[015], aera and the cold, hard truth

(trigger warning// mentions of suicide, vague mentions of rape)

THE wind blows through Aera's hair as she stands outside the apartment complex that houses Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon. Aera absentmindedly hums a familiar pop song she heard in a department store earlier in the day as she waits for Jake to exit the spinning door that leads into the warm lobby.

      Jake had called Aera up, asking if she wanted to hang out with him, and who was Aera to say no? Why would she say no to someone like Jake? It would be stupid of Aera to say no to Jake.

      Jake appears out of the spinning doors and Aera thinks he's never looked prettier. Just by simply dying his hair blonde, everything has changed about Jake. Even the way Aera thinks about him. His blonde hair curls against his forehead, swaying slightly as Jake lightly jogs over to Aera, not noticing her awestruck look.

      Goodness, Aera needs to control herself. She can't have herself thinking about Jake in such a way her stomach churns and her heart burns. It's not love, Aera reminds herself. Love doesn't feel like this.

       "Aera," Jake grins at the girl and suddenly her day is brighter. This isn't love. "Thanks for saying yes, if you didn't, I would've starved to death. There's literally nothing in our apartment and Hoon and Jay sent me out to do the grocery shopping, which is something I rarely do, but I know it's not something you do alone."

      Aera grins and without being fully aware of her actions, she brushes hair that had been blowing into Jake's face, behind his ear. "Of course, Jake. I can't say no to you."

       Something shifts in the air around them. Aera can't quite pinpoint it, but she's certain Jake's eyes soften and his mouth grows more inviting. Aera doesn't say anything. What should she say? I think I'm in love with you Jake, but I'm too scared to say it, because what if it's just as fleeting as all my other loves? Why do I want your love to last forever? Aera just simply allows Jake to take her hand into his as he drags her over to his car.

      The car ride is anything but silence. Both Aera and Jake fill the air with words they haven't said for the past two weeks. They fill each other in on everything they've missed, and Aera can feel the sense of belonging settling back inside her chest, the one she always gets whenever she is around Jake or his friends — their friends. 

       Entering the store, Jake shoves the grocery list into Aera's hands and takes a trolley, leaving Aera to read over the page long of items all three of the boys had written onto the paper. It was a lot and Aera begins to think they'll need at least two trolleys to buy all of the items listed on the paper.

       "Have you ever been grocery shopping, Aera?" Jake asks as he stares at the apples in the fresh produce section of the store, picking out the biggest ones and stuffing them into the small plastic bags provided.

      "Of course," Aera snorts, "my mom and dad always took me grocery shopping with them when I was younger. It was boring."

       Jake looks over at Aera and grins, "well when you're an adult buying your own stuff, it's more fun."

       Aera shrugs, "I don't know, staring at apples seems boring."

      "And that's because you don't know what you're looking for." 

      "Well, what am I supposed to be looking for, smarty-pants?" 

       Jake holds out a big apple — one that Aera wouldn't even be able to bite into. "Something like this." 

        Aera frowns, "why do you need an apple that big?" 

        "Jay wants to make his own apple juice," Jake shrugs and tosses the apple into the small plastic bag, "I don't question him, I just do as asked. I can never really win an argument against him, it's futile and pointless." 

        They fall into silence as they both look for big apples. Aera hadn't found any yet, while Jake was finding one every couple of seconds. Aera grows competitive and squints harshly — she doesn't know if it's even helping her — and does her best to find a big apple before Jake. 

         "Here!" Aera seizes on triumphantly. It's not the largest apple of the bunch, but it's quite big in Aera's eyes, "here's one, Jake!" 

         Jake grins and holds out the bag to Aera, "put it inside, Aera. That'll be on our last one. We've already spent ages searching for apples." 

       Aera places the apple in the bag and watches as Jake spins it around before placing their first item out of many into the trolley. Leaning forward, Jake pushes the trolley, his feet dragging the ground, and he calls out to Aera. "What's next on the list, baby?" 

       Pouting slightly, Aera scans the list. "Um. . Bananas, grapes, and a pineapple." 

       Aera trails behind Jake, watching as he slides by each fruit, picks up the first one he sees, and dumps it in the trolley. Aera giggles quietly, understanding why Jake was rarely asked to go grocery shopping.

       "Hey, Jake," Aera calls out. 

       The newly dyed blonde-haired boy turns around, halting his movements. "Yeah, Aera?" 

       "Don't you think. . You should really take your time shopping, rather than just dumping the first product you see in the trolley?" 

        Jake frowns, "why would I do that?" 

