"You saw it too?", Arthur asked, sitting up straighter on the branch he was sitting on.
Merlin bit his lip. Arthur could empathize. These flashbacks were worse than a migraine. Well maybe not worse. But somewhere in that area.

Merlin shook his head but not in a way that meant he didn't think so. More in a manner of 'my head hurts, give me a minute.'
"I think it was the day Uther died.", he said. Arthur blinked. That – was certainly not the same memory. Arthur's memory seemed older. Not a year old. Maybe four. At least it felt like four.

"A year ago. Uther on his throne. The new king was keeping me hostage. He was speaking of revenge. He said he hates you. He wants you to suffer. To loose your loved ones. To loose – me."
Merlin's eyes shot up and met Arthur's. There was a question there. One that Arthur had no answer for.
"He told you to drink it. Or else he would force me to do it. We thought it was poison. But that didn't keep you from trying to drink it. So I did instead. It wasn't poison."

Arthur gaped a little. "What was it?"
"I don't know. But why would my king hate you?"

"Why would your king hold you hostage?"

"Because I was important to you.", Merlin offered.

"Why were you important to me?", Arthur asked, but Merlin shrugged uncertainly. So Arthur continued with another question.
"Why would he want to kill me?",

"I – I don't know.", Merlin said slowly. "The memory doesn't say."

There was a silence between them. Leon watched them curiously. But also in worry.
"Does that mean, we have to kill him, then?", Leon asked and pointed at Arthur.
Arthur flinched. Right. That thought hadn't quite come to him yet. When the new king wanted Arthur to suffer, surely they would have to hurt him now.
They would – wouldn't they?

Merlin shook his head. "We don't have the orders. And as long as we don't report, we won't get any."
Leon nodded. "Good. I wouldn't want any more innocent people to suffer anyway."

Arthur blinked and glanced between them. "You – you don't?"

Merlin smiled, as he still held his head. Then again – what sane person wanted anyone to suffer. Arthur really shouldn't be as surprised as he was. Then again – they were knights. That is what they seemed to want all the time.

Leon sighed. "The problem is – neither of us is happy with the new king. Nobody really is. Though, I have to admit, he's still a better king than Uther was. But that's not a fair comparison.
We are searching for Arthur Pendragon. To kill him of course. But erm – not seriously. We need to find him, to also protect him. And maybe make him king. Depending on what kind of person he is.
But that is also a bit complicated, because, to find him would be dangerous. Since Merlin can't – er -", he trailed of. That didn't make sense.
Merlin had just said he didn't want to hurt Arthur Pendragon. If he wanted to defy the king – what does it mean – he couldn't -?

Merlin sighed, as he noticed Arthur's obvious confusion.
"When we meet him, I will kill him. Whether I want to or not."

Arthur frowned. "I don't understand."

"It is an order from my king. I cannot refuse an order from my king!", Merlin explained, as though that explained anything.

"If you want to defy him, why don't you?"

"Because I can't!"

"Why can't you? Just because he's your king? If he was such a good king, surely he wouldn't order you to kill people!"

"You don't understand! He - I am physically unable to defy him. It's just not possible. An order from him has to be obeyed. At least for me. I've learned that lesson before.
He ordered me to kill Uther Pendragon. And I did. And I couldn't -", Merlin's voice fell flat.

Arthur could see it. He could see Merlin stand still in front of a blurry man who pointed at Uther. He saw Merlin's eyes turn gold against his will. He saw a hand raised, a wrist move. And he heard the snap of a breaking neck and saw the king fall to the ground.
Screams. Insufferable pain. Chaos among the servants and the knights.
But more than anything – he saw the horror in Merlin's eyes, as the blurry man pointed at Arthur next.

Arthur blinked away another wave of pain.
Again? So soon?

"I think – I think I was right there when it happened.", he said, as he too gasped for breath once more.

Merlin and Leon exchanged a look. Trying to make sense of Arthur's statement.
But Arthur left out the part where Merlin was supposed to kill him next. That image burned into the back of his eyes. That memory – how could he ever forget something like that?
How could anyone – ever – forget something like that?

"What if – what if you really are the prince?", Leon asked. Merlin hit him for that.
"It's better to never know! Because if that is the case -", Merlin bit his lip once more.

"You should run away.", Arthur said weakly. "You should run away from your king. That blasted kingdom. His men. All of it. It doesn't sound like you're safe there!" Then again – Merlin obviously had been able to kill king Uther. With just one movement of his hand. Because Merlin was a sorcerer.
And Uther executed sorcerers.
Merlin had never been safe in Camelot. Why didn't he leave much – much – sooner?

