That Sunday wasn't going as Zak expected.

Naturally, he was over the moon either way. Having Darryl back with him was more than enough.
However, he just couldn't bear some of his unusual and rough actions.

The days before, continuous expectations and scenarios about how having Darryl back to his side would be, kept spiraling in his head all day and night long; and now, he couldn't help but be disappointed in his dreamlike expectations.

Even those small actions Darryl used to do changed, and so did the delicacy and attention in his motions.

It was almost surreal, but Zak tried his best to convince himself it was normal, and that sooner or later things would get back as they used to be.

But, yet again, he couldn't help but be scared if not terrified, of having lost the awesome connection he used to have with Darryl.

After the Senior asked him if he needed help with his studies, Zak decided to let him know about his school situation, about how he got suspended and about how he didn't know if it would damage in any way his Junior year.
Furthermore, he still had no idea when he would have permission to frequent his classes normally.

The younger boy felt foolish for expecting an understanding and supportive reaction from Darryl.

All he got was him demonstrating his disappointment towards Zak by scolding him, something he didn't anticipate.

Those emerald eyes were delivering the same disappointment he saw some nights before, the one of his relapse.

It hurt way more than expected.

The last thing Zak wanted was to argue, especially with him, so he simply forced himself to nod in defeat at the scolding words flowing out of Darryl's mouth.

They sure had happy and cuddly moments through the night before and the day, but there was that something clearly off which led the two to get into unnecessary discussions multiple times.

The worst part was that the probabilities Darryl realized how odd the situation between them was, were really low.

And for the umpteenth time, Zak found himself forfeited in his thoughts as he stared at an inexistent nothing in front of him.
His head cradled in the palm of his hand, as his elbow rested on the kitchen counter where school papers were scattered across.

A groan escaped his mouth at his phone vibrating on the opposite side of the worktop as it snapped him back to reality, making him flinch lightly.

He stretched his arm out reaching for the device, immediately alerting Darryl who coughed at his action, causing to Zak to instantly halt his motion.

"Zak, you spaced out so much... And now you're letting yourself get distracted by your phone? Please, you promised you'd try to study at least a little bit." the older sighed, closing the biology book he was paying full attention to seconds before.

"I did!" he rebutted, straightening up his posture. A frown made his way on his face as he glared at Darryl. "You know I'm not good at these things! I just can't stay focused this long."

The older boy studied him for a moment, and his eyebrows furrowed together.

"Yeah, sorry." he then mumbled after that moment of silence, then a smile grew on his lips, surprising Zak. "I'm still proud of you, you muffin. You did a good job."

And at that comment, the raven-haired couldn't help but smile like an idiot. A happy one, obviously.

"Here." Darryl placed his hand on the phone, sliding it towards him.

Zak widened his smile as he thanked him.
He brought the phone in front of himself, swiftly reading the notifications from the lock screen, learning that both Mega and Harvey texted him.

"Darryl?" he asked, his attention still on the screen as he typed his replies to his friends. "I'm gonna go to Harv's in like, five. Wanna come?"

His dark chocolate eyes full of hope landed on the other, who fought against himself not to let his face scrunch into an uneasy grimace.
He let an unsure hum to answer Zak's question.

"C'mon! It'll be fun!" the boy in blue whined, pressing on him. "Please?"

And at his puppy eyes, Darryl couldn't help but give in and accept the invite.

"Fine!" he replied with an exaggerated sigh followed by an eye roll. "But we'll get back soon, I don't want you to be tired for tomorrow!"

"Whaaat?" Zak whined in reply, stretching both his arms on the table and letting his chin lean on them. "What do you mean?! The chances that tomorrow my suspension will be lifted are basically zero!"

"No, they're not!" the other objected, frowning.

"But-" he tried to remark, getting immediately cut off.

"No but's!"

"Ugh, fine!" Zak groaned, giving up.

Silence filled the room as the two stared at each other for a short moment, a grin growing on both their lips.