       "So you can get the best product for the best price, there are literally sales happening right now, why buy the more expensive item that isn't on sale when you buy a different item for half its price?" 

        "Yeah, but that just makes shopping drag on for longer than necessary," Jake defends. 

       Aera scoffs and rolls her eyes. She steps forward and shoves the list into Jake's chest. "You read out what's on the list and I'll do the shopping. I guess it's true; a female's brain matures faster than a male's." 

        "You can't just kick me off trolley-duty just like that!" Jake complains. 

       Aera sighs, "fine. You can push the trolley and read out the list to me. I'll handle all the shopping since you're too dumb to comprehend the point of sales." 

        "I am not dumb. I'm the Physics major with a scholarship here." 

        "And I'm the rich one," Aera deadpans. "Now get pushing. Where are we going now?" 

        "Sunghoon wants Froot Loops for whatever reason. They're gross." 

       "Can't fight you on that one," Aera says, "I like Frosted Flakes more than Froot Loops. Though, Cinnamon Toast Crunch definitely takes the cake for the best cereal of all time." 

        Jake shakes his head, "and do Lucky Charms dirty like that? Vile, baby." 

       Aera scoffs, "I'm the vile one?" She kicks Jake's ankle and he feigns hurt. "You're the one that likes Lucky Charms!" 

        Jake rolls his eyes and pushes the trolley forward, Aera follows after, grinning. "I guess you can't win an argument against anyone, sweetheart." 

        Jake doesn't respond and Aera's grin grows even wider. Teasing Jake like this is so easy and simple. Her heart doesn't interfere with her words or movements, her heart just allows Aera to do what she wants without offering up a substitute to shift the air between them. 

         Soon, the pair fall into an effortful groove, Jake pushing the trolley and telling Aera what's needed as they walk down each aisle, Aera taking her time picking out the product needed as Jake flirts with her, or rambles off on a long tangent about himself, or their friends, or Australia. There are moments where Jake drags himself away to steal a product out of Aera's fingers as she stretches for one on the top shelf. 

        "You're so short, baby," Jake teases one time as he stands behind the girl and reaches for the product Aera could've easily taken if she stood on her toes. 

        "Says you," scoffs Aera, ignoring the warmth that spreads through her as Jake's arm lays around her waist as they walk back to the trolley together, "you're like, the second shortest out o the seven boys." 

        "Ouch, you just hurt my pride." 

        "Good," Aera says, grabbing the product from Jake's hand and dumping it in the trolley, "sometimes, men need to get butthurt just to tone down their alpha male dynamic." 

         "That's hot. I would so love to see you tell off a man." 

       Aera scowls and whacks Jake, "men get turned on by the simplest of things. It's gross." 

      Jake hums, "whatever you say, baby. Let's go pick out some ramen, we need lots of it." Aera's rendered speechless when Jake drops a kiss on her temple like it was an everyday affair; like it was something they do often — exchanging kisses in the simplest, and most domestic-like way. It does something to Aera. Something she doesn't want to explore any deeper.  

      As they pull up to the frozen section of the store, Aera stares at the list, then over at Jake. "You want four ice cream tubs? Four?" 

       Jake nods as he looks through the glass door, "that's what it says on the list." 

       "Why four?" 

      "One for me, one for Jay, one for Sunghoon, and one for any visitors or guests we have over." 

      "You have designated ice cream tubs?" 

        "Uh, yeah," Jake looks over at Aera, his brows furrowed, "you don't?" 

       "No? Yena and I share the same Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor." 

       "Vile." 

      Aera pinches Jake's ear and he yelps, shoving Aera's hand away and rubbing his ear. "You're so mean to me, baby, what did I ever do to you?" 

         "Exist. Look, instead of buying four tubs, why not just get Neopolitan? The ice cream is literally vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate, which are three of the four flavors on the list. Plus, it's cheaper." 

         "I don't want to share the same tub as Jay and Sunghoon," Jake frowns, "who knows where their mouths have been." 

        "You eat the ice cream straight out of the tub?"

         "Depends. If I'm feeling happy, I don't, but if I'm feeling stressed or sad, I do." 

      Aera sighs and leans against the glass door as she watches Jake continue to look through the glass door, analyzing the prices of the ice cream flavors. "My little muffin, it's not like you're going to share the same spoon with Jay or Sunghoon, just buy two tubs of Neopolitan! Buying two tubs is the same price as buying three different tubs." 

        "Did you just call me 'my little muffin'?" Jake stares at Aera, amusement and incredulity all mixed into one emotion. 

        "What else am I supposed to call you? Bitchboy?" 

