Merlin looked like he was on the verge of crying. He looked at Arthur like he was the one who was supposed to forgive him.

Arthur opened his mouth, but no words escaped his lips. They never did when he was confronted with information that made absolutely no sense to him.

"I don't understand.", Arthur said. He had the vague feeling this wasn't the first time he said this in a very short time. Not that it mattered anyway. Arthur was usually clueless.
"Did your king order you to?"
Merlin shook his head. No? That baffled Arthur. Merlin had killed someone deliberately?
Also...
Merlin barely knew Arthur. He had no actual reason to tell him any of this. He had no obligation to do so.
He didn't owe Arthur an explanation. He didn't owe him his loyalty, nor his honesty.

"It was a choice.", Merlin said and hid his face in his hands. Sir Gareth had finally grabbed his weapon, waiting to run Merlin through. But Arthur held him back with his arm.
Because the mere fact that Merlin ought it reasonable to tell them beforehand showed his courage and his honesty. And more than anything, that he deserved to be listened to.

"What choice?", Arthur asked, as Merlin failed to elaborate.
But a part of him already knew.
"I don't remember.", Merlin said and the guilt in his voice echoed through the forest like a secret that was never meant to slip out.

Arthur blinked. What had Merlin said just yesterday? 'You don't understand, Arthur. I have killed for my destiny, I have betrayed my friends. And I don't even remember.'
He couldn't be mad at him. Merlin was a good person. He believed it, truly. Had from the moment they met and the boy decided to spare a girl a pointless death. And instead given her a flower.
A flower which still resided within his cloak. Blue leafs unharmed, as though it was magically kept alive.

Sir Gareth frowned in anger, his position shifting into a more offensive one. He was ready to fight. But Arthur still hadn't moved.
Then again, there was a major difference between Sir Gareth and Arthur.
Sir Gareth had no idea what it was like not to have your memories. To wake up to a place you've never seen before. Where you wonder if anything else that you find vaguely familiar had always been a mere dream.

Arthur knew how it felt to wake up to strangers in strange places. And while Merlin's experiences were slightly different – and less severe in the amount of time he had lost, they were far more intense.
Merlin knew he was a murderer. A killer. An assassin. But he lost his reasons, his goals. Why he abandoned himself and his morals. That was worse than Arthur's fate.
If your past self is forgotten, you can still reinvent yourself. But facing the consequences for actions you took – without knowing why, leaves you utterly unprepared. You can't change yourself, because you don't remember where you went wrong.
And you will live in fear of repeating the same mistakes again and again.
It is a circle you cannot break from.

Arthur felt, it wasn't his place to judge Merlin. And yet, Merlin's sorrowful expression more or less asked for it.

"You should talk to her.", is what Arthur said. And it was the most reasonable thing he had to say.

Merlin looked up, expression turned to something close to doubting Arthur's sanity.
Sir Gareth stared at Arthur equally baffled. But with more vigor behind his eyes.

"You can't be serious.", they both said at the same time.

Arthur sighed. "Guys, I know my sister. She is a kind hearted person. I know you hurt her, Merlin. Which is exactly why you need to talk. She isn't malicious. If you explain to her as well as you're able, she will understand. She may not forgive you.
But at least then you tried. And at the very least, you've given her an option to express her feelings on the matter as well."

Arthur thought, this might have been the wisest thing he's ever said. That was all Merlin could do, really. Hiding from her forever was a very bad idea.
The longer you hid from Morgana – the worse her revenge will get. Or rather, the harder the pain became that was inflicted on her.
Not every issue could be resolved. But so far no issue had ever been resolved without trying.

Merlin bit back a retort.

"I don't think I need to tell you this, again – Arthur. But I will not allow this – thing – to visit milady.", Sir Gareth interrupted them.

Arthur frowned unimpressed. "Then you better go and warn her that her brother won't come alone. We'll find her somehow."
Merlin was a sorcerer. "You could find her, with your magic I mean- right?", he asked, just to be sure.
If Morgana could hide with magic, then surely she could be found by someone who was canonically more powerful than her.