"Two a.m.!" Zak literally screeched, covering and anticipating Darryl's 'Midnight!' for just a split of a second. "Aha! Two a.m. it is!" he shouted victoriously as he jumped off his chair, giggling.

"What?! No!" Darryl grumbled, following the boy's triumphant little jumps with his eyes.

"I said it first!" he pointed out, grinning as he walked backward towards the coat rack.

"That's not how it works!" the blonde boy complained, getting up from his chair as well.

"C'mon, let's go." Zak giggled, completely ignoring his objections.

"Oh my goodness. You muffin, get back here!" he challenged as he tried to catch the tittering boy.

"Come and get me, then, coward!" the other chirped, putting Darryl's jacket on while he easily dodged his arms, which attempted to wrap around his body.

And giggling, the two exited their dormitory, heading to Harvey's house.

Those were the moments Zak was living for.
Simple and silly jokes, laughs breaking the silence between them, and especially, walking with Darryl.
Their fingers tangled together as they walked at their own peace to whatever destination.

Darryl never failed to make him happy, even with the smallest thing.

Zak smiled tenderly to himself at him squeezing softly his hand as they walked one beside the other

However, the boy in blue couldn't deal with those thoughts constantly representing themselves several times during the day.

No matter how hard he tried to push them in the back of his head, they kept coming back.

He swallowed anxiously, his glance darting from the cemented ground to Darryl.

'What if I disappoint you again..?' Zak questioned, his eyes falling back on the floor. 'What if I get kicked out of school? What if...'

His heart dropped at the thought, unable to even formulate that question.

'What if...' he didn't dare. 'Fuck, I have to stop.'

"Is everything okay, my little muffin?" Darryl asked, passing a hand in Zak's hair.

He looked back at him, a smile hesitantly making his way on his lips as Darryl's arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer.

"Yeah."

What if he stops loving Zak?

Regardless of how exhausting that night was, Zak wasn't able to get to fall asleep despite all his desperate attempts.

He sighed and opened his eyes, scanning the messy living room.

On the floor there were pillows, sheets, bowls full of snacks crumbles, some soda can, and the other three boys, asleep.

Carefully unwrapping Darryl's arms from around his waist, Zak got up and smiled wearily at the scene.

Mega fell asleep with his legs still on the couch, after playing head-down, and Harvey took advantage of his chest as a pillow.

He scoffed lightly, shaking his head amused.

Earlier that night, they played Minecraft all together, but to make it funnier, they decided to play in couples.
One controlled the mouse, while the other the keyboard.

Him and Darryl did unexpectedly well despite the initial trolling, but Harvey and Mega kept arguing on the smallest things, unable to coordinate their movements.

It was one of the best funniest of the night. And Zak was glad Darryl integrated into the group regardless of his original hesitation and anxiety.

Sighing, the short boy looked back at the dirty blonde, and his tender smile grew wider.

He kneeled down beside him, placing a kiss on his temple, then got back up, grabbed Darryl's jacket and walked off towards the terrace's window.

By now accustomed to the creaking caused by the sliding window, Zak opened it gently and got out.

The freezing air filled his lungs instantly, making him shiver.
He slid the jacket on, then sat down, leaning his head against the wall behind him as he admired at the starred sky upon him.

That view was something he never grew tired of.

It didn't take much before someone reached out to Zak. And, surprisingly, it was Mega.

He stared at the sky as well right after having exited the living room, and without looking away, he sat down beside the raven-haired boy.

"Hi, Mega." Zak greeted, shooting him a smile. "I didn't expect you to come, not gonna lie."

And with that, the older gained a hassled glare from his friend.
Huffing, Mega took his phone out of his striped hoodie's pocket and let his thumbs dance on the screen, forming his complaints.

«I already told this to Harvey; I might be an asshole, but I really fucking care about you two.» he spat, scowling back at him.

Zak forced himself to grin teasingly, but an exhausted smile was all he was able to do.

«What's wrong, Zak.» Mega immediately rushed to ask, hiding in his concern behind his usual frown.

