【𝗕𝗔𝗗 𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚.】
𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[edited; 4740 words] 

sorry for the wait, thank
u for being patient <3

«When will you tell me what's wrong?» Mega's phone went off, snapping Harvey back to reality. 

As he attempted to process his question, the raven-haired boy adjusted his position that became uncomfy due to the long period of time without moving. 

His legs were comfortably situated on the soft blanket on the bed, while his upper body was resting upside-down on the carpeted floor. 

«I'm pretty sure Zak knows what's going on, why can't I?» the younger continued, leaning against the wall behind him. 

Mega was working on his laptop, sitting cross-legged right beside Harvey's legs. He closed his device as he focused on his classmate. 

Finally out of that trance that thinking put him onto, Harvey understood his questions. 

Abruptly lifting himself up with his forearms, he frowned at Mega, "What are you talking about?" he questioned with a slight shake of his head. "I'm doing perfectly fine."

In reply to his not so inconspicuous lie, one of the younger's eyebrows rose. «I know you aren't, it's obvious.» he exaggerated. 

Harvey's eyes, ones that were not subtly struggling to lie and keep hiding his pain, quickly darted away from Mega. 

"It never mattered," he murmured, sliding his legs off the bed. As an efficient excuse not to look at his friend, he stood up. "Why should it now?"

The shorter slid his computer aside and hopped off the bed. With a rough motion, he grabbed Harvey's shoulder as if he wanted to scroll that dumb stubbornness off of him. 

Mega's uncomfortable hold on his phone caused him to struggle to type quickly, «It matters because you matter.»

No verbal answer came in response. The raven-haired boy just stood there, avoiding eye contact as he anxiously bit down the inside of his cheek.

«Seriously, dude. What's up?» the other insisted, shaking him slightly. 

Harvey had to hold himself back once again, tempted to question his friend and ask if all that sudden and new empathy was built off guilt and pity.

"Nothing to worry about." he sighed as he turned and let himself fall back on the bed.

«Oh, fuck off!» Mega spat with a growing frown taking over his rare and worried expression. With his foot he gently tapped Harvey's legs, which were swinging off the bed. «C'mon, dude!»

"You never asked," he muttered in response to his insistent teases, "what's the point on asking now?"

Taken aback by that new and unexpected side of his best friend, the shorter frowned furthermore. «Okay, listen.» he started, turning serious as he sat down beside him. «This is the last time I'm repeating this: just 'cause I'm an asshole, it doesn't mean I don't or can't care about my friends.»

Harvey's eyes, ones that were now able to mask up his true emotions, finally met Mega's. They had some sort of stare competition, their glances fighting eachother.

A grin grew on the Asian boy lips, who shook his head as he pushed his friend. "I got you good, you dumbo." he giggled, lifting his upper body up with a forearm. "I was just testing you!"

Mega didn't believe to his words for a single second, he saw something missing in his eyes. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't recall what was it. 

«Were you, doe?» he insisted, rising an eyebrow.

The stare competition kept going for another moment before both of them struggled to keep a straight face, ending up to burst out laughing at that unreal situation.

«Dude, the fuck?!» Mega pushed him once again, strongly enough to turn Harvey on his side. «I never despised you as much as I do right now! I was genuinely worried, you idiot!»

Harvey giggled, grabbing the pillow beside him and throwing it to the shorter boy, who stopped it right before it could hit his face. 

He moved it away, showing off a faint outline of his grin printed on his lime green bandana. 

"Oh shit—" the Asian boy swore, grabbing the last pillow on the bed just in time to block Mega's. 

Playful giggles filled the room as the two gladly accepted the ingaged pillow fight that lasted just long enough to leave them exhausted, their bodies tiredly laying either on the floor or on the bed.

«Harv?» Mega suddenly called, slowly swinging his legs off the bed. 

Looking toward where the voice came from, the older hummed in reply, "Mh?"

A quick pause left Harvey guessing, «Y'know, a few days ago, after that night we argued about the importance of needing someone to be happy and such... I realized something.»

