"Are you feeling a better, little muffin?" the blonde boy asked, placing a mug filled with hot chocolate on the table.

The short boy was sitting at the table, hugging his legs while staring blankly at an undefined point in front of him.
Darryl stared at him worried, then slid the cup towards Zak, making him flinch as soon as he catched the movement.

"Thank you." quietly muttered, resting his chin on his knees. "And I'm fine Darryl, don't worry." murmured raising lightly his voice.

The older boy sighed at his reply, and dragging his chair closer to him, who was silently observing his movements, sat down gifting him a small smile.

"Can I ask... what happened to you?" Zak hesitantly asked before Darryl could even complain about his previous answer, resting his eyes on him.

At his questions, the older boy uneasily lowered his eyes and stayed silent while fidgeting with his fingers, as if he was trying desperately to come up with an excuse.
Zak's hand layed on his, stopping his movements, and his emerald eyes looked back up at him full of anxiety and discomfort.

"Hey, you don't have to answer." reassured the short boy with a small tired smile, holding now one of Darryl's hands.

"I'm sorry but... I don't feel like... talking about it." murmured in reply looking back down while caressing with both thumbs the back of Zak's hand, wich was embed in his.

"If you'll ever feel like to, I'll be there ready to hear you out. After all, you did the same with me." he pointed out, widening lightly his smile at Darryl's caresses.

"Thank you, little muffin." whispered, glancing at him and giving a thankful smile back.

A second later, Zak's eyes meet his emeralds one's once again, and found himself forced to look at the mug, pulling his hand away against his will.

"I know things keep happening but... I really, really have to study. Do you still feel like helping me or?" asked, sliding side to side the cup in front of him.

"Of course, I'm just... are you sure you want to? I can't stress enough how tired you look." said the blonde boy, looking him with the usual concerned look.

"I'm fine, for the umpteenth time, Darryl." answered exasperated, leaning against the back of the chair and letting his arms fall on the sides.

"Alright, alright..." murmured raising his hands while getting up.

Darryl grabbed the short boy backpack and carefully put it on the table beside him, then took his own belongings, such as pencils, sheets and a calculator, and placed them besides Zak's ones.
Then, he walked into the kitchen and came out a moment later with a dish full of muffins, of course.

"Alright, little muffin." he sat back down and slid the plate aside, smiling then at Zak. "Are you ready?"

The studies proceeded quite smoothly with Darryl patiently helping the short boy, explaining his errors with his usual soft tone of voice, and Zak really trying his best to fix them and understand what was doing wrong.
Every once in a while, the blonde boy would glance at him while completely focused on his math exercises, admiring his face features and his chocolate eyes.
The ease with which he was able to lose himself in Zak's eyes was worrying, and the need to hug him or simply hold his hand was more than only worrisome.

Darryl found himself so anxious about his feelings towards Zak that the palms of his hands were getting injured more often from his nails unconsciously digging into his skin.
That coping mechanism was one of the worst. He wasn't able to control it.
He hoped with all himself not to fall back into a specific old habit. The only wich the only thought about would make him bring his hand on his left wrist, increasing the phantom pain that was always there, somehow.
He hated it.

He regretted doing such a stupid thing. Yet he was addicted to it, still to those days.
Pathetic.

"Boop." Zak softly poked Darryl's cheek with his index finger, making him snap back into reality.

The older boy lightly flinched and quickly traveled with his eyes from the sheets then back at Junior, with a lost and sorry look on his face, trying to understand what Zak could have possibly said or asked him, in vain.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, I spaced out." admitted, stopping his eyes on him, who was smiling slightly at his reaction.

"I know, that's why I booped your cheek." pointed out giggling softly, covering his mouth with his sleeve. "While you were lost in your world full of muffins, I asked you if I did this right." explained, sliding the sheet he was working on towards Darryl, and placing the same finger he used to poke his cheek on a specific exercise.

Darryl quickly ran his eyes on the piece of paper, carefully analyzing the calculation, seconds later finishing, he looked up at Zak smiling.

"It is." proudly announced, widening his smile.

The short boy had been struggling on that type of exercises for the whole two hours they've been studying, and finally got it right.

"Really?" asked, his voice pitch took off. "You're trolling. There's now way I did it." he let himself fall against the back of his chair, without looking away from him.

"You really did! I'm so proud of you, little muffin." exclaimed, messing his hair up.

Zak giggled softly, then rose his arms in the air accompanied by a small victorious sound.

'God, how can someone be so cute...' thought Darryl, admiring the short boy's smile.

"Oh shoot," he murmured right after checking the time from the older boy's phone wich was laying on the table. "It's getting super late, I should go." added, giving a fast glance at him, looking then back down.

"You don't have to, after all we still have more than one hour before your training starts."

"Are you sure I'm not a bother? Both for you and for your roommate?" Zak asked arching his eyebrows and fixing his hair passing a hand through it.

"Of course you aren't! Actually, you're the opposite. I like staying with you, Zak." admitted, giving him a sincere smile.

Stunned by both his words and smile, the short boy couldn't help but feel appreciated for once. Didn't last long, though. His smile faded away quickly.

'Lies.'

"Thank you, I guess..." muttered, looking back down. "By the way, now that i think about it, I never saw your roommate." pointed out, desperately changing topic.