       "Baby or sweetheart sounds better, Aera." 

       "Woah, cowboy, we're not dating." 

       "You never say anything about me calling you baby?" 

      Aera doesn't know why she blushes. She looks away from Jake and opens up the freezer door, grabbing two tubs of the Neopolitan ice cream that was one sale. "Thank me later." 

       "I'll thank you now, baby," Jake pulls Aera in by the waist, chest to chest, toe to toe. Aera flushes a deeper red and Jake smirks, knocking their foreheads together gently. "Thank you, Aera, for helping us save money that we definitely need." 

       Aera scowls. "Try and be a little more sincere, sweetheart." 

      Jake's eyes light up, "you called me sweetheart!" 

      "You asked," Aera shrugs, "and I could I ever say no to you?" 

      Jake's smile is sweeter than any ice cream. Aera's eyes flutter shut as Jake leans forward and kisses her forehead, his lips lingering a moment longer. Then, he pulls away and steps back from Aera, ruffling her hair. "You're so cute, baby, let's finish up shopping and then make out in my car." 

       Aera reaches out and pinches Jake, but he dodges her and laughs loudly. "You have to be quicker than that, baby, I'm an athlete! And you're. . ." 

       "A slut," Aera supplies. 

      "I don't know how to respond to that." 

      Aera giggles and wraps her arm around Jake's waist as they walk through the store together, "you don't have to respond, Jake, just acknowledge it and move on." 

      "Aera —"

     "C'mon, let's go fill up the trolley with ramen!" 

      Jake lets the topic drop, but Aera feels he wouldn't keep it tucked away for as long as she hopes he would. Aera doesn't really want to bring up the topic of her so-called 'slut' status. 

      Finally, after what felt like ages, the two of them reach the final part of grocery shopping: paying for the many items filling up your trolley.  Aera and Jake stood in line waiting for their turn. Aera realized that Jake was right, having someone with you, and knowing what you're looking for makes grocery shopping less boring. 

         As they wait, a baby sits in the trolley in front of them and Jake takes it upon himself to entertain the baby. Aera watches Jake as he continues to make the baby giggle delightfully, forgetting about the tantrum they were throwing moments prior. 

         Something swirls around in Aera's stomach and she's too afraid to unfurl it, she's too afraid to allow the feeling to unfurl and swirl around in her stomach and swallow her whole, telling Aera what the cold truth was; she was head over heels for Jake Sim.

       Aera thinks it's about time she accepts the truth. Aera should accept that she's feeling something more than friendship for Jake. Aera should accept that she should give whatever they could have, a go. Maybe it's time to stop being afraid of what could go wrong in a romantic relationship with Jake, and focus on what could go right.

      "Thank you," an unfamiliar feminine voice breaks Aera out of her reverie. It's the mother of the child Jake was entertaining. There's a gentle, thankful smile on her face as she packs her bags back into her trolley. "For keeping Aimee entertained."

      Jake smiles back, ever a people person, "it was no problem, I love babies." He nudges Aera's hip with his own, "we should have a baby, what do you think?"

      Aera flushes bright red and can't get a word out of her mouth. The mother laughs, an all-knowing look in her eyes. "Only if you're ready. I hope you both have an amazing day," she pauses and tilts her head to the side slightly, "you make a cute couple. I hope you stay together for a long time." And then the mother walks away, her daughter's -- Aimee's -- tiny fists waving at Jake, who waves back.

      Aera begins to unload all their food from the trolley with much on her mind.

◾◾◾◾

The sun was shining, but it didn't stop Aera from shivering. Aera's really regretting letting Yena talk her into coming to her family's beach house during the wintertime because Aera knows the wind will never give up. Desperately, Aera stares at the sky and begs the sun to emit some kind of warmth.

      It was December 26th, a day after Christmas. They were all going to spend New Year together at the beach house, and that was truly the only reason why Aera thought it would be a good idea to use the beach house; so she could bring in the New Year with her friends.

      Riki's and Sunghoon's birthdays have passed, and the nine of them spent the evening together, first celebrating Sunghoon's birthday, then the moment the clock ticked to midnight, they began to celebrate Riki's birthday.

       Aera's birthday fell on December 24th, Christmas Eve. It was one of the best nights of her life, she had her mom, dad, younger sister, and Yena with her. Jin couldn't make it because he got caught up in his work and Aera was okay with that and pinned the blame and Jeon Jungkook, the Burden of Aera's life. It was a fun birthday, and Aera received many calls from her friends, though, her longest call was with Jake. Sunghoon called back after Jake's called ended and complained to Aera about how short his call was in comparison to Jake's. (Aera hung up after saying thank you to Sunghoon who just said "Happy birthday to my favorite trash can!"). Riki then called after Sunghoon and also complained, telling Aera she shouldn't play favorites. They both fell asleep talking to each other on the phone that night.

