A/N: Welcome, welcome, welcome, to my brand new story! The idea for this story came to my mind one night when I was particularly upset about Meredith hooking up with Nathan on the show. A friend told me the news since I don't watch the show anymore, and I kept mulling things over until this story weaved its way in my brain. I won't give away any more spoilers. Enjoy!

P.S. This is a post season 12 fic, but please overlook any inconsistencies between the show and this fic. I haven't watched a single episode of season 12 – I've just heard about it from my friend and my idea of what transpired in season 12 is very vague.

Copyrights of this story have been acquired from the U.S. Copyright Office. All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author. 

If copied, author WILL SUE YOU, and she's rich so think  multiple times before plagiarizing.

"Mmm..." I moaned as he kissed me fiercely. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I let my tongue slip inside his mouth briefly before pulling back from him. "I have to go. I'm meeting Amelia for lunch," I said, pushing him away and sitting up.

"Oh, okay," he said as he reclined against the sheets, looking straight into my eyes.

I donned my scrubs quickly, trying to avoid looking at Nathan the whole time. We were not even friends. Or maybe we were. We were sort of friends. We were...friends with benefits, nothing more. And he had acknowledged that fact. I had warned him not to get too attached to me, and he had said that he knew that we were just friends having sex. But...I was not a fool. I hadn't missed the looks he had been giving me over the past week. Looks that said there was something more to this whole thing for him than just sex. Looks that I didn't want to receive from him.

I was starting to like Nathan. I was. He was not as bad as he had come across at first. He was a good guy. But, he was not Derek. My Derek, who was the love of my life. My Derek, who was not here with me anymore. Did I like Nathan? Sure I did. Was this thing between us starting to turn into something more than sex? I didn't know about him, but for me, it wasn't. I knew it had been three years since Derek had passed away, and that I needed to move on with my life. And I had moved on in my life. I was just not moving on with my love life. Not now, not ever.

"I'll see you later?" Nathan asked, propping his head up on his elbow, still looking at me as I ran my fingers through my hair, straightening up my messy curls.

"Um...I don't know," I replied, grabbing my lab coat. "I have back to back surgeries today, and then I'm going out for drinks to Shorty's. This week has been hellishly long, so I'm leaving the kids with the babysitter and taking a night alone." I stressed the word 'alone' so that my point was made clear. I didn't want him to pop up at Shorty's to keep me company. He was my booty call buddy, nothing else.

"Okay. Have fun tonight. I'll see you tomorrow," he said, sitting up on the bed and grabbing my hand to pull me close. He leaned in to kiss me on the lips, but for some reason, I turned my head and his lips landed on my cheek instead. I didn't know why I did that. I was having sex with him; it was not like I hadn't kissed him before. But, it just felt weird to kiss him in a way that was not lustful or 'I want you to fuck me now.' We had never shared a kiss like that, and I didn't want to change the dynamic of our relationship.

"I will. See ya tomorrow." I walked backwards, staring at his crestfallen face and giving him a tiny smile before opening the door of the on-call room and walking out. As I made my way down the corridor, I released a breath that I didn't even know I was holding.

******************

I walked inside the cafeteria and spotted Amelia sitting at a table in the corner. Sighing, I plastered a brave smile on my face and walked over to her. "Hey, Amelia. Glad to have you back. How was your honeymoon?"

Amelia looked up at me and grinned widely. "Hey! The honeymoon was great! We went to Woodford Inn in Vermont, and we didn't leave our room for the entire weekend!" she gushed as I pulled out a chair and took a seat.

I tried not to let the tears that pricked my eyelids spill and swallowed back thickly. Recently, spending time with Amelia only served to give me a tremendous amount of pain. I envied her. She was now living the life that Derek and I were supposed to live. She was happy, and I didn't know why I had a problem with that. It was so unlike me to be envious of other people's happiness, but I couldn't help it. She had taken over my and Derek's life. She had Derek's job; she was living in my and Derek's dream house, she was married to Owen. She was deliriously happy, and for an unknown reason, I couldn't stand her happiness. If Derek were alive, I would have been this happy too. I felt like she had stolen my life from me, even though that was far from the truth. Life was just so fucking unfair.

