our video call, but he always cropped my face. I don't really care about it.

My college graduation came. I receive a huge sunflower bouquet from Mew and a huge panda bear stuffed toys as a gift. I'm surprised and happy also. I took a picture of it and post it in my instagram. I did not tag him though. And to my surprise it became trend as Mew posted it also before me.

Is he Mew's lover?

I want to ignore it, but seriously, I really can't. Mew caption is something you can't ignore.

Congratulation to my baby for his graduation. See you the soonest. I want the world to know who are you to me.

I don't want to assume, but he give a reason to assume a lot of things.

Is he in love with me? Nah, that's too impossible. Him liking me? Haha, it's like me living in a milky way. Too impossible.

Few days later, I receive a visa from embassy and a round trip plane ticket. My mom also put my clothes on my luggage and smile at me like crazy.

"Mom, are you going to send me to Thailand? WHY?"

"Yeah. Someone ask me to send you there." She answered while swaying his hips.

"Who?" I asked curiously.

"My future son in-law."

"Huh?"

"Don't huh there, Gulf. Take a bath now. I'll send you to the airport."

I look at the plane ticket. "Mooom!" I shouted like a baby. Today is the date of my departure.

"Relax my baby and trust me. No parents will harm their child. So, go. Take a bath and fixed yourself. I'll do the same, okay."

As if I can say no to my mom. But seriously, I hope she will tell me the reason. I'm damned scared of what is going on right now.

"Take care there and be happy Gulf. See you after a year baby." Mom said. Obviously, she is restraining herself to cry.

"What's next year?" I asked in shocked.

"Seriously baby. When you receive a letter or whatever document, you should have read them first." She answered me while rolling his eyes. "But never mind. Read whatever you have to read on the plane later. You have to go in. Someone will fetch you at the airport later. See you baby." Then my mom pushed me away.

No clues of what is really happening, I enter the departure area and went straight to the plane. Right after the plane take off, I read the other plane ticket I have and I was shocked to see the date. March 2021. The f*cked!

After few hours, I'm roaming my eyes at the group of people in arrival. I was focused on the placards up in the air, looking for my name. And yes, as mom said, someone will pick me up at the airport. I saw my name in one of the placards that was put up in the air.

Nervously, I approach the guy. He was wearing a cap, sunglass and a facemask. I feel scared on how he looks. He is so huge and the way he dressed look so suspicious.

"Relax Gulf. It's me." He removed his facemask at sunglass.

"Boss." I was shocked.

"Shh. Not too loud." He said in a low voice, then look around.

"Why it's you?" I asked him again.

"Don't want to explained. Just asked Mew." He then grabbed my luggage and walk towards the exit.

I did not ask him anymore. I think my brain in at the universe the moment he said Mew. Why him? Is he the one who send me the visa and plain ticket? How? Did he know my mom? How? Why? When?

After a few hour drive, we stop in front of a high building. Boss, ushered me inside silently. We rode an elevator and stop on the 10th floor. He knocked on the door three times and I was just waiting patiently.

My breath hitched when the door opened and Mew come out. "Finally, you're here." He said, with a wide smile in his face.

"Explain everything to him, before he became crazy. I just text you your schedule for the next day." Boss said, handling my luggage to me and bid a goodbye to me.

Mew dragged me inside is place. He closed the door and pinned me. "Did I scare my little kitten?" He asked me then picked a kiss on my lips.

"Mew?" That all I can say. It was like a bomb drop in front of me. I was to shocked and seriously, I really don't know if I can absorb everything he will say.

"Come, let me calm down you first."

He dragged me on the couch and let me sit beside him. He hugged me and caress my hair.

"Why?" Finally, after an hour of silent, I asked him. I already calmed down my brain cells and everything in me.

"Because I don't want you to be far away from me anymore."

"Why?"

Mew chuckled. He pushed me away from him and looked at me intently.

"Believe it or not. I fell for you the moment I saw you personally in my fan meeting. From that, I asked someone to gathered all your information. I also start communicating with your mother. I promised to myself, the moment you graduated, I will get you."

I just tilted my head. My brain is processing what he said. "Do you love me?" I asked him after a minute.

"Yes."

"How? Why?"

"Does falling in love with someone need a reason? Can't I love you without it? Can't I just say I love you and that's it."

"Are you playing with me?" I asked. My tears start to fall from my eyes. I don't know what to feel. Everything is so unreal and impossible. Am I dreaming? I bet not. This is too long for a dream.

"Do I look like playing with you?"

I did not answer him. I just laugh then cried. He immediately hugged me and planted a kiss on my head. "Sorry baby if it surprised you a lot. I just really don't want to be far away to you. I want you to be by my side."

"Is that your way of asking me to be your lover?" I asked, laughing to myself. If this is a dream, please, I don't want to wake up anymore.

He pushed me away to him. He cupped my face and look at me. His eyes, it's full of love. Damned it!

"I don't want to be you lover, I want to be your husband, your partner, your everything. Can I?"

I let out a deep breath. Whatever is happening today, let me just process it tomorrow. If it is a dream, then, so be it. At least let him be mine in my dream.

"Yes."

Mew smiled widely and without permission he kissed me.

Years passed by. Mew is still popular. Me, I'm a writer, a popular one. I published a lot of books. Mew helped me. He even built a publishing company and published all the story I made. Some of then also became a series. Mew and I was already married. We took all the up and down with our relationship together. We face all the bashers with a wide smile and let our fans happy with our sweetness on and off the camera.

I'm still in awe to know that the man I admire the most, is now my husband. My reason to cope up in all my downs, my happiness and my cure.

I face my laptop and start typing. Now, I'm going to write my last piece. My gift to husband and to our fans. My farewell novel as I intend to be a plain house husband for Mew and to our babies.

The story is our real life. How we met, how we struggle and how we end up.

"You are the reason? Why is that?" Mew hugged me from behind. He just done putting our babies, Anastasia Nattarine and Cole Nattarine to sleep.

"Coz, you are my reason in everything."

Mew kissed my nape and hug me tightly. "You were, is, and will always my reason also in everything. I love you baby."

I face him and kissed him full of love.