      Quickly, Aera ushers all ten bodies inside the beach house. The added number to their friend group was Moon, Aera's younger sister, a senior in high school and in her teenage angst era. Moon didn't want to go, in fact, she had thrown many tantrums, but as soon as Aera shoved Moon into the car with Sunoo, Jungwon, and Riki, Moon's mood instantly changed. (That's what Aera calls, 'The Sunoo Effect.')

        The house isn't much warmer, but at least they're out of the wind. Dashing around, Aera starts up the fire to fill the house with the desperately needed warmth. The group all filed into the living room after Aera who was stoking the fire, and exclaimed when they saw the Christmas tree Aera's father had put up and then exclaimed some more when they read the note Aera's mother had left for them. Aera's mother had filled the pantry and fridge with all the essentials they needed for this beach house getaway, including some home-cooked Korean dishes which had almost everyone drooling over as they stood in front of the fridge and rifled through the food.

       "The girls get the third floor," Yena shouts suddenly, "you boys can have the second floor like the peasants you are."

      "What's on the third floor?" Jungwon asks.

      Aera shrugs, "just a bedroom."

      Jay gasps loudly as they all trek from the living room to the stairs. "You guys have an elevator?"

      Aera shrugs and presses the up button on the elevator, the doors dinging open and she steps inside. "Yeah, how else are we going to get up to the third floor? Have fun climbing up to the second floor," with a wink, the doors close, and Aera, along with her sister and her best friend, glide up to the third floor, bursting with excitement and enthusiasm.

       Aera wasn't wrong when she said there was just a bedroom on the third floor. The elevator opens up to an open-plan living space. There was a bed, a dining room table, a small kitchen, a bathroom and closet, a flat-screen tv, and a sliding door that opens up to a balcony that faces the beach and beyond. You could practically live on the third floor, it had all the essentials, even if the kitchen was a bit small and more condensed to fit the small living space. Aera's parents usually got this space so they could have their privacy from their three reckless and nosy kids, and as Aera grew older, she realized why her parents needed this space -- Aera and her siblings were a handful.

        Aera's pretty sure her father built this beach house just because he and her mother wanted a private space all to themselves. Moon runs across the large room and throws herself on the king-sized bed that lay in the center of it all, the head pressed up to the wall. "I love being rich," Moon exclaims.

      Yena giggles and follows in Moon's footsteps, letting her luggage drop to the ground, and leaps onto the bed as well, squashing Moon who giggles loudly and shoves Yena off of her. Aera smiles fondly at the sight and also does what Yena and Moon had done before her; drop her luggage and jump onto the bed, relishing in the comfort the bed provides.

       "Who wants to sleep in the middle?" Yena asks out loud, "I don't mind where I sleep, as long as I'm next to Aera."

      "I haven't seen my sister in like, four months!" Moon exclaims, "I should be the one sleeping next to her!"

       "You had the time to sleep with her back at home," pouts Yena, reaching over to pull on Moon's hair, who shrieks and slaps Yena's hand away with a scowl. "Don't try and take up my time with my wife."

      "You've had four months to sleep with Aera!" Moon exclaims back, "and even at home, you were cuddled up to Aera. Let me sleep beside her for this week!"

        "I'll sleep in the middle," Aera voices, breaking the squabble, "I can be shared, you know." 

       The girls begin to unpack their things and voice what they should do during their time here at the beach house. Yena keeps on saying they should at least take a walk along the beach at some point during their stay here but Aera keeps on shooting down the girl, saying it's "too cold" to do that. (Aera secretly hopes Yena gives up on convincing Aera to accompany her and instead ropes Heeseung into walking along the beach with her).

      Eventually, the three girls return back to the first floor where they find the boys have already situated themselves throughout the place, Heeseung adding more fuel to the fire, Jay and Jake in the kitchen going through the food Aera's mom had provided them with, Sunghoon lounging on the couch and flicking through the television, and the three youngest were all sitting in a group, huddled up together.

      "Moon!" Jungwon calls out, waving over the younger girl. Moon quickly skips over to the group and joins their discussion, leaving Aera and Yena to collapse onto the couch together, beside Sunghoon who hands the remote over to Aera, who rests her head on his shoulder, an arm curving around Yena's waist and pulling the girl closer to her.

