Chapter One:
Recovering?

Sitting in that room, seeing all the other people suffering from my same condition, made me think.

Why are we the way we are? What made us the way we are? Is there a greater being than just us? Were all those Sunday's wasted learning about a made up story? Do people really like grapes? Am I nothing? Is there really any purpose in liv-

I grabbed Michael's hand before my mind could wonder to that part of my thoughts. After a month of us dating, Michael had picked up the signs of when I was fighting the demons in my mind. He was very good about calming me down, rubbing my hand, or curling an arm around my shoulders.

This time he pulled me closer and let me rest my head on his shoulder. He draped an arm around me and massaged my arm gently, mumbling things under his breath that would only be for my ears to hear.

I noticed a couple turned heads but that had become the least of my worries within the few seconds Michael had pulled me closer.

It was amazing to see how much Michael was helping me forget about my worries. All he had to do was show the slightest sign of affection, and I'd feel like I was on the moon.

After the bridge incident, Michael had taken me back to Geoff's and stayed with me for a few nights. He told me it was because he was worried about me, and I believe he was, but I knew part of that was so Lindsay could move out.

Which was another thing. Things with Michael and Lindsay were quite awkward. Lindsay had quit working in the Achievement Hunter Crew after Michael and her's break up. She said she really wanted to focus on the scripts she was working on for episodes and such, but everyone knew she did it to get away from Michael.

And, to be honest, it was for the better.

Lindsay was seeing someone else, and Michael was dating me. They were both happy from what I could see, and life was working out for them in the long run.

But I knew they still had feelings for each other.

And perhaps they always would. I mean, what if I never admitted my feelings for Michael when I did? Would they still be engaged or not?

Those questions never stopped running through my head, but I would then be reminded of Michael's arms around me and calm down, knowing he was mine.

For now at least.

"Gavin," My usual therapist called for me. Michael took his arm off my shoulder, much to my disappointment, only to replace it with his hand in mine.

He led me to the room and I felt my heart speed up a bit. This was the third time I've seen the therapist in the month and the first time Michael was coming with me. I was quite nervous to be admitting all my problems and thoughts to both my therapist and Michael, but my therapist recommended I bring him along.

Once we were seated in the room, Mrs. Foley gave me a reassuring smile and turned her attention to Michael.

"So, you must be Mr. Michael Jones. Mr. Free's told me a lot about you," Mrs. Foley said, she was quite neutral towards him but I could hear the warning in her voice.

"I hope only good things," Michael smiled and squeezed my hand gently, making me smile and squeeze back.

"Just the best," Mrs. Foley said, giving him a forced smile.

"Alright, your hour starts now, Mr. Free. So, let's start off basic. Have you had any suicidal thoughts recently?" Mrs. Foley asked me.

"Well, yeah but they weren't enough to make me want to do something," I told her. She nodded and wrote something down.

God, how much I hated that notepad she carried around. She never told me what she wrote down and for all I know she could be calling me insane right now.

"Okay. Have you self-harmed recently?" She continued, looking up for a moment in her writings.

"N-no," I said quietly. I didn't self-harm in the way she was thinking. I might've pinched myself a little on purpose but nothing beyond that.

"Okay, so that's defiantly improvement. Have you been feeling happier in a sense?" She asked me, giving me another reassuring smile.

"You could say that," I told her gently. She nodded and wrote some more things down.

The session continued on like that. Mrs. Foley would ask Michael questions as well about me and he'd answer truthfully after giving me a look asking if it was alright to.

"Okay, Mr. Free. You've been making improvement and I'd really like to try something with you," Mrs. Foley said. I raised my head a little, wondering what she was talking about.

"I've tried this on a couple of my patients and it really helped them get their thoughts and emotions out. In fact three are now living a life depression free because of this method," Mrs. Foley continued. I nodded slowly, taking Michael's hand in mine again.

"I want you to try keeping a journal. I would like you to write in it whenever you can. If you are feeling something or are experiencing an emotion that is becoming too overwhelming, I want you to write about it. I think this will definitely help you keep yourself from self-harming and also start calming down nerves and such," Mrs. Foley told me.

I nodded slowly, thinking it was a pretty good idea. Michael agreed silently and we bid Mrs. Foley good bye.

...

"What did you think about the whole journal thing?" Michael asked me in the car.

"I thought it was a good idea," I told him. Michael nodded and flashed me a dazzling smile.

"But, I'd really like to keep it to myself," I told him, flipping my phone between one hand to the other.

"Of course, Gav! I wouldn't dare intrude like that. I mean, Lindsay kept a diary that she used to always write in. I only snuck a peek once, sometimes twice a week," Michael winked, laughing a little, making me laugh in turn.

It was also amazing how much Michael had improved my attitude just by telling me he loved me on that bridge. I actually smiled genuine smiles with him now, and he knew it. Just last week, I made my first genuine laugh for the first time in over a year, shocking myself and Michael. It sounded so strange, especially since neither of us had actually heard it in quite some time. But, God, was it great to hear it again.

"So, anyway, you staying with me tonight or Geoff's?" Michael asked me.

"You. But I might go a little later. Heidi wanted me to help with something for her sleep over she's having," I told him. Michael nodded and took my hand in his again, massaging it in certain places again.

Suddenly, an overwhelming wave of depressing thoughts came over me and I squeezed Michael's hand tightly. I closed my eyes and turned my head from him, but he already saw my condition and stopped the car.