Silence replied to his question. The only audible noise was Darryl's jacket scrunching up as Zak hugged his own legs tightly against his chest.

"I don't even know, dude. I should be happy since Darryl is back, y'know? I just—" he stopped himself with a scoff, not finding the right words. Then, he shook his head slowly. "I don't know..."

«Are you scared to lose him again or something?»

In response, Zak smoldered silently.

"I guess so."

«It's normal.» Mega's eyes fell on the ground in front of him. «I'm scared to lose Harv and you all the fucking time. You just... gotta live the moment, I guess.»

"Ooo! Who's scared to lose me?!" Harvey's voice came from the open windows, where his head was peaking from. With a wide grin plastered on his face, he waved at the two boys.

«Surely not me.» Mega hurried to tell, crossing his arms against his chest.

"Bruh... How did you idiots wake up?!" the other whined, frowning.

"This dumbo literally tried to suffocate me with a pillow!" the Asian boy stated, pointing at Mega.

"What?!" he replied, looking at the alleged offender.

«He wouldn't stop snoring!» he defended himself, lifting his free hand up.

Harvey scoffed in response and, as he sat down, he pushed the shorter boy friendly.

"Darryl is sleeping like a fucking rock. I have no idea how he's still asleep after all the noise me and Mega made."

«Could've been worded better.»

"Oh my God..." Zak scoffed, shaking his head at Mega's objection.

"Anyway!" Harvey hurried to change the topic, trying not to laugh at his own poor choice of words. "What's up?"

«This idiot can't stop overthinking stupid shit as always,» Mega explained, pressing his index finder against Zak's cheek.

"That's not true, shut up!" he instantly denied, his tone of voice peaking.

"Suuure." his teammate replied, shooting him a knowing look.

The raven-haired boy huffed at his friends pressuring on his wellness.

"Look— I'm fine, guys." he remarked, glaring at both of them.

"Are you, doe?" Harvey persisted, narrowing his eyes.

Mega nodded in agreement, crossing his arms and turning his head back towards Zak.
The taller boy's eyes darted from a boy to the other as he tried to process a reasonable excuse, in vain.

"Ugh, just— Forget it, dude." he spat, leaning back against the wall behind him.

"Don't forget it us, Zak. You promised." Harvey pointed out.

«C'mon, how bad can it be? It's not like you relapsed again or something.» Mega added, shrugging.

Only hearing that word caused to Zak body to tense up, and that didn't pass unnoticed by Harvey's and Mega's eyes.
The two now gripped with fear and disbelief, had their eyes open wide pointed on him.

"Wait—" the Asian boy tried to question, immediately cut off by Mega.

«Did u?!»

"What— No! Never!" Zak hurried to reply in a vain attempt to reassure them. "It's... I don't know. I mean, I do know, but I have no idea how to word it without you two freaking out or getting mad at me, I guess." he struggled to explain, instinctively raising both his hands in front of himself.

«Dude, just go for it.» the younger insisted, calmer than seconds before.

Leaning a hand on the top of Zak's shoulder, Harvey nodded, agreeing with Mega.

His chocolate eyes studied their expression, then he ceded under their affirming looks.

"Fine! I..." he attempted to start, not able to find the right words. "Y'know, I... I pretty much spent these seventeen years of my life thinking about... Killing myself. Every single day, every single moment. My whole life was all about finding the best way to end it all. And..." he scoffed, shaking his head slowly as he became even more self conscious. "It's so stupid, but I have no idea how many times i planned my death out during all these years, but... I do know that I have no idea how to live."

At Zak's words, Harvey couldn't help but exchange a concerned glance with him, while Mega avoided eye contact at all costs.

The fact he exactly knew what Zak meant, hit him in the worst ways conceivable.

"I never... Thought I would ever have a future ahead of me, y'know? And now that I actually do, I just— I don't know." the raven-haired boy continued, shaking his head once again. "I have no idea how living works."

"Zak..." Harvey let escape his name in a murmur.

In the meanwhile, Mega hugged his legs tightly, frowning at his words.

