happy july, friends! big thanks to laavanya, lebookworm07, for the wonderful cover. song attached  is very fitting for a particular little scene in this chapter. give it a listen, kindly let me know of any typos/mistakes, and enjoy xx

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"If you hear music, dance!"

- Sleeping Beauty

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Despite starting on a downer of a note this morning, the entire school day was as great as it could have been. I spent some time at lunch talking with Mrs. Ichikawa, felt bold enough to answer discussion questions in my AP Literature and Composition class, asked a girl to be my partner for our yearly project in chemistry, and even offered to hand out papers back in world history. One of my classmates, who has never exchanged a single word with me this entire year, even complimented me on my appearance while we were leaving algebra class.

At the last bell, there was a definite pep in my step. My mood brightened to even greater heights when Chris approached me at my locker.

"So, may I have a progress report on how your day is going?" he asked, taking up the same posh voice he used this morning. "Further measures must be taken if your day has been anything below outstanding."

I wrinkled my nose. "Okay, I'm not even going to try and match that accent anymore. I hail you as the ultimate victor of that accent. But yes, it's been a great day, actually."

My response was rewarded with a genuine smile that made my heart sing. He's just so cute.

As if called upon by my Chris-adoring thoughts, Marissa appeared by my side. She hip bumped me and gave me a suggestive look in greeting. "Hey, you two. Ready for your dance lesson today?"

Chris scratched his head. "I hope you're a forgiving teacher, M. This could be a shit-show."

Marissa jabbed at him. "Don't say that! Have confidence, will you? How am I supposed to teach with that kind of attitude?"

We met up with Cooper, Phil, and Bryson outside the school so we could all make the trip to Marissa's apartment together. Despite the company, my mind was elsewhere. It seemed my mind was never a place for peace and quiet, especially not lately. My thoughts were always being pulled into different directions. Dance practice, the party, Chris, Evellyn, Papa, Sylvia.

Sylvia.

I thumped my head back on the windowsill of the train, shutting my eyes. On my mission to have a completely great day and maybe carry that spirit into the days to come, I had somehow forgotten that Sylvia's memorial and funeral was coming up next weekend. Jessica, Reece, and I would be flying down to North Carolina where it was all being held. And to think I was trying to switch gears when, soon, I'd have to put my mourning clothes back on. Suddenly, trying to listen to the merry conversations of my friends felt futile.

"Darce?"

My eyes flew open. Chris had taken my hand and given it a squeeze. His eyes were on me, filled with concern. "Are you okay?" he asked, leaning in as to not draw the attention of the others as Phil described the different junk he had found while trying to clean out an old dresser in his hallway.

I didn't want to get into explaining the trip when I knew I'd have to explain it to the others again later, so I nodded and forced a smile. "Just sleepy," I replied.

To really sell the act, I rested my head back and closed my eyes once more. For the rest of the journey, I focused on my deep breaths and the way Chris's thumb rubbed gently across the back of my hand.

At Marissa's place, we settled down in the small courtyard located at the back of the apartment building. While it was a space that was shared by everyone in the building, it was fortunately empty when we arrived. The entire area was surrounded by a fence or the neighboring buildings, providing privacy from everyone except those who could look down from their windows. On the far side of the space was an iron table bench set and an impressive amount of potted outdoor plants lining the rest of the space.

"It's not the biggest place to practice, but I thought we could practice here for a while until I can see about renting a room at the gym that I work at. Sometimes if the rooms aren't booked for any classes, then anyone can put their name down. People use it for martial arts, dance practice, private yoga, things like that," Marissa explained as we dropped our bags down at the table bench. She took out her laptop and pulled up the dance video. Then, she looked at me and Chris and gestured towards the empty space with a flourish – our indication to step up to the dance floor. Bryson and Cooper were already sporting matching grins on their face as we did. From behind his backpack, I could see Cooper raising his phone in a pathetic attempt to sneakily record us. I glared directly into the camera.

Marissa glanced up from the laptop and raised an eyebrow. "So, how detailed do you want to get?" she asked me.

"Uh... as specific as possible, I guess?" I answered.

Marissa nodded. A smile crept up onto her cheeks as she said, "Okay, well, the very beginning starts with you placing both your hands on Chris's chest and looking lovingly into his eyes."