"Which is?" the other pushed him to continue, holding his frown back at those unexpected words. 

«Well, I'm aroace, right? Does that mean... that I won't be able to ever fill that void you talked about?» he continued, his legs stopped swinging mid-way into his phone reading his thoughts. 

Harvey's face contorted into a grimace at the reminder of what was going to happen that same night. 

'Why now? Why now?!' he yelled in his head, squeezing his eyes. 

Helping himself with his forearms he lifted himself up, just enough to see Mega's face. Obviously, he was avoiding Harvey's by staring at his phone.

"It doesn't have to be romantic love, you dumbo." despite his forced grin, his words were sincere. "It can be platonic as well. It..." he stopped for a moment, shrugging. "It just needs to be love. No matter what type or form."

The frown on Mega's face quickly shifted onto a relieved expression, his bandana folds slightly changing because of him smiling. 

«Yeah, right.» a moment of hesitation made the silence suffocating. «Do you think I'll ever be able to fill that void?» 

Harvey fought against himself to keep up with his mask, suppressing his anger towards his best friend. 

His classmate's hesitation caught Mega's glance, which instantly met his. "As long as you keep your friendships truthful and not based on lies, then yes." Harvey replied, his eyes struggling to mask his true emotions. "You will."

A shiver travelled down his body as a wave of uneasiness hit Mega, who hid it behind another relieved smile.

 The chances Harvey knew were nil, he had no reason to worry. 

«Thank you, dude.»

The older boy wasn't able stop staring and when he did, maybe he waited for a second too much. 

"You're welcome, softie." he teased, a forced grin growing on his lips. 

The two started jokingly arguing as usual, but in reality, all Harvey wanted to do was to stop lying, and to ask Mega if he really thought he didn't know what was happening behind the curtains. 

He wanted to confront him face to face, to ask him why he's sympathizing with those they, together, claimed as enemies. 

But he didn't. 

Harvey kept laughing with the one he considered his best friend until earlier that same day, but now he really didn't know if trusting him was an option anymore. 

Soon enough, he managed to find an excuse to get away from Mega. 

The raven-haired locked himself in the bathroom, frustrated. 

After letting the water of the sink run for a moment, cupping his hands under it before bringing it to his face. 

The freezing temperature of it didn't help as much as he hoped, and his thoughts were still all about Mega. 

Was he supposed to do anything anyway? Consequences regarding him didn't really matter, but those involving Zak and Darryl did. 

Harvey for a matter of fact still had no idea of what Mega had to do with Vincent, but he couldn't get off his mind how he would react everytime the french boy would get nominated. 

Was it all a mask? Or was that something new he had no control over? 

After abruptly shaking his head as a poor attempt to stop those thoughts, the short boy grabbed his phone out of his jeans and impulsively texted Darryl.

hey dude, i hope im not 
bothering ur romantic date 
just wanted check on u two 
and see if everythings okay >

Not really expecting a quick reply, he locked his phone, laying back on the cold glaze of the sink.

Surprisingly, his device vibrated in his hand as the Senior's response came

Everything's good!
Thank you for checking in,
< we're gonna be safe and fine 

aight, stay safe while 

heading back pls, gn >

< we will, goodnight harv! 

The raven-haired boy stared at their messages, feeling pressured as if everything depended on the choices he was going to take that night.

His glance drifted away from the now black screen, landing on his reflection. He scoffed at the sight of himself, feeling miserable.

If only he ignored that notification and respected Mega's privacy, maybe things would've been fine. And surely, he wouldn't have been there staring at his own reflection full of regret.

Harvey finally dragged himself out of the bathroom, hesitating to enter Mega's room at the sight of him on the bed, working unbothered on his computer.

"Aight," the Asian boy started, walking towards his sleeping bag laying at the end of the bed. "I'm gonna go to sleep."

Bringing his attention off the device resting on his lap, Mega frowned at his friend, confused from his unusual statement. He quickly grabbed his phone and typed his reply.

