When you were writing Captive did you purposely make kid not extremely physically violent with birdie on purpose or did it just never come up? I just noticed that besides a lot of sexual violence he doesn't seem to hurt her much in the way of the kind of "torture" you would expect from someone like him. In canon he crucified people for Christ sake and in your story he snapped Kolbys legs like pretzel sticks, so I was just curious if even in the beginning of her time with him he had a reason for not going for hitting or otherwise injuring her outside of sticking his fingers in her wounds. 

PRETZEL STICKS! Rip Koby. 😭

Anyway, coming to your question! There are several possible explanations why Kid wasn't (seriously) physically violent with birdie. He found her snarky attitude amusing, alluring even, and he didn't want to wipe it out just yet. He could have, easily. That's what Killer meant when he said she "dug her way out just with her mouth". By standing up to Kid even when she was terrified, she caught his interest and effectively saved herself. Then she earned his respect.

That's what happened the night Koby came for her, for example. Kid was ready to torture her to death, and the way she yells at him before changes his mind last second.

Or you could say he just found her attractive and wanted to f*ck her without disfiguring her first, I bet that's what Kid would say if you asked this question to him.

You're right to be surprised, even the crew was. Killer too.

However it's not like Kid didn't want to hurt her at all. Being a sadist, in a way, the person he wants the most is also the one he craves to hurt the most. And, at the same time, he doesn't want them to suffer, or be repelled by him as a consequence. So he lives a real internal struggle. I briefly touched upon this point in the story when she asks Kid if he wanted to hurt her, and he replies something like "it's complicated" to cut it short.

I hope I answered your question! :D

Been casually lurking for a while, but the recent ask and answers have been really interesting about birdie x Kid. What I find really interesting is how you talked about Kid's struggle with his sadism. Like, he clearly cares about her, but wants her in pain at the same time. I don't really know if you'd have an answer for this, but looking at Kid's character (or at least your interpretation), do you think he feels guilt about hurting those he cares about or that the sadistic part of him would negate that?

I do find it really interesting too, that at the end of your story, Kid lets her go because it's arguably what's best for her mind. But, would the sadistic part of him want to keep her suffering as a prisoner as well? I just thought this contrast and juxtaposition that you pointed out is so interesting, not only for your story, but also for analysis of his character.

I find this inner dualism in Kid fascinating, that's why I hinted at it in Captive. I didn't expand too much on it for various reasons (it's a complicated topic, and the story was told from birdie's POV), but it might come up again in the future.

I can mostly speculate and go along with my headcanon for it, but yes, I do think Kid does feel guilty when it hurts the people he cares about. It may not be right away, he may even not be able to recognise his uneasiness as guilt, but he would.

We also need to make a distinction between guilt and regret. According to the situation, Kid could feel both, either or none of these feelings, depending on who he hurt, how and what was the result of it.

I'm not sure I was able to explain myself there?

In my head, there's a dark, secluded corner of his mind where he still indulges in the fantasy of keeping birdie for himself and torment her as he pleases. But he rarely goes there, because the very same fantasy and the pleasure that comes with it cause a surge of guiltiness that makes his guts churn.

What I can tell you is that I will expand on Kid's POV of the whole captive situation in the next book, maybe my interpretation will be clearer then, at least in this context.

[ask by anon with a long analysis on Captive, I'm only going to report my additional thoughts on it]

You're so on point with the difference between the nicknames "birdie" and "kitty". Killer definitely realizes way better than Kid how birdie can be dangerous. This is also why he insisted at the beginning that they'd get rid of her, and on the same line, he says he doesn't know if going back he would take her captive again.

Both "birdie" and "marine girl" turn from denigrating to affectionate names with time.

Also, notice how she basically never comments on any of the nicknames except "kitty". Birdie and Killer have a strange, subtle way of respecting each other strength and stay on guard at the same time.

He insists on her using his name, while she initially insists on calling him Massacre Soldier. Yes, he wants to achieve a little trust from her side there, but what he was trying to do at the beginning was lure her into a false sense of security that would render her a little easier to handle. On some level, she knew that, and she resisted for a while.

The switch between epithets/last name and first name happens more naturally between Kid and birdie because they are too confused about each other to play real mind games or plan ahead.

There's an instance in one of the spin-offs (STAMPEDE) where Kid reverts to "marine girl" when he's hurt by her actions and turns threatening. Some readers pointed it out immediately, recognising that he doesn't use "birdie" in dark circumstances anymore, because he needs to both put some distance between them and make sure that she doesn't feel safe.

