Chapter Twenty:
Epilogue

"Gavin! I think Oliver's ready to try again!" I heard Michael call from the living room.

I excitedly scurried out of the kitchen and back into the living room, seeing Michael standing over our youngest son, holding his tiny hands in his larger ones. Oliver gazed around at us in wonder, probably wondering what the hell we were getting so excited over.

"Okay... So, you're mum said you should let them stand on their own and encourage them to come to you," I told him. Michael smiled and nodded, prying Oliver's tiny hands off of his. Oliver made a sour face at this, obviously being displeased that his father was leaving him.

I sat in the middle of the floor and smiled at Oliver. His attention slowly came back to me as I started clapping my hands and calling his name. Oliver made another sour face, as if trying to figure out what I wanted from him.
Michael laughed a little at that and our first born son, Banjo, crawled onto his lap and taunted his younger brother.

"Daddy, I could walk way before Oliver could, right?" He asked, gazing into Michael's eyes.

"Not really. You were... What... eleven months? Maybe twelve," Michael said, smiling when his son crossed his arms and pouted.

"Oliver, you can do it. Just one little step. That's all," I said to Oliver as his attention reverted back to me. Oliver gazed down at the floor and I began to feel both excitement and fear about whether he was going to sit back down or actually take a step towards me.

Suddenly, Oliver stuck his foot out and I gasped slightly as he set it down. As he began to tumble forwards, he took several more and collapsed into my arms.

"Oh my goodness, good boy, Ollie! Good boy!" I cried out, hugging him as tightly as I could. I felt tears pierce my eyes as I made the realization that my son had just taken his first few steps.

Michael stood up and approached us, sitting on the floor behind me and wrapping his strong arms around the both of us. I smiled and looked back at him, seeing Banjo trying to squirm into Michael's lap again. Michael allowed him and pulled all of us together in a big group hug.

I felt the tears run down my cheeks as I felt the love of my family beat in all our hearts. I looked down at the two sons that Michael and I brought into this world. Then my gaze flicked to Michael and I smiled, seeing his wedding ring glint off of the lights above our heads.

This was what I had dreamed of when I was at my worst in my depression. That I would someday be married to Michael and have kids. That we would live in a large and beautiful house that would be able to hold all the wonderful memories we would make down the road.

I pressed myself against Michael and he smiled while I kissed the heads of both of my children. My gaze returned to Michael's and I stared into his brown eyes that I had grown so used to seeing everyday. Michael stared straight back at me, pressing his forehead against mine.

"We are the perfect family, aren't we?" I asked him. Michael smiled broadly and nodded, kissing me gently on the lips.

Suddenly, I heard a ding and I lifted my head away from Michael's. I set Oliver on the floor next to Michael while I got up to check on our dinner.

I smiled and grabbed an oven mitt, smirking slightly as I remembered the time Michael tried to make me wear one when I had stitches. Opening the oven, I pulled out our dinner. I set it on top of the stove, checking the other dishes to see if they were ready as well. When they were I began setting them on the dining table, making everything look presentable even if it was just for my intermediate family.

I walked back out into the living room, seeing Michael play with our sons. Banjo sat on his shoulders, holding onto his father's curly locks while Michael held Oliver and held him up so it looked like he was flying. I smiled at the sight, feeling my heart beat faster as I watched my three favorite people run around the room, giggling at each other.

"Dinners ready," I said when I got my fill of the heartwarming moment. Michael met my eyes and nodded, giving Oliver to me.

I sat him down in his high chair next to my own chair. He already began reaching for the food that I was trying to fix for him and he began to fuss. I hummed to him gently, distracting him and he quieted down.

"You've gotten good at that," Michael said, setting Banjo down in his own chair.

"Good at what?" I asked.

"Calming him down. He never hushes up like that when I'm with him," Michael said, laughing as he started telling me the grocery store story again.

I listened, like I always did whenever he tells it. Banjo rolled his eyes, like he usually did, and made a comment about how he never did anything like that, even though I remembered many times when he did. Oliver was off in his own world, munching away at the food that I scooped onto a spoon for him.