«What? Already? It's just midnight, dude.» 

"Yeah, I know." Harvey shrugged in a poor attempt to brush it off."But you can't deny that things got kinda… hectic, since we got back close to Zak."

The younger thought about it for a moment just to nod in agreement soon afterwards, «For once you're not wrong, congrats.»

Harvey did react the way his friend was expecting him to, no pillows were thrown and no giggles filled the silent room.

 He silently got into his sleeping bag and forced his eyes closed, wanting to get lost in his dreams rather than face reality.

«'Night then, idiot.» Mega attempted one last tease.

"'Night, you dumbo." the other forced himself to say.

Satisfied with his reply, the mute boy got back to work on his computer, working on one of his personal projects.

 In the meanwhile Harvey stared at the carpeted ground as his eyes quickly became heavy, drained from everyone's problems and his own.

However, his mind refused to stop thinking about what kind of consequences Mega meeting Vincent would have, and what would happen if he stopped him.

Actually, Harvey didn't even know if they were still going to meet. But he felt like Mega would naturally lie on the spot.
 Clearly, it wasn't hard for him to think of more than believable lies.

As the Asian boy quickly drifted onto a drowsiness populated by thousand thoughts, his eyes refused to stay open, losing track of time.

Out of the blue, the silence got disturbed by quick footsteps and abrupt movements, but Harvey was able to get himself out of that sort of trance he was trapped into only after hearing the front door of the apartment close.

He shot himself up, suddenly wide awake as adrenaline instantly replaced tiredness. Cursing himself, he impulsively jumped out of his sleeping bag, he grabbed his jacket and quickly put his shoes.

He made his choice.

Careful not to wake up Mega's mother, asleep on the couch of the living room, the raven-haired boy exited the apartment.

He had no idea of what he was doing or in what he was putting himself onto, thinking lucidly wasn't an option thanks to his scarily empty mind and heart.

But Harvey was sure about one thing.
After that night, nothing was going to be the same. 

─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────

Once his eyes struggled to flutter open, Zak silently groaned as he pressed the messy sheets of the bed against his face.

Feeling an unpleasant gut feeling, he moved the blanket just enough to uncover his squinting eyes. 

Only then the boy with the messy raven hair realized that he was alone in the bed. He glanced his eyes over, finding one of Darryl's black and red hoodies that was sitting on the empty and cold side of the mattress. 

A goodbye gift reminding Zak he was going to be alone, denied of the presence of the most important person in his life. 

Maybe his soul was destined to die alone, incapable to love or be loved. 

He stared blankly at the cloth, an unsettling emptiness that made him feel out of place.

Sheepishly reaching for it, he pulled it onto his arms, holding it tight as he pressed his face against the familiar warmth.

With a deep breath, the comforting scent imprinted in the cloth filled his nostrils, however, that almost queasy feeling of emptiness refused to leave. 

Zak moved the hoodie away from his eyes, just enough movement to provoke a crumpling noise caused by a sticky note stuck in the fabric. 

A slight worn out frown grew on his face as he blindly searched for the piece of paper. 

Once he found it, he moved a tuft of hair away from his eyes, finally able to see the sticky note clearly. 

«goodmorning my little muffin! 
i hope u got some good rest. i cooked and packed up your lunch, theres also a muffin and apple for breakfast. 
dont force yourself to eat everything, okay? 
just try to eat anything u feel like, u need energy. 
dont stress too much over school, ill help u with it 

stay safe, i love u
<3» 

An aching, small smile grew on his lips, still hidden behind the black hoodie he didn't stop hugging. 

He missed Darryl already, it was hard to imagine a day without him. Zak still couldn't get over the fact that they just got back together and yet, they’re back apart. 

There still was something off in their relationship. In those days, both of them silently tried to figure out what it was. 

None of them could ever find an answer. 

Sighing, Zak rolled over the side of the bed and forced himself to get up.

'New day new me, am I right?' he thought, his eyes searching for his vague reflection in the window beside him. Grimacing at the sight, he scoffed and looked away. 'Who am I kidding...'