Merlin nodded uncertainly. Which wasn't very reassuring. But he took a deep breath, as he tried to scan Arthur for his intentions. It still ran a shiver down his spine, when those golden eyes were fixed on him.
And Sir Gareth didn't seem too happy about it either.

As soon as he just moved to attack Merlin, Arthur reacted instantly. Because he knew Merlin wasn't going to defend himself. Not unless he absolutely had to. It was obvious in his slouched, defenseless posture. In his crossed arms, his narrowed head.
He looked like a kicked puppy. And Arthur had learned in the past couple of days, Merlin's heart mirrored this stance.

Arthur grabbed the knight by the sword arm and twisted it around. Causing the man to loose his sword in the process. In a swift motion, Arthur kicked the sword in Merlin's direction, so the young sorcerer could pick it up.
Merlin's eyes widened, as he avoided the metallic weapon like it would burn him.
Arthur however, wasn't properly thinking yet, as he had somehow managed to force the trained knight onto his knees.
He was screaming for mercy. Arm twisted painfully on his back. Arthur let go, eyes wide, as he realized what he was doing.

Since when -
"Merlin, please tie him up."

"Arthur?"
"Tie him up. Before he attacks you again."

Merlin was still frozen in shock. "I – I don't have a rope."
Arthur turned to him, throwing his arms up. "You're a bloody sorcerer. Just magic one out of thin air or something!"

"Oh, yes, right."

Seriously, how had this boy survived this long? Wait – hadn't he kind of commanded that army of knights a few days back....?
What idiot put him in charge?
Arthur shook his head in amusement, as Merlin gently directed his magic at the heaving knight. Golden strings of light wrapped neatly around his hands and torso.
"You can leave.", Merlin said, after he was done and made the last adjustment on the rope.
"As soon as you're one mile away from us, the rope will open by itself. I hope you're not feeling too uncomfortable."
Merlin sounded regretful.

"He's a knight, Merlin.", Arthur rolled his eyes once more.

"Oh right.", Merlin mumbled an additional spell. "In case bandits turn up, they won't be able to notice you now. You should be able to travel safely from here."
The knight and Arthur shared a glance.
"Merlin, are you on the cider?", Arthur asked. Merlin laughed. "I've literally never been drunk in my entire life.", he retorted and chuckled.
Then stopped and frowned. Like there used to be a joke to that statement. A pointe he had simply forgotten.

Sir Gareth looked very miserable now. With the golden tissue stuck in his mouth and the tears in his eyes from the pain Arthur had inflicted on his arm.

Seriously though – Merlin was supposed to have murdered people? Did he treat all his enemies like this? Did he kill like this?
How did that work? Was he like 'please sit down, my dear villain. Before you die, would you prefer to be unconscious while I cut your throat? Do you want a sleeping drug? Or maybe a nice dream? I could magic you a nice dream if you want.'
Arthur shook his head. HONESTLY. That boy couldn't hurt a fly.

-----------------------------

They traveled in silence. Just here and there Merlin told him the right direction, as he claimed he could see 'the path ahead.'

It was a rather comfortable silence, actually. But Arthur could feel how anxious Merlin still was.
"It'll be fine.", Arthur said, but Merlin just nodded in silence.
So he wasn't all too assured, so it seemed.

Morgana's place was far off the forest. But not too far that the day was completely over yet. The sun had merely begun to sink into the distance. And clouds were beginning to cover the sky. It would be raining soon, Arthur thought to himself.
It hadn't rained all week. It was about time.

The ruins Arthur's sister had settled on living in were in decent shape. What could it have been before? A small castle? A large farm?
How long had it been abandoned? How far was it from the next civilization?