Merlin looked down at his boots like they were somehow more interesting than Arthur's face. Maybe they were. Who knew?
"I have orders to return to my king.", he said. Arthur blinked. If Merlin couldn't defy any order from his king – then it was true. He had to return at some point. But – Arthur wondered for a moment. Then he asked:

"When?"

Merlin looked up, a little surprised. "When?"
Arthur nodded. "If he didn't say when – then it doesn't matter when. Then you can run away for a year or perhaps longer. As long as you intent to go back, you should be fine."

"And where would I go.", Merlin said, but it sounded almost like a question.

Arthur stared ahead into the flames of the small fire, where some soup was still being cooked.
And he thought about this. Not about the soup obviously. But about the running part.
He thought about how he had run from Camelot with Gwen and Lancelot. How they had taken him in without knowing who he was. Without HIM knowing who he was.

He thought about Morgana who had always treated him like a brother. Even though they knew nothing about each other at first. Who kept visiting once in a while.
He thought about Katie who had shown him magic and what good it could do.

He thought about the purpose of his own life. One which he hadn't yet found. And he thought of his desire to learn more about the world. To find a place in it. Apart from being a farmer, which was something he actually liked to be.
He wanted to know who he was. He wanted to find himself.

And he felt a connection to this boy he just met. Maybe it was the same Gwen, Lance and Morgana had to him? Maybe it was more. He wanted to know more about him. He wanted to protect him for some reason.
If Merlin really had been so important to him that he was held hostage by the now new king to force him to do something -
if Merlin had been ordered to kill him and Arthur still somehow survived -

Maybe this was a chance. A possibility. A way to a future. A way to find his past.
Maybe this was what he had been waiting for?
Maybe -

"You could run away with me.", he said finally. And that didn't answer the question of where. But it was still a destination.

He felt Leon's and Merlin's eyes bore into him. "You could pretend that you had reason to believe you found the prince but weren't completely sure yet. Or that there was a spell on him that protected him from your magic."

"I can't lie to my king. He ordered me not to!", Merlin argued. Arthur gave him a smile.
THAT was the part he focused on. That was good. That was very good, in fact.

"You can't. But Leon can.", Arthur shot Leon a side glance.

"And why would we trust you?", Leon asked suspiciously.

"Why would Merlin drink poison for me in his memory.", Arthur retorted. Even if it hadn't been poison. Merlin had been prepared for it to be. And Arthur remembered another scene where Merlin actually did drink poison and almost died. If that wasn't devotion – Arthur didn't know what was. Maybe he was a bit proud of that comeback.

"Why?", Merlin asked finally. "Why would you want to run away with me? You don't even know me!"

Arthur thought hard about that. Why did he? Why did all of this feel so – right somehow?
"Actually – I think a part of me does know you. I remember you. At least some things about you. When I don't even remember myself.
It's not a question of whether would I – it's a question of whether would you!" And it was true. Arthur would love to say that a part of him was doubting his decision. That a part of him was scared of the Shadow. But the thing was – he wasn't.

Merlin's mouth parted slightly. Then closed again.

"How many people could you save, if you ran away with me.", Arthur asked now and felt his heart rate pick up every time he suggested it. Suggested running away.

Merlin looked at him strangely, deep in thought. But considering. His head tilted in wonder at him. Like he was trying to figure Arthur out.
"Everyone.", he whispered.
And that was his final decision.

--------------------------

Arthur felt excited and worried at the same time, as he packed his things.
Gwen and Lancelot watched him with growing concern.
"Arthur – what are you doing?"

Arthur turned around, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
"I'm running away." Admittedly, that did sound strange. You don't announce that you run away. Not normally, anyway. But this wasn't normal.

"Why?", Gwen asked, her face worried. Maybe slightly hurt at his declaration.

"Why not?"

Gwen and Lance frowned, as they looked at each other. "You know, if something is wrong – you can just tell us. You don't need to leave!"

Arthur sighed and stopped, while he packed his stuff. Which were merely some clothes, a blanket and some small wooden figurines had had carved as a hobby.

"There is nothing wrong.", Arthur shook his head and smiled at them. 'Quite the opposite really.', he thought and it made him smile.
"Just -", he sighed. "I think we all know – I'm the third wheel here. I don't even know who I am and I am kind of interfering your marriage.
Don't get me wrong. I know you say it doesn't bother you. But it bothers me. It has for a long time now.
I just want to find myself. And I know how that sounds – but I don't think I will find it here."