      "Sign into Netflix," Sunghoon demands.

      "Make me."

      Sunghoon glares at Aera, who grins back up at him. "Why don't we put on some music and you can dance to it for us?"

       "I'm not dancing for you, Aera."

      "Would you dance for me?" Yena asks, pouting.

      Sunghoon reaches over and flicks Yena's forehead. "Fuck no."

       "You're not nice, Hoonie," Aera groans, pulling up Netflix, "what do you even want to watch anyway?"

      "I bet he wants to watch Fifty Shades of Grey," Yena giggles.

      Sunghoon flicks Yena again. "You're such a bitch, Yena."

      "Only for you!"

      Heeseung finishes adding more wood to the burning fire and takes a seat beside Yena on the couch. Aera doesn't miss the way Heeseung's arm brushes against Yena's, and she doesn't miss the way Yena inhales sharply. Clearly, there was some unresolved tension between them. Aera wonders if she should shove them into a room and let them figure it out.

        As Aera thought of that, Jake's laughter floats around the room and Aera glances over the couch to look at Jake who was laughing at something Jay had done. Aera wonders if maybe she should take her own advice and pull Jake into a room just so she could figure out where they stood with each other. Perhaps, this time, they'll actually talk instead of letting their lips do the talking for them.

        "You're watching Riverdale?" Yena exclaims, grabbing the remote from Sunghoon.

         "Someone on Twitter said it's a good show," Sunghoon defends himself, frowning.

       "Rule number one of social media: never trust anything you see on Twitter," Yena informs Sunghoon gravelly, turning off Riverdale. She turns to Heeseung and smiles lightly, "Hee, do you have any suggestions?"

        Heeseung turns to look at Yena, his head resting against the back of the couch, "I don't mind. I'll watch anything you choose."

      Yena gazes at Heeseung for a long time, Aera feels as though she's third-wheeling. She turns to look up at Sunghoon who glances down at Aera and makes a face. Aera snickers and digs her fingers into Yena's side, making her twitch suddenly. "Aera!"

      Aera and Sunghoon laugh as Yena slaps Aera over and over, and Heeseung watches on with a familiar fond look in his eyes. A fond look Aera knows all too well because she often wears the exact look whenever she's with Jake.

      Eventually, Yena settles on watching Bridgerton, which is Yena's guilty pleasure show. Aera's well aware of how much Yena watches the show since she hears Daphne's familiar moans on a daily basis. Aera takes amusement in watching Sunghoon awkwardly shift around whenever a sex scene is shown, while Heeseung only stares at Aera through those moments. (Aera can't believe Sunghoon and Heeseung are both introverts, they're so different in every way).

      Dinner for the night is set out on the coffee table and the group of ten all crowd around the coffee table, some sat on the couch, while others sat on the ground. Moon squishes herself in between Yena and Aera, grinning at Yena who glares back, and silently, Aera thanks Moon for pushing Yena closer to Heeseung, who daringly wraps his arm around the section of the couch that Yena rests against.

      Riki plops himself on the ground, in front of where Aera sat on the couch. The rest all spread themselves out on the ground and Aera catches Jake's eye who grins at her before attempting to feed Jay, who shoves Jake's chopsticks away and feeds himself.

       Aera, on the other hand, successfully feeds Moon multiple times because it was a habit of theirs. Loud, cheerful chatter fills the air and they converse well into the night. After cleaning up their mess and working together to clean the dishes and place them in the dishwasher, they all retire to bed with promises to go mini-golfing the next day, no matter the weather.

      Aera fell asleep easily that night, Moon and Yena both clinging onto her tightly. When Aera woke up, only Moon was in bed. Aera's heart thumps excitedly, wondering if Yena was out walking with Heeseung, and when Aera returned back, her arm was linked with Jungwon's, both their faces flushed because of the cold.

      All ten of them bundle up warmly and head out to mini-golf.

      "I can't believe I lost my gloves," complains Aera as she waits for her turn. The group had separated into two groups of five. Aera and Yena had been separated since Heeseung and Sunghoon were appointed the 'captains' of the group and picked who they wanted on their team. Aera got flashbacks to middle school P.E.

       "They're so red," moans Aera, shaking her hands in an attempt to warm them up. "I swear I packed my gloves!"

       Jake's gloved hand grabs Aera's red hand and shoves it into his coat pocket. "There," Jake says with a satisfied smile on his face, "at least one hand will be warm." He holds out his glove for the other hand, "wear this."

      Aera frowns, "what about you? Won't your hands get cold?"

      Jake shrugs and stuffs his hand into his pocket, "there, now it'll be warm."