Again it hardly mattered, as they passed the abandoned ruins. Merlin fidgeting more and more in his position. It made sense. He was about to face the witch he almost murdered.
The interesting part about his fidgeting however, was that he kept circling Arthur.
Maybe he wasn't even aware he did it. But he kept going from one side to the other. Sometimes in front of Arthur, sometimes behind him. Like a guard dog. Always watching out for something that might hurt Arthur.
It was weirdly distracting. Arthur would be fine. He was just going to talk to Morgana. Merlin was the one who needed to explain something unexplainable and unforgiveable to her.

"Can you stop that?", Arthur asked and Merlin jumped at the sudden interruption of his thoughts.
"Stop what?"
So it was unintentional then. "Stop worrying about me. And worry about yourself.", Arthur said and pointed at the sword he had taken from Sir Gareth.
'I can defend myself.', he said with his eyes, but Merlin scanned him, like he was some kind of defenseless chicken. Not the edible kind. The pet kind. The kind you have to worry about constantly. Maybe this wasn't Arthur's best comparison.
Merlin's stare was irritating, okay?!

"I'm really the last person I have to worry about.", Merlin said. Arthur sighed, as they entered what looked like some kind of hall. But with a cave like entrance.
"Really. And why is that? You want to tell me the rumors are true and you're actually immortal?
Trust me. There is no such thing as immortality. Even the considered immortals die at some point."

Merlin was quiet for a few steps, before he answered quietly. "Yes. But we are much harder to kill."
Arthur stopped in his tracks to open his mouthed, as Morgana's voice echoed through the hall.

"You have arrived, dear brother.", she said. And there was no question that that sentence. Just a mere statement of facts. "And you brought the shadow." She sighed in disappointment. But not surprise.
Arthur could practically hear the frown from her voice.

"Yes. I actually came here to spend some time with you. But apparently, the two of you have a lot to talk about."

Morgana ignored him. "Didn't I tell you to get rid of the shadow? You shouldn't trust him.", she said and now she finally stood up.
She wore a purple dress. Her hair messy as ever. Her skin even paler than Merlin's – who had decided to hide behind Arthur. Seriously, he couldn't figure this boy out.
Earlier he had been determined to defend Arthur – now he was hiding behind him.
He was a dog who barked but didn't bite. At least not with his owner around.
Arthur needed to stop these comparison's – it was getting weird.

Morgana looked slightly angry. Suspicious of Merlin, as she radiated power from her very stand.
"Don't be so dramatic, Morgana.", Arthur sighed and rolled his eyes.
"We can talk about this. Can I at least say hello first?", he asked and went over to his sister.
She sighed and hugged him in a welcoming embrace. But her eyes never left Merlin's cowered form.
"It's nice to see you.", Arthur said and emphasized the word 'nice'. If to taunt her or remind her they were supposed to be kind to each other, he wasn't too sure. It counted as a minor warning, he supposed.

He let go off her and let himself be led into the main hall of the ruins.
It must have been enchanted or something. Because on the inside it looked much bigger and cozier than on the outside.
A fire was lit within the occasional fireplace and the seal of the house of Gorlois was pinned right above it. Strange. She wasn't really his daughter – but she loved portraying herself as such.
Then again ...
Arthur kind of got it. He would be devastated and traumatized too if his father was Uther Pendragon.

A small table was decorated with candles and some food. Mostly snacks, like apples and bread on wooden plates.
Arthur smiled, as she gestured at the wide variety or snacks. (Literally – two options.)
He shrugged and then helped himself to eat something. Merlin sat down next to him. Warily eyeing one of the apples.

Morgana's frown twisted. "You can eat one, you know. These one's are not poisoned."
Merlin – who had his hand outstretched already, pulled it back to his side and lowered his head.

Arthur sighed and nudged him in the side. He gave him a pointed look.
Merlin took one more deep breath, before he looked straight at Morgana and said:
"Morgana, I am deeply – deeply sorry for what I did. Please - "
He wanted to say more, but Morgana waved at him to stop him mid sentence.
"I don't care, Merlin.", she gave Arthur a side glance.