Holding Darryl's hoodie tight, he dragged himself to the bathroom. He really needed to wash that tiredness off himself.

That morning felt like an entire day for Zak, who fought against himself to stay steady during class. 

As soon as the long-awaited bell announced the start of lunch break, he was the first one to leave the classroom. Just like in the old days, before his popularity became only drama related.

He dragged himself to his locker, really not wanting to expose himself too much. Nobody was still over what happened during prom night, and his mind full of vociferous thoughts was slowly making him paranoid. 

Surprise and confusion took over at the sight of his locker looking perfectly fine, not a single scratch on the lucid blue paint. 

The short boy frowned as he searched for his recently vandalized door, just to find it on Darryl's place instead. 

"Jesus Christ..." he scoffed, shaking his head as he unlocked and opened his locker. "I'm gonna kill that idiot." 

After locking the door, he noticed Harvey running towards him. Adjusting the grab on his backpack strap, the smile on Zak's lips quickly faded into worry. 

Despite limping visibly, the Sophomore didn't stop running until he reached his friend. Breathlessly, he leant on his knees and attempted to catch his breath. 

"Yo, what happened to your leg?" Zak instantly questioned, frowning at his friend. 

Still out of breath, the shorter shook his head and stood straight. The Junior gave him no time to explain and grabbed his hand after noticing the bandages.

"Wait, your hands too?" he questioned, his concerned glance lifting and meeting Harvey's. 

"I—I just fell," he swallowed anxiously, still painting. "but listen—" 

Zak didn't let it slide and insisted, interrupting him once again, "You know I won't let you play in these conditions, right?" 

Harvey glared at him as he hastily took out of his pocket a folded sheet, impatiently slamming it then against his friend's chest.

"Woah, dude—" he grabbed the piece of paper, then looked back at the Sophomore. He was still struggling to breathe regularly and his upset and worried expression spoke for itself. 

Zak frowned, and looked back at the crumpled piece of paper. "What..." 

"Just— Read it." Harvey breathed.

Quickly unfolding the sheet, an achingly familiar heart drop was all the Junior could feel. It was a new article of the School Journal. 

Wishing for it to be fake, Zak shook his head and met Harvey's glance once again, then forced himself to look back at the newsletter. 

"It was stuck to the cafeteria whiteboard..." the Sophomore murmured, fidgeting with the bandage covering his left hand. 

Zak's eyes couldn't stop darting from left to right repeatedly, his lips parting as his jaw hung open. 

"What the actual… Fuck." he spat, feeling more and more queasy as he read further. "Zak's gay behavior and activities got limited after the Principal finally took action?!" leaning his side against the lockers, he quoted some lines as he shook his head with disgust. "It's still unclear if his role as captain got redeemed, we'll get an answer during Saturday's game…"

Once done mentally reading the few paragraphs remaining, the Junior looked back at Harvey. "How the fuck did they know…" he murmured, dimly frowning. "You and Mega were the only one knowing about our situation." 

"I have no fucking idea, dude." Harvey lied, that night's mistakes vanished to wispy nothings. "But this time the whole Journal was only about you." The slightest movement caused him pain, reminding him what took place the first hours of that day. 

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Harv." Zak spat, unable to control his anger. "I lost count of how many fucking times I was the top news on this bullshit."

The Sophomore stood there in silence, unable to think of anything either comforting or logical to say. 

"This is fucking ridiculous." the older continued rambling, leaning his head against the lockers as well. "Out of everyone in this entire school, why did I have to be the one targeted? And for what? Being…" his mouth sealed closed, refusing to finish the sentence. 

Zak shook his head yet again and pushed himself away from the locker, managing to control himself and avoiding to punch it. 

"Look, we really gotta do something about this, it's getting outta hand—" 

Wearily glaring at his friend, the Junior raised an eyebrow as he folded the crumpled piece of paper still in his hands. "Well, if I couldn't stop 'em myself for two years straight," he objected, tucking the folded sheet in the pocket of his jeans. "I doubt I'll be able to, now that it's completely out of control." 