"You think – you think you will find it with the shadow.", Lancelot said.
Arthur locked eyes with him, a little embarrassed how easily Lance had come to that conclusion. Then again – the conclusion didn't come from nothing. As soon as Arthur had returned, he had begun packing things.

"Yes.", he nodded.

Gwen bit her lip and crossed her arms in front of her.
"Where will you go? Do you even know how dangerous this is?"

Arthur grinned, as he jumped past them downstairs and grabbed for his memory jar and a few Pergament rolls. And the ink and the feather he used to write down his memories.

Gwen and Lancelot followed him downstairs. Both still more than just worried.

"I think we'll go and look for Morgana.", he said and noticed how easily he had switched to 'we'.
Or how strangely familiar the 'we' did sound when referring to Merlin.

"Arthur -", Gwen began once more. Worried. Both for him and his sanity.

"Merlin is the most powerful warlock to ever walk the earth!", Arthur finally said. "What would I be afraid of?" 'Except for the king.', he thought.

"Him.", Gwen said. Arthur stopped and turned around. Him. Merlin. Why would Arthur be afraid of – oh right.

"I'm not.", Arthur said and it was true. Arthur wasn't. Not even for a second. There was just this something about Merlin. Something so honest and pure and innocent – he couldn't help but trust him.

"That's what worries me. Look, Arthur. Lance and I both knew him. And he betrayed us. I am with Lance, when he says we trust your judgment. That we could give him a second chance. Or a chance to explain –
But this -", she pointed at Arthur like his antics were some kind of mental affliction.
"You're trusting him blindly! He killed Uther Pendragon!"

Arthur nodded. "He didn't have a choice."

Gwen frowned confused. And Arthur took this as a sign to sit both of them down to explain what he had seen and heard and remembered.

"And you believe him?", Lance asked finally, just as worried as Gwen was. But Arthur nodded. And laughed a bit.

"Everything I am – everything I remember. I feel like it's drawn to him somehow. Like – like – I can't explain it. It's like we were destined to meet again."
'Again.', his own mind smiled at him. 'We've known each other before. We've met before. We both started to remember.'

Gwen and Lancelot shared a look then smiled at Arthur.

"Okay.", Lance said and Gwen nodded. Those two completed each other like missing puzzle pieces. Their relationship was something Arthur wished for in his own life and future.
It wasn't an important thought and he had certainly not thought this for the first time. But now that he was going to leave – he was reminded of it again.
With a promise that now that he was ready to try something new – he might actually find it.

"Stay safe, Arthur.", Gwen emphasized and gently patted his arm.
"And be careful. The knights of Camelot are everywhere. They might be searching for you."

Arthur smiled. "I doubt that. Merlin gave them orders that will prevent that for a while."

The two exchanged a look once more. "When will you leave, exactly?"

Arthur smiled. In that very moment, as if on cue, it knocked on the door.
"Arthur!", someone yelled. And Arthur's head snapped up to meet Merlin's smiling face at the window.
If somehow possible, Arthur's grin widened even more.

--------------------------------------

Before they left, Arthur and Merlin said goodbye to Lancelot and Gwen. And Arthur made sure to also say goodbye to Katie.

Who lived down the street with her parents and her younger brother. Who was merely an infant.

"Arthur!", she yelled as she saw him. Neither her nor her parents had noticed Merlin yet.
Somehow the boy had just disappeared out of their view.
Arthur wondered, if maybe he had been wrong about Merlin. Maybe he wasn't called the shadow because he looked like a shadow of himself – but because he was easy to overlook.
For other people.
For Arthur he stuck out in the crowd like a single red tulip in a field of yellow ones.
It vaguely reminded him of the flower in the pocket of his jacket.

Arthur crouched down to Katie's level to give her one last hug, before he left. It was dark and he had to wake her and her parents up.
It was better to leave the same night. Less people to avoid. Less people that were scared of Merlin.
But Katie deserved a proper goodbye.

"You're leaving?", she said. But it wasn't a real question. She had seen his bag.
And with her talents, she probably knew what was in it.

Arthur cupped her face in his hands, like he sometimes did. Because Katie had the tendency to only stay still when someone held her head. She was a bit like a cat in that regard.
She used to steal stuff from him when he wasn't careful. With how much she jumped around, Arthur never noticed it until it was too late.
That is actually how they met. Katie had been grounded for three weeks after Arthur talked to her parents about it.

"Listen, Katie. Keep reading books. Study hard! I want you to remember all your spells by the time I come to visit next! And please, stay out of trouble."

Katie smiled sadly. "But you will be coming back?"