"You could tell me what I've been always told, like— You gotta do your best at school, study, graduate, get a job, if you're lucky you get to settle down, something like that. And, all i can think of is: what's the point in that? I... I don't get it." Zak murmured, frowning as he stared blankly at the nothing in front of him. "What's the point in living, guys."

And as he hit another point, despite all the fighting, Mega's eyes became glossy, however, nobody noticed.

Harvey exhaled silently, leaning his hand back on Zak's shoulder.

"Zak. That's not what living is, that's just... Existing." he murmured, looking at him straight in the eyes although the gesture was not reciprocated.

In response to his statement, the raven-haired boy frowned lightly.

"Living is... Something else. It's not only about studying, getting a job and a family. It's about having fun, going out with friends, do all kinds of shit with them, goin' places, eat the trashiest food, pull all-nighters just to play videogames or go stargazing, things like that." Harvey calmly explained, smiling softly at the idea of living a life like that.

Eventually, Zak raised his glance, finally staring back at his friend.

"Life is a journey. Don't let your past kill your future. And, sure, you can't expect everything to get better in a week or something like that. It's gonna take time, and during that time, you're gonna relapse, you're gonna have bad moments, you're gonna struggle. And I, Mega and Darryl are gonna help you through, okay?" he continued, scarcely tightening the grab on his shoulder. "We're not leaving you."

Zak blinked wearily as he nodded slowly, then ceded under his concerned look.

"Look, I understand you probably don't get the whole life to die thing, but... try to see it this way: we're humans, we're capable of things, of having goals and aspirations, to care about others; y'know, in your case us and Darryl. And, whatever this is, whatever are we living on and for, we can live with these goals and aspirations that motivate us to keep going, y'know?"

The Junior nodded once again, frowning slightly as he attempted to process Harvey's words.

"You can live it negatively, but... Do you really wanna be like that? Wake up every morning and be like 'Shit, I'm a day closer to death! I don't see why I shouldn't kill myself already!', do you really want to make life something you have to suffer about? Or you wanna make it something happy, y'know... You're here, alive, with a future ahead of you. And, yeah, you might not be fine right now, but you will." he continued, gifting him a determined nod. "Last year you said you said you wanted to be the top-ranked baseball player of all United States' high school, right? Then, go for it. Don't let all these fuckers bring you down. You got this, Zak."

A tired smile grew on his lips, but not on Mega's, who kept staring blankly at the ground in front of himself.

"And, really, having a low point in life is completely common and normal, just be sure to, like, get back up. Belive me, if u do get back up, you definitely never gonna regret it." Harvey concluded, patting friendly his shoulder as his grin grew wider.

"Yeah..." Zak agreed, smiling thankfully. "Thank you so much, Harv. I really needed this."

"We believe in you."

Mega kept himself silent and simply nodded at his friend's words.

"Jesus Christ, guys." the older sighed, leaning back again the wall. "I have no idea what the fuck would I do without you two. Thank you so much for everything."

Mega got up, ignoring his thankful words.

«I'm gonna head back inside.» his phone readout as he walked off.

"Goodnight!" Harvey hurried to greet, waving at him.

"'Night, Mega."

The short boy waved at them without bothering to look at them and got back inside.

Sighing, Harvey looked back at Zak, attempting to hide his concern behind his grin.

"Is there something wrong with Darryl, doe?" he dared to question, making Zak uneasy about it.

"Nah." he chanced to deny, failing.

And in response, Harvey gifted him the knowing look he hated the most.

"Ugh, fine! Yes, yes there is. It's not about him, tho, it's... about us. I'm overthinking this, surely, but... I feel like we're not the same as before."

"Well, you both lived a week without each other. It's normal things are a little weird." Harvey reassured, pushing him softly.

"Mh... I guess."

A small moment of silence allowed the two to admire the starred sky upon them.

"Zak?"

"Mh?" he hummed in reply.

"You should talk with him about this."

The older stayed silent.

