12-4-16 

so basically life is fucking shit and ive done nothing all weekend because productivity am I right? I cleaned my room though so plus ten points for Meranda. I figured hey I've got some time still, so why not try to write? i have a couple poems to update and i could work on fanfic, but really, I've just been trying to survive and if i can do that, I'm good. So I haven't been working my ass off or anything. I'm almost afraid it'll never happen, and that I'll never get out of this. I hate not feeling like I'm doing something but lately, I can't seem to. I'm slowly coming back... but I guess I'm slowly drifting away, hiding out, not ready to handle what's at hand, but knowing myself, I don't back down from a fight. It's more real than it was a week ago, but it's not over yet. I don't know, I know nobody wants to hear all of this bullshit but fuck it. I can take it, you don't have to. 

also inner strength and independence is the shit, stay strong and love yourself, i know it's difficult but you're more important to yourself than anyone else's needs are, and you're in it for the long run. just keep living and bettering yourself.

I'm legit wearing a beanie right now and it's snowing but it's not sticking and it's been like this. it's weird, it's December, snow should be here. lmao. it almost feels like spring, which is nostalgic for me but also therapeutic. New memories are made, life continues. 

so goals for this week are to work a little harder and write more. also eat less and work out again. gonna get back to the grind, I need to hustle again. 

How's The Weeknd's new album? I don't want to listen to it yet because i don't want to run out of new music by him, so I'm holding off. he was talking that it had a new sound and I've heard false alarm and starboy of course and he's right, but it's still his theme, it's still sexy and it's got trap vibes and glow aesthetics so I'm excited but I can't listen to it yet xD 

I need hot chocolate right now tbh. 

I'll leave off with that, go do winter shit. lick a pumpkin. idfk lmao. peace out my homies, as in the two people who actually care haha