       Aera sighs, "fine, but help me put on the glove."

      For the rest of the mini-golfing, Aera had warm hands all thanks to Jake, all because of his glove and his coat pocket. Aera's heart was racing wildly, even as mini-golf comes to an end and Jake doesn't let go of Aera's hand tucked away into his pocket. Aera doesn't make any move to pull it away because she likes being this close to Jake.

      After mini-golfing, they spend some time shopping. Aera likes the town her mother and father built their beach house in, everyone's so friendly and kind, and it feels like the perfect place to retire in, to spend the last few years of your life in.

      Aera stood in a warm shop with Jake, her head resting against his shoulder as they stare at the woolen beanies, and scarfs, and the well-padded coats and gloves. "Which pair do you want?" Jake asks Aera, pointing to the gloves, "I'll buy them for you."

      "Really?"

       "Of course, Aera."

      Warmth floods Aera and she picks out a purple pair. "These ones."

      "Do you want anything else?" Jake asks, taking the gloves from Aera, "there are some cute coats that I think would look good on you, baby."

      "Mmm, but don't you think they would look better on the floor of your bedroom?" Aera says flirtatiously.

      Jake grins and his gloveless hand comes up to cup Aera's cheek, pulling her face close to his, their noses brushing. "I think about that image every night, baby."

      Aera leans closer and gives Jake a whisper of a kiss before pulling away and turning to look at the coats Jake referred to. But Aera doesn't even get a chance to even touch one of the coats before Jake wraps his arms around Aera's waist and pulls her back against him, Aera's hand instantly missing the comfort of Jake's coat pocket. "You can't just give me a kiss like that, baby. At least give me a proper kiss."

      "Jake," Aera hisses, "we're in the middle of a store."

      "Since when has an audience stopped you, baby?"

      Aera sighs and leans forward closing her eyes. She presses her lips against Jake's. It's a chaste closed-mouth kiss and when she pulls away, her eyes are twinkling in amusement as Jake chases after her lips. "Don't be like that, Jake, you never told me what kind of kiss you wanted."

      "Aera, you're so annoying."

      "I can always stop kissing you."

      "I was joking!"

      "Alright, baby, come and help me choose a coat!"

      After buying a new coat and gloves, Aera's hand still gets back into Jake's hand. Neither of them is eager to leave each other's side for the rest of the day, and even as they settle in for some more homemade Korean dishes, they sit side by side, their shoulders and legs touching, and then Aera was curled up in Jake's embrace, her cheek resting on his chest as they watched the Toy Story trilogy.

◾◾◾◾

The following day isn't any different. Yena goes out for a morning walking Jungwon, they have breakfast and then dress nicely to spend another day in town. Riki had found a bowling alley the previous day, so the group spent almost the entire day at the bowling alley, their competitive spirits raising each time they don't get a strike or a spare.

       Riki wins and doesn't stop bragging about it, even as they eat at the restaurant Jay picked out since he's got good taste when it comes to restaurants. Seokjin calls halfway through the meal and Aera almost doesn't pick up but decides to be nice to her brother for once in her life.

      "What's up, my darling brother?" Aera greets.

      "Having fun without me? Wait, don't answer that, I know it's boring without me --"

       "We're having the time of our lives, dear brother," Aera interrupts, "it's so much better without your ugly ass."

       "Listen up, loser -- ow! Don't throw your pen at me, darling, the girls aren't around so they can't hear me! Ow! Fine, I'm sorry, darling, please forgive me, I love you!"

      Aera snickers, "why did you call me?"

      "Jungkook asked me to ask you to unblock him."

      "No. He's the reason you couldn't make it to my birthday."

      Jin sighs heavily, "you're so petty."

      "I wonder who taught me how to be petty," remarks Aera.

      "Shut up. How's Moon? Is she still going through her teenage angst? Tell her to respond to my emails, they're all very important."

      "She's forgotten her password, Jinnie," Aera lies.

      "Like hell she has. Moon remembers every damn thing, she still remembers the time when I shoved her face into her birthday cake which happened years ago!" Jin exclaims, his voice tone going up a notch. "Hand the phone to Moon, I'm going to vent all my frustrations out on her."

       Aera shrugs, glad to get Jin away, and hands the phone to Moon. "Hello?" Moon asks cautiously and a second later, Jin's loud voice explodes through the phone. 

       The dinner is finished with good vibes and the group walks back, happy to be sheltered away from the freezing cold wind. Heeseung starts up the fire again and alcoholic drinks are passed around, even though no one apart from Heeseung is of the drinking age and Aera being the best sister she is, hands Moon an alcoholic drink. "You're only having one, alright?"

