Metanoia

(n.) The journey of changing one's mind, heart, self or way of life.

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"This is not working. I don't even know who we are anymore," Jaya yells at Rakesh who has just arrived an hour ago from his ward round to find his wife, packing up her stuff in a suitcase.

"What are you saying? We are happy. You can't leave like this," he says, tired from the long hours of walking and struggling to save his marriage.

"Look around Rakesh, we are not happy. It is just emptiness," she spats out in anger. In their two years of marriage, she has always found her husband working. Although it didn't bother her that much but now-a-days it has been overwhelming. It is like that he is never at home. Sometimes the space beside her on the bed remains as cold in the morning as it was a night before.

"I can't leave my patients to die." 

"That's why you decided to let our marriage die." 

He knows how his professional life has taken a toll on his personal life. Sometimes, he thought that he would have been at a better place if he had opted for an easy branch but surgery was his passion. As if he always knew that he was born to be a surgeon. 

But the reality of his breaking marriage is like a bucket of cold ice water is thrown in his head. He stands there with an apologetic look on his wife begging her to stay, to give him another chance to reprimand. But he knew his wife inside out, he knew already that it was his last chance after the countless chances that he had received before.

He watched his wife climb down the flight of stairs of the house they once called their home. He sat there defeated with his shoulders slumped down. He wanted to cry and let the tears flow down to ease down his pain but with the years that he had spent in his medical school, had made him immune to crying. That is what is taught in confined spaces of hostel walls, to learn to be tough so that you can go through every hardship and move mountains leading to success.

He picks the photo frame on the side table, looking at her wife smiling to the camera clad in her wedding dress. She looked beautiful that day, he smiled remembering it.

The ringing of his phone brings him back from walking down the memory lane. He picks it up, placing it on his ear.

"Sir, there is an emergency case," the junior doctor's voice boomed from the other line. 

Gathering himself up from the ground, he rushed to the hospital. Changing into his doctor's coat made him forget about his miserable personal life. 

But the day was not in his favour. He lost his patient on the table. Although throughout his career, he had seen many families lose their loved ones, many people died in front of him but today hit him differently.

He felt as if someone had pushed him down the cliff. He felt defeated. Everything that mattered to him, that was an important part of his life came crashing and burning down. Every part of his body was devoid of energy. 

But still, he somehow managed to drag himself on his feet in the safe confinements of his small office. He slumped down in the chair and closed his eyes.

Rakesh didn't know when he let sleep carry him into the wonderland. He was startled when someone shook him trying to wake him from the absurd sleeping position.

"Sir, didn't you go home yesterday?" One of the junior doctors asked him, shifting on his feets nervously.

"Ahmm, I didn't realise I passed out," it was the truth but Rakesh knew better. He wasn't ready to go into the empty house. 

"Should I ask someone to get you tea?"

"That would be good," Rakesh said before walking away to the bathroom. 

As he splashed the coldwater on his face, he was becoming aware of how much he had given up to reach where he is today. While his friends were going on trips, he was scribbling down various pathological appearances to memorise. When his cousins were getting married and raising their children, he was working 36 hour shifts in hospital, sleepless and barely functional on endless cups of coffee. 

'Stethoscope is the most expensive jewellery. For it cost you, your youth.' He had always heard his professors say but now staring at his greying hair and fine line across his face, he has realized what it means.

Putting on a poker face, he dragged himself out of the washroom. Taking a sip of the now cold tea, he proceeded to take a round. The junior doctors followed him behind.

"Sir, there is someone waiting for you by your cabin," one of the nurses said.

"I will be there shortly," he responded. After the round, he returned to his cabin and sat on the stiff chair, straightening his back.

A little girl, not above eight year old came strolling in with a box of sweets. She kept staring meekily at the ground as she stretched her hands forward. "Thank you," she said in a soft voice.

"She received her NRC yesterday. We can't be anymore thankful to you," her mother said.

Rakesh remembered her vividly. She was a single mother, struggling to make ends meet. Rhea, her daughter was diagnosed with stage 2 renal cancer. He operated on her and even paid all her expenses. That was two years ago.

The little girl hugged him as tight as she could with her tiny arms wrapping around his huge body. Every wall that he was trying to build from yesterday broke down and the tears flowed down his cheeks.

In that moment, he realized that maybe everything was right in the world. That maybe he made the right choices after all. That maybe all the sacrifices are worth it if it could bring joys to many others.

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Author's Note:  

NRC- It stands for 'No Remnants Of Carcinoma'. It is a kind of certificate given when there are no  cancer residues left in your body. It could be after a month or a year or several years or never.  So, that's a very big deal.

Let me know what you think?

If you are a doctor, an doctor in progress or an aspiring student to get into medicine, let me know what made you take up medicine?

For me, human body always fascinated me and sufferings of humanity always shook me to the core. My mom is a nurse and she aspired me to get into this field. Some days are hell, I admit but it's worth every second when you see a fully cured happily smiling infront of you.