"Ever considered—" 

"No." he instantly spat, preceding Harvey's thought. "I'm not gonna press charges when not only I have absolutely no fucking idea who the fuck wrote this news-shit and there's surely more than one person involved, but I'm already enough deep in my shit with police related stuff." 

Frustrated, the Sophomore kept uneasily fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie. 

"I— How the fuck is this even happening. It just… makes no sense. I know I've been an arrogant fake piece of shit these years of high school, but who would hate me that much to push themselves to this point?!" 

Taken aback, Harvey frowned as realization hit him. He didn't actually think about how messed up that story was. 

"When I first got in here, the School Journal was full of nothing more than… silly and teasy news. But as long as I can remember, it didn't push people to their edge." Unable to hold himself for any longer, his fist flew and hit his own locker painfully. 

That action caught the attention of some students passing by the busy hallway. 

"Dude, let's just— Let's go find Darryl, okay?" 

"Harvey, I honestly tried to tell you to stay the fuck outta this mess." Zak spat, completely clueless of how much Harvey got involved that same night. 

The Sophomore looked away, unable to hold his gaze, "Alright… But at least let Darryl know before he discovers it himself, please. You two have been through enough arguments over this stuff." he dared to point out, biting the inside of his cheek as a result of his risky advice.

Sighing, Zak nodded. "I'll need your phone for a moment, then."

Nodding, Harvey tucked his hand in his jeans, handing Zak the requested device.

"Thank you." the older murmured as he dialed Darryl's number, pressing then the phone against his ear. "Hey, we really need to talk. Yes, right now. No— No!"

Trying to figure out what the Senior was saying from the other side, the short boy studied Zak's reactions.

"What?! Why out of all places the library?!" he frowned, moving his raven hair out of the way. "Eh, fair enough. Alright, I'll be there in, like, two minutes. Yeah, see you there. Bye."

"Meeting in the library?" Harvey asked for a confirmation, obtaining a quite harsh response from his friend.

"Yes," he replied, handing the phone back to his owner, "alone." 

"Yeah, I figured." the shorter said before pressing a hand on Zak's shoulder. "Stay safe, Zak." 

The Junior forced himself to smile. "You too."

Waving at each other, the two friends went on their own way, wishing they could leave all their worries behind.

Jogging into the library, Zak searched for Darryl, ignoring all the confused eyes he was attracting. That was his third time going there, and his hate for that room did nothing but increase over the years.

The Senior chose the worst place to meet. Too many hidden spots, too silent, too unsafe. Yet, he couldn't care less, at that rate.

As he walked through one of the tight aisles between the numerous shelves, Darryl's head peaked out of one of the last ones. He naturally smiled at the short boy, but all he could do was quickly wave at him.

Zak didn't go in the same corridor as him, but allowed a shelf to separate them. It was just to avoid making it look obvious, despite it already was.

Letting the short boy ramble about what happened, Darryl's concerned expression kept getting worse and worse as he kept going with explanations.

After sliding the School Journal on the other side and reading it, he realized how loudly Zak was speaking.

"Zak, please calm down." he pleaded, expecting nothing but a worse reaction from him

"How am I supposed to calm down?! This is bullshit!" the raven-haired boy screamed in a whisper, leaning against the shelf to get closer to Darryl. 

The Senior had no time to object that Zak started rambling once again. "Harvey and Mega were the only ones knowing about our situation and like that should've stayed."

"Are you implying that someone is stalking us? It wouldn't make any sense..." the blonde boy objected, frowning.

"I don't even know, dude…" he pushed himself away from the bookshelf, turning on himself as he cupped his face, "This… Jesus Christ, this is draining." without moving his hands, he leant back with his elbows. "I can't remember a day where something bad didn't happen…"

Concerned, Darryl reached for Zak's arm to caress it, making his way through the books.