       "Yeah that's fine," shrugs Moon, "I'm just happy you're not giving me apple juice."

       Somewhere along the line, the conversation moved to Aera's first year, and they begin to talk about their first impression of each other. Most of the boys were avoiding talking about their first impression of Aera and although Aera grows frustrated, she understands why.

      "You all thought I was a slut, didn't you?" Aera speaks when there was a short period of silence.

         No one says anything, except for Moon and Sunoo choking on their drinks at Aera's brazen words. "It's okay," Aera speaks again, "I can handle the truth. I've gotten used to the double standard of men and women."

      "You. . you were talked about a lot in the locker room," Jay admits after draining the last of his alcohol. "And most of it wasn't nice."

      Where shame would usually creep up on Aera, it's acceptance of something she can never change that settles in her chest instead. "I'm not surprised," Aera shrugs, "that's how it always has been and how it always will be. I fuck a guy and get called a slut, a boy fucks a girl and gets called a stud." Aera's eyes slide over to Jake, "that's partly why I didn't like you, Jake."

       "You didn't like me?" Jake asks, eyes wide in shock at Aera's confession.

       "I didn't like how you were praised and I was shamed," Aera tells him, "it fucked me off. It annoyed me. At one point, it made me want to die." Aera shrugs and takes a sip of her drink. The silence is loud as it settles over the group and Aera feels Moon melt closer.

        "Aera. . ." Yena says gently, "why didn't you tell me?"

       "I only felt that way because I knew there was no way I could change anyone's mind. There's nothing I can do to change it. It's just the way society has been, and it's the way society will always be. So, I thought the only way out was to die."

      "I'm . . Sorry," Jay says, "I should've said something."

       Aera laughs, but it was bitter. "Don't apologize, Jay, there's really nothing anyone can do."

      "There must be something we can do," Sunoo says, an inkling of desperation seeping into his tone, "isn't there?"

      "It will take ages to change a societal view on something as pronounced as sex roles," Aera says, "it'll be hard to break out of the men and women mentality -- how men are supposed to be stronger and in power, and women are supposed to be weaker and more passive. It'll be hard to break out of the mindset that women are sluts for having sex with multiple guys, and men being cool and perceived more attractively for having sex with multiple women."

       "It's misogyny," Yena says, "it's been around for years. It's hard to break out of something that's been around for years. If you want to tackle the double standard, you have to stop being misogynistic. And, as Taylor Swift once said, fuck the patriarchy."

      Aera nods her head, "at the end of the day, Yena and I will always be viewed as sluts for experimenting and sleeping around during our first year of college."

       "I," Yena frowns and ponders over her words. "It's harder to say no to a guy now," Yena looks over at Aera who nods her hand and grabs Yena's hand, letting the girl squeeze her hand tightly. "Before, I kinda had a choice -- I could fuck some dude, or I could say no. But, ever since I've been branded with the word 'slut' I can't say no to a guy."

       "Why?" Sunghoon asks.

       "Because, it's what they want, and it's what I want."

      "But you don't want if you want to say no, Yena," Jungwon says, frowning. "If you say no and stop sleeping around, won't that no longer make you a slut?"

      Aera smiles, but it's sad. "I wish it were that easy, Wonie."

      "No matter what we do, if we say no, we're a slut, if we ask them to wear a condom, we're a bitch and a slut," Yena admits, her heart heavy with unsaid words that are now pouring out. "It's not like we asked for this reputation, we were given it. It was stuck to our backs and we were never allowed to take it off."

      "Has this always happened to you Yena?" Heeseung asks, his voice ridden with an unfamiliar emotion.

       "Yeah," Yena shrugs, "don't get me wrong, I like having sex, it makes me feel validated because I apparently I crave male validation, which my therapist told me is something I should stop craving but it's kinda hard to stop, but there are times where I just want to stop and go home, but I can't because I'm already lying on the bed half naked and it would be rude of me to ask them to stop when I'm searching for something I crave, right? It's rude and I don't want to be rude."

      Aera nods her head, "I always think, 'why would I blue-ball someone when I initiated this?' It's not fair of me." 

      "Is it really that hard to say no?" Jake asks, then cringes after, "sorry, that was worded wrong."

       "It's alright," Aera reassures, "we know what you mean. And yes, it's always been that hard to say no, because of the fear of what could happen after. Would the guy turn violent? Would he. ." Aera sips her drink and lets her silence finish the sentence for herself. 

