[009], aera versus her feelings and the stupid rain.

AERA sat in the library on campus by herself. Even though she only had two lectures today — one which she didn't even attend because she was still in bed — Aera's never felt more exhausted in her life. And it was because of two things. Two things that were similar in a way, because they all began with a boy named Sim Jake.

Aera's never been more confused in her life. Yeah, she loves love. She loves everything about love, she loves the joy it brings to people's lives, she enjoys how content and comfortable people feel when they're placed in a room full of people they love. It's all Aera's ever wanted. She's grown up surrounded with love, and yet, she's often found on her knees begging for the type of love on seen in movies or read in books.

But, at her mother's request and a summer spent with fear clouding her chest, Aera gave up searching for love, promising to let it find her instead, but now, Aera's left with something much worse: an unknown feeling for Sim Jake.

She's never felt this way towards someone before. It's a bitter feeling. But it's also a hungry desire to receive more than what she's given by Jake. Her stomach burns and her toes tingle, her eyes shine with stars and her mouth fights off a smile. Her hand begs to reach out and touch Jake in the simplest of ways just to soothe Aera's racing heart.

Aera's certain what she feels isn't love. Love, from what she's felt, is something more calming and relaxing, it's something more understandable and easy to detect. Love isn't hidden beneath layers of insecurity and doubt, it's shining through it all, proving that love truly brings out the best in people.

So: Aera doesn't love Jake. But she wants to be around him more often than not. She doesn't love Jake, but she wants to feel his touch constantly. She doesn't love Jake, yet when she woke up next to him this morning, she felt warm. She doesn't love Jake, yet she wants to be at his beck and call whenever. (Aera frowns at that thought, why should she ever be at the beck and call of a man? Then, she remembers her summer fling, and Aera shivers in a bad way).

The sun blinds Aera's vision as she blinks awake. It sneaks in through the messily shut curtains, decorating the wall and floor in weird lines. The sun brightens up the room and Aera sees her dress haphazardly thrown onto Jake's desk, she finds other articles of clothing strewn throughout the room, and instantly, her mind replays last night.

Jake's hands all over Aera feverishly, his teeth digging into her delicate skin roughly, Aera hovering over top of Jake, dragging her lips down his bare chest, reciprocating the markings Jake left all over her neck, a tongue dragging across Jake's collarbone. Aera was a mess beneath Jake as pleasure fills every sense; every pore. Aera's fingernails mark Jake's back and chest, her teeth digging into her lips to stop loud moans fighting their way free, Jake's lips on hers again as the high disappears.

There's something heavy on Aera's stomach. She notices it as she becomes more aware of her situation. Someone grunts behind her and a nose press deeper into the nape of Aera's neck. She's aware of the chest pressing up against her back. It's Jake. Of course, it's Jake. Aera's breath hitches and she feels Jake's arm tighten around her waist.

Aera's frozen and stuck. She doesn't know where to move, or how to move. Aera isn't even sure of the time, but she knows she's missed her morning class. Aera wants to give in to the sleep calling her back, but she can't. She's wrapped up in Jake's arms, the last place she wants to be.

Thankfully, by some miracle, Jake wakes up. He yawns and his arm disappears from Aera's waist. His chest is no longer pressed to Aera's back and she's immediately cold, even with the weight of blankets over the pair. She turns her head to see Jake stretching and her breath gets caught in her throat. It's hard to swallow around the lump. How can Jake look so damn good in the morning?

Jake catches Aera's eye and grins a lazy, laid-back smile. His arms slide beneath his head and he watches Aera turn fully over. "Morning, baby." His voice was low and hoarse, yet Aera feels her toes curl on instinct and her cheeks flush — but the flush was more for Jake's nickname.

"Don't call me that," Aera defends, hating how Jake looks amused.

"That's not what you were saying last night."

