Hello my (internet) friends!!

My friend group in real life is very unhinged and chaotic (and queer) and I am bored and procrastinating, so I will be sharing quotes from them (and me) that I wrote down. (Don't ask why I wrote down things they said, it's a long story (it's actually not, I'm just too lazy to explain)).

For context: We're five people (including me) in our friend group. Lemme explain who is who based on the very chaotic family story we made up :D Here's ✨THE LORE✨:

Mum 1: she/her. She's the responsible friend, so obviously she's the mum, and she's also: my wife! (fun fact, she is actually straight, which is very funny to me because we're married and have three children anyway)

Mum 2: That's me (she/her)!! The only reason I'm the other mum is because when we were in Munich for our class trip in autumn, I was the only that had mobile data, so I was the one who had to guide everyone and say which train to take and stuff for the whole week. And Mum 1 is the only one who has any sense of direction, so our children were just following us everywhere we went without any thoughts. And that's how we became the mum and they became our children, because they were mindlessly following us like little ducklings :D

Child 1: they/them. They're also my best friend for about three years now and the one I've known the longest :)

Child 2: he/him. He joined our class at the start of this school year and we befriended him very quickly c:

We couldn't decide on which of those two is older (because in reality, Child 2 is two years older than Child 1 and is the older sibling, whereas Child 1 is the younger sibling, but they both sometimes behave like the older sibling and sometimes like the younger), so now they're just twins. Child 1 is seven minutes older, just because. They also don't know if they were adopted, created in the lab or anything else, because it's complicated 👀

Child 3: he/him. Our youngest child c:

Yayy let's get into the quotes!! Wait, I almost forgot- The quotes are originally all in Swiss German, but I'll translate them, don't worry xx

Child 1: "Pizza with pineapple is just awesome!"
Child 2: "If someone dances on the graves of my ancestors, I think that's really awesome too."

Me: "I also feel like biting into cardboard now."
Child 1: "That goes into the quotes chat."
two seconds later
Child 1: *bites into a paper bag*

Mum 1: "Can we behead [name of Child 1]?"
Me: "No, unfortunately not."

Child 1: "Dolphings rape any animal species when they feel like it."
Child 3: "Ariel too?"

Me: "Or otherwise, [name of Child 1] just has to accept that-"
Child 1: "One has to behead [name of a dude from our class]."
Me: "No, that sometimes you have to make sacrifices."
Child 1: "Yes, [name of the dude from our class]'s head."

Child 2: "I would rather give my child to [my name] for eight days than to you [meaning Child 1] for thirty seconds."

Child 1: *hums Happy Birthday*
Me: "It's not Christmas yet!"

Child 3: "I'm dying."
Me: "Me too. I'll jump... into the window. Because we're already outside."
Child 3: "I'll jump into a fire so that I'll be warm."

Me: "I hope you commit suicide."
Child 3: "I hope so too."
(Okay for this one, context is really important!! I swear I'm not telling anyone to kill themselves, we were just playing Lotti Karotti 😭)

Me: "Cows with stripes don't exist."
Child 3: "It's called a zebra."

Child 3: "It depends on why one hates themself."
Child 2: "Did you kill eight people?"
Child 3: "No."
Child 2: "Then you don't have a reason."

Child 3: "It's basically half naked men who dance around on a stage."
Child 2: "Ohhh show me show me show me!!"

Mum 1: *has a breakdown because she trusted me with her heart and I broke it*
Me: "🎶Laaast Christmas, I gave you my heart...🎶"

Some dude from our grade during a debate: "Imagine you're an animal and want to eat plastic."
Me: "[nickname of Child 2] be like."
(That was not a random comparison btw, we have a running gag that he wants to bite into everything).

Child 2: "The second term of eleventh grade deep fried my brain, someone ate it."
Me: "Ate what?"
Child 2: "My brain, me, my life, my soul."

Me: "I hope [name of one of my friends who's also in our class] puts pineapple on her pizza."
Child 2: "I hope that when you get up, you hit your little toe and everytime it stops hurting, you hit it again."
(As you can maybe tell, he really hates pizza with pineapple HAHAHA this may be because he's Italian, but it may also just be him having bad taste ツ)

Me: "Google Maps says six minutes, but we're gay, so we're faster."
Child 2: "Nooooo I'm straight"
(For context, he is most definitely not straight. Otherwise he would be in a VERY strong bromance).

Okay that was all for now!! I love my friends hihi :) Tell me if you guys want a part two because I most definitely have enough quotes xx

- 11.01.25