      "Aera," Moon's voice was hushed and Aera looks down at her younger sister, finding tears in her eyes. Moon opens her mouth, but nothing comes out, and tear slides down her face. Aera's heart breaks at the sight of Moon and she rushes to wipe the tears off her face.

      "Moon," Aera says, pulling her sister close, "I'm okay now."

      Moon clutches Aera's t-shirt tightly and buries her head deep against her chest. Aera runs her hand through Moon's hair, "I'm okay now, Moon."

       "You guys have to go through something like that on a daily basis?" Jay asks.

      "We're used to it now," Yena shrugs, "we'll be known as sluts in college, but when we leave, we'll no longer hold that title."

      "That's all we can do," Aera says, "accept it and continue on."

◾◾◾◾

After that talk a slight sense of fragility blankets the group. Aera doesn't mind it, she's just glad they were able to talk about what they've had to go through, even if it made Moon never want to leave Aera's side for the rest of the trip, which caused some slight problems for Aera when she wants to be alone with Jake.

      Yena, on the other hand, comes back from a morning walk with Heeseung on December 30th with flushed cheeks that are obviously not because of the cold. They're also holding hands, and eventually kiss later in the day, which sends Aera into complete shock and she drags Yena up to the third floor, with Moon following.

      Finally, it's December 31st and night has fallen. The group happily parties through the night and Moon finally leaves Aera's side to talk to Riki on the couch. Aera makes a mental note to ask both of them about it later. Because of this, Aera takes the opportunity to spend the night with Jake, whether it be playing a drinking game with each other, or dancing, Aera does it all.

      The clock ticks closer to the countdown and Aera rests in Jake's arms as they watch Yena and Sunghoon aggressively play The Game of Life. "Do you want to be my New Year's kiss, baby?" Jake asks, his lips brushing against Aera's ear.

      "Duh, sweetheart."

      "My heart flips whenever you say that, baby."

      "I'm glad."

      The countdown begins and Aera situates herself so she sits instead of leaning against Jake. She's slightly tipsy but aware of her actions. Electricity floods her veins as Jake's arm wraps around Aera's waist and pulls her against him, his breath hot on her lips as they join in with the countdown of the New Year.

      "5."

      "4."

      "3."

      "2."

      "1."

      "Happy New Year, baby," and Jake kisses Aera desperately, his hands moving at a fervent pace across her body. Aera's taken aback by the intensity of the kiss, but she reciprocates it and clambers on top of Jake, her knees on either side of Jake's waist.

       Jake's hands slip beneath Aera's top and she swallows her moan with his lips and his tongue. Aera allows her desperation to overtake any sane and logical thought. She only wants Jake's skin on hers for tonight. Aera's hands tangle through Jake's hair and she presses herself flush against his body, seeking pleasure.

       "Get a room," Sunghoon says.

      Aera pulls away from Jake, panting, and pulls him off the couch. "We'll be on the third floor, don't bother coming up for the rest of the night."

       Moon scowls but doesn't object, and Yena was too busy kissing Heeseung to even hear or notice Aera and Jake disappearing as the elevator doors close. Immediately, they're back against each other as the elevator slides up the floors.

      As the doors ding open, Jake lifts Aera up effortlessly and carries Aera through the bedroom, placing her gently on the bed and sliding off his top before hovering on top of Aera, his eyes scanning Aera from head to toe.

       "You're so beautiful like this, baby," Jake whispers, his voice hoarse.

      Aera slides her hands down Jake's cheek and smooths her thumb across his lips. Her heart beats out of her chest. Aera's never felt more alive and she tugs off her own top, watching as Jake's eyes greedily take in her bare features.

      "So beautiful and all mine." Jake kisses her wildly, and Aera chases that same deep desire Jake pours out of his body. "Aera," Jake says breathlessly, pulling away, "I have to let you know this will be the last time we're doing this."

       "Why?" Aera mumbles, pulling Jake back in for a kiss, her hands moving across his torso and down to the waistband of his pants.

       "Because I'm asking out Nicole after we get back."

       Aera stills and turns her head away from Jake's kiss. "What?"

       Jake grips Aera's face and forces Aera to look at him. "I like her, so I'm going to ask her out."

      Aera doesn't want to hear anymore. She hates hearing her heart break into a thousand different pieces. She hates it all. So, she pulls Jake back in for a kiss that's rough and challenging, that's dancing with desire, frustration, and heartbreak. "I'll make sure you remember tonight then," Aera whispers against Jake's lips. "I'll make sure you never forget."

      As Aera's clothes are worked off, Aera finally understands that she'll truly never get what she wants.