"You know?", she asked, but she sounded disbelieving. It was an accurate assumption. A very reasonable one as well. After all, Merlin was already about to apologize and Arthur had given him signs to get on with it.
Arthur nodded. "He told me everything he knows.", he said. Well... Arthur guessed that was true.

"So he also told you that he's destined to kill me."

They heard a plate clatter to the ground. Both looked at Merlin in a startled moment. But ignored it the next.
Arthur looked intently at Merlin. Merlin was destined to -
Was that his destiny? Was THAT what Merlin had forgotten? Was THAT why he attempted to murder Morgana? He opened his mouth to say something, but Merlin looked like he was completely taken off guard.

"I'm what?", he asked and he sounded so pained that Arthur wanted to drag him out of here immediately. Rather than watching his sister build up magical defenses for herself, so Merlin wouldn't attack her.

"Emrys. You are destined to be my doom.", Morgana said. And there was no hatred for his previous attempt audible. Just for the next attempt that she believed certain to come.

"No.", Merlin shook his head. "I WOULD KNOW!", he screamed and stood up again.
Arthur felt torn. This day escalated rather quickly. Too quickly for his taste at least.

Morgana frowned, the wrinkles on her forehead even more visible now.
"Apparently, destiny gives a fuck about what you know or don't know! I want you to leave as soon as possible. Believe me – if Arthur wasn't here and you here as his guest – I would have you killed on sight!" For someone so angry, she surely sounded very much contained.

Merlin paled even more as he shrunk back into his seat. Defeated.
Emrys. The greatest warlock to ever walk the earth – defeated by Morgana's silent judgment. Well – maybe not so silent.

Arthur watched them quietly. Perhaps they couldn't stay here after all. Noted.
"Morgana - "

"No, Arthur. This isn't about you."

"You literally just said I'm the only reason he's still alive. It is about me, believe me.
Merlin is a good man -"

"That's what I thought too – before he poisoned me!", he voice snapped. But she was still holding back, so that was good.
Poison. Why was it always poison? That seemed to be a very reoccurring thing.
"Morgana -", Arthur tried to fix her gaze on him. "I have reason to believe he saved mine."

The memories in his mind told him he had far more than simply 'reason to believe'. But it was better not to risk anything.
"Multiple times.", he added anyway.
Morgana frowned, as she looked at him. Then at Merlin.
"That doesn't mean he won't turn his back on you as soon as he gets the chance." Her tone was calmer now. But still suspicious.
Morgana acted different than usual. When she visited Gwen, Lancelot and Arthur – she was always more friendly and outgoing. Less reserved as she was now.
And definitely not as dark. It's like she was two different people.

"We'll see.", Arthur decided. Hoping this wouldn't cause a family intern war between them.
"You're a good man, Arthur. But you're naive. He's going to turn on you sooner or later."

No. They really couldn't stay here.
Arthur sighed. They should have been more prepared.
Merlin was biting his lip once more. There was something however, neither Merlin nor Arthur had calculated. Something that neither of them had considered yet. That they couldn't have been prepared for.
Though Merlin certainly should have been.

"Maybe I should just rat him out to the king. I'm sure he'll get you far – far away from me."
Arthur's eyes widened.
"Don't you dare.", Merlin gasped. But Arthur was getting really – really worried now.
"You – you know the king?"

"Of course I know him.", she said and frowned. Merlin paled. So he did know she knew him. He must have forgotten over his inner conflict about murdering people.

"Morgana, please. Be reasonable!", Arthur said. Did Morgana even know they were fleeing? He was beginning to panic and he knew if he let that feeling win over his other problems right now – they would have another – bigger problem soon. For example – Arthur had just given away that they were in fact – trying to avoid the king.
Morgana portrayed an evil smile. "So I take it you don't want him to know where you are?"

Merlin hissed, completely freaking out now. "No.", he said through gritted teeth. Even in a situation like this – he didn't lie. Bravest. Idiot. Ever.