"Yummy," He'd say periodically in which Michael would respond with a 'yep'.

After dinner, I left Michael with the boys while I went upstairs and changed since Oliver thought it'd be funny to throw mashed potatoes at me. I sifted through my closet and pulled out another t shirt and slipped it on.

However, as I tilted my head up to pull on my shirt, my eyes rested on a journal. I stood there for some time staring at it before finally getting on my tip toes and grabbing it.

I blew the dust off it and wiped my hand across it, trying to collect the finer dust. I debated whether I wanted to read it or not but I eventually went with the aforementioned and sat down on the edge of my bed.

I opened it, reading the first few sentences to the first entry. I eventually flipped to the next one and the next one, reading through some of it before flipping the page.

I felt all the depressing thoughts flood back into my mind. All those thoughts and urges, literally being brought forth so I was forced to remember them.

I read as I pleaded for my death, as I talked about all my urges to slit my wrists and let them bleed out. I read how I felt like I was in prison, so trapped and fearful of everything. How I loved Michael, but he had betrayed me so I was confused on what I felt.

I eventually came to the final entry and I read through the last few sentences.

I think it's safe to say now that my depression is finally over. I have not thought about suicide in so long and when I smile and laugh, they're always genuine.
Wow, I write this as my newborn son, Banjo, is getting cuddled by Michael in the bed across the room. Three wonderful years of marriage proved to be long enough for a baby.
Well, I'm gonna go join in on the hugfest over there. So, Gavin, if you're reading this, perhaps years from now, just remember, you got through it once, you can sure as hell do it again.

I smiled at the entry. I had meant it to be the final entry since I'd thought I wouldn't have time for more with a son to take care of. But, I eventually found myself grabbing a pen and flipping to another blank page.

August 10th, 2024

It's been four whole years since I wrote in this. Four years! I find that crazy for some reason.
Banjo isn't a baby anymore, that's for sure. He tends to remind Michael and I everyday of that fact. However, we still do have a baby, my wonderful son, Oliver Edmund Jones.
He's incredible. I know he's gonna be so smart one day. He learned to talk at such a young age and he even knows when Michael or I are upset. Not to mention, he knows how to get his way, too.
I'm so proud of both of them. And I know Michael is too.
Anyway, it's hard to believe that I used to be so depressed. It feels like my depression was ruling my life so long ago when it was only about nine years ago. It's amazing what a good attitude, coping skills and the right kind of antidepressants will do for you.
I'm so happy now. Everyday I'm smiling for virtually the whole day. I'm always laughing and having fun whenever I get the chance. It's amazing.
As I was reading through this though, I saw how much I grew up. I was so stubborn at the beginning of my depression, refusing to get over it and just admitting defeat when success was still an option. As I began to slowly work my way through it, I saw myself mature and realize that life isn't going to be perfect and that I might as well enjoy the ups so I have something to think about during the downs. Then I finally prevailed and saw the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I finally made the conclusion to really try and be happy and now, because of all that hard work, I'm now happy.
My life is just what I dreamed it would be. I remember seeing it in that vision thing I had all those years ago. And to think, if I had killed myself like I planned to, I wouldn't be here, married to Michael, living in a huge, fancy house, watching my children grow up.
I'm so happy.

I closed the journal and smiled, a couple years of joy running down my cheeks. I took a deep breath, and wiped away the tears, setting my journal down on the nightstand.

"So... Did you finally finish it?" Michael asked me.

I turned to him, not realizing he'd been standing there. I smiled and nodded, standing up and walking towards him.

"Did it have a happy ending?" Michael asked me as I buried myself into his chest, wrapping my arms around him.

"The happiest."
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And... The end.
Haha, I don't really know about this. I feel like this ending... Wasn't too great. Ah well, I really wanted to finish this story today since school starts tomorrow.
So, I'll be posting an AN... Probably tomorrow explaining a little bit about this story (and When All Else Fails. There's a lot I have to say about that that I'd didn't get a chance to).
Please let me know what you thought of this story. I've never worked harder on a story than with this one so I'd really like to know what you guys thought.
And, to end this;
Thanks for reading!