Aera openly gapes at Jake who chuckles softly, reaching over to push some hair away from Aera's face. Instinctively, Aera curves away. Jake's a foreigner to Aera's body. He's not allowed the privileges her family has. Yena has. He isn't allowed to nonchalantly touch her like that. But even as Aera curves away, her heart sings for her to melt back alongside Jake, because that's where she belongs.

"Shut up," Aera miserably says, pouting.

Jake laughs again, more openly and amusedly. "You're cute sometimes, Aera."

Aera rolls her eyes with a huff. "I hate you. Why are we even friends?"

Jake scoffs, "you're calling us friends, even after last night?"

Aera raises an eyebrow, "do you want us to be more than friends?"

This time, Jake's the flustered one who openly gapes at Aera. He's unable to find the words, so Aera's the one smirking in amusement. She chuckles and nudges Jake with her hand, "I'm joking, bro."

Jake shakes his head in amusement, "we fucked last night and now you're calling me bro? You're insane, baby."

"I guess you like insane since you fucked me."

Jake rolls his eyes and Aera giggles lightly. Aera finally allows her eyes to trail over Jake's body, and she finds the sheets pulled over them loosely covering Jake's body. She can spot the marks she left on Jake's body last night, so ever-so-gently, Aera pulls the sheet away from Jake's body and takes in her damage. "Oh," breathes Aera, looking at Jake's chest decorated in different shades of purple.

Jake laughs and Aera feels his hand thread in her hair. She looks up at him with an astonished expression and he laughs again. "Weren't expecting that?"

Aera shakes her head.

"Like I said, Aera, you're insane."

Aera ignores Jake and reaches out, delicately tracing one of the many love bites covering Jake's chest. She feels his breath hitch, rather than hear. "You know, the boys on the team are going to tease me a lot at practice today," Jake tells Aera, watching her as she traces the love bites littering the expanse of his chest and waist, "so I'm expecting you to repay me for all the teasing I'll get."

Aera hums and looks up at Jake, "what makes you think I'll help you?"

Jake quirks an eyebrow, "why wouldn't you help me? We're friends, aren't we?"

"Friends who fuck," Aera murmurs, looking back at Jake's chest. She looks back up at him and watches him remove his hand from Aera's hair. She's immediately missing him scratching her head, but she doesn't say anything about it. "Does this make us friends with benefits?"

Jake scoffs, "friends with benefits always leads to some sort of attachment."

"Well then. ." Aera trails off, "what are we? Fuck buddies?"

Jake laughs and pokes Aera's cheek, "you're cute, baby. But we're just friends, we don't need to label anything. It's not like we're exclusive or anything."

"But we both know this won't just be a one-time thing," Aera mumbles.

"Yeah," Jake mumbles, "it won't."

Silence fills the air, but this time there's no sexual tension, this time, it's not awkward. It's oddly. . . nice and content. Aera sighs into the silence and rolls over, pushing herself up into a sitting position. She finally notices the unfamiliar t-shirt covering her body. "Is this yours?"

Jake's fingers trace Aera's back and she withholds a shiver. "Yeah, I lent you it last night."

There's silence again and Aera's unsure if she wants to leave or not — usually, she's gone before the other woke up, but there's something different about today and Aera can't quite place a finger on it.

It seems as though Jake heard Aera's question and answered it for her. "Let's sleep some more, we kept each other up super late last night." There was no room left for fighting as Jake draws Aera back down onto the bed, his arm firmly around Aera's waist once more.

Aera drifts off to sleep again, inhaling the familiar scent of Jake. A scent she's begun to find comfort within.

Aera finally left the apartment an hour before her 2 PM class. Now, it's 6 PM and she's half asleep at the library, trying to sort out her feelings surrounding the enigma that was Sim Jake. But, as she did so, frowning over why her heart seemed to lean more to Jake than to any other guy she's been with, a body slides into the seat across the table.

Aera glances up and meets the eyes of Lee Heeseung.

"Hi?" Aera asks carefully, surveying his disgruntled look.

"What's up with Yena?" Heeseung asks, getting straight to the point. He looks serious.