"Gavin, look at me," Michael told me in his gentlest voice. I slowly turned my head back to his, and blinked open my eyes.

My vision was blurry from the tears that were beginning to form and I instantly felt the need to cut or burn or do something to take my mind off the grief. Michael gently let go of my hand and wiped away my tears.

"Gavin, listen to me. I love you. Okay? I love you and only you. You are the most important person in my life and you'll always remain that important. You're not alone in this. You have me, and Geoff and Griffon, the rest of the guys at work and then some. We're not gonna let you go through this alone," Michael told me. His words lifted my heart a bit but the tears continued to run down my cheeks.

"I feel like I'm going insane," I choked out.
Michael shook his head and pushed back my hair.

"We are all going insane, Gavin. Some faster then others. But that's the obstacle of life. You have to stop yourself from going insane. And I'll help you on that road," Michael told me.

"Is Ryan insane yet?" I asked him, giggling slightly.

"Ryan is long past insane, lovely," Michael winked. I smiled at the pet name he gave me and he smiled in return.

"You want a hug?" He asked me, opening his arms up for me. I nodded and wrapped my arms around him.

If there was one thing about Michael that I absolutely adored, it was his hugs. He was such a bear about them, squeezing the living daylights out of you. But at the same time, it made you feel so much lighter and happier.

Michael kissed my cheek before pulling away and starting the drive back to Geoff's again. He took my hand once again and this time I twiddled his fingers for the remainder of the trip.

...

"But uncle Gavin... It won't be as a fun without you," Heidi begged me. She wanted me to stay home for her sleepover so bad that I almost texted Michael to go back home.

Almost.

"I'm sorry, love. I have to go to Michael's to help him with some editing and such," I told her, bending down to her level.

"How come Michael said he loved you?" Heidi asked me randomly.

I felt my cheeks burn for a moment. She wasn't supposed to know about Michael and my's relationship. Geoff didn't want her to know about it just yet.

"You know how we joke about that stuff, right? He was just joking," I told her, rubbing her shoulder whilst saying that.

"But, he kissed your cheek after. I thought only people that were together could do that," Heidi asked me in a confused voice.

"And I thought mommy and daddy told you not to eavesdrop and spy on people anymore," I scolded her gently. Heidi then created her own blush and looked down.

"I'm sorry," She said, completely forgetting about Michael and me.

"It's okay. But if I catch you doing that again, you and I are gonna have to have a little talk. Okay?" I told her. She nodded but started to frown again.

"Uncle Gavin, what does dy... Dysphor... Dysphoria mean?" She said, pronouncing the word wrong.

"Um, where did you see that word?" I asked her, nervous of the answer.

"I... Um... I saw a journal with that word in it," She said looking down. I sat down in front of her and took her hands in mine.

"Were you snooping around in my room again?" I asked her. Heidi shook her head slowly.

"Don't lie to me," I told her a bit more harshly. She then slowly nodded her head.

"Heidi, you know not to go into my room unless I tell you to," I told her. She nodded and sighed.

There was a knock at the door which stopped me in my scolding of Heidi. I stood up and quickly opened the door to see Michael standing there with his hands in his pockets. He leaned forward to kiss me but I leaned back, gesturing to Heidi standing near the couch. Michael turned to her and smiled.

"Hi, Heidi," He called to her.

"Hi, Michael," Heidi smiled back.

"You ready to go?" Michael asked me a little quieter.

"Yeah," I grabbed my phone and wallet and followed Michael.

"Wait, uncle Gavin!" Heidi called for me.

"Sorry, Heidi, I've gotta go. Bye," I told her as I shut the door behind me.

I let out a breath of relief to be away from the family for the first time in a few hours. I followed Michael out to the car and slid into the seat next to him.

"I'm seriously considering moving out," I groaned rubbing my eyes.

"No you aren't. I don't want you living alone," Michael said, taking my hand in his.

"Well, whatever. I'll find someone else to live with. I just can't live with them anymore. Heidi is always sneaking into my room and looking through my stuff. Geoff and Griffon are so loud when they have sex. I can't do it anymore," I complained. Michael snickered a bit and smiled.

"Thanks for that. I'll be using that against Geoff from now on," Michael giggled.

"Mi-cool, I'm being serious," I growled.

"I don't think so. When you mess up my name you aren't being serious," He smiled.

I slouched back and turned my head from him, yanking my hand from his grip.

"Okay, I'm sorry. If you really can't live with them anymore why don't you just move in with me? You basically live in my apartment anyway," Michael said, smiling.

"You'd actually let me?" I asked him.

"Of course, Gavin. I know it's still a little early in the relationship but I think we handle each other well enough to take that step. Besides, I'm the only one that really knows how to calm you down, right?" Michael said. I nodded and squeezed his hand.

"So, you moving in or what?" He asked me. I could hear the slight tinge of hope in his voice.

"Of course I will, Michael."
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Aww, lovely little bois!
Anyway, welcome to the sequel of When All Else Fails! I really hope you guys will enjoy this. I have no idea how long this will be but that'll be up to you guys I believe. I have some ideas and I already planned out the climax and stuff so yeah.
Thank you so much for reading and please let me know what you think of this! I will accept all feedback, bad or good, and I will try my best to respond.
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you will enjoy my newest story!