The boys burst out into laughter.

"Oh, knock it off, you shits. You can't laugh at every single thing we're gonna do!" Chris shot at them.

"Oh, crap," muttered Marissa. She forcefully tapped the keys on her computer, then dropped her hand with a growl. "My laptop died, stupid thing. It said it had 24% left. Phil, can you come with me to get my charger? And you two idiots, if you want a drink, come with me now," she said, pointing at the boys at the bench.

They got up and began to follow Marissa into the building, but not without Cooper shouting, "Hope you two can get into the starting position before we're back!"

And I hope he could feel my hot glare boring into his back even as the door closed behind them.

Shaking his head, Chris stepped forward. "Don't worry about it, Darce. They're idiots. Here, go ahead if this is the starting move." He opened his arms wide in an invitation, even scrunching his features into a silly face to make me feel better, but I didn't have the nerve to keep looking at him. The courage I have with this whole dance process was always unstable and wavering. Here one moment, gone the next. I was beginning to panic, but it shouldn't be a big deal, right? Not when falling asleep in his arms has set the bar so high. I just have to keep a cool head.

But stare lovingly into his eyes? God, I'd rather stare lovingly at my boots.

At that, I did drop my gaze. These shoes were old, but they were well-loved. I was busy noting how the material was wearing off in the creases when Chris's shoes stepped into view. He reached out to tap my left toe. I smiled and tapped back in reply. Then his right shoe came for my right toe, this time with such excessive looking force that I pulled back before impact. "Don't stomp on me!" I cried.

"Fine! But only if you'll look at me," he bargained.

I raked my fingers through my hair with the words, "I'm uncomfortable!" coming out in an exasperated groan.

"Uncomfortable?" he echoed.

"Yes, I feel uncom–" My words were cut short as a cry of surprise left my mouth. Chris had grabbed me by the waist and was lifting me clean off the floor. My arms wrapped around his neck as he began to shake me vigorously in a back and forth motion, shouting the words "don't be uncomfortable" over and over.

"Chris, put me down!" I shrieked.

I felt his body shake with laughter. "Not until I shake the uncomfortableness out of ya!"

Despite my continued protests, Chris began to jump, twirl, and even run a bit with me still in his arms. It took complaints of dizziness for him to finally obey and lower me back to the ground.

"Fine, fine. Then let's get ready in position." I didn't have time to refuse or protest before Chris was guiding my hands from around his neck down to his chest. My head was spinning so wildly that I thumped my forehead on his chest, too.

"Now I'm dizzy and uncomfortable," I grumbled to him.

"Shh. Tell me if you can feel my heartbeat."

He hid the intimacy of the position behind the simple task, and it was enough to keep me there. Clever.

When my head finally stopped spinning, I raised my head and pressed my palm harder against his chest, curious to see if I could actually feel Chris's heartbeat. I've practiced counting Papa's pulse in the past before, but the chest was not the prime or correct area to do this. But with Chris's hoodie removed, I could actually feel the pulse underneath the fabric of his long-sleeved sweater. Especially since...

"It's –" I flicked my eyes up to his "– kinda racing?"

The corner of his lip turned up. "Hm. Wonder why that is."

I blushed and dropped my eyes again. "Obviously from all that movement," I muttered. But mine was racing for a completely different reason. As much as I protested, it was exhilarating to be lifted into his arms and to feel the laughter vibrate through his entire body. It felt exhilarating now, just being with him here.

The door swung open, and suddenly, Chris and I were many feet apart as the rest of our friends came pouring out of the building, drinks and snacks in hand. Chris walked towards them, and I headed the other direction towards the bench. I collapsed onto the seat and pressed a hand to my heart. If he could feel my heartbeat right now, I guarantee it would be beating even faster than his. I buried my head in my hands.

This was going to be way more difficult than I thought.

Trying to push past my feelings for Chris was hard enough, but how am I supposed to continue doing that when he does things like that?

I heard the sound of footsteps approach me. It was Marissa. She kneeled down before me and pried my hands away from my face so I could see her. She wore the same teasing smile she's been giving me for days, but it faded as she saw the distress on my face.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

I frowned at her. What could I say? I, who's never even taken a single dance class for school credit, have to learn a professionally choreographed dance that means the absolute world to my hero of a dad. And I have to do it with my best friend, who I just so happen to be developing a huge, uncontrollable crush for? I could say that, but Marissa knew that more than anyone. So instead, I settled for saying I was a bundle of nerves and emotions. It was the truth, after all. That's how Chris left me feeling these days, even if it didn't necessarily feel like a bad thing.

