Adam's POV

Do you ever get tired of everything, one moment, healing looks good and progresses to the next level and the next, your chaotic self drops back to the hell hole it thought it was once free of?

Starting my day with my regular chai tea. A sip instantly calms you along with the lovely tunes of birds chirping.

Crap!

Don't be deceived. My life is a bigger mess than it might appear now. Trust me, nothing is fun here, it only screams hell, hell and more hell.

Mom walked into the room with a tray in her hand.

Forget the sweet aroma of the food that is making my Tommy churn, this woman needs to stop invading my privacy. Ah!

"I made breakfast. Here's yours." She placed it on the table and I could tell she has a warm smile on even though my eyes were still glued to the journal in my hand.

"Thanks, mom," I said casually still staring down at the journal. She reluctantly turned away and I hate how that made me feel.

Ingrate! Ugly! Dark-souled!

I paused and raised my head.

"Mom."

"I am moving out." I added before she could reply. My gaze fell on her. Her hazel eyes were laced with tears held in for too long.

I looked away. I hate seeing her like that. But this is what I have decided on.

"But, son, you are still heal..."

"Not today mom. You can't keep doing this. I have healed enough. Life needs to go on."

I heard the door open and closed. She left, without uttering another word. I closed my journal and sipped on my tea again. I need to get dressed right away. I moved my luggage from the corner to the centre of the room and left for the bathroom to freshen up.

Why are promises made when they won't be kept? Baffling and yet to find answers but one day, hopefully, all questions get answered.

I walked back into the room thinking how crazy it feels how random thoughts jump into your head and you are in a way obliged to think about them even when you strongly want to discard them. I glanced at the tray of food untouched and begin to get dressed.

Life on its own is crazy and it's not like you ever understand how and why it works the way it does. I got dressed in no time and took my luggage out, down the stairs and into the garage.

"You really are leaving?" She asked from behind with a suppressed sob.

I looked over my shoulder and resisted the urge to reply and got my stuff in the car. This is my life and I owe no one an explanation of how I want to live it.

I got into the car and I knew what I was about to do would hurt her but I still did anyway.

She stood there defencelessly as I drove out of the compound.

Way to go, Adam. What a nice way to say goodbye.

My life might seem like poetry, sweet, sore, entangled and bland but deeply deep and in the end, has a subtle meaning that makes no sense. Poetry is interestingly dumb and it's fine if you don't agree because to some, it's gorgeous, tranquil and sublime but this is my poetry and my poetry sucks!

My life is like poetry but in another way, it isn't, it's far from it because even though I hate poetry, it's still meant to be absolute and beautiful and my life isn't..

Again, thoughts invading my head without consent and yet I am obliged to just think.

I have chosen not to feel this way again and I won't.

I parked in front of the gate of my new house. I got down, unlocked the gate and drove in.

I can smell it. I can smell and feel it. Change is change, whether good or bad and I am embracing it.

Finally settled in and it feels surreal living alone AGAIN where my privacy isn't invaded and everything is wholesome.

There is pain that isn't meant to be shared. It's a private misery that should be endured discreetly.

I might sound like a poetry man, but I am not. This is just a story of another African guy on the verge of losing it and striving not to get drenched in the stench of ugly pasts that he is finding a tad difficult to let go of.

But then, I have decided not to be this way again. I want change. This is change. Change is Change, whether good or bad and I am embracing it.

This is me and welcome to my world where everything is a struggle sbd I can feel myself falling off the cliff of sanity and all things attached to it.

Hola, hope you guys are doing great.
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Boring, not bad or super cool?

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