Arthur ruffled her hair at that. She had short hair. Her parents kept it short, because she quarreled with boys a lot and they tended to tug at her hair. Short hair was just more practical for a child.
Especially for someone like Katie. She had insisted on it herself, by the way.
And she was pretty good at avoiding snarky remarks and mean comments. Having magic gave her an advantage in that regard.
And the length of your hair really shouldn't be an excuse for others to make fun of you.

"If possible, yes. Otherwise you may have to visit me instead. We'll write, alright?"

Katie nodded eagerly, blinking away some tears. Well – Arthur had become somewhat of an older brother to her. And she like a sister to him.
Another sister who happened to have magic. Arthur barely remembered the first few weeks, when he had instinctively been avoiding her for fear of her powers.
Until he had fallen of a rooftop that he had been trying to repair (and no idea how to do so) and she had found a spell to heal his broken wrist. Wherever she had found those spell books. Uther was supposed to have destroyed them all.

The two of them shared a story. A one year old story. And there was too much in it to explain in a couple sentences. But know that she meant a lot to him.

Katies parents were watching them. And Arthur wondered if Gwen and Lancelot had already lectured them about forgetting to watch their own child earlier so she could just run up to the most powerful sorcerer of all times and risk being killed on sight.

He decided not to mention it. Katie was safe. And Merlin wasn't as evil as they used to believe. There had never been real danger. And yet – there could have been.
Merlin was fidgeting behind him. He had even less stuff on him than Arthur himself.
Which was strange – considering how high his position in the Castle was.
The king's right hand.
That was as high as a commoner – a servant – even a royal could rise. Legally that is.

"Yeah.", Katie sniffled. But she wasn't sobbing, even as the tears ran down her face and into Arthur's hands.

Katie's parents kept waiting. Strange how Arthur barely ever talked to them. And yet had some kind of odd friendship with them.
"Alice. Brian.", he said as he stood up. "Take good care of her."
He shook their hands politely and they nodded awkwardly. And then he realized that their suspicion wasn't exactly for him.
They had gotten to know him after all. He may not be their best friend, but he was like a brother to their children. And helped them out in the garden when they didn't have the time for it.

Their suspicion was reserved for Merlin. Whom they just noticed.
And who was an unfamiliar presence in the room. But as soon as Arthur had stood up again, Katie had run over to the new stranger and approached him with a beaming smile.

Merlin scratched his neck awkwardly, as he was the one to crouch down now.

"Can you show me some magic again?", she said. And Arthur almost winced. He knew she had a rare gift. One that none of the other people in this town could explain to her or sympathize with.
Now she met someone who could and she had to say goodbye before she had the chance to get to know him.

Merlin smiled and whispered something as his eyes turned gold and a small dove emerged from his hand.

Her eyes were wide, and the attention of her parents immediately drew to the stranger.

The dove looked around quizzically, as if she didn't know where she was or why she was here. But her eyes set on Merlin and then on the girl.
"If you want to write. Just send her. She will know where to find us.", Merlin said with a smile and the dove immediately flapped her wings to settle on Katie's shoulder.
She almost shrieked in glee and excitement. Then she began to pet her new friend. Focus entirely drawn to the magical creature.

"I will. THANK YOU!", she finally looked up again and hugged Merlin very tight.
Merlin flinched, like he'd never been hugged before. Maybe not never. But definitely not as often as he probably needed. But he patted her shoulder awkwardly anyway.

"Arthur, I think we need to leave.", Merlin said and his voice cracked a bit.

Arthur nodded.

"Who is that?" Alice asked. Clearly worried. Though Arthur wasn't sure if for him or about Merlin.
Merlin frowned. And then Brian grabbed Alice by the shoulder and also grabbed for his daughter as he realized who this man was.
Merlin's features were hard to make out in the dim light of the candle in the room. So maybe it was fair that they hadn't recognized him immediately.
But his magic must have given Brian the final hint to figure it out.

They didn't say anything. Brian didn't. Too scared to even move. And too worried to further upset his wife. But Arthur placed himself protectively between them. His back to Merlin, obviously. Like it was Merlin he had to protect.
"You're right. We should leave.", he said painfully, directed at Merlin.
He should have known something like this would happen. But Merlin didn't seem a threat to him. So he kinda just – kept forgetting.

"Bye, Arthur! Bye Emrys!", Katie however, sounded as cheerful as ever.
The door closed shut as soon as they left. The last thing Arthur heard was Alice gasping and Brian calling out for Arthur to wait or run.
It was muffled by the door. Arthur couldn't really make it out.

Not that it mattered. What mattered were the horses that Leon had prepared for them just outside the village. And the path ahead.