Thoughts swarmed through my head as I ate.

' I can't ride.. I can't break my promise to Crystal. why is everyone trying to make me ride? What if I just walked and led the horse? Technically I would still be going on the trail ride. Either I'm walking, or I'm not going at all, because i:'m never going to ride again.it reminds me top much of Crystal. Horses remind me to much of Crystal. This stupid camp is doing more damage than good.'

Frustrated, I snuck out of the dining room, pretending that I was getting up for more food, but instead taking the back way to the stairs through the kitchen. I silently made it to my room and closed the door. One it was closed and locked, I collapsed on my bed. I took my horse pendant necklace off and held it in my hands, gripping it tightly.

I closed my eyes and I immediately thought of the last time I saw her alive. Her Stormy colored eyes still held light, even when they were faded and she was in her last moments, and although she was weak, her voice still carried hope and she was oddly very peaceful, as if she knew it would happen, as if she knew she was Dying and no one could save her this time. Why did God Abandon me? It wasn't Crystal's time to go to heaven.She still could've had a long, happy life.

Voices screamed at me inside me head. ' It's all your fault. If you didn't push her to go, she would be alive and you wouldn't be here.' One hissed. 'Just kill yourself so you can go see her. Noboduy will miss you nayways. Why do yoiu think even God has abandoned you?' Another screeched. 'Typical, Typical.typical. You're still hanging onto living when everything good in your life except your parents have vanished? They are always busy. Why hang on to that when you can just die? You can't fix your horses. When you're gone they'll go to slaughter. Doesn't really matter to you anyways, right? You'll be dead.'

'But... But I don't want to die. '. I whispered back.

'Well, there's always the option of running away. You can start a new life, forget Crystal. Forget your family. Forget Tango and Wildfire. Take few important belongs and run. Run until your legs ache and you can't breathe. Run until all of your problems disappear.' A new voice Suggested softly. 'But what about my family?' I sighed. All of the voices grew silent And another voice spoke, much different than any of the other horrible raspy voices my mind created. This one didn't seem to come from me. ' you can do this. Crystal would have wanted you to.God hasn't abandoned you, nor will he ever.Horses are your passion. do it for Crystal. Do it for God. Both of us will be with you every step of the way.' This voice was calm and soothing.

I looked down at the beautifully carved stone. Every detail was perfect. The mane, the face,the perfect smoothness of the pendant, and the gleam in the horse's eye, as if she really was flying and free, happy to do whatever she wanted. The dark blue mixed with large specks of black and thin, hairlike copper lines only added to the horse's beauty. Under sunlight, her blue stone almost looked like a part of the ocean. A deep, calm sea with the power and spirit to take down anything the world threw at it. The last voice was right. I can do this. At last, I stared into the penny' carved eyes, and I thought of something Crystal once told me when I lost my Favorite chicken, Penny. ' love and loss are two sides of the same coin.You can't have love without loss, So savor it while it's there.' I just wish it wasn't Crystal that I lost.

---

I was assigned to Sox, just until wildfire and Tango were ready to be ridden. I was nervous the whole time I groomed him, and was shaking while tacking up.

Once everyone finished grooming and tacking, we lined our horses up from the ground and took turns mountain ng on a mounting block that had been pulled from who knows where. I was at the back, so when my turn finally came, I hesitated. Gently, I stuck one foot through the gstirrup, gripped the Saddle Horn, and Swung my leg over to the other side. As my other foot slipped into the stirrup, I was immediately met with flashes of Memory. My first fall in Wildfire, Our trick riding practices, Trail rides. Crystal's almost never ending smile, and The warmth in her hand slowly fading as I touched her for the last time.

I dismounted quickly, explaining quietly to Mrs.Janet that I couldn't do it. I heard few sneers from behind my back, but I ignored it. Mrs.Janet Told Ms.Anita to go ahead and start the trail ride, and she would deal with me. Ms.Anita nodded and Mrs.Janet grabbed Sox's reins. she began to walk towards me, but I didn't want to talk, so I instead I ran. I didn't realize where I was running, I only ran untilMrs.Janet was out of sight and I couldn't hear her footsteps. As I looked at where I ended up, I heard a loud whinny behind me, one I recognized to be Wildfire. I noticed I was near their paddock(they had been moved to the first paddock after a week or two in a round run to make sure they were. Doing okay, and they had freedom to go in their stalls whenever they wished. I saw the two horses, Wildfire pacing and Tango standing still, as usual. Even from 10 yards away, I could tell they were malnourished. Upon closer inspection of the paddock, they also had hardly touched their feed. I went back to the barn and found Some mini candy canes, one of their favorite treats.

I entered the paddock Quietly, but Wildfire took notice and trotted to the end of the pasture. Tango stood there, and didn't move even as I approached him, just like last time. I unwrapped one of the mini candy canes and stuffed the wrapper in my pocket, making sure to make a loud plastic sound to try and get him to notice I had a treat. I or free it to him, but he didn't react. I showed it to him agian.He smelled it, but still refused to take it. I sighed, and shoved the candy cane in my pocket for later. I began to stroke him, starting at the withers and moving down his back, something he loved. Crystal also always used to rub his wothers, something Wildfire hated, but Tango Adored. When I saw no reaction agian, I looked at His face and into his eyes. The once bright Golden brown eyes were now full and almost lifeless. He had finally given up. After a few more minutes, I left the pasture and decided to get Widfire and His halter and lead rope.

---

I started with Tango.I picked his head up, and slipped the halter on. I began leading him to the barn and noticed his gate was sluggish, and he dragged his feet, So I clicked and pulled to get him walking just a littlecfaster, but he didn't react. When we finally made it to the barn, I tied him to the cross ties,Grabbed Wildfire's Halter and lead rope, and went back down to the pasture. I chased her around for almost 30 minutes before she finally allowed me to halter her. I led her up and noticed her hair was normal speed, but she was very edgy an d looked around the whole wa y. We passed by Mrs.Anita 's truck in our way, and Wildfire spooked. She began to buck and it took m e several minutes to calm her down, but when she caught a glimpse of Tango inside the barn, it helped calm her, so I took both of them outside and tied them to Hitching posts that were right next to each other. I started grooming Tango first, using the rubber curry comb to gently massage him and get the mud off his coat. He hardly reacted to bring groomed until the very end, when I went over him with the softest soft brush I could find. He perked up and relaxed slightly. I began to brush him in all his favorite places and started singing softly to him.

"Do you think the stars know that they're seen from so far down below, Or when the warm wind blows, does it tell the grass to grow? Why do you think the birds sing, do they think that someone's listening? Or do they sing to try and chase away the snow? And if the stars hid from the night, do you think that someone would realize the light had died, would they even know?"

As I sang, both horses seemed to calm down, just a little bit. I looked into their eyes for just a moment. The same sadness I saw in their eyes resembled my own. "I guess you two are just as broken as I am.. " I whispered, running my hands down their sides Wildfire was nearly as Skinny as Tango, but deep within the sadness, I saw a spark of hope in her eyes that plummeted and told me she was a fighter. I looked back to Tango. His glow was Much smaller, but growing by the second. Maybe, just maybe, All three of us could help each other mend.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G6__llZtLW8

Link to the song where I got the Lyrics from! I absolutely love this YouTuber, and If you like warrior cats, I suggest you go check her out!!