Aera sighs and fiddles with her pen. "She's confusing sometimes, huh?"

Heeseung groans and runs a hand through his hair that looks blue beneath the library lights. "One moment I'm sure she wants me, and the next, I'm watching her giggle over some text a guy sent her." Heeseung groans again and pulls at his blue hair, "it's killing me!"

Aera reaches out and places a comforting hand over Heeseung's. "She's a lot of work, Heeseung."

"I know I told her I'd wait for her, but Aera, should I honestly wait for someone who will never give me the time of day?" Heeseung's eyes are shining with curiosity. His heart is on his sleeve as he impatiently waits for Aera's answer — an answer she isn't sure she can give.

"Heeseung," Aera starts gently, "I don't know. Frankly, I'm just as confused as you are. One moment I think she likes you, and the next she's making out with some guy at a party."

Heeseung frowns, "what should I do Aera? Why is Yena like this? Does she even like me? Or should I give up now before my heart gets broken?"

"Yena. . . .She's had bad relationships in the past. There's a reason why she doesn't like to be tied down — why she doesn't like to devote her all to one particular person," Aera watches Heeseung deflate, so she squeezes his hand, "but I believe in you, Heeseung. You can show her that not all relationships are doomed."

Hope blooms in Heeseung's eye. "Really? You think so?"

Aera nods her head. "Don't give up on her, Heeseung. She's had too many people give up on her."

Heeseung sits forward eagerly, gripping Aera's hand tightly. "What should I do, Aera?"

Aera smiles, "easy, make her jealous."

Heeseung stares at Aera incredulously, "make her jealous?"

Aera nods her head. "Make her jealous. If there's one thing Yena can't stand, it's people like you, choosing others over her. For some reason, everything makes more sense to her when she's jealous."

Heeseung smiles and nods his head, letting go of Aera's hand and sliding off the seat, seemingly more determined than when he first arrived. "I'll make her jealous. Thank you for your help, Aera, you're a nice person. I can see why Riki and Jake like you so much."

Aera blushes sheepishly. "Good luck, Heeseung. I'm always here if you need someone to listen."

◾◾◾◾

It was raining heavily as Aera stood at the entrance of the lecture hall, a visible frown on her face. She wasn't expecting it today — Aera thought she would make it back to her dorm before it starts raining. Aera contemplates calling Yena, but she knows the girl is in class right now — though Yena would probably leave because she hates the professor teaching the class she's in right now.

Aera huffs and brushes her hair behind her ears, squinting through the doors, contemplating if it's worth running all the way back to her dorm. "Fuck it," Aera mumbles to herself. She shoves her books into her bag and zips it up tightly, praying that nothing inside her bag gets wet.

Shoving the doors open, Aera dashes into the pouring rain, immediately getting soaked to the bone. She wishes Kai was here today, but he had gotten sick after eating something weird at a Halloween party. This also meant Taehyun stayed with Kai to take care of the younger boy because God knows Kai wouldn't do anything except lie in his bed wither away.

Aera flies past MOA cafe, then pauses. Maybe Lia can find a spare umbrella or something. Turning on her heel, Aera bursts into the almost empty cafe, letting the door shut loudly as she stands in the entrance dripping wet. Immediately, Aera's swept up into the warmth of the cafe, and she finds Yeonjun standing at the counter, gaping at the girl.

"Where's Lia?" Aera asks.

"In class," Yeonjun tells Aera, still bewildered by her entrance.

"Oh," Aera slumps, "I forgot she exists outside of this cafe. Do you happen to have a spare umbrella?" Aera gingerly takes steps up to the counter, careful to not slip by her own wetness.

"Um, let me look — do you want a coat? Why are you even wet? Didn't you know it was going to rain today?" Yeonjun frowns deeply as she soaks up Aera's appearance.

Aera rolls her eyes, "save the scolding for later, Yeonjun. Just get me a damn umbrella."

Yeonjun huffs, but does what he was told.

