Brendons pov:

I miss him so damn much.

I took a look at all the Polaroids in my hands and just sobbed. Why did I let him go? He was my first crush I ever had and we had a great time in high school. But we had to separate our ways.

Because we didn't want to stand in each other's way.

I wanted to make music, he didn't.

He didn't like the attention he got and he just wanted to leave it as a simple hobby. Instead of that he probably is doing something different, build up a life, probably has a family or a boyfriend, and already forgot me.

And I just sat here, dreaming of the good old days, wanting them to come again.

A tear was falling on one of the photos.

The only thing I had were the girls and boys running after me, but none of them really loved me, well at least not the way he did.

I would trade all of this just for one more day with Ryan.

Do anything to just see his smile again.

Christmas is the time of the year where you should be with the people you love, the ones who love you.

I have many people who adore me, but no one who loves me.

A small Christmas tree was standing in the middle of the room. I think it just stands there, because I wanted to feel the Christmas vibes at least a bit.
It didn't really help but to miss everything I ever had.

I had to do something.

I had to go to him.

I know it's Christmas, but the only person I love isn't here.

I pulled out my laptop and started researching. Maybe I would find him...

☆

I put on my best button up shirt and a blazer, with a winter jacket on, it was still cold outside. I hoped this was the address I would find him. It was the address of a small cafe, he probably works at.

Please let him be there.

I cleaned up my face, because I didn't really wanna show up with tear streams on my cheeks.

"Hey, where are you going?", my manager asked on my way, but I just rolled my eyes, saying; "visiting someone."

"No, you're going nowhere! You have a little christmas concert in three hours, you can't just go", he said, wanting pull me inside my apartment again, but I was faster.

"You can search for another one, I need to go somewhere", I said before turning around.

I just heard him screaming:"you know, the world doesnt always surround around you."

I tried to ignore him and when I finally breathed the cold and fresh air, I began to smile slightly.  Haven't smiled in a while honestly.

Then I made my way over to my car, sitting down and just taking a deep, but breath. What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he had another one? Maybe my manager was right and I should care less about myself.

I didn't know, but I knew that I wanted to see Ryan so bad. I wanted to hug him again, see his smile again.

I started the motor and made my way to the person I once loved.

☆

It started to snow. The white, glittery snow fell down on the earth, making it way more beautiful, like you were driving through the magic world you were dreaming of as a kid. Everything seems to be more alive than usual and you think you can believe again. Just by seeing such a location.

Winter is a pretty season.

Maybe I should buy him something, I mean, roses? But where could I buy them? As if it was destiny I saw a small flower shop while I waited for the light to turn from red to green.

I immediatly parked and stepped out of the car. I heard the small ball while I was opening the door. The whole shop was silent, maybe it's closed, but someone forgot to close the door.

The soft smell of several flowers was filling the room, causing a little smile to crawl up my face. I love the smell of flowers.

I took a few steps into the shop and inspected ever type of flower, that met my eyes. The most of them were already sold out and the rest wasn't as pretty as the ones in summer or spring.

But a small sunflower caught my eyes. She was alone in a bucket of water under all the roses.

I took the fragile flower and held it on my hands, and examined every inch of it. I started to smile, because of its beauty.

Yeah this was the right one for Ryan, he loves sunflowers.

A small man with long, grey hair and round glasses came out of a separate room. He had a small rose in his hands. I love roses, to be honest.

I assumed he was the cashier, so I made my way over to him, ready go hand him the flower to pay, until another person came out of said room.

He was quite tall and brown hair. I could tell from everyone who he was, just by the colour of his eyes. To my surprise he had a new haircut. It suits him good.

I gulped and was petrified, I didn't expect him to be here.

And why is he buying a flower? Does he already have someone by his side?
Maybe I should just turn around and go away, like all of this didn't happen.

But it was too late, I already wanted to turn around and lay the flower back, but I caught Ryan's eyes, who finally met mine.

He didn't seem to be less surprised than me.

"So just the rose is it then?", the cashier asked ryan, but he didn't react.

Just when I broke the eye contact Ryan turned his attention to the cashier who still had the rose in his hands.

"Yeah, just the rose", he mumbled, causing the cashier to nod.

"Ryan", I mumbled, "how...how are you?"

"Uhm, good", he said, scratching the back of his neck, "What about you? I heard you became pretty far with your music carrier."

"Oh, yeah", I said in a quiet voice, "I'm alright."

Ryan got the rose handed back after he gave the cashier his money.

He gave me a quick but sad smile and walked out of the shop with no words said.

Is this flower not unnecessary now?

It didn't matter, I just bought it and walked out of the shop, wanting to breath a bit air again. I didn't know I was holding my breath for so long.

When I finally felt the cold air burning on my skin I felt relieved and just closed my eyes, taking a big breath just to notice a person's presence next to me.

"I thought you already were gone", I said, when I saw Ryan leaning against the wall.

"No, I'm still here", he mumbled.

I need to tell him.
I need to tell him what I was thinking about.
That I was only thinking about him.

"Ryan...", I began, but he shook his head.

"I know, I also wanted to find you until I realised I probably won't be able to get to you", he said, "the rose is for you by the way."

"You wanted to find me?", I asked, feeling my hands beginning to tremble.

"I missed you", he said.

"I missed you too."

A small smile appeared on his lips before he said: "Then let's go somewhere and celebrate Christmas."

I took his hand in mine and said:

"Looks that I'll be home with my love for Christmas."

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3.12

Megan trainor - I'll be home

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