Marissa nodded slowly. Something I've learned about Marissa is that she was a very open book. I could see her sifting through ideas in her mind as she stared at the boys in the distance, as well as the moment a lightbulb went off in her head.

"Right. Got it. I know what you need!" After plugging her laptop into the rusty outdoor outlet, she pulled up a music playlist and began to play a song. I recognized it as Wouldn't It Be Nice by The Beach Boys and smiled. She took my hands and I let her pull me off the bench towards the boys, who turned to look at us as the music played from the speaker. "Who said Chris and Darcy are the only ones who can have fun?" she asked them, raising our conjoined hands in the air as we approached them. "It's finally the weekend, we got some good food, let's fucking dance!"

To no surprise, Cooper and Bryson were the first to move into motion as they raised their soda cans into the air and began to move their hips and body. Philip tried to slip away but was coaxed by his electric girlfriend into staying with us. I was happily surprised that Chris didn't try to slip away, either. On the contrary, he even put a song into que and danced with us, breaking out all the moves that made me laugh and shake my head.

All this felt reminiscent of the winter dance. The energy in this friend group was so contagious. My insecurities melted away, my stiff limbs thawed, and then I was moving right alongside them, twirling, shimmying, jumping, and body rolling. From band bangers to old gems, country singers to mainstream pop, we danced, sang, and fooled around for a full half hour. At one point, I found myself back in Chris's arms, twirled in by Cooper. I was so taken by the energy and the music that I didn't care. I stayed and moved with him until Marissa pulled me away to dance to a Brittney Spears song.

When the current song ended on a beat of drums and guitar, the strums of a banjo replaced it. It was Rainbow Connection. Marissa smiled at Chris and I as the other boys took their cue and retreated to the bench. "Now that you're all warmed up, let's start dance practice, shall we?"

At Marissa's words, Chris seemed to straighten, a look of determination sobering the easy smile he had moments ago. He nodded at her, then looked at me. Seeing the resolve on his face was enough for me to steel against my previous discomfort and anxiety. Chris was just as awkward and just as inexperienced at dancing as I was, and yet he was here, willing to learn for my sake. If he was taking this seriously, I had to, too. Feelings aside, I had a mission: learn Papa's dance and perform it with Chris at the party. This was the goal, and I couldn't compromise it over some silly crush.

"Right," I said, nodding at Marissa. "Let's get to work."

I never knew what the new year would bring, but I could safely say that being in Christopher Radley's arms on a regular basis was not something I ever expected to happen within these twelve months – or ever, for that matter.

Before the day of my flight arrived, Chris and I were able to fit four dance practices in. Marissa decided that jumping headfirst into Evellyn's choreography wasn't the best strategy and instead decided to teach us the basics of the waltz first. She insisted that tackling these components would be beneficial before we attempt something so advanced. So, Chris and I started with learning the basic walking step, the side to side step, and the box step. The three-count box step seemed easy enough until we had to start doing a "quarter turn at each half of the box," as Marissa put it. Chris and I may have had to practice that one by ourselves in my room one night after a dance practice, as well rewatch a few videos, to really get it. Posture was another thing. I didn't realize how much of a sloucher I was before Marissa pointed out I looked like a question mark.

After a couple sessions with Marissa and some added nights of Chris and I practicing the moves in my room when Papa fell asleep, I was starting to get a hang of things. And not only were the different movements starting to feel more natural, but crazy enough, so was being in Chris's arms.

Learning how to dance together felt like solving a puzzle. Every lesson, we were given a new piece. But now? Now we're starting to know how we fit. It may just be the basics right now, but every practice helps Chris and I become more and more attuned to one another. We knew where our arms went and where our feet stepped. We recognize the signs that the other is feeling exhausted, frustrated, or pleased. We've learned when to stop for the day or when to encourage the other to try and practice a little longer.

It's the most exercise I've ever willingly put myself through in years, so I'd be a liar if I said I didn't feel a little sore in some places. But now dance practice was on halt, and I'll be getting in some rest days whether I liked it or not because, in a few hours, I'll be miles away from my dance instructor and my dance partner.

