hi, guys. this isn't a normal update. if you've not seen my announcement on my profile, i may be offline for a while. i'm going through something extremely difficult right now, but wanted to say something.

when i began writing this story, there were things that i was writing about that i had not experienced before. but, in the past two weeks, i've experienced them and more.

witnessing a terrible accident. grieving the sudden death of someone i love. somehow trying to find the strength to keep going when she has been so unfairly taken away at a young age. feeling like i'm constantly in a very bad dream. i now personally connect to richard's specific past and his pain. to darcy's will to live on in evellyn, gray, and sylvia's memory and wanting to honor them in all our days. to chris's desire to take away the pain and do absolutely anything for his loved ones as they mourn and grieve. 

next chapter was going to be a happy and fun chapter, followed by the funeral chapter for sylvia. as you can imagine, that will be very difficult for me to write right now. i just don't know when i will be able to do it. but i will do it, one day. i beg that you have patience with me and please do not approach me with questions asking when the next update will be. that is so hurtful to me. i don't know when. i can barely do anything right now.

i don't want to share details other than it was my boyfriend's younger sister who passed away. i hope you respect my privacy in that regard and don't ask any further questions about it. her absence from this earth still doesn't feel real, but the pain is absolutely there.

i'm on a very long journey of healing. i know that this story will be very difficult for me to write now. but i knew that i just couldn't continue this story without saying my peace, without saying her name, because i will carry her with me as i continue to write and as i continue to live.

megan, this is one of many letters i have written and will write to you. i knew one day i wanted to share my stories with you, but i was shy about my writing just like you were about your art. but this story is dedicated to you. this story talks of family, and you and your family have taught me so much about what a loving family should look like. you've all taught me so much about unconditional love, warmth, and support. i miss you. i can't stand that this happened. i can't stand looking at the stars right now without feeling anger and bitterness. but there was only happiness that night we looked at them. and i know that you made the skies we watched that night one star brighter. so i will look for you there. stay near the big dipper like we showed you. we will find you there.

love you forever and ever,

and even more after that,

jess