"I never needed a break from life more than I do right now." he breathed, not really sure if he wanted for the Senior to hear.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay—"

Uncovering his face Zak wearily glared at him, shaking his head as he spat, "How, Darryl. Tell me how and maybe I might actually feel better."

The blonde boy didn't dare to give him a response.

“That's what I thought." he murmured, standing away from the bookshelf.

"You can't blame me, Zak. What am I supposed to do or say?!" Darryl whispered, defending himself.

"I don't know!" 

"Let me remind you that I'm in this with you!" the older bitterly remarked. 

Zak's glance met his, his chocolate eyes full of mixed emotions. He looked hurt from the truth.
"What?!" the blonde boy frowned, frantically shaking his head. "Don't act like you didn't drag me into this!"

"Jesus Christ, Darryl! Do you really think I'm having fun involving the only few people I love?!" he talked back, slamming his hands on the shelf. 

"Of course not, but—" the argument got interrupted by two students hushing them simultaneously, glaring at them.

Darryl clenched his teeth, huffing out of frustration.

"Look, I'm sorry." Zak murmured, looking genuinely mortified. "I'm just… So done with this bullshit."

"I am too, my little muffin. You have no idea how much." the older replied, his voice softening up. "I just want you to be safe and fine.

Shaking his head in reply, the Junior leaned against the shelf behind him. "It's not gonna happen anytime soon, apparently." he breathed, biting his lower lip before apologizing once again. "Sorry for acting like a dick. You're right, I involved you in this again, I really have to shut the fuck up and stop with the excuses."

"It's okay, you're angry and I get it." Darryl reassured him, smiling softly.

"Still not an excuse to—"

"Zak, stop. Please."

Sighing silently, the short boy nodded.
As he lifted his glance, a familiar boy hiding behind the shelf on the opposite side of the aisle caught his attention.

"We gotta go." his eyes refused to look away from him. 

Confused, Darryl sighed, "Can we meet after school?"

"Too risky," he finally looked back at the blonde boy. "We're still banned from seeing each other."

"Well… we are now." he pointed out.

Zak rolled his eyes, "Ugh, you know what I mean."

"Uhm, what about a call? You could use either Harvey's or Mega's phone." he newly proposed.

"I have baseball practice 'till five, tho. I don't know when and if I'll be able to call you."

Darryl hesitated but gave in, daring to ask the risky question "Are you seriously gonna go?"

The baseball captain didn't know how to answer himself, struggling to gather his thoughts together to give a logical reply, "I can't miss a single class, training and game if I don't wanna get kicked out of this hell hole."

"Oh my goodness…" 

Zak's eyes darted back to the familiar boy hiding, just to find nothing but books. Vanished, as expected.

"Okay, I really have to go." he anxiously muttered as he picked up his backpack from the floor.

"Hey, Zak?" 

"Yeah?" he replied, looking back at him as he stood back up, anxiously adjusting the strap on his shoulder.

Darryl's smile was slightly hidden from the books, "I love you."

The raven-haired boy forced a small smile.

"Keep an eye on your phone, I'll find a way to call you." he looked back at where the boy was just to find no one once again, then glanced at the Senior. "Bye."

As soon as Zak left the library Darryl behind, spiraling bad thoughts easily took over his lucidity. He just couldn't control the regret he kept feeling since his relapse.

If only he didn't go to that party, maybe things between him and Darryl wouldn't be as complicated. Or would it?
Did he really mess things up with him when himself wasn't able to understand what he really felt for him.

Was that feeling love? Or was he just scared to be lonely?

Zak was convinced that he never deserved love, even less romantic love. 
Suddenly he felt the old, familiar exhaustion that dragged him to rock bottom weeks earlier. Keeping him anchored to it.
The same he struggled so much to unchain, freeing himself just in time to fill his lungs with some air.

But that time was different. 
He had no energy to fight against it.

Was it even worth trying to get back to the surface?

Zak smiled to himself as he walked down the crowded hallway, every student's hand was busy holding the familiar piece of paper, eyes either pointed at it or at him. 

Of course it wasn't worth it.