I must give credit where credit is due! Thank you to MadQueenMogar for giving me the inspiration and help to create this chapter!

Chapter Ten:
Understanding

Within a few hours, the video of me confessing my depression went viral. By the time Michael and I were out of our casts, over fifty million people watched the video. It became a very popular topic for other Youtubers to talk about and a few other famous figures actually made their own videos saying how brave I was to confess something that huge.

I didn't really see why they were making such a huge fuss over it. People treated it like I just explained the way to achieve world peace.
But, all the attention meant nothing when I knew Michael was proud of me.

Even though Michael still couldn't remember that whole two months he still made it very clear that he loved me and couldn't be more proud of me. Every chance he got, he would grab me and pull me as close as possible before pressing his lips against mine and muttering a quick 'I'm proud of you'. He would then let me go and continue doing whatever he was doing, as if what he did didn't make my heart stop.

And just as Michael had predicted, Rosie was defiantly helping me recover. Everyday she would come over and force me to go outside and do something. Michael would usually come along in those situations and try every trick in the book to make me smile or laugh.

Today was one of those days.

We were walking through a park in Austin. Rosie was walking alongside me, pointing out things for me to see. Michael was walking backwards in front of us, trying to make me laugh at something he did.

Throughout the day, Michael did succeed in making me smile and laugh, usually in the most ridiculous ways. When the sun began to set, Rosie announced that she had to head home, in which she did, which left Michael and I by ourselves in the park.

Michael and I sat ourselves down on a random bench and we gazed off at the sunset, admiring it. Eventually, Michael grabbed my hand and squeezed it, making me blush and squeeze back.

"Hey, Gav, can I ask you something?" Michael asked me.

"Of course," I told him, shifting my gaze from the sunset to him.

"What is it like to have depression?" Michael asked me, almost childishly.

The smile that was currently on my face disappeared and I let myself wander to the dark parts of my mind. I lowered my gaze to the ground and sighed, thinking over the depressing thoughts that I had learned how to keep at the back of my mind.

"Well, imagine waking up in the morning and having absolutely no energy and no motivation to actually get up and do anything. Imagine having this never ending feeling of sadness and despair constantly surrounding you and clouding out every one of your happy thoughts. Imagine wanting to talk and speak of how your feeling, but being physically unable to say it and having to just respond with the next simplest thing; 'I'm fine'. And that's not even all of it. I haven't even began with the self harming... And the starving... And the constant will to kill yourself," I explained, closing my eyes and feeling tears push at my eyes again.

"That's how you feel everyday? Like... All the time?" Michael asked me.

"Yeah... All the time," I told him, blinking my eyes repeatedly to stop the tears from falling.

"I... Never knew. You know, I always knew depression was serious but... I mean not to sound disrespectful but whenever I heard someone had depression or someone self harmed... I always thought it was for attention. Like, depression is just a word thrown around with little meaning now," Michael told me.

"I know," I simply said.

"Like, I know you don't self harm for attention... Right?" Michael said, trying to be nice.

"I self harm because it feels like my only relief and escape from the stresses of life," I told him. Michael nodded and squeezed my hand some more.

"Gavin?" Michael said after a moment.

"Yes?" I responded.

"You won't actually try and commit suicide again... Will you?" Michael asked me.

"I don't know, Mi-cool. It depends on how I'm feeling. Usually I decide to do that type of thing a few moments before I actually go ahead and do it," I told him.

"Gavin, promise me, you won't try again. Please," Michael turned me to him, forcing me to look at him.

"What?" I asked.

"Please, don't attempt suicide again. I don't know what I'd do without you," Michael told me. He gripped my shoulders tightly and I actually felt his hands begin to shake.

"Mi-cool, calm down. I'm working on recovering," I told him, trying to calm him down.

"Gavin, please promise me," Michael said, his voice cracking and tears beginning to spring into his eyes. I instantly leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him tightly.

"I won't, Mi-cool. I promise."

...

I felt Michael bite my lip as we continued to make out on our bed. I began getting excited, thinking of the possibilities of where this could lead. However, I still felt the nervousness prodding me at the back of my mind, reminding me of the horrible things my father did to me.

"Gav... Gavin... Do you-," Michael mumbled out between kisses.

"Yes," I said breathily, before pulling Michael over me, and continuing to kiss.

Michael inched his fingers up my shirt, slowly pulling it over my head. He kissed my jawline and then my neck whilst I groped for his shirt. I eventually grabbed it, pulling it over his head as well.

I rested my hands on his shoulders, moaning out in pleasure as he nipped at my neck. With half closed eyes, I quickly undid Michael's belt and unbuttoned his pants.

By now, I could tell Michael was pretty anxious to start. He was quick to pull off his pants and begin unbuttoning mine. I smirked and licked my lips as he began to pull my pants off my legs.

Suddenly, I felt a jolt of fear race through my body. I felt a scream bubble in my throat and my body began to tremble horribly. I whimpered and pushed Michael away, curling up in a ball in the middle of the bed. I finally let the scream escape my throat and tears sprung from my eyes as I began sobbing out.

"Gavin?!" Michael asked worriedly. I shook my head and shoved him away again.

"Stay away, dad! You perverted little creep!" I screamed at Michael, letting my minds fear take over.

"Gavin, its me, Michael. Not your dad," Michael told me, sitting on the edge of my bed and resting his hand on my shoulder. I blinked open my eyes, seeing Michael looking at me worriedly.

"Gav... What's wrong?" Michael asked me soothingly.

I immediately broke from my ball and threw my arms around him, bursting into tears again. Michael wrapped his arms around me as well, clutching tightly. He didn't ask me about what happened, he just held me, hushing me gently.

"You're okay. I'm here... Hush," Michael soothed gently.

Slowly, I began to calm down. My breathing became more even and my heart rate slowed. Eventually, I stopped crying and looked up at Michael with swollen eyes.

"Thank you," I croaked.

"Of course, Gav," Michael told me, kissing my nose gently. I felt a tiny smile show on my face and I rested my head on his chest, listening to his even heartbeat.

Eventually, I became drowsy and Michael took notice to this since he gently laid me back and pulled the covers over me. He slipped in next to me, wrapping his arms securely around me, making me feel protected. I nuzzled into his chest and slowly fell asleep without the thoughts of my father's perverted ways haunting me.
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Please read the AN!
I'm not proud of this part... I feel like it sounds horrible and it's such a filler chapter...
Well, thank you for reading. Please let me know what you guys think. I'm sorry if the story isn't sounding too great. I'm gonna try to brainstorm some ideas for this... However I don't know how good they're gonna be. It'll mean a lot if you guys give me some ideas (they're gonna be better than anything I come up with). I'll of course give you credit for your ideas as well.
Thanks for reading.