"And here I thought you were friends with him.", she shook her head, finally amused.
"I mean – didn't you help him kill king Uther? I must say that was probably the best thing you've ever done. Magic is finally legal. I am finally free.
Of course – so are you. But you never cared to share that little secret with me, did you? After all I told you – you hid from me that I wasn't completely alone. You kind of deserve to feel the same fears I did."
Her frown darkened again.

That was really not fair. Arthur shook his head in disbelieve. "What makes you think he doesn't already know how it feels?", he asked defensively.
Both Merlin and Morgana now looked at him in confusion.
"Oh, does he now?", Morgana said bitterly.

Arthur sighed. "Listen, Morgana. He's lived in the same Castle with the same secret for almost as long as you knew about your powers. The difference is that he was a commoner and you the king's ward. You may have had a chance to survive his wrath.
He was just a servant. Uther would have killed him on sight."

Morgana frowned. Of course she knew that. But that wasn't what she pointed out. "He was the court physician's apprentice, Arthur.", she retorted slowly. "Not a servant."
Arthur closed his eyes for a moment. Why did he feel like he was repeating himself over and over those past few days?
He kept explaining stuff to people he hardly knew or trusted. And now the one person he did trust hardly listened. It kept getting more and more confusing.

It was silent for a while. Only the blistering of the fire behind them made the room feel alive and comfortable. Even though the stares were cold and bitter.
There was so much to resolve between the two of them. Arthur really didn't know where to start.

"Morgana. Please. Can you do me this one favor and not rat us out to the king?"

Morgana looked at the ceiling, then tapped her fingers on the table. "I don't know. We wanted to meet up next week.", she said. "Lunch, you know. With him and his girlfriend. I keep forgetting her name. What was it – Kara?"
Merlin mumbled something unintelligible. Morgana rolled her eyes. "I keep telling him that too. Mordred could totally do better."

'Huh?', Arthur thought. 'Did they just agree on something?'

"Alright. Alright. Fine.", Morgana sighed. "I warned you, Arthur. Your mistakes are your own. But I swear-", she pointed at Merlin harshly, " if anything happens to him, I will revenge my brother!"

Then she rubbed her temples as if to cure an upcoming headache. 'Did she have those too? No. Probably not.'
It didn't seem like it. She wasn't bending over from the pain. So no memory gaps apparently.
"I could totally need Emrys gone for a while anyway. To get rid of Agravaine. He keeps interfering our plans with the least usable advice. If Mordred isn't careful, he will take over the throne."

Arthur's jaw opened slightly. "Okay – I have literally no idea what the hell you are talking about.", he said.
Morgana smiled in his direction but sighed once more. Only now did Arthur see how exhausted she was.

She hadn't visited in a long time.
She could have easily been queen, if she had wanted to. Arthur knew that. She was Uther's daughter after all.
But she didn't want to be seen that way. Which is why she ran away from the crown. She told him once, she was driven by revenge as she aided the king's murder. With no person left to take revenge upon, she had lost her reason to want to be queen.
That didn't mean Arthur knew she met the new king. And his advisor, Agravaine. Though both names sounded vaguely familiar. Who would have thought she was still so deeply involved with royal affairs?

"Maybe you're right dear brother. You should take Emrys and take him far far away from here. Where he cannot harm anyone.", she kept emphasizing the words 'far far' and 'from here', Arthur noted.
"Stay away for as long as possible. I will make sure nobody finds you."
But she lowered her voice to whisper in Arthur's ear.
"Keep the flower close to you at all times. It's a charm against magical attacks."
'Oh – okay. That explains that message.', Arthur thought and tilted his head.

With that she stood up once more. Arthur followed her example. Merlin did the same.

"It was nice to see you, Arthur. But I'm afraid it makes more sense for you two to leave as soon as possible. "Write me.", she said and for the first time since they came here, she actually smiled. She hugged her brother – this time with less hatred in her gesture and send only a small glare at Merlin.
"If you hurt him in any way, Emrys. I swear – I will have your head."
Arthur felt weirdly reassured by her protectiveness. Still. She didn't need to say it.

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