"That's great." I plastered a plastic smile on my face, hoping she wouldn't be able to see it. As much as her happiness hurt me right now, I had decided that I was going to work on my relationship with Amelia. She was the only person I knew who had been so close to Derek. She had been his favourite sister. And his sister was my sister. Even though my sister's happiness was killing me, I had to put on a brave face and learn to be okay with it. "I'm happy for you," I lied through my teeth.

"Thank you," she said, giving me a soft smile. She reached out and covered my hand with hers. "Look, I know how hard this is for you, Meredith. I know it because I went through the exact same thing at one point in my life. When Ryan died, I felt like I could never ever be happy again. But, look at me today. I've finally found a man who I love with all my heart. This is not the end of life, you know. It might feel like it, but you're gonna be happy again."

I nodded as the tears pooled in my eyes. Happy? I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy. How could I be happy when my Derek was not there with me? He was the one who made me happy. With him gone, I just didn't know how to be happy anymore. Sure, I laughed and smiled. But, I was far from happy. And I really did feel like I never could be a happy person again.

"Thanks for understanding, Amelia." I squeezed her hand once before changing the topic of conversation.

**********************

I sat at the bar, swilling the amber liquid around in the glass. Exhaling loudly, I sipped at my drink and then trained my eyes on an invisible spot on the counter. I had wanted this night to unwind, but instead, I was only getting more and more wound up as the night progressed. I had had six shots of tequila by then, but I didn't even feel the buzz. All I could feel was regret and a sense of wistful thinking. The lunch with Amelia was still on my mind. She had been understanding, but she hadn't been able to help gushing about her honeymoon in Vermont from time to time. And now, now all I could think about was how I and Derek had never really gone on a vacation. Sure, there had been weekends when we had both stayed at home and just made love, but we had never really gone away for a weekend getaway. Oh, how I wished now that we had taken a few days off work and gone to a nice, quiet B&B in Vermont! Or maybe, we could have gone to Whistler. Maybe, we could have had dinner at the restaurant on top of the Seattle Space Needle, if nothing else.

I took another sip of my drink and continued brooding. There were just so many things I wished I had done with Derek. So many things I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to say. I wished I had told him how much I loved him before he had gone out the door that morning. I wished...I wished I had acted on my instinct and stopped him from walking out the door that day. I wished...All there was left for me to do was wish.

"Hey, doc. Enjoying your night?" Matt, the bartender approached me.

I downed the rest of my shot in one gulp, the tequila burning a trail down my throat. "Oh, right. Enjoying...Um, I'm enjoying, I guess," I murmured.

"Well, your night is about to get better," Matt said to me with a cheerful smile.

I looked up at him with a confused expression. What the hell was he talking about? Here I was wallowing in grief and self-pity, and here he was talking about God knew what. "What?!?"

"There's a surprise for you and the rest of the customers tonight," Matt said, beaming, "It's the bar's 15th anniversary."

"Oh, Matt, that's great!" I said, smiling genuinely for the first time that day. "Congratulations! It has really been fifteen years, huh?"

"I know. Time flies by, I guess. Anyway, enjoy your drink." He placed another shot before me and walked away.

"Thanks," I called out after him, grateful for the seventh shot. Or was it the eighth?

I took small sips of my drink as I followed Matt with my eyes. He made his way over to the make-shift stage at the other end of the room and stood in front of the mic.

"Hello, everyone!" he spoke into the mic. "Thanks for being here tonight, 'cause it's kind of a big night for the bar. Fifteen years ago, today, I opened this bar."