When my alarm went off at two in the morning, it was more of a reminder to get ready than a wakeup call. No matter how long I laid in my bed with my eyes closed, I couldn't get a wink of sleep. My eyes felt tired and heavy, but despite three hours of trying, I was never able to drift off completely. Thinking maybe I'd have better luck on the plane, I put on my comfiest leggings and sweatshirt for the journey. This combined with the lack of sleep ought to do it.

Two text messages came through as I was in the bathroom tying my hair into a lazy, loose braid.

Jessica: On our way! <3

Reece: comin kiddo. need a neck pillow? we got extra.

I just finished replying to both of them when my phone buzzed with another text message, this one from...

Chris: Safe flight, Darce. Text me when you land.

Me: what are you doing still up?

I watched the chat bubble appear and disappear about three times before he replied.

Chris: Just thinking about you and Jessica. It'll be a tough weekend but know I'll be there for you. Always.

Me: I'll have to carry my beyblade with me. Then you'll really be there in spirit ;)

There was a knock at my door. Papa came in, looking half dazed from sleep. I stood and went to him. "Oh, Papa, you didn't have to wake up. I told you I'd let myself out when Jessica and Reece got here."

Instead of a response, I was pulled into a tight, long hug. I closed my eyes and tried to commit this feeling to memory. Here in his arms, surrounded by his familiar scent, was home and comfort. It was safety – a safety I've never experienced until I met him. And to be walking out of here and into a weekend of sadness and mourning was a terrible and miserable feeling.

"Say you want me to come and I'll come right now," he said, his voice slow and thick from sleep.

"No, Papa, it's okay. I was the one who told you not to come anyway." Awful plane anxiety, paired with extreme motion sickness and expressed discomfort of traveling at his age, led to me urging he stay home. I'd have Jessica and Reece with me the entire time, and he was only a phone call away if I needed him. Plus, with a doctor's appointment and a scheduled consultation with someone over fixing the air conditioning at the café, I thought it'd be best if he stayed here.

We were able to get through one episode of our house renovating TV show (though, with Papa nodding off during the half of it) before Jessica and Reece arrived. I was pulled into an immediate hug by Jessica when I opened the door. I remembered, then, that I have known safety and comfort before – with her and Reece.

And Sylvia, I added, remembering how my initial unease and fear with the orphanage gradually lifted through the months.

"Take care of my daughter while you're gone," said Papa as Reece bent down to grab my bag.

Reece reached out to give him a pat on the back. "We will, Richard, don't worry. Darcy will be in good company."

Papa reached to give Jessica a hug as well. "You take care of yourself while you're gone, too, sweetheart," I heard him say to her.

Everything after leaving my apartment was a blur of getting to the airport and our gate in time. Luckily, the crowds weren't too bad at four in the morning.

This whole trip felt bittersweet. Papa hated planes and traveling, but I really quite enjoyed it. The airport especially always stirred something in me. They're a place of goodbyes, see you laters, and adventures that await us. I felt a beat of that thrill now, even if this weekend had a heavy note on it.

On our way to the gate, Jessica – the everloving sunshine that she was – talked about how exciting it would be to be surrounded by trees rather than skyscrapers this weekend. But in the moments of silence and stillness, I saw the weight of her sadness as she leaned against Reece for comfort or stared off, her mind clearly elsewhere. Reece was without his charismatic annoyances and instead was rather silent and stoic, constantly checking his phone or texting. When we arrived at the gate, I took out my own phone to see if Chris had replied, but he hadn't. So, I hugged my knees to my chest and shut my eyes until the announcement for boarding came about thirty minutes later. It roused me from the small slumber I'd fallen into. I opened my eyes to find only Jessica sitting next to me.

"Where's Reece?" I asked her, glancing around at the people sitting with us at the gate. A line was beginning to form at the entry.

Jessica began to gather her and Reece's things, and I followed suit. "He said he needed to go to the bathroom a little bit ago. He just texted saying to go in without him."

I nodded and followed Jessica into line once our section was called. Although we were in the same row, her and Reece's seats were in the middle column, with mine in the column directly next to them. It was a middle seat, and I crossed my fingers hoping that one or both of my seatmates wouldn't show up. It seemed luck was on my side because as the plane filled up, my seats remained empty. So did the one by Jessica. I reached out to nudge her.

