The first time he'd kissed Merida, they'd been staying in school after hours, trying to revise, knowing they wouldn't. Revision cards lay scattered on the ground, practice papers in unordered heaps. Merida's timelines that she'd made were spread in front of them as they half-heartedly tried to study when Hiccup suggested that they might be able to work better outside. After all, it was a lovely afternoon. She'd nodded, strangely quiet, strangely hesitant. He wondered whether he was being too forward.

Somehow they ended up laying on the school playing field, gazing up at the clouds, talking about everything, nothing, all at once. No revision, obviously. The sky was a gentle, delicate blue, clouds flowering occasionally across their vision. Nothing intricate, nothing larger than life.

"Hiccup," she found herself murmuring. He turned to face her; she noticed how his glasses were a little skewed, how many freckles he had on his nose. Then she realised just how close he was to her. His hand found her cheek; suddenly she couldn't speak; for the first time, she was lost for words. He wasn't looking into her eyes, he was looking at her lips.

"May I?"

His voice was low, but what he was asking for permission for something that she didn't quite register until after she'd breathed a "yes". It was only when he closed the tiny space between them and his lips met hers that she gathered what it was that he needed so intensely.

When she drew away, she still couldn't speak. She opened her eyes to meet his gaze, conscious of her heart rate quickening, of his hand still twined within the locks of her hair.

"I, you know, I really like you." He smiled and looked at the ground, blushing in a red flush across his cheeks. This was the first time she'd seen him smile in quite a while. She loved doing that to him. Emboldened, she continued. "You knew that. You must have known."

"For how long?" He was genuinely curious. She wasn't just using him for homework answers or to get close to someone else through him. She'd seemed to actually take an interest him when he was new at her school, something he wasn't used to. At first, he'd been scared of her, but in time, grew to realise that there was something behind the aggressive facade she presented to everyone. Maybe she'd had her defences up for longer than he realised. She blushed at the question.

"Longer than I like to admit."

His arms felt like home.

Yet she knew this wouldn't last. She knew this was going nowhere. Deep down, she knew she was broken, and so was he, too deeply to heal properly. He had a girlfriend for crying out loud, a girlfriend who treated him terribly and caused him far more strife than happiness. She'd regularly hoped that he'd gain the self-confidence to break up with her, tell her they just weren't working, that he needed space, but she knew that would never happen.

He was too scared of the repercussions.

He was scared of the fallout, of being left alone. He was scared she wouldn't want to wait for him. He knew he was stringing her along, but dear God did he want her. He knew she was better for him than his actual girlfriend; Astrid didn't even know he talked to Merida, let alone had kissed her. It burned him up inside; he hated himself for neglecting his morals, but her eyes and her sweet smelling hair couldn't let him sleep at night. He knew how desperately he wanted her, and yet the ramifications of breaking up with Astrid were so anxiety-inducing for him that he could barely contemplate it. He wanted to, but for the moment it was easier to just lie to himself. And of course, to Astrid. She couldn't know.

A/N Yo sorry for the lousy updating schedule man A-levels are a bitch amiright

Interesting to note that this one shot is based on a true story (mine lol) but mine has a happy ending I guess :)

sorry it's so short and crappy but it's kind of cute?? idk let me know and I might whack out a few more of these