Cheers and applauds filled the room, and I raised my drink to Matt. He gave me a wink and then continued. "So, as a way of celebrating the bar's fifteenth anniversary, I have arranged for a few performances...Because this bar is nothing if it's not entertaining! So, our first performance is going to be a dance by amateur dancers, David and Kelly Bennett, from Iowa City."

The crowd applauded again, and I rolled my eyes and turned to face the counter. Great. Some amateur dancers were going to do the salsa or the swing on the floor. Just the thing I needed to cheer me up, since dancing instantly reminded me of Derek dancing to buck me up. Fucking perfect. The universe really hated me.

I kept nursing my tequila and waited for the stupid dance to be over. One more drink, ten more minutes and then I was going to head for home. Home, where my lovely children were. They were the only people in the world who made me happy.

"That was an amazing performance, David and Kelly!" Matt's voice boomed in the room. "And next is a song, by guitarist and singer-songwriter Adrian Cooper, from Cleveland. Enjoy!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a tall man make his way up the stage. I didn't turn around to look at him. I was in no mood for music. I could just finish my drink and go home to read my kids a bedtime story. Coming to Shorty's had been a stupid idea. Stupid, stupid, stupid idea.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen! I am Adrian Cooper, and I hope you enjoy this song," a deep male voice resounded in the bar. My eyes shot up from my drink to the rows of alcohol bottles stacked in front of me. That voice...That voice sounded incredibly soothing, calming, melodious...and extremely enticing. And I didn't know why, but I felt like it sounded familiar too. A little too familiar.

The soft strum of guitar vibrated against my eardrums, followed by that soothing, sexy voice singing one of my favourite songs.

You didn't notice me right beside you

I said you looked like someone that I knew

A little lie to get you to talk to me a while...

God, his voice was so.....I couldn't describe it in words. His voice was ineffable, ethereal. It had a certain intensity to it. It was just the right amount of husky, and it calmed my nerves that had been on edge all night instantly. I closed my eyes and listened to his lullaby-like song, his voice sending tiny chills down my spine every time. Letting out a deep breath, I opened my eyes and turned them towards the stage, hoping to catch a glimpse of the owner of that incredible voice. The most incredible voice ever.

Some people were standing right in front of the stage, blocking my view of his face. Muttering a curse inwardly, I hopped off the barstool, forgetting all about my drink as I made my way through the crowd that was humming and grooving along. I tapped a tall blonde on the shoulder, and asked her to move a bit.

"Sure," the blonde said as she moved away.

"Thanks." I smiled at the blonde and turned my eyes to the man whose voice had captivated me and the other customers. As soon as my eyes alighted on his face, I froze. I was sure my eyes had popped out of their sockets and my eyebrows had disappeared in my hair. My mouth fell open in shock. No, that couldn't be right. What I was seeing couldn't be right. Had I downed too many shots? Did they spike the drinks or something? Because I was clearly hallucinating. It was impossible. Next to impossible. I wanted to laugh at the sheer impossibility of it, but I couldn't.

I was definitely hallucinating. Maybe if I just looked away and then looked back at him.....I averted my eyes from the stage and stared at Matt for a moment before turning my eyes back towards the stage. I gasped. The colour drained from my face. He was still there. I wasn't hallucinating. My palms were suddenly clammy.

I was sure I had turned as pale as a ghost. My throat felt parched as I stared at the singer. That couldn't be...."Oh my god! Derek?!?" I whispered to myself, feeling the floor being swept away from under my feet.

A/N: Uh oh...Derek?!? I know you must be as confused and shocked as Meredith. Because Derek died, right? I know, I know. So, is this a ghost or something? I don't know...Or maybe I do lol...But I'm not telling you this early on. I want you people to venture a guess at first. The more you guess about what this story is actually about, the more it adds to the read.

And of course, review and vote! Because I absolutely love votes and reviews, and I'll update again if and only IF I get 15 reviews.

So, you wanna see where this story goes? Because I can promise you this – this story ain't like no other story you have read. So, let me know if I should continue, will you? :)