"Oh, right. He rarely stays here, he always stays over his boyfriend's house. I don't even know why he's still here, to be honest." explained shrugging, not even thinking too much about it.

Zak got instantly sick at the word 'Boyfriend', almost feeling stabbed by it. He didn't hate gay people. He really didn't. But he felt obligated to.

"Oh, cool." murmured avoiding eye contact by packing his belongings up.

Darryl didn't seem to notice the small change in Zak's expression and behavior. Was it a good or a bad thing?
Who knows.

Most likely bad.

"Hey, why don't you stay over for dinner?" the blonde boy excitedly asked, leaning towards him.

Zak's sickness got even worse.

'Shit, not again.'

Hiding the food when with Darryl was nearly impossible because of his capability of catching the smallest particulars. For avoiding any suspect or worry from the older boy, he found himself obligated to gulp down that disgusting casing of fat and calories for already two meals in a row.
The first time, he resisted the urge to throw everything up because he hadn't eaten in days, but that morning, in the bathrooms of Chick-fil-A, he couldn't help but stick two fingers down his throat.
Never felt so pathetic and worthless.

"No, there's no need, really." Zak reassured, masking the increasing panic tidying his things up.

"Oh, come on. You need to eat something before training!" insisted, slightly tilting his head to the side.

'Stop.'

"Nah, I'm fine." nervously replied, closing the zip of his backpack with an abrupt gesture.

Right after, he turned his head in the blonde boy direction, who was staring at him with an almost begging expression.

"Fine!" sighed giving in, and not wanting to rise suspects, he purposely overreacted to mask his discomfort.

Darryl got up from his seat letting out a small victorious noise, and walked to the fridge.

"What would you like to eat? I could make pancakes!" exclaimed looking back at him, widening his smile.

Zak's heart skipped a beat.
But not because of his smile, this time.

"Uh, aren't those for like, breakfast?" anxiously asked, sitting back down.

"Well, I don't see why they can't be eaten as lunch or dinner." the blonde boy responded, taking out of the fridge the ingredients and carefully putting them on the small counter.

The short boy guts started twisting, already feeling like throwing up.
He had no choice but pandering him.

"Guess you're right, then." murmured, resting his head in his covered hand.

In the next five minutes, the only sound audible was the soft crackling from the pancakes getting cooked on the pan. Zak stared at Darryl the whole time, lost his careful and delicate movements, almost forgetting that once he would have finished, he would had to eat them.

The taller boy removed the pan from the hot-plate, sliding the last pancake over the other two already on the plate, then placed implement in the sink.

"Here we go!" Darryl announced, taking the two dishes and the cutlery to the table and carefully sliding them towards Zak. "Hope you'll like it." said, smiling softly at him.

After forcing himself to smile back, the junior started at the three pancakes in front of him, repressing the disgust by gritting his teeth.

'Five hundred. Five hundred fucking calories. Fuck this shit, there's no way I'm gonna make it.' thought, hesitantly grabbing the fork and the knife.

He glanced at Darryl, who already took a bite of his food and smiled at him right after.

Deep breaths.

The knife cutted down a small piece of pancake, and the fork slowly brought it in front of Zak's mouth.
He forced the food into is mouth, barely able to chew.

"How is it?" Darryl asked, giving his a sweet glance.

Zak simply nodded, struggling to gulp down. Staring back at the pancakes, he forced himself again to cut down another piece.

'This is stupid.'

The fork stopped in front of him, he was shaking.

'This is so fucking stupid.'

Abruptly slamming the fork on the table, he got up from his chair.

"I really have to go, I'm sorry." murmured, getting up and avoiding eye contact.

"What? Are you okay?" Darryl asked, trying to lean his hand on the short boy's shoulder.

"Yes, I'm fine. But I really have to go." repeated agitated, feeling about to throw up the nothingness in his stomach.

"Are you sur-"

"I said I'm fine!" shouted punching the table, staring at an undefined point in front of him.

Darryl stared concerned at him with wide open eyes, caught off guard by that explosive reaction.

"Fuck. I'm so sorry." Zak whispered ashamed, squeezing his eyes closed. "I'm gonna leave." muttered quickly grabbing his backpack and hurrying up to the front door, without letting any time to Darryl to react.

"Zak!"

Too late.
The door swung close, without producing more than a small clanking.
Zak ran down the stairs, he felt like shit.

'Fuck, I'm so fucked up.'

He needed to throw up. He needed his pills. He needed to smoke. He needed to get drunk. He needed to hurt himself.

He wanted to cry.

'Fuck.'

That was the scariest feeling ever.
Realizing you're addicted to something.
Whether is drugs, self harm, alcohol.
Finding yourself repeating the same phrases every time.

«This is my last pill.»
«This is my last cigarette.»
«This is my last cut.»
«This is my last drink.»
«This is my last time throwing up.»

Bullshit.
And hearing those few people who noticed saying the same shit over and over again, as a broken disk.

«Just stop it.»

The thing is you can't simply stop.
An addiction is an obsession.
An obsession that takes over your thoughts. Your mind. Your happiness.

And you can't do anything about it.

No matter how hard he tried to get out of those addictions. Out of that shit.

He would always relapse.

Over and over again.

Until he gave up.

Letting himself slowly dying by his own hands.

[unedited, 2115 words.]