"Where is he?" I asked worriedly. Was it possible for him to be taking this long of a bathroom break? Did he get food poisoning at dinner? Was he taking the longest dump in existence?

Jessica checked her phone and smiled. "He's coming in right now," she replied.

I slumped back in relief and closed my eyes again. "Good. Can you imagine if they closed the doors on him because he took so long in the bathroom?"

The exhaustion was catching up to me. I was ready to knock out now and wake up in an entirely new state. Sleep was ready to take me under when I heard someone next to me speak.

"Excuse me, Miss. I think I have the window seat."

That voice.

It was a posh accent. A fake one, but a good one. And a familiar one.

My eyes snapped open, but it took a second for my sleep-blurred vision to adjust to the fluorescent white light. When it did, I was met with familiar stormy blue eyes gazing down at me.

"No way," I breathed.

Chris was here. He was here, on an actual fucking plane heading to North Carolina.

I tried to jump to my feet, overwhelmed with the desire to throw my arms around him, but my already fastened seat belt held me back. At my failed attempt to get up, Chris laughed, slipped his duffel bag off his shoulder to put in the overhead bin, then stepped past me to the window seat. I stared at him, dumbfounded, then whipped around to find Reece settling into his own seat next to Jessica, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips.

Jessica, sporting a similar look, let out a giggle and reached out to squeeze my arm. "When your dad told Reece he couldn't come, he actually asked if Chris would be going to keep you company! Obviously, Chris was on board when we asked him if he'd come. And I checked with Sylvia's daughter, of course, and she said it was totally fine."

Suddenly, all the attention Reece was giving his phone earlier made sense. "And that's where you went off to? Not to the bathroom?" I asked, gawking at all three of them.

"Had to make sure this dumbass didn't somehow miss the flight on accident, so I made sure to board with him. Had to let you two go first, though. It's a good thing you were asleep so you didn't see him at all. He was sitting a few gates down," Reece answered. He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a sigh. "Thank God you didn't see him at security. I thought you did. Thought we were fucked for a sec."

Chris leaned forward and scowled at him. "Hey! This 'dumbass' didn't have any trouble trailing you three through the entire airport. I'd say I did a damn good job. You didn't suspect a thing, did ya, Darce?" he asked, nudging me with his elbow.

I stared at him, mouth ajar. "You're unbelievable."

He smiled as he reached to buckle himself up. "In a good way, I hope?"

Good way?

As if blinded by adrenaline and complete adoration, I gripped the edge of his hood, tugged him close, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. His eyes were wide as he turned to meet mine. I smiled.

"In the most perfect way possible." 

i know what you're thinking: "DAMN IT DARCY YOU MISSED HIS LIPS!" but that's okay, she won't miss next time ;)  HEHE. 

i'm going to be honest, y'all. i've really been struggling mentally since the start of july. extra sad, extra unmotivated, and ~ extra fucking anxious ~.  i think it's the knowledge that we're heading into a new month still in quarantine (#'s spiking where i'm at), there's no end in sight, and i found out my entire next semester will be remote once again. which i hate. although i commute to school and my college experience is really quite boring, i like the classroom environment and i hate my home environment. i know i'm not the only one spending their next semester online so we're all in this together.

this chapter was extra hard for me to write and i'm not sure if it's because of how i'm feeling, or if this was just a tough chapter for some reason. either way, while i'm aiming for another update in 2 weeks, i hope you can be patient with me if it takes a bit longer. i'm trying to figure out what i need to get myself back into a better mindset and how i can do it with all the limitations in my life. i hope you understand <3 

this week's chapter question is: where have you traveled before? share some of your travel tales! road trip, out of country, in-state, study abroad?  i'd love to hear your stories!

bonus question: how are y'all staying sane rn lmao. i need help. 

anyway, see y'all when the gang touches down. i wonder what may come from this ~ weekend away ~ ;) 

p.s. my instagram is the BEST way to contact me and to stay updated on the progress of the chapter. there's a story highlight called "update status" where i keep all the ig stories of my current chapter info/progress. sometimes i drop some snippets and sneak peaks heh.