Heat is the only one who sees her as a person and it's sympathetic from the beginning, and therefore he uses her name as soon as he learns it.

I think you're one of the very few people who doesn't view Killer's attentions for birdie as romantic (which is totally understandable).

There's another point I should add here about characters address I each other. I should go back and edit this in Captive because I didn't know it at the time, but everyone in the crew address Killer as Killer-san (except for Kid). Birdie also never adds honorifics to address any of them, Killer included.

Killer has a good handle of birdie because he's used to deal with Kid, as you rightly pointed out for many instances. At the same time tho, he's a little wary because he realizes she can throw him off by doing unexpected stuff. So there are times when Killer temporarily loses his cool, like when he picks her up after she's almost choked to death by Kid. In that case, it's Heat who quickly brings him back to damage control, because Killer was genuinely upset that she didn't listen to him.

And as you also observed, Killer starts off doing most of the things for Kid's sake, then as time passes and he gains respect for birdie, he is telling himself it's just for Kid's sake. Then he admits to her that it's not just that. And he does for her sake now, because he sees from the start how much she's struggling with self worth and recognising that others might admire and care for her.

This also applies to him referring to her as nakama. Was it his real feeling or was it just a way to comfort her in a critical moment? The lines are blurred.

Killer is quite intrigued by the strength she shows while being absolutely oblivious to it at the same time.

In regards to Killer not telling Kid about Aokiji. First of all, did we know that he didn't? He could have lied to birdie. Although we do not see any hints that may tells us Kid knew. Let's say Killer kept birdie's secret. He surely has done so because he didn't deem this information would help Kid and the crew in any way, instead it would create more problems.

When Killer tells her not to thank them in any occasion, he means it. He feels uncomfortable seeing her grateful and getting attached to them despite all the pain they caused her. And because of these come all the reasons you listed yourself.

Hello hello! I had been re-reading your stories and have a probably stupid question about 'Day 22' in Captive that's been really bothering me 😅

So, when Kid found the lipstick that birdie seemingly took without thinking, he seems to get kinda pissed. But, something that has been bugging me is, was it because she could've gotten them exposed? Or maybe I was thinking jealously because he thought she'd start wearing makeup? I feel like this is supposed to be really obvious to why he was so angry, as there are like no comments about it. But I may also just be kinda slow, so if this is a stupid question, feel free to just trash it 😅 Or if it's supposed to be ambiguous, totally fine, too! 

Hi anon, thank you for your question!

Kid wasn't mad in that instance. It was birdie's impression for a few moments that he was.

Because he kinda stops on his track when he realizes she literally got him a present. He freezes for a while there with this intense look on his face, and birdie thinks he's upset. But his actions immediately after should show that he's not (so I probably fail to properly convey that 😅).

[long ask about how birdie did not get pregnant and what would happen if she did]

Hi, thank you for your question! That's... a little difficult to answer to be honest because it has disturbing implications, but I'll do my best. 😅

(I don't mind the question, don't worry, curiosity is legit and what if scenarios are interesting).

First of all, the contraception. Birdie mentions at some point that most women in the marines undergo monthly injections that keep their period brief and painless. I didn't go into details there, so I will remedy that in the future book, but these injections are also meant to be contraceptive. Birdie obviously misses hers, and that's why her period is difficult, but at the beginning of her captivity she was still covered.

Buuuut she wasn't sure when the effect would run off, nor did I specify when the injection was due (for sure before day 17 of her captivity, when she gets her period). This is why she's not overly anxious about the risk at the beginning but she does ask for condoms.

Also it's not like an unprotected intercourse definitely ends up in pregnancy, there are people that try for months and even years before getting pregnant. So yeah, given they have unprotected sex before and even after her period a couple of times, they definitely risked it and got lucky. They were very stupid, do not imitate them at home. 😂

Now for the what if scenarios where birdie does get pregnant.

TW: unwanted pregnancy, mention of abortion

Let's say it happened in the span of her captivity. It would have been terrible and led to a worsening of her mental state. Kid's too. But one thing I can tell you: neither of them would have wanted it, so she would interrupt the pregnancy, by involving the doctor or docking to get other doctors/medications if necessary.

There would be no need for Kid to disregard birdie's wishes because they'd be in line with his.

I won't go into details on how the whole situation would unfold because I would only know it if I sat down and wrote it (as I normally let the characters flow and do their thing). I'm not sure their relationship would recover from this though, birdie would descend in a darker place after he puts her through this ordeal.

I can't really comment on the scenario where they do have the baby because it's too OOC for both of them in my opinion, they simply wouldn't be Kid and birdie.