"Or, at least get professional help. You should talk about it with Callahan, he's the only adult who has your back, after all." the other persisted. "I don't want you to keep all of this inside of you."

"I will, just... Gimmie time." Zak murmured, clenching his teeth.

Harvey's eyes darted from the sky to his friend.

"What are you gonna do this morning?" he suddenly asked, receiving a groan from Zak.

"I'll probably have to go talk with the bitch, and see what the fuck I gotta do to get my suspension lifted."

"It's gonna be okay."

Zak was the one glancing at the other, this once.

"Harv? Can I ask you how's the situation with your parents?"

A nervous chuckle escaped the Sophomore's mouth as his grin became instantly forced.

"I mean, it's okay, I guess." he pushed himself onto a poor attempt to tell an untruth.

"They still don't get it, do they?"

Giving in, Harvey nodded.

"Yep, they don't. They really don't wanna get in their heads how miserable I feel with all their pressure on my grades. Anytime I bring home a B, it's... fucking hell."

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry, dude."

"It's okay, I'm okay, really. I'm just... I’m not made for this whole 'You must get straight A's to have a future assured' bullshit, y'know? It's not even true!" he shrugged, frowning with aversion at his own parent's reasoning.

"I just hope they'll understand, sooner or later." Zak murmured, patting his shoulder.

"Me too, man. The last thing I want to happen is me ending up in college for their own desires. I mean, I'm still a Sophomore and have time, but, yeah."

"It's gonna be fine, Harv." his friend reassured, shooting him a sincere smile.

"Woah." he breathed, blinking. "I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that until now."

Zak's smile grew wider.

"Thank you, Zak."

"Anytime."

After getting up and stretching with a loud groan, Harvey yawned.

"Aight." he grumbled, looking down at Zak. "I'm gonna head back inside too. Try and get sleep, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. 'Night, Harv." he greeted, smiling at him.

Waving at his friend, he left, letting him enjoy the starred sky alone in the cold weather of the night.

He couldn't make up his mind, and that was messing his head up.
For the umpteenth time, Mega found himself staring at the messages displayed on his phone, reading it over and over, as if he could lose something written in those two, singles sentence.

He typed his reply for the sixth time, and groaning, he pressed his finger against the screen, finally sending his reply.

Groaning, he locked his phone and tucked it back into his hoodie pocket, then opened the fridge in search of something to eat as an attempt to distract himself for his choice.

He wasn't only trying to draw himself away from that, but for what happened just a pair of minutes before
Mega was living the same identical thing as Zak, and him being able to talk about it made him self-conscious about how much of a bad place he was in.

Sighing, he tiptoed as he tried to look behind the groceries in the fridge.

"Oh, you're still up." Harvey's surprised yet happy voice chirped from the entrance of the room.

Mega didn't bother to even shoot him a glance and grabbed the iced coffee on the shelf, then closed the door.
Without the slightest noise, he turned towards the entrance and, without looking up, he walked towards it, ready to head out.

But Harvey didn't move, instead, he leaned his hand on the top of Mega's head, causing him to flinch lightly.

"I know you're struggling too, Mega." he suddenly stated, making him even more paranoid. "You're having problems with your mother and with school, aren't you?"

He swallowed anxiously, feeling the tears he fought back earlier get back more fierce than before.

"I'm here for you and I always will."

The taste of blood filled his mouth as he sunk is teeth onto the inside of his cheek.

Harvey's arms pulled the short boy onto a hug. His breath was unsteady, but he stubbornly kept fighting against himself not to cede.

"Everything is gonna be okay, I promise."

Mega's arms wrapped around his friend, pulling him closer. He felt so grateful to have him.

"Thank you..."

Yet, he couldn't stop thinking he didn't deserve friends like Harvey and Zak.

Especially after what he decided to do behind their back.

u want to talk w dave too?
< 01.24 pm.

so? tmr 1pm by the gym?
< 03.57 pm.

Yes.
03.23 am. >

See you there, Vincent.
03.23 am. >

[unedited; 3955 words.]
sorry for the late, rushed
and low-quality update.