Aera shrugs her soaking wet bag off her shoulders and slumps down into the nearest seat, fingers clenching because of the cold. It was hard to put out her phone, but Aera managed anyway, and with freezing fingers, she scrolls through Instagram.

The door to the cafe opens and the peaceful silence dissipates. Aera glances up and finds Jake, Jay, and Sunghoon sauntering towards the counter. Aera cusses them out in her head, and then she cusses herself out, and then the sky Gods for making it rain.

"Aera? Hey — oh, what happened to you?" Sunghoon notices the girl first.

Aera musters up a half-assed smile, "got caught in the rain. I thought it would rain after I got back to the dorms."

"That sucks," Jay muses, not taking his eyes off the cafe menu.

"At least you're getting a free shower!" Sunghoon says with a beaming smile, which gives Aera whiplash because what the fuck happened to asshole Sunghoon?

"Shut up psychology major," Aera mumbles.

"I'm not a psychology major, Aera," Sunghoon says, confused.

"You're not? What's your major then, Hoonie?" Aera was also confused.

"Music," Sunghoon responds, then he says, "where's Yeonjun?"

"Finding an umbrella for me."

"You can use mine," Jake finally speaks up, "I can walk you back to your dorm — if you want."

Aera is left speechless. "Uh, I think I'll be okay, Jake. Yeonjun will probably find an umbrella for me to use —"

"There are no umbrellas, but you could just use this random coat I found, or you could wait out the storm." Yeonjun appears back at the counter and Aera seriously considers stabbing Yeonjun in the throat — oh, her murderous tendencies are making a comeback.

Sunghoon wore a stupid smirk on his face as Aera turns back to the three boys standing in the quiet cafe, all looking at Aera who cusses out the Gods in her head. Why was Jake always around during a time of need?

Aera stands and swings her bag back over her shoulders, looking at Jake who waits patiently. "Fine, let's go, Jake."

"Take your time," Sunghoon tells the pair, "we don't have any more classes!"

Aera doesn't catch the look Jake gives Sunghoon because she's too busy staring down Yeonjun who is confused. Why was he on the receiving end of Aera's death stare? "You're on your last life, Choi Yeonjun." And just like that, the cold air floods the cafe as Aera exits the cafe with Jake shielding her from the rain.

The first few minutes were silent. Aera felt awkward as she tries to stay beneath the umbrella, careful to not get wetter than she already is. She can feel stray raindrops trickling down the back of her neck and down the back of her top.

"You can touch me, Aera, it's not like we haven't fucked." Jake breaks the silence with a chuckle and Aera returns it with a glare. But, she does as Jake said. Her arm wraps around his waist and she squishes herself closer to the taller boy, her cheek pressed against his shoulder.

"I didn't know you were stupid, baby," Jake comments with an amused tone.

Aera frowns and looks up at Jake, "what do you mean?"

"Don't you check the weather?"

"I did!" Pouts Aera, defending herself, "when class started the weather report said the rain wasn't due for another hour!"

Jake laughs, glancing down at the girl who was squished against him. His eyes flit across her face, taking Aera in; how relaxed and calm she appeared to be. She wasn't like the Aera he usually saw; dripping with confidence and proudness of who she was. Right now, she was just Kim Aera. The girl who loves love. "You're stupid," Jake tells her again, feeling warm even in the pouring rain, "but I mean it in an affectionate way."

Aera rolls her eyes and turns to push her face into the side of his shoulder to hide her blush. Why was she blushing like crazy? Why did she feel like this? The last time she felt like this was when she was so sure she was in love with her last boyfriend — and that was the summertime. "And you're annoying," Jake's laugh infuriates her and the blush doesn't die down, "I mean that in a mean way, Sim."

Jake was still laughing as Aera pouts up at him, not liking how he found this all entertaining — there was nothing entertaining about calling Aera 'baby,' and saying she was stupid, but in the most affectionate way. Jake's laughter fades, but his smile remains intact as he glances back over at Aera, "I could kiss you right now."

Aera's heart skips a beat. She meets Jake's gaze with a challenging one of her own. "Well, why don't you?"

Aera hears Jake's breath hitch and they both stop in their tracks. Jake's gaze was heavy, but not with the same passion and desire Aera usually saw swimming through the eyes that oddly felt like home sometimes.

Aera doesn't feel the rain chilling her to the bone anymore, instead, she feels some sort of warmth ignite through every bone in her body. She feels like she's floating, like the sky has opened up and is pouring golden sunlight on her body, showing Jake that Aera was everything and more he'd dreamt of.

Jake looks away and the golden sunlight disappears. He clears his throat, "let's get you back to your dorm quickly, it's supposed to rain even harder soon."

Aera nods her head, "sucks for Yena then, her class is ending at eight tonight."

"I would offer to pick her up, but there's no point since you both live on campus," Jake says.

Aera hums in agreement, "it's nice of you to offer though."

Jake grins down at Aera, "I'm a nice guy, aren't I?"

Aera glowers, "I take it back."

Jake pouts, "no! Don't take it back baby! How can I ever live without your compliments?" He clutches a hand to his chest and Aera huffs, rolling her eyes at Jake's theatrics. (She also has to fight away a smile at Jake's childish tendencies. Maybe he gets it from being around Riki too much).

"Stop calling me baby, it's cringe."

"No," Jake says simply, "I like annoying you. It's fun."

"I can't believe we're friends," Aera huffs. "I regret ever agreeing to befriend you. I wish I still thought you were an asshole."

"But, if that happened, then we would've never fucked."

"Jake!" Aera slaps his shoulder and she feels her cheeks heat up.

"Cute, baby," Jake murmurs.

Aera throws Jake a menacing glare, "you're a fucking bitch, Sim." And then she dashes out from underneath the umbrella, ignoring Jake's shouts of surprise, and then his loud footsteps chasing after her as she dashes towards her dorm building which wasn't too far away.

Aera giggles loudly all the way to her dorm building. She throws open the lobby doors and rushes inside, everything warming up immediately. Jake enters the lobby a second later and frowns at a giggling Aera as he shuts his umbrella. "Why did you do that, Aera?"

"Do what?" Aera feigns confusion and Jake scowls.

"You know what, baby."

Aera reaches out and shoves Jake away, "whatever. Thanks for walking me to my dorm, you can go now."

Jake pouts, "but I'm feeling cold, can you let me warm up a bit before I go?"

"Nope. I'm going to have a shower, you can go."

Jake smirks and steps forward, "wanna shower together?"

Aera flicks Jake's forehead. "No, idiot. Go away, I need a shower and a nap."

Jake clutches his chest once more, "do you even love me, baby?"

Aera scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest, "no." There's a pause and Jake doesn't say anything so Aera steps forward and pushes him again, "goodbye Jake."

"You're hurting me, baby!" Jake cries out dramatically as Aera continues to shove him towards the door in the lobby. Aera was thankful no one was around to witness this. "Let us warm each other up!"

"You're a fucking child, Jake Sim."

Though Aera couldn't see it, Jake grins mischievously, "and you love me for it."

"You must've hit your head on the way over, Jake, because I love nothing about you."

"So, me playing soccer doesn't turn you on?"

"No," Aera lies.

"Liar."

Aera opens the door and gives Jake one last shove. Now, he's standing in the pouring rain and Aera's standing in the warmth of her dorm lobby. "Fuck off, baby." Aera smirks, gives Jake and finger, and slams the glass door in his face, enjoying the look of surprise on his face — but then turning away when it morphs into a smirk.

"I love it when you call me baby!" Jake shouts after Aera.

Aera gives him the finger again, shaking her head. God, she's going to take an extra-long shower. Hopefully, by the time she exits her extra long shower, such disgusting thoughts of Jake are long gone from her mind — she has better boys to think about.

But first, Aera has to find a boy worth fawning over that isn't Jake.