17: Sister Mary Gets Free Ice Cream

We left through the front door. Pearl attempted to lock up behind me, but she couldn't figure out how. We decided it best to leave it be. Who would want to break into a library anyway?

"I have to admit," said Pearl as we climbed into the car, "that was kinda fun. I never thought I would get the chance to break into a library or anything for that matter."

"We did it for the greater good." I raised a stiff finger at Pearl "Now, don't off telling anyone, unless that person is a priest. Just another thing I need to add to the confessional. Oh lord." Pearl laughed.

I started the car and we drove a ways passed the historic homes and antique shops. A sexy jogger trotted on the sidewalk ahead of us. I gave the man a loud whistle. He turned around an tripped when he saw his admirer.

We turned down a few streets deeper into the town. A small ice cream parlor came into view. On the large glass windows were the words, JJ's Ice Cream. I parked in the back almost hitting the brick wall. I had no idea how to lock a convertible. So I shrugged and moved on.

As I expected the parlor was chilly. My legs shook in the cold underneath my gown. A nun with goosebumps, imagine the small raised bumps poking out of my pantyhose. One day it was cold and I was bored in church so I took a pen and connected the dots. I made a sailboat, a star, oh and my crowning achievement, the Mona Lisa herself. Seriously, the nun beside me was appalled with my actions, so when she fell asleep during the sermon, I drew a little mustache on her upper lip.

"Hello, welcome," said the young boy sweeping the floor by the counter. He smiled at Pearl immediately. "Pearl, hey!"

"Oh god," said Pearl darting behind me, her face flushed with embarrassment. "It's Jim."

"Jim who?"

"We went on an awkward date last year after the winter formal dance. He tried to take my clothes off and do stuff in front of his friends. He's been trying to get back with me since and won't leave me alone. He's gross." Pearl turned to the door. "We should go. I didn't know he worked here."

"Let me handle this." I puffed up my chest and approached the counter. "Good evening, uh." I pretended to look at his name badge. "Good evening, Mr. Jim. How are you today?"

"I'm well." Jim looked over my shoulder at Pearl. "Hey, beautiful. Been wondering when you'd come back to me." Jim puckered his lips and made kissing sounds.

"Shut it, creep."

"You heard the lady," I said sternly. "Shut it."

"Ha, sure whatever," said Jim grabbing a scoop. "Um. What can I get you?"

"Two chocolate cones."

"Alright." Jim grabbed two cones from behind the counter. "So, uh, Pearl, why not we go on another out again, you, me, my friends. We can get dinner and then go skinny dipping in creek. It'll be fun. You do know what skinny dipping is?"

"The lady would rather not hang out with you," I said.

"Hey, nun lady, this is between me and Pearl."

"Pearl and I, you grammarless twit." Jim stopped scooping the ice cream and placed his hands on the counter.

"What did you call me?" Jim looked at Pearl. "Is this nun with you?"

"Yes, I am her new mentor," I said. My eyes darted to the ice cream. "Why have you stopped scooping?"

"Cause perhaps I don't want to serve you." Jim grinned. "How about this, I get you free ice cream if Pearl goes on a date with me. Sounds good, beautiful."

"Uh, no," said Pearl.

"Alright you heard the lady. Keep scooping."

"I'm done with you already," said Jim jabbing a scoop at me. "I'm talking to Pearl now. Pearl--"

"No, you are not." I side stepped through the half swinging door and behind the counter.

"Hey, you're not supposed to be behind here."

"Well seeing as you refuse to do your job, I will take over. Give me that scoop."

"Get your hands off me, nun."

I slapped the boy hard throwing him backwards. He turned to me in shock. Pearl gasped.

"Good, I got your attention," I said smiling. "Now, seeing as to the disapproving nature from which this beautiful girl has towards you and your statements of disgust and disrespect for a nun or might I say a customer, I say you deserved that."

"I'm calling the cops on you," said Jim. "Tell them you slapped me. My boss will hear of it!" I raised my hand again to slap him. "No, no, no," he whined. "Please don't hit me again."

"Hmm. Coward. Tell me, Mr. Jim, who will believe you? A nun attacked a strong young man, left him crying out for mommy. What if your friends found out that you were beat up by a bible kissing nun? That is something I would laugh about for years to come. 'Please don't hit me.'" I mocked him. "A nun attacked me, and I cowered in fear. Bullocks!"

"Alright, alright," said Jim. "I'm sorry."

"Hmm, sorry is not enough. Promise me you will not go after Pearl again. She wants nothing to do with you. You leave her alone or else I will be glad to hit you again. I am the hand of godly justice. Got it?"

"Fine." Jim started scooping again. "Damn, nun."

"Another scoop," I barked.

"But the normal is two."

"Another scoop."

Jim put another scoop on top.

"And how will you be paying?" he asked while handing me the ice cream.

"Consider a lesson in how to treat a woman to be payment enough." I handed a cone to Pearl. "Have a blessed day."

We left the shop without another word. Jim quietly turned back to sweeping and did not glance at us again.

"Oh, my god," said Pearl as we got into the car. "You did not just hit Jim Berry. No one messes with him in school."

"Jim Berry, that's the kid's name. "Oh, Jim Berry," I said in a funny tone. "Why don't you come fluff of my loins, oh most wonderful, Jim Berry. A school bully? Hmpth. Most bullies are cowards. It's best to ignore them, but if they are persistent, give them a mighty slap."

Pearl laughed as we drove off. We arrived at the same bench I had sat at the day before. I parked the car and pranced excitedly to the overflowing trash can and squirrel dominated seat. The sun was setting over the water, the sky flashing colors of blue and pink. We sat licking our free ice cream watching and enjoying the moment. 

"Not to damper the mood, but I know you didn't love your mother," I said between licks. "But I noticed you were the most affected by her death. Sadness is the hardest hardest emotion to fake, and I could see it in your eyes. Even the family we can't stand to be around always claim a small place in our hearts whether we want them to or not."

"I don't hate my mother," said Pearl looking down at her lap. "We just never connected over anything. I know she cared, but she was never really there when I needed her, unlike you." Pearl looked at me. "Thank you for standing up for me back there. Jim has really been a big stress on my mind for a long time. He kinda scares me."

"Being a woman is tough. The world often does not take kindly to the feelings and actions of a woman. It is a man's world. Any nun could tell you that. Priests!" I coughed. Pear smiled. I patted her shoulder. "Well, I wouldn't worry about that rubbish, Mr. Jim Berry, any more. Sister Mary will gladly beat him up anytime especially if free ice cream is involved."

"I was wrong about you," said Pearl as she gazed at the sunset.

"What oh?" I said shocked.

"No, I'm serious. At first I thought you were a nosey old woman that had invaded my house and would be mean like most of those other nuns I have met, but you surprised me. You may not be a traditional nun but you sure are a fun one."

"Tell me, Pearl, do you have any friends? Like not classmates but people who invite you out?"

"Not really. Everyone hates me because I am a Stanton and at school only the weird guys ever want to ask me out. I hate it."

"Not to worry. All that is about to change."

"What makes you so confident?"

"Because," I said chomping down on the cone, "because you have a friend right here."

"You mean that?"

"I do." I smiled. "I'll be living in New Orleans after all this is over. Not a happy situation for me either. I have never had any real friends, unless you count those nuns who swore a vow of silence and had no choice but to listen to me talk then perhaps. I'm sure I made one speak one time. Trust me, I can get quite annoying, bit of an oddball myself." Oh my, I had started to ramble. The look on Pearl's face was a clever mix of patience and distance. "What I am trying to say is you are welcomed to come visit me anytime you are in town, and I'll make time to come here to see you. Say hello. Possibly threaten Mr. Jim."

"That's sweet." Pearl took a big lick of her ice cream. "I'll do that. New Orleans sounds fun."

The sunlight was nearly gone. The street lamps flickered to life.

"It's time to take you back. I'm sure your family is wondering what happened."

"Oh no. The car. Gloria will be furious."

"You let me take care of that."

We got up to leave. Pearl helped me stand. I took one last lick of my ice cream before setting it on the bench.

"Aren't you going to finish that or throw it away?" asked Pearl.

"No," I responded looking up into the branches of the tree. "I've got a little